Relationships

I'm sure that others have had relationship breakdowns.

 

My husband has temporarily moved out..not because of an argument or anything but simply because I'm always in a highly anxious state and have become conscious of what its doing to him. Hes moved out to give me space and the relief of not having to worry about how someone else is feeling because of my behaviour is such a RELIEF!!

 

I cant control the anxiety sometimes yet I'm aware of not being able to.

 

Now if he comes home after a few weeks the same pattern will start again. Now when I'm anxious I only have the four walls to speak to. can anyone relate to this at all?

 

Shania

Yeah, I completly understand. I really don’t know how any couples can stay together. When I first stared going through tolerance withdrawal and not really knowing what was causing me to be going crazy, it was extremely hard on my relationship.  I felt so bad. She was concerned, depressed, and she had no idea what to do. I knew things would just worst and worst.

 

So I decided we should just end the relationship before we started to hate each other. I felt so guilty and did not want to drag her into my benzo hell. So I moved out and back into my parents house.  :'( It was for the best though.

 

I still miss her to death though. Especially at night, laying in bed alone and not being able to sleep. I just want someone to hold me. 

I'm in a similar situation. My ex, has taken care of me since day 1. During the first time, I needed help with just everything. Didn't manage to open or close a door. My power, was almost zero. He wanted me to stay, but after 6 months I lived at home. Because, I had cramps, DR/DP and hallucinations until month 21, I would definitely be alone. I didn't want him to live with this, from morning to evening. He called me three times a day. It was absolutely perfect.

 

I didn't want him to feel bad, and have not complained so much. I could see the rainbow's all colors. "My soles were stuck in the ceiling, and fell through the bed." He became very worried, when I asked if I lay on the bed or on the floor. Therefore, it was better to be alone at home.

 

He comes once a week, and it suits me very well. He wants us to live together, so he can help me. I am very grateful for that, but I prefer to be alone. Then, I can wear nightwear all day, and don't have to comb my hair when it's bad days.

Thanks for your quick responses. That's how I feel

 

so mu hubbie has moved back home to his parents. He moved in with me years ago because he wanted to help me but the years of ill health have now taken their toll and I cant expect someone to sacrifice their whole life listening to me droning on about symptoms

 

thanks for your responses

 

shania

very sorry for that, its weird, on the other side of that situation, ive been alone a long time, and so many evenings i wish i had someone, but at the same time i realize i could never now put someone through this (though i selfishly like to imagine someone who really cared would endure this, as i would for them)... but what you said about droning on about symptoms - isnt it crazy how thats a part of this, too?? i was never one to whine much when in pain, or if i needed help, but holy crap im a blubbering fool about this withdrawal, i think its because i realize that no words can ever do it justice, not describing it a thousand times over, and i feel like i haaaave to vent about it so someone will understand.

 

i dunno, thats not very mature of a 46 yr old guy...but then again neither is ripping metal guitar and still being obsessed with star wars. lol

It's also hard, to be patient. I can't discuss the weather, or things you usually talk about. It must be very difficult for others, to understand what we are going through. I just want to be alone.

Luke- Your so funny Lol haha! Yes I get being alone must also be sooo hard! You certainly need someone to care ..even if its from a distance so I get it

 

But one thing Ive learned. We can all talk about our symptoms trying to get someone to understand this horror and they just wont

 

I recall looking in the mirror and seeing a nutcase crazy woman looking back at me but to the rest of the world I looked normal.

 

How can we possibly describe it to anyone. I also recall once looking in the mirror and only seeing my face and no body...seriously this shit is crazy.

 

 

My husband believes me and a few friends because they knew me well before but I think they do get fed up hearing about it so I come on here and talk to the walls and its helping cos now I only have to think of ME

 

shania

It's also hard, to be patient. I can't discuss the weather, or things you usually talk about. It must be very difficult for others, to understand what we are going through. I just want to be alone.

 

 

Thanks for your reply I so get it. We are two peas in a pod!

 

Shania

yep and all the explaining just doesnt do it justice, so then even more explaining almost gives weight to everyones elses argument that we need to stop and chill and breathe and its all in our heads and ahhhhh.

 

its like but no, foreal, im going to fall over and perish horribly...well, maybe not yet, but maybe....its the ultimate cry wolf

My relationship with my wife is so strained at this time, My 24th wedding anniversary was on Monday and the day came and went, I did give her roses and a card and she did appreciate it but we are not the same, My sexual relations have been so bad in the past 6 years it hurts me to think about it. The Drs said I needed to be on meds and its been all downhill. The Benzos destroyed my life and at this time at 10 months CT my body is trembling with electrical currents, intrusive dark destructive thoughts loop in my head over and over, My insomnia has returned when I thought I was done with this. I know I'm rambling but I feel like I am not healing and dark thoughts are constant.  I'm told go to AA/NA meetings been to many without feeling any comfort especially calling myself an addict(By Drs Perscription)from them.

