Does anyone really ever heal from Cold Turkey?

Hey...me again...I have searched and searched this site for success stories. Not ones that are better but exist in 4-5 hours sleep, can’t handle stress, can’t exercise, etc. I wonder do they really exist?

 

I have been talking to more and more long time members who say, everybody does not heal. Don’t drink the “time heals all” kool aide. I have spoken to many long time members who have reinstated and are doing well and happy to remain on a Benzo for the rest of their lives. I have read the stories of a few who chose this path and did not find 100% relief. Yes, it’s a crapshoot. But it is an option for some. More than I thought.

 

I believe the statistic was like 67% are successful and 33% fail to get off Benzos. No breakdown between CT and tapers.

 

I am today very hopeless. My symptoms which were lessening in months 3-4 are getting worse and more severe every single day no relief before me whatsoever. I am in a perpetual state of neither awake nor asleep. I can’t really sleep yet I am so exhausted I can’t function in the awake world either. This make DP/DR seem like a walk in the park.

 

And no one responds who has healed and can say...oh we all had that at the same time. It will pass.

 

When I first joined it was all positivity. Now comes all the people who live in deep pain in their beds on B.B. saying sorry, I’m still like that 2-3-4 years out. I feel their pain. I wish I could heal all of us. If not I wish we could all go back on something, good God , ANYTHING so that we could live and function.

 

This existence is NOT living. It is one foot in life and one foot in death. We straddle the fence between heaven and hell. I have read many descriptions of hell. I believe that is more appropriate to where I reside now. Utter and complete hell with no end in sight.

 

To any newbie out there. I don’t care how many weeks out you are. Go back reinstate, stabilize, take this VERY SERIOUSLY. It really is a life and death decision. If only I had known. If only someone here had warned me with real facts not the “We all heal. Time heals all” mantra.

 

That’s what will be on my gravestone, “if only I would have. If  only I had known. I should have. If only”

I think your right, I'm past the point of return, too far gone. I see no outcome to where I survive. I hope I can come back and give others encouragement but I don't see it

absolutely yes they do. Ive spoken to many over the years. People have recovered-just takes time.

 

shania

 

If someone failed to get off benzos, it doesn't mean that he or she didn't heal or wasn't being healed. It means that she or he couldn't bear the huge sacrifice involved in withdrawal. And no one could blame them. It's not for everyone.

 

Yes, people can be like that after 3 or 4 years (although these people are a minority). That is why this is such nasty and horrific thing. But that doesn't mean that they won't heal. There are cases here of people healing after 12 years!

 

Everyone heals, and time is what it takes. That is true. The problem is that *time* can be such a long thing for many people. It's very sad that they are forced to live for that long in suffering, because of these horrific pills. But they heal.

 

Reinstating and living with the pill for life is an option, if you cannot bear the withdrawal sacrifice. But that doesn't mean that there is no light at the end of the tunnel in the CT journey. There is. It is simply that it is a painful and long journey.

 

If you go on with the cold turkey, you could find comfort in the fact that only a minority suffer from severe withdrawal after two years. Of course, you will find them all here, because people who heal aren't here. You must trust that you're not among that minority.

 

I understand your frustration so much!

 

I seem to have had the same pattern. Acute was so hard, by month 2 I started to see some windows, then month 3.5-4 hit a horrible wave that is only getting worse now at 7 months and sounds exactly like what you are describing. It's unbearable. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

 

I so desperately want to believe we all heal. But I'm losing hope.

Hey...me again...I have searched and searched this site for success stories. Not ones that are better but exist in 4-5 hours sleep, can’t handle stress, can’t exercise, etc. I wonder do they really exist?

 

I have been talking to more and more long time members who say, everybody does not heal. Don’t drink the “time heals all” kool aide. I have spoken to many long time members who have reinstated and are doing well and happy to remain on a Benzo for the rest of their lives. I have read the stories of a few who chose this path and did not find 100% relief. Yes, it’s a crapshoot. But it is an option for some. More than I thought.

 

I believe the statistic was like 67% are successful and 33% fail to get off Benzos. No breakdown between CT and tapers.

 

I am today very hopeless. My symptoms which were lessening in months 3-4 are getting worse and more severe every single day no relief before me whatsoever. I am in a perpetual state of neither awake nor asleep. I can’t really sleep yet I am so exhausted I can’t function in the awake world either. This make DP/DR seem like a walk in the park.

 

And no one responds who has healed and can say...oh we all had that at the same time. It will pass.

 

When I first joined it was all positivity. Now comes all the people who live in deep pain in their beds on B.B. saying sorry, I’m still like that 2-3-4 years out. I feel their pain. I wish I could heal all of us. If not I wish we could all go back on something, good God , ANYTHING so that we could live and function.

 

This existence is NOT living. It is one foot in life and one foot in death. We straddle the fence between heaven and hell. I have read many descriptions of hell. I believe that is more appropriate to where I reside now. Utter and complete hell with no end in sight.

