16 Months

I am going to keep this relatively short.  I also want to put a timeline of my recovery below since I feel like that is what so many people look for when they go through posts.  I will keep my account for another week or so if anyone has any questions and then be done.

 

I took Xanax on and off for 3 years.  Anywhere from .25/day to 1.5mg.  I drank a day or two a week and it would significantly compound the effects so I guess i took it recreationally sometimes as well.  Around 3 years I was having tinnitus and muscle tenseness.  The tinnitus finally gave it away and I realized it was the Xanax.

 

I did a fairly fast taper, 6 weeks or so.  After I jumped the first two weeks were great.  A friend came in town and I must have had 20 drinks in one night and woke up and withdrawal was there.

 

Month 1-3 - Expected intense anxiety, muscle tenseness, heightened senses, tinnitus.  Anxiety would be crushing at times and for no good reason.  My social skills completely plummeted as well.  Hard to sit still, pay attention.  Magnesium Glycinate and Weed really helped me a lot.  While the weed did not necessarily make me feel better, it made me forget how anxious i felt.  Terrible blood pressure (normal is 120/68)  About month 2 I was back to 8 hours sleep a night.  Hair got way thinner, terrible rosacea.

 

Month 3-4 - Better, still random waves of anxiety and social issues.  Quit my job to start a company which probably was not the best move and contributed to anxiety.  Exercise was hard, I go to the gym a lot and I just had no energy and lifting weights made me feel sick.  Started to do short 1 mile runs a day and kept it at that until about 9 months.  I was also drinking 1 night a week on the weekend.  The hangovers were unbelievably bad and I actually did not put it together with the withdrawal til later on. 

 

Months 5-6 - I guess this was the 6 month wave.  The anxiety eased up considerably but the depression was unbearable.  I thought it was worse than acute.  The mental cog fog ramped up the worst at this point too.  Doing simple math, work, writing, speaking etc.  That part was pretty intense until unfortunately about 12 months and just in the last couple months I am back to pretty functional.

 

Month 7-9 - Biggest gains were here.  The odd thing is it started with a trip to mexico for a wedding.  I drank for 7 days straight pretty heavily.  Dreading coming back I landed got home went to bed.  I woke up feeling amazing, almost too euphoric.  This lasted a couple weeks and leveled out.  Sex drive came back, some lingering anxiety.  GI problems actually got really bad at this time.  They just cleared up around month 14.

 

Month 9-14 - I was functional through this.  Periodic depression.  Anxiety triggered by situations that should not have and a little tinnitus.  My business took off which really helped pull me out as well.  I had a baby in this time too.  There was still a weird fog this whole time, emotions were not really there, and mental capacity was definitely below average.

 

Month 14-16(now)- The last lingering symptoms seemed to have passed.  While after month 7 I was functional, I was not healed.  GI issues are back to normal and just over the last month or so the mental performance seems back to normal.  Tinnitus is still there a tiny bit but I had it a little before. 

 

What Helped:

 

-Magnesium Glycinate did wonders.  My neurologist suggested it.  It kept pretty much all of the physical symptoms at a minimum and helped my depression and anxiety.  Most of the US is deficient in it and I will probably take it for years because of the other benefits I have seen.  It is also a neuro-protectant.

 

-Meditation - This helped a lot too.  About month 4 though I could not do it until about the 12 month mark.  It was frustrating but again at the 12 month mark I do it daily and it helps tons.

 

-Weed - I have always been a light smoker, I enjoy it.  I would caution against it for many but it made me forget how bad I felt in the beginning and helped sleep/eat.  It was not really pleasurable again until recently.

 

-Exercise - After a few months I would try.  It sucks at first but really becomes beneficial if you keep at it.

 

-Not reading stuff online.  This site is invaluable but as time goes on you  need to come less.  Some of my biggest gains/windows was when I was away for a couple weeks.  While we are no doubt in withdrawal a lot of symptoms can persist because we think we have them.

 

Psilocin- I will not go too in depth on this but if anyone has questions please ask.  After I felt my body/brain physically was 75% better and the major symptoms were gone I took a dose after reading a lot of research on it.  I feel like it reset a ton of the negative mindsets that were built up because of withdrawal.  I am not condoning this to anyone but I would not feel right if I left it out.