 

This site is the only place on earth people understand whats happening to me. My wife wants me to stay away from the forums but it is my only outlet for people who understand. 

My relationship with my wife is so strained at this time, My 24th wedding anniversary was on Monday and the day came and went, I did give her roses and a card and she did appreciate it but we are not the same, My sexual relations have been so bad in the past 6 years it hurts me to think about it. The Drs said I needed to be on meds and its been all downhill. The Benzos destroyed my life and at this time at 10 months CT my body is trembling with electrical currents, intrusive dark destructive thoughts loop in my head over and over, My insomnia has returned when I thought I was done with this. I know I'm rambling but I feel like I am not healing and dark thoughts are constant.  I'm told go to AA/NA meetings been to many without feeling any comfort especially calling myself an addict(By Drs Perscription)from them.

 

This site is the only place on earth people understand whats happening to me. My wife wants me to stay away from the forums but it is my only outlet for people who understand.

 

 

 

people told me to stay away from forums. its the only thing that kept me sane!!!  Without the forum its a lonely life. You will recover btw. Just let your cns finds its own balance and pathway. that's all its trying to do

 

shania

You can all add me to the crash and burn list...

 

In this case it had little to do with WD.. But im sure it would have sooner or later...

 

Im much more relaxed now, the stress was hell...!!

 

My best to all...

 

So Just went on a date with my husband...haven't seen him in a week and it felt like I was with a stranger-Is this normal? to feel this way..Does anyone else have this feeling? After being with him 10 years it felt ackward today and Ive only been away from him a week. We spent three hours together and he just left.

 

is it just me or should I be feeling more?

 

Shania

Shania, I just understand what you mean. It feels, as the nerves sit on the skin, and react completely wrong to everything. My feel, like infected, and all I do is so unpleasant. I usually describe it as a "rusty nail" that touches my nerves. I still want to be alone, and don't want to talk on the phone. General discussions, just make me annoyed, it feels so meaningless.

 

I have two dogs, which is with my ex. They are my everything, but now I have no feelings at all. I don't even want to meet them, and that makes me so sad. Or not ... Recovery, is the worst I've been to, it's so hard.

My motto has always been, you know how to count, count on yourself.  Notwithstanding relationships.

Thanks for your replies it really helps

 

 

shania

My relationship with my wife is so strained at this time, My 24th wedding anniversary was on Monday and the day came and went, I did give her roses and a card and she did appreciate it but we are not the same, My sexual relations have been so bad in the past 6 years it hurts me to think about it. The Drs said I needed to be on meds and its been all downhill. The Benzos destroyed my life and at this time at 10 months CT my body is trembling with electrical currents, intrusive dark destructive thoughts loop in my head over and over, My insomnia has returned when I thought I was done with this. I know I'm rambling but I feel like I am not healing and dark thoughts are constant.  I'm told go to AA/NA meetings been to many without feeling any comfort especially calling myself an addict(By Drs Perscription)from them.

 

This site is the only place on earth people understand whats happening to me. My wife wants me to stay away from the forums but it is my only outlet for people who understand.

 

I want to cry after reading this. Relationships often take a big hit when a person goes into benzo withdrawal. Try to not be so hard on yourself!!! From what I know, sexual relations between long-married couples does slow down and maybe even become non-existent. Companionship is what matters, I guess.

 

AA/NA meeting are usually (IMO) not helpful for people who were prescribed benzos and took them. Yes, we became addicted, because those drugs ARE addictive! Unless you abused them, I doubt NA would be of help to you. (However, sometimes, just being around other people who have been addicted to something is helpful. That is up to you.)

 

Your wife, I would guess, is worried that you will be dependant on this forum instead of with her. Normal, I think. She hasnt a clue what you are going through! So please just forgive her and try to explain to her, gently, what support you do get here.

Annie, you have written to me before and I have followed your posts on other topics. I just can not seem to understand why my paraesthesia and tinnitus is so intense it's debilitating. I know it's my brain healing but its so freaking hard to cope.  My wife has been so kind to me and tries to help but her ultimate answer is going to the hospital. I can deal with the mental hell I am in all waking hours but the physical symptoms are just too much. I am constantly thinking of suicide(probably why the hospital which I know will not help). I have a Dr's appointment Friday and if I mention anything again like this he will commit me. I will be 53 in September and wonder If I will make it.  He told me this the last time I saw him. Also, his answer is always an antidepressant which I have stopped because it led to Bruxism. Now he tells me that electric shock treatment if I do not take his pills. My wife is coming to this appointment she made sure I made it when she could come.

