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1 month off and getting better all the time.


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Its time to post here and it feels really good to offer some encouragement and hope. I used to be so envious of people who had gotten off of Benzos and at the same time really scared of coming off them myself. It turned out that most of the fear and horror stories didnt happen as they so often dont.

I had been on various Benzos since summer 2006 and never thought I would still be on them 4 years later. For me Benzos are seriously nasty drugs, not so much in terms of the physical effects of being on them and of withdrawal and this is not to negate these effects as serious because they are, no the worst part for me was in there emotional effects. Feeling emotionally numb is no way to be leading ones life. The term 'sleepwalking through life' is as perfect a summation of living day to day on Benzodiazapines as I have heard and sums it all up for me.

 

The good news is it does'nt have to be a horribly painful process to withdraw from Benzos and this time it has not been so for me and I will give some simple reasons for that which have worked for me.

 

The most important change in my journey was thinking positively. Sounds too simple dos'nt it? I can hear myself on previous attempts to quit saying some of the following:

'Yes but I have this problem in my life'

'if it was that easy why then do so many people struggle to come off'

'I heard that its dangerous to come off too quickly'

 

This has caused me to stay stuck on Benzos for 4 years of unremitting soulless hell. As soon as I turned it around and said 'I can do this' and 'the problems in my life will get better, I just need faith in myself that I can do this' as soon as I did this I managed to get off Benzos for good.

It was a quick taper as well. I tapered from 40-80mg in February down to my last 5mg of Diazepam a month ago. All in all a little over 3 months.

I had none of the horror stories I had read so much about and found the whole experience to be realtively easy compared to my previous attempts. It was toughest the first 2 weeks after my final dose but I found my sleep actually improved immensley as the levels of Benzo got lower as did my mood and physical health. These are all gifts that I am immensley grateful for and are just around the corner for anyone who is tapering at the moment. It really does get so much better. Getting the last of it out of my system is like opening the heavy dusty curtains of a long darkened and stagnent room and finding trees and sunshine cascading in through the room.

 

My advice from personnal experience is still to get off of Benzo's as soon as possible and as quickly as possible and have no fear that it will be horrible as it just may not be so. It may be incredible. It certainly is for me. I'm not saying its easy because its not, however I would not swap one day of feeling anxious for 1 hour of supposed Benzo tranquility. I was watching a docu the other night about a war ship and the captain told his team at the start of a training exersize that 'its ok to be nervous- it tells you that your alive' and thats the summing up I have learned from this whole process that its better to feel all the myriad feelings that come with authentic living than any of the foggy and dopey drugged out Benzo half life or really no-life at all.

It does'nt have to be all about pain and torture. We were made to feel all of everything at every moment. Anything less is selling yourself way too short.

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Doc,

 

Thank you for writing your Success Story, you offer so much hope!  I agree that when you finally made up your mind, and changed your thinking it became almost easy to rid yourself of the drug.  I'm so happy for you.

 

Pam

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THANK YOU!!!!

 

See my sig; I'm in a fast taper, not by choice.  It's possible that my psychiatrist will let me slow down, but maybe not.

 

I've kind of wondered if BB gave an inaccurate sample of people getting off benzos: after all, if you have no trouble with it, why seek out a support group?  So it makes sense that not everybody goes through the pit, but it is wonderful to hear somebody confirm it besides my psychiatrist and counselor.

 

I agree about the positive thinking.  I'm feeling withdrawals today, but they aren't really that bad: it's just if I freak myself out by telling myself that I'm on the express elevator back to the pit that abuse+cold turkey put me in (or I put myself in!)

 

 

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Thanks for taking the time to post your experience, Doc.  ;D So many people don't come back once they feel better so I especially appreciate those that do.  No matter how many times I tell people about the importance of how you think about this journey, nothing beats a report like this from someone who's been there.  :thumbsup:
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Thank you, Doc.  A whole new world has now opened up for you and I can see how much you appreciate it.  Once you learned to call on a higher power and started thinking positive thoughts everything changed drastically for you.  Your blogs have insight for others who may want to follow your journey.  You will forever be in my heart.  Please continue to give ocassional updates, OK?

 

Love,

 

Patty  xoxoxo

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I find it surreal to read the accounts of other people and feel as though we have been living parallell lives through this.

I am at .375mg of clonazepam tapering down from 8mg which I used for over 7 years..it has been a long road and to read what you have written...how you now live free of this demon means alot to me.

I hope you have nothing but sunny days now that the fog has lifted

 

Jacqueline

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  • 8 years later...

Thought it might be good to bring this particular success story forward.  It does not matter that it is old.

 

I agree wholeheartedly that thoughts and attitude go a very long way.  It certainly did for me.  The path is hard and very painful.  Only we understand just how painful.  There is absolutely no point on fixating on worst case scenarios and fears.  We are suffering enough!!!!  We are already afraid enough!!!  The brain is magnificent in its ability to set things right once again.  And yes, for the majority of people who have taken these.

 

Don't let anyone on this forum allow you to think this hell is forever.  That is why people commit suicide over this every day.  They think they will never climb out of the hell pit and the suffering will just goes on and on and on.  Reading many stories here catapulted me into serious suicidal thoughts at a time when that was the last thing I needed.  Many do suffer for long periods of time, but that is not the majority.  That is not the norm.

 

Take heart people, and keep the faith.