 

Mental Workouts-I learned to computer program.  This really took my focus off everything that was going on and really pushed my mental capacity.  Anything to take your mind off the symptoms helps greatly.

 

A friend of mine is a Dr in neuroscience on the research side of things (not a physician) at one of the largest universities in the US.  She researches the long term effects of toxic chemicals and drugs on the brain.  A lot of times I would be freaking out about something.  I would call her and she would say its temporary or its all in your head.  So many times the symptom went away quickly.  After Acute, a lot of this is mental.  This was probably one of my biggest resources as she is on the cutting edge of this research, not some Dr that had a few classes in pharmacy and that is it.

 

What did not:

 

-Dwelling on the symptoms.  - Some of the biggest progress chunks I made was when I got away from this website or was so distracted for a week.

 

-Alcohol - This is obvious, I drank moderately through the majority of withdrawal.  It do not think it gave me any major setbacks but I am sure I would have felt better sooner.

 

-Random Supplements - Gaba, Kava, etc

 

All in all I feel like I was pretty good around the 12 month mark.  After that I have days where I feel even better, like you forgot what normal is.  Really emotions took the longest to come back for me.  My friend helped me through it a lot, if you can find someone extremely knowledgeable and non biased I would suggest that.

 

Thanks!

 

congratulations Hubert! I was on similar dosage for similar time period.

 

Some questions. What brand and dosage of magnesium glycinate do you use. What type of weed do you smoke and how often. How often do you have drinks? What changes did you make in your diet if any. That’s all,

 

 

Excellent post thanks   

congratulations Hubert! I was on similar dosage for similar time period.

 

Some questions. What brand and dosage of magnesium glycinate do you use. What type of weed do you smoke and how often. How often do you have drinks? What changes did you make in your diet if any. That’s all,

 

Dr's Best Magnesium.  Took 300mg in morning and 400 at night.  I am not in a legal state so whatever is available, the indica's obviously help a bit more but both were helpful. Literally just a puff or two at night after dinner.

 

I only drank usually once a week, moderately though 5-10 drinks.  It was not as enjoyable forsure and the hangovers were rough in the beginning.  I really didnt drink the first few months bc i just felt too bad I wasnt social.

 

No changes to diet actually.  I eat relatively healthy but sugar, msg, fats, etc did not seem to make a noticeable difference.  If i ate 5 packs of skittles I would probably feel bad but that would be with or without benzo withdrawal haha.

 

Something I did leave out was gut health.  There is a TON of research finding that a damaged gut causes anxiety, depression inflammation etc.  Benzos mess with your gut (many of us have seen terrible GI issues).  I started doing intermittent fasting as well which not only helped my symptoms, acutely but it helps reset your digestive system and lets it repair itself.  I took L-Glutamine as a supplement for that on days I fasted.  When my stomach started getting better, everything really improved.  Pro-biotics made me feel terrible but I have heard they help a lot of people.

Congratulations, Hubert (on your success - as well as the new baby & business)! Thanks for the clear write-up. Great advice.

 

I agree with a lot of what you describe, including mag glycinate, meditation, and strictly limiting my time on this forum (not focusing on symptoms). I've noticed that many/most success stories mention the importance of this last factor.

 

For me, it's very rough going, but I'm also finding big improvements with working on gut issues, and intermittent fasting.

 

Can you elaborate more on your use of psylocin, please? Thanks again!

Congratulations, Hubert (on your success - as well as the new baby & business)! Thanks for the clear write-up. Great advice.

 

I agree with a lot of what you describe, including mag glycinate, meditation, and strictly limiting my time on this forum (not focusing on symptoms). I've noticed that many/most success stories mention the importance of this last factor.

 

For me, it's very rough going, but I'm also finding big improvements with working on gut issues, and intermittent fasting.

 

Can you elaborate more on your use of psylocin, please? Thanks again!

