1 year benzo free

Its been one year since I took the last dose of my short taper. I was a relatively short term user, but was my second time taking benzos. I guess that is kindling. Regardless, the first time around I had zero withdrawal symptoms. The second time, well....I'm still here, so it was a different story.

 

My first six months off were absolute horror. Over 40 symptoms all at level of severity that no one should have to ever experience. Around 7 months, i started seeing improvement and I've really just improved since then. I'm still not 100% but I am doing better. I guess that is all I can ask for, but man I would love to regain my 100%. Thankfully I am functional, able to hold down a job and occasionally enjoy myself. It gets a little easier every couple of months so I just assume it will continue this way until I am fully healed. My worst sxs are bouts of depression and apathy and pretty constant DR and visual issues. Over time, I am feeling more and more connected to this world and get moments of clarity and calm that make me hopeful for my future.

 

I wanted to pass along one thing that has really helped me. One of my biggest struggles has been convincing myself that I am, in fact, healing. Healing is so slow, that you just cant see it. I am a numbers kind of person so the solution to this question has been an Excel spreadsheet that lists all of my symptoms. Each day I rank them from 0 - 5. zero meaning non existent, and 5, meaning the worst ever. After completing, I total all the numbers for that day. Over time, I have been able to see the total number decline. That's how I know I am healing. I've also been able to distract by doing projects around the house, learning to play the guitar, cooking, and slowly starting enjoy watching TV again.

 

In short, my message to those of you just now getting into this mess, it does get better. It gets a little easier as time passes. I hate that any of us are in this situation and man do i just want to get past this chapter in my life. No telling when it will happen, so until then I will try and make the best of it.

The spreadsheet utilization is awesome! What a great idea. Congrats to you!

You are getting there my friend.  Keep the faith!

 

You are getting there my friend.  Keep the faith!

 

Thanks soulman. I can always use the encouragement

Congrats on reaching 1 year! So glad the worst is over for you. Best wishes for continued healing 

Great post!  I did something similar in that I printed out monthly calendars and rated how I felt on a day to day basis on a scale of 1-10. I found that I slowly went from a 2 to a 6.5 over a period of 4-5 months. I stopped keeping track once I was convinced I was improving, but seeing something on paper was reassuring when I needed it. I find now that I don't need to score my days.