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It is so wonderful that some people heal quickly, but because  we are all physiologically different, our healing times are different.  While I wholeheartedly agree that positive thinking is enormously helpful, slow healing damaged GABA receptors can make positive thinking impossible for a long time for some.  It’s not as simple or easy as “Think positive thoughts” for many of us, and my feeling is that it’s a disservice to people to suggest that they are not recovering because they aren’t  being positive enough; we are all doing the best that we can and that will bring us to healing in time.
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I never said people are not healing because they are not being positive enough.  I am saying that for me, being positive, wherever I could find it, even though I was also in an unbelievable amount of despair and pain was helpful to me.  What's the alternative???? Suicide??? Which was impinging on me every minute of every days for over a year????

 

Guess this forum is 'the place where hope comes to die' and every positive statement is met by someone ready to step on it.

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I never said people are not healing because they are not being positive enough.  I am saying that for me, being positive, wherever I could find it, even though I was also in an unbelievable amount of despair and pain was helpful to me.  What's the alternative???? Suicide??? Which was impinging on me every minute of every days for over a year????

 

Guess this forum is 'the place where hope comes to die' and every positive statement is met by someone ready to step on it.

 

Some of us cling to the positivity, as it's our only shining light in the darkness.  Please don't stop!  :hug:

 

I appreciate every shred of positivity anyone's willing to share!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Welchie!

 

xo,

sierra  :smitten:

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Sierra - I started to cry when I read your response....THANK YOU SWEETIE.  And you keep that hope alive!!!  I know you're getting close to your jump.  I'm rooting and praying for you!!!  Always!!
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Ah, Welchie, I'm always rooting for you too!  :mybuddy:

 

We're all in this benzo prison together and anything we can do to help one another is one step closer to healing, one step closer to freedom. 

 

Together, we must keep hope alive.  If hope dies, then what??? 

 

I took my last dose Sunday and I feel mostly ok.  There's some hope I can share.  :thumbsup:

 

xo,

sierra  :smitten:

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Last Dose!!!!    :clap: :clap: :clap:  :boxer: :boxer: :boxer:  :yippee: :yippee: :yippee:

 

YOU GO GIRL!!!  Let the real healing begin!!!!

 

This is for whoever is feeling hopeless and dark right now...I'm assuming you looked at this thread in particular because you wanted....dare I say the word...HOPE.

 

If I could keep hope alive while 50% of my hair fell out, lost 25lbs (petite to begin with) and became skeletal, and was waking  up to a toilette bowl full of blood every morning, and had to go back to bed at 7 o'clock while sweating and shivering and breathless, with my heart pounding out of my chest....and those were just a few of my symptoms...and didn't think I could stand one more minute of life.....

 

What I did during those terrible and endless months upon months?  I focused on gratitude that I could walk to the bed (some people have no legs) felt gratitude that I even had a bed with comforting blankets (many people don't) that I had a roof over my head with heat (many people don't) took long slow breaths (many people have irreversible emphysema and COPD)....Yes is was difficult to force the opposite mind stance.  But it can be done.  For me it was necessary for survival.  Every minute of every day I fought the lies and found much to be grateful for.  And I found the list to be endless when I forced myself to think along those lines instead of falling for the benzo lies.

 

Millions of people recover from this.  The odds are in our favor, Sierra and Dove and bazil.  Don't ever forget that, no matter how discouraging it can be.  We got this!!!

 

 

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Welchie...I found this post exactly when I needed it.  It seems to be getting harder to find hope and a reason to persevere reading thru the threads.  Hope and healing is all I choose to put my attention to...no matter how f'ing bad it is today.  Attitude and gratitude is my weapon.  You reminded me of this.  Thanks again.
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I’m so sorry if I offended people; I didn’t mean to. I was responding to the original post and had not read the replies. I only meant that I didn’t want people to be discouraged if they are not hopeful and positive ALL the time; healing will still come.  It’s great to be positive and hopeful, but cautious as well; coming off quickly is not advised even if the majority of people have a relatively easy time because it can make things much more difficult if you aren’t one of those people and it is impossible to know ahead of time. 
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Thought it might be good to bring this particular success story forward.  It does not matter that it is old.

 

I agree wholeheartedly that thoughts and attitude go a very long way.  It certainly did for me.  The path is hard and very painful.  Only we understand just how painful.  There is absolutely no point on fixating on worst case scenarios and fears.  We are suffering enough!!!!  We are already afraid enough!!!  The brain is magnificent in its ability to set things right once again.  And yes, for the majority of people who have taken these.

 

Don't let anyone on this forum allow you to think this hell is forever.  That is why people commit suicide over this every day.  They think they will never climb out of the hell pit and the suffering will just goes on and on and on.  Reading many stories here catapulted me into serious suicidal thoughts at a time when that was the last thing I needed.  Many do suffer for long periods of time, but that is not the majority.  That is not the norm.

 

Take heart people, and keep the faith.

 

Hi Welchie,

 

You are right, being positive is the key to go through the benzo withdrawal.

 

Not everybody have to suffer for a long period, fortunately not !!

 

Only few unlucky  benzo users like me need many months to recovery.

 

And even if you should  have to be in protected withdrawal, it's complicated  but really possible to keep the faith in recovery and to find reasons to be positive.

 

It's a kind of challenge...you have to find something to suffer less.

It can take one, two hours, one day or maybe more but you will make it !

 

To work on anger (very present during withdrawal), impatience, to made some notes and to concentrate on a daily routine (during a tough  wave is an amazing feat !) is very helpful to find positive attitude...

 

I wish you a speedy recovery, keep the faith !

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There are books of Russian academician Sytin on the influence of thought on health. He wrote a lot of mood for recovery. Help me a lot!
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