 

I would highly suggest to do a little research into the studies that came out the last few years.  I waited until the bad acute stuff and physical stuff was over.  There was a little lingering and it was hard to shake.  Almost like the withdrawal was over but my brain had made connections through the trauma (overthinking, depressed moods, above average anxiety).  The mechanism of these reportedly "resets" the brain and can break bad mind sets (again, read into it).  I took ~2.5 grams.  If you still have very high anxiety I highly suggest against it.  It is hard and tiring but fun.  The next day I was tired and felt a little weird.  The following day I felt amazing.  Calm and happy.  The biggest difference was I could connect with people and enjoyed the little things in life.  Again, not suggesting to anyone, please do your research, but I felt I had to include it due to the progress it made.  If you would like more details please PM me.

Thanks, Hubert, for your detailed reply. I will look into it. I know that one or two others on here have mentioned benefits from micro-dosing. I do think it's useful to keep an open mind. Nature has so many wonderful gifts...

 

All the best to you.

Thanks, Hubert, for your detailed reply. I will look into it. I know that one or two others on here have mentioned benefits from micro-dosing. I do think it's useful to keep an open mind. Nature has so many wonderful gifts...

 

All the best to you.

 

I did try that as well and while the acute effects were nice they did not last long.  Taking a larger dose has lasted for months, which also correlates to a lot of the research that has come out.

Congratulations!!!! This is a wonderful story!!!! You mention hair thinning....did this get better??

Congratulations!!!! This is a wonderful story!!!! You mention hair thinning....did this get better??

 

Yes, just recently it did a lot.  It correlated with the rosacea too.  My face looks much younger again as well.  I am 32, I looked 42 and now its almost back to normal.  I started going out in the sun a ton more which I think helps.  The company I run has a significant amount of time on the phone, when I would be on the phone I would walk outside.  It makes me wonder if the withdrawal causes a vitamin d deficiency.  At 16 months out I would say hair is 90% back to normal.  I have a ton of baldness in my family so the little difference I notice is most likely that.

I am going to keep this relatively short.  I also want to put a timeline of my recovery below since I feel like that is what so many people look for when they go through posts.  I will keep my account for another week or so if anyone has any questions and then be done.

 

I took Xanax on and off for 3 years.  Anywhere from .25/day to 1.5mg.  I drank a day or two a week and it would significantly compound the effects so I guess i took it recreationally sometimes as well.  Around 3 years I was having tinnitus and muscle tenseness.  The tinnitus finally gave it away and I realized it was the Xanax.

 

I did a fairly fast taper, 6 weeks or so.  After I jumped the first two weeks were great.  A friend came in town and I must have had 20 drinks in one night and woke up and withdrawal was there.

 

Month 1-3 - Expected intense anxiety, muscle tenseness, heightened senses, tinnitus.  Anxiety would be crushing at times and for no good reason.  My social skills completely plummeted as well.  Hard to sit still, pay attention.  Magnesium Glycinate and Weed really helped me a lot.  While the weed did not necessarily make me feel better, it made me forget how anxious i felt.  Terrible blood pressure (normal is 120/68)  About month 2 I was back to 8 hours sleep a night.  Hair got way thinner, terrible rosacea.

 

Month 3-4 - Better, still random waves of anxiety and social issues.  Quit my job to start a company which probably was not the best move and contributed to anxiety.  Exercise was hard, I go to the gym a lot and I just had no energy and lifting weights made me feel sick.  Started to do short 1 mile runs a day and kept it at that until about 9 months.  I was also drinking 1 night a week on the weekend.  The hangovers were unbelievably bad and I actually did not put it together with the withdrawal til later on. 

 

Months 5-6 - I guess this was the 6 month wave.  The anxiety eased up considerably but the depression was unbearable.  I thought it was worse than acute.  The mental cog fog ramped up the worst at this point too.  Doing simple math, work, writing, speaking etc.  That part was pretty intense until unfortunately about 12 months and just in the last couple months I am back to pretty functional.

 

Month 7-9 - Biggest gains were here.  The odd thing is it started with a trip to mexico for a wedding.  I drank for 7 days straight pretty heavily.  Dreading coming back I landed got home went to bed.  I woke up feeling amazing, almost too euphoric.  This lasted a couple weeks and leveled out.  Sex drive came back, some lingering anxiety.  GI problems actually got really bad at this time.  They just cleared up around month 14.

