help i can't make it

14 months cold turkey, feel like an invalid, dp,dr every muscle undependable, pelvic pain, cannot grip items like eating utensils without a struggle, blurred vision like looking through a fishbowl, large weight loss with nausea, constipated, feet and hands numb and always cold with "painful" tightness if i put shoes on,  face distorted and hard to talk as muscles feel like they are being pulled one and another direction, concrete blocks weighting my body down making even small steps hard to negotiate.

Give up?  How to bear this total loss of usefulness, identity and pain involved in daily living.

Can't think straight, no going out.......What to do? 

Wait, just wait,you need to , you have to

 

Oh my goodness.  At 14 months out that just sounds horrible. Has it been like this the whole time?  Is it getting worse?  When you say give up, I assume you are referring to reinstating.  I wouldn't blame you for that.  It sounds awful. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly.

Trueheart: I'm so sorry, you feel so bad. You are now in a very tough period, the recovery is so unpleasant. But, you are on the right side of the healing. For me, Benzo is a "poison", but it's out of the body. Now, it doesn't get this anymore, so the real recovery has begun.

This, is the hardest we have gone through. When all this is over, you are stronger than ever. Right now, it feels very far away. But, for every day, you will come closer and closer. I hope, you feel better soon!

 

 

 

 

14 months cold turkey, feel like an invalid, dp,dr every muscle undependable, pelvic pain, cannot grip items like eating utensils without a struggle, blurred vision like looking through a fishbowl, large weight loss with nausea, constipated, feet and hands numb and always cold with "painful" tightness if i put shoes on,  face distorted and hard to talk as muscles feel like they are being pulled one and another direction, concrete blocks weighting my body down making even small steps hard to negotiate.  Give up?  How to bear this total loss of usefulness, identity and pain involved in daily living.

Can't think straight, no going out.......What to do? 

 

Trueheart, I am so dreadfully sorry, I see you are 70 years old and I think we have "spoken" before.  If not, I have read some of your other posts.  I have shared many of your symptoms, and was desperately ill at the stage you are at.  I have not fully recovered but most of the awful symptoms have gone or are much easier to deal with but it has taken a few years.  I set things back dreadfully early last year by forcing myself to walk and the stress on my brain was too great.  It has taken another year to recover from that dreadful setback.  I am not sure what would be best for you to do.  I can only say that time usually does make a huge difference to most people. 

I have most of those symptoms. Horrible! I hope it starts to ease soon.

Ajusta: I don't understand your signature, and you write on "cold turkey". Have you stopped Benzo? Congratulations, I'm so proud of you! Fight on, you can handle this!

Hi,

 

I CT’d twice last year before I realised I had to taper.

 

I can’t just stop them again. I really won’t survive.

 

I only reinstated because I would have died! I had planned my funeral.

 

I am trying to very gradually reduce the dose.

Ajusta: I thought you had stopped, because you wrote here. Good luck!

I believe you will improve. I recall myself at 14 months off and the hell I was in. I saw a shift at 18 months and then at around 24 moths and so on and so forth. Its slow and sometimes you cant see the light but very slowly your nervous system is trying to heal

 

Are you on any other meds by any chance -this could be reving your symptoms?

 

shania

Ajusta: I thought you had stopped, because you wrote here. Good luck!

 

Sorry I don’t understand? I just answered because I have those symptoms.

I hit a wave at 16 months with the same symptoms and 100 more been bedridden till now at 18 1/2 months. It's changed every two weeks or so.  Now it's like there's no life going to my legs or upper body and sometimes I can't talk. I can see the most minuet improvement but it's not as bad as when it started. I've read everywhere that 12 to 18 months is really bad for a lot. I hope it ends soon because I'm missing out on everything with my kids.

Following

What you described is quite normal for cold turkey people. I was on very high doses of both Klonapin, Ambien and two anti depressants and went CT. OMG, the withdrawal was something I STILL cannot describe well. I had almost every symptom listen on this site. I could have died, but I didnt. Something made me hang on, and now it is SIX years later. I STILL have some symptoms that started during withdrawal, but I am able to deal with them better now. Mostly I laugh about  it.