 

As prescribed I followed especially knowing if I didn't I would run out. Towards the end, I would take the full dose at night(I guess tolerance set in) instead of 1mg in the morning and one at night.I'm sure It didn't help that I was prescribed Xanax XR also for the day. How I want to confront my Dr and make his life a misery like he did to mine.

 

(I know about your struggles with injury) I question if the universe just didn't want me to heal by the way I shattered my leg and fled to painkillers for relief from a pain that was like never before experienced. I can't seem to do my Physical Therapy or anything, I left my job 10 months ago and applied recently to a new one thinking I wouldn't get it and now they have sent me hiring paperwork and in my mind, I just do not know if I will be able to handle it. My wife wants and needs me to work and this is agonizing.

 

I have had Chrons Colitis most of my life which led to an emergency surgery 5 years ago and had a colostomy for 9 months lucky a reversal and now I am bag free but that seems like a walk in the park compared to this hell.

 

I am in fear that I am back to square one and that's why it's so bad right now. I pray that I am healing and I am 10 months down the road of recovery. Thank you for your kindness and everybody on this forum who reads this

I'm sorry you're going through this I have had issues with my interpersonal relationships due to benzo withdrawal as well. People in my life have described me as going from withdrawn, distant, etc. to being emotionally volatile and incredibly difficult to deal with...

My ex encouraged me to be off these meds. Then couldn’t deal with me. Then moved out whick forced me to move away. Now he has disappeared into thin air with no word. It’s been 24 days since a simple text. I guess I deserve it. It’s all very painful.

💙

My ex encouraged me to be off these meds. Then couldn’t deal with me. Then moved out whick forced me to move away. Now he has disappeared into thin air with no word. It’s been 24 days since a simple text. I guess I deserve it. It’s all very painful.

💙

Hi ClayS,

Sorry to hear.. not sure on your situation, but it might make it easier to not hear from him..??

I got my first text about a week ago, after 3 weeks.. It just made things harder..

and its lingering now after other "remember me" tactics..

Dont get me wrong, Im all for productive communication.. -Which I hope you get, if thats whats needed.. But for me games were realy messing with my taper and health...

 

I hope things work out the best for you, But dont let someone else judge you for what you are going through getting off these meds, no matter how close they are.. If that applies..?

 

Day by day your world will feel less upside down...

Best wishes..

 

 

 

My ex encouraged me to be off these meds. Then couldn’t deal with me. Then moved out whick forced me to move away. Now he has disappeared into thin air with no word. It’s been 24 days since a simple text. I guess I deserve it. It’s all very painful.

💙

Hi ClayS,

Sorry to hear.. not sure on your situation, but it might make it easier to not hear from him..??

I got my first text about a week ago, after 3 weeks.. It just made things harder..

and its lingering now after other "remember me" tactics..

Dont get me wrong, Im all for productive communication.. -Which I hope you get, if thats whats needed.. But for me games were realy messing with my taper and health...

 

I hope things work out the best for you, But dont let someone else judge you for what you are going through getting off these meds, no matter how close they are.. If that applies..?

 

Day by day your world will feel less upside down...

Best wishes..

 

Yes, I agree with Cant. Games really suck. Unfortunately, some people just love playing them.

My ex encouraged me to be off these meds. Then couldn’t deal with me. Then moved out whick forced me to move away. Now he has disappeared into thin air with no word. It’s been 24 days since a simple text. I guess I deserve it. It’s all very painful.

💙

 

You don’t deserve to be abandoned because you are ill. Maybe he just isn’t worth thinking about. I know it’s easier said than done. But I don’t think it makes sense to be in a relationship only out of fear to be alone.

I can't even imagine having a relationship right now. I don't have feelings right now. I hope I can get them back. Intimacy sounds horrible. I just want to be alone in my room until this is over. Having to go to work through all of this is hard enough. It must be hard maintaining a relationship through this. I hope the best for you and your marriage.

My girlfriend has been with me throughout all of this. She has been unbelievably supportive. In many ways I feel more angry about all of this more for her than myself. I keep getting worse and she keeps me going and pays for a lot of my medical costs. It breaks my heart because I can feel myself losing more and more of my personality, just a shell and it keeps getting worse. I want to get better for her more than anything.

 

She's going to university next month and I am not sure what I will do on my own. Mentally or physically.