 

Month 9-14 - I was functional through this.  Periodic depression.  Anxiety triggered by situations that should not have and a little tinnitus.  My business took off which really helped pull me out as well.  I had a baby in this time too.  There was still a weird fog this whole time, emotions were not really there, and mental capacity was definitely below average.

 

Month 14-16(now)- The last lingering symptoms seemed to have passed.  While after month 7 I was functional, I was not healed.  GI issues are back to normal and just over the last month or so the mental performance seems back to normal.  Tinnitus is still there a tiny bit but I had it a little before. 

 

What Helped:

 

-Magnesium Glycinate did wonders.  My neurologist suggested it.  It kept pretty much all of the physical symptoms at a minimum and helped my depression and anxiety.  Most of the US is deficient in it and I will probably take it for years because of the other benefits I have seen.  It is also a neuro-protectant.

 

-Meditation - This helped a lot too.  About month 4 though I could not do it until about the 12 month mark.  It was frustrating but again at the 12 month mark I do it daily and it helps tons.

 

-Weed - I have always been a light smoker, I enjoy it.  I would caution against it for many but it made me forget how bad I felt in the beginning and helped sleep/eat.  It was not really pleasurable again until recently.

 

-Exercise - After a few months I would try.  It sucks at first but really becomes beneficial if you keep at it.

 

-Not reading stuff online.  This site is invaluable but as time goes on you  need to come less.  Some of my biggest gains/windows was when I was away for a couple weeks.  While we are no doubt in withdrawal a lot of symptoms can persist because we think we have them.

 

Psilocin- I will not go too in depth on this but if anyone has questions please ask.  After I felt my body/brain physically was 75% better and the major symptoms were gone I took a dose after reading a lot of research on it.  I feel like it reset a ton of the negative mindsets that were built up because of withdrawal.  I am not condoning this to anyone but I would not feel right if I left it out.

 

Mental Workouts-I learned to computer program.  This really took my focus off everything that was going on and really pushed my mental capacity.  Anything to take your mind off the symptoms helps greatly.

 

A friend of mine is a Dr in neuroscience on the research side of things (not a physician) at one of the largest universities in the US.  She researches the long term effects of toxic chemicals and drugs on the brain.  A lot of times I would be freaking out about something.  I would call her and she would say its temporary or its all in your head.  So many times the symptom went away quickly.  After Acute, a lot of this is mental.  This was probably one of my biggest resources as she is on the cutting edge of this research, not some Dr that had a few classes in pharmacy and that is it.

 

What did not:

 

-Dwelling on the symptoms.  - Some of the biggest progress chunks I made was when I got away from this website or was so distracted for a week.

 

-Alcohol - This is obvious, I drank moderately through the majority of withdrawal.  It do not think it gave me any major setbacks but I am sure I would have felt better sooner.

 

-Random Supplements - Gaba, Kava, etc

 

All in all I feel like I was pretty good around the 12 month mark.  After that I have days where I feel even better, like you forgot what normal is.  Really emotions took the longest to come back for me.  My friend helped me through it a lot, if you can find someone extremely knowledgeable and non biased I would suggest that.

 

Thanks!

 

Congratulations on your healing!!

 

It's so encouraging to see your timeline and that you came out healed

 

I wish you happiness and fulfillment in your bento free life!

Thank you so much for responding. I wish you nothing but the best in life!!!!!

Great read. I can relate to a lot of it.

Thank you so much for sharing!

How is your tinnitus? I had T before benzo's but it is ramping up now in WD and it scares me that it is permanent.

How is your tinnitus? I had T before benzo's but it is ramping up now in WD and it scares me that it is permanent.

 

Its almost non existent some days and other days its moderate at worst.  I almost never notice it though unless I think about it.  Even in complete silence when I lay down at night I do not notice it.  It is generally the last symptom to go from what I have read from a lot of people.

Hubert,

Did you do psilocybin before your wd or was this your first time?

Hubert,

Did you do psilocybin before your wd or was this your first time?

 

Yea but only a few times and it was 8-10 years ago while in college.