 

You CAN get through this. It will not be easy but it WILL test your mettle. None of us deserved to go through this crap. But here we are. We try to support each other and try to help others going through it.

 

Learn as much as you can about WHY you have those symptoms. That should be easy, on this site or elsewhere. Knowing more helped me immensely..

 

Learn all the tricks to deal with various symptoms. Believe what you read here, because this site is chock full of excellent advice.

 

My best wishes to you, as you muddle your way towards healthier time. By the way, I am 68. NOT young and yet I made it through.

Annie

Eastcoast were you ever bedridden for months?

Yes. I was pretty much bedridden for about 5 months. Back then I was still using a walker (after I had major leg surgery which included a knee replacement and repair of a fractured femur. But even if I hadnt been using a walker, I am sure I would have been bedridden anyway, my withdrawal was that awful.

I'll be on month 14 as of tomorrow and I have had very few windows, makes me feel hopeless at times but I just have to keep pressing on.  At least I can go to work and drive when I have to.  The fear of dying everyday and impending doom sucks!  I'm trying to stay positive but its hard.  The longest window I've had was about 6 hours.

Windows do not mean anything, or so I found. I NEVER had a window - or a wave. It was just ALL misery until I finally began to feel a bit better. I have met a lot of people here who dont have windows but got better anyway.

 

Oh heavens, Keith! You are going to work??? Bless your heart, I didnt think that was possible! That feeling of impending doom is very common. Why? Because the amygdala (a part of the brain) is badly affected by both being on benzos and getting off them. The amygdala is the most "primal" organ , it controls FEAR and other truly basic emotions. Benzos affect it it in a huge way. When you get off a benzo, this organ has to right itself and get the chemicals back in the right order, etc. This will happen, given enough time. Fear was my absolute WORST symptom. It was with me 24/7, for over three years. But now - that fear is simply GONE.

 

Dont worry about not having windows. That doesnt mean a thing. Your body is always trying to heal itself no matter what you do (unless to slip and take a benzo!)

Thank you so much for the reply, fear and impending doom and the thought of dying everyday is by far my worst symptoms.  The breathing thing was for a while but its starting to ease up now and my heart rate and breathing is much better now.  And as far as going to work, I went to work 2 days after I got home from rehab.  I bartend at a high volume bar so its been quite challenging and the disconnect with people is unreal.  That area has improved dramatically though.

14 months cold turkey, feel like an invalid, dp,dr every muscle undependable, pelvic pain, cannot grip items like eating utensils without a struggle, blurred vision like looking through a fishbowl, large weight loss with nausea, constipated, feet and hands numb and always cold with "painful" tightness if i put shoes on,  face distorted and hard to talk as muscles feel like they are being pulled one and another direction, concrete blocks weighting my body down making even small steps hard to negotiate.

Give up?  How to bear this total loss of usefulness, identity and pain involved in daily living.

Can't think straight, no going out.......What to do?

 

TrueheartL: I have not read your sig (story) but I can tell you this. Going cold turkey off benzos can cause misery for a VERY long time. And no one knows why some people have it harder than others.  Me - I did not begin to even feel HUMAN until maybe two years out, and even then I still had a LOT of awful symptoms. I kept plodding forward, praying that what I read here was true. And it turned out to be VERY true. I DID recover from a 30 year addiction to benzos, plus sleeping pills and AD's. What I went through is beyond belief, even for me! But I did get through it, but only with the help of BB. BB saved my life.

 

It will help you to get a very basic idea of what is causing all your symptoms. That information can be found here - or elsewhere online. I personally trust what I read on BB first.

 

Benzos affect your brain. In a huge way. And when you go CT off benzos, the withdrawal may be more severe. Your brain needs time to recover, time to re-balance all the chemicals that help it function normally. The human brain is astoundingly good at this! Given time, and n ot adding to the insult by taking weird supplements or alcohol or any other brain-affecting drug, will help a LOT.

 

Learn how to deal with your symptoms. There are many things you can try. Deep slow breathing helped me a lot. DISTRACTING myself was KEY! All of those tricks and skills can be found here on BB byh all the people who went through this before you. Learn from us!