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Small Windows but Still Depressed


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Hi all. I am 105 days off Klonopin tomorrow. The primary symptom that I'm still suffering from is depression. It seems to wax and wane. On Sunday night, I felt awesome after a hike with a friend. I'm still functional and trying to do the things I would normally be doing if I weren't feeling like this. The past few days, the depression has gotten bad again. It's like you become emotionless and have no interest in anything except thinking and talking about the depression. Nobody wants to hear about it though. I feel like if the depression would ease up, the withdrawal symptoms would be close to being done. It overshadows anything else I'm feeling. I have good days and bad days.

 

I have not drank alcohol nor coffee in nearly a month. I'm walking in the morning and at night.

 

Anybody else experiencing this? Could I truly be depressed at this point? Any pointers on what to do going forward?

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I've been very lucky and haven't experienced what I would classify as true depression prior to or during my taper / jump. However, I can make a few recommendations based upon my own personal experience and novice education. I have had those periods, about three months off Xanax, where my motivation dropped to zero. Normally I'm getting business done around the house and active throughout the day to some extent. But I found myself doing nothing. Nada. If I was off work, and managed to take a shower and a load of laundry, that was all that was being accomplished that day.

 

I'd recommend not getting too hung up on diagnosing yourself with having a period of "depression" or not having it. You are probably hitting a "wax" period in your previous mention of "wax and wane" periods. Accept it for that and fight through that period and remind yourself a "wane" period is upcoming. Besides, what are you options? If you convince yourself you are indeed depressed, you may seek treatment for it. And then you'll be prescribed a SSRI or something that you'll again have to taper off of, or climb a "break in period of misery, or something that will further hinder your admirable progress. I did this recently for my anxiety and now tapering of a SSRI.

 

When your schedule permits, set aside a day and plan it filled with stuff you want to do or enjoy. It's your day. If sitting on the couch and watching "Better Call Saul" all day, while hammering Oreos in your mouth and playing Fortnight, sound ideal.....do it. Set some time aside for yourself that fully distracts from this period of "wax".

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It's tough. The wane periods have been pretty short. I don't really want to start any new medications like an AD, but if this goes on for a really long time, I may have to. How long should one wait? If this depression I'm feeling is truly being caused by quitting the K in March, how much longer is it going to last? It's just tough. I was thinking of what I was doing a year ago at this time. I was at a family reunion and didn't feel any of this sadness. I'm just hoping and praying it lets up for longer periods of time and for good pretty soon. I'm doing everything I should based on everything I've read.
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I been reading your post over time and yours and my are very very similar...  3 months is still not a lot of time I bet in 3 months from now we will have made giant gains!  I keep saying to myself to except that 2018 will be a lost year of recovery and 2019 will be awesome as a result !! 
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Hi Jimmy,

 

I am about two weeks away from 4 months. I haven't had any alcohol in 30 days now and no caffeine 23 days. I'm doing only light workouts, mostly walking based stuff, nothing too difficult. I just started taking an organic multivitamin the past few days, and so far, I have been having a good day today. I'm also eating better than I have in my entire life. The depression I'm having comes and goes throughout the day. It's usually the worst when I wake up in the morning and it does seem to lighten up as the day goes on. However, sometimes it is bad in the afternoon as well and occasionally right before bed.

 

I'm really hoping that the primary symptom I'm having of depression improves in the next month or so. I'm not willing to say 2018 is a lost year at this point. I also start seeing a new therapist in 10 days on the 16th of July. She has knowledge about addiction so I'm sure she has a knowledge of withdrawal as well. I'm not willing to start any AD at this time. I'm going to wait it out.

 

I hope you start feeling better too. I hope it's sooner than three months from now too.

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