 

To any newbie out there. I don’t care how many weeks out you are. Go back reinstate, stabilize, take this VERY SERIOUSLY. It really is a life and death decision. If only I had known. If only someone here had warned me with real facts not the “We all heal. Time heals all” mantra.

That’s what will be on my gravestone, “if only I would have. If  only I had known. I should have. If only”

 

I know you are miserable and hurting, but please be very careful what you advise other new and vulnerable people to do.  You could say what you would do in the same circumstances, but I think you should be clearer that it is your opinion only.  And while we're on the subject, have you done what you are advising others to do?  Reinstate?  If you haven't, why are you advising others to do so?  If you have, please tell us your experience so others faced with the same decision can learn from your experience. 

 

She

I don’t know if we heal or not.  I think that there are those that are lucky and some that aren’t.  I’m

In the not lucky group.  I’m able to sleep.    My problem is ALL my symptoms are primarily in my head.  I feel them in my head both mentally and physically.  If it weren’t for that I would be 80%.  This has been going on for almost 2 years. 

 

I know of those that tapered slowly (I’m talking years) and still got slammed.  I think it has to do with genetics, autonomic dysfunction and neuron pathways becoming ingrained in the brain.  The rewiring takes painfully a very very long time, for some.   

 

My fear is reinstating (I ‘m only speaking for me) is I would be covering the symptoms, but they would still be there.  Don’t get me wrong.  I want relief.  I just have no clue what to do.  Tired of being brain sick...

i definitely wish i had reinstated earlier, and am still considering it now.

Hey...me again...I have searched and searched this site for success stories. Not ones that are better but exist in 4-5 hours sleep, can’t handle stress, can’t exercise, etc. I wonder do they really exist?

 

I have been talking to more and more long time members who say, everybody does not heal. Don’t drink the “time heals all” kool aide. I have spoken to many long time members who have reinstated and are doing well and happy to remain on a Benzo for the rest of their lives. I have read the stories of a few who chose this path and did not find 100% relief. Yes, it’s a crapshoot. But it is an option for some. More than I thought.

 

I believe the statistic was like 67% are successful and 33% fail to get off Benzos. No breakdown between CT and tapers.

 

I am today very hopeless. My symptoms which were lessening in months 3-4 are getting worse and more severe every single day no relief before me whatsoever. I am in a perpetual state of neither awake nor asleep. I can’t really sleep yet I am so exhausted I can’t function in the awake world either. This make DP/DR seem like a walk in the park.

 

And no one responds who has healed and can say...oh we all had that at the same time. It will pass.

 

When I first joined it was all positivity. Now comes all the people who live in deep pain in their beds on B.B. saying sorry, I’m still like that 2-3-4 years out. I feel their pain. I wish I could heal all of us. If not I wish we could all go back on something, good God , ANYTHING so that we could live and function.

 

This existence is NOT living. It is one foot in life and one foot in death. We straddle the fence between heaven and hell. I have read many descriptions of hell. I believe that is more appropriate to where I reside now. Utter and complete hell with no end in sight.

 

To any newbie out there. I don’t care how many weeks out you are. Go back reinstate, stabilize, take this VERY SERIOUSLY. It really is a life and death decision. If only I had known. If only someone here had warned me with real facts not the “We all heal. Time heals all” mantra.

That’s what will be on my gravestone, “if only I would have. If  only I had known. I should have. If only”

 

I know you are miserable and hurting, but please be very careful what you advise other new and vulnerable people to do.  You could say what you would do in the same circumstances, but I think you should be clearer that it is your opinion only.  And while we're on the subject, have you done what you are advising others to do?  Reinstate?  If you have, please tell us your experience so others faced with the same decision can learn from your experience.  If you haven't, why are you advising others to do so?

 

She

 

I did not mean to advise. Every choice we make is a personal decision. You are right. I do not mean to influence. I guess I am venting. I don’t feel right today at all.

 

I have a feeling that my brain is disconnecting. I feel I am losing my sanity. I hope this is just sleep deprivation. But it is frightening me. Honestly, I don’t remember writing this thread. I am in a very strange head space. I hope some one can tell me this is normal and will pass.

 

I have taken to pacing and repeating the Lords Prayer over and over and over. I honestly seriously feel I am losing my mind. Up to now I had panic episodes but I would come back and clear up and I  or me was still there. I can’t get that now. My brain is breaking away from me. I feel I am falling into insanity and there is nothing I can do. No one can do anything.

 

I apologize for any comments that were offensive. I apologize. I am starting to say that a lot. Pray for my sanity.

Su,

 

Try to take your mind away from your symptoms. Don't think about them. Don't seek answers, or explanations, or reasons behind them. Don't think about this whole benzo hell, keep going, and WAIT. If you live worrying about your symptoms you'll make them worse. Dont think about stats, etc., That increases the worry.

 

You are in a strong wave right now. Everything you feel is normal and will pass away. You said you were getting better at months 3 and 4. Wait a few weeks and you will be getting better again. If you were getting better before, there is no reason why that cannot happen again.

 

YOU CAN BEAT THIS. Your life is precious and valuable, and will be beautiful and bright in the future. Don't let this stupid benzo beast put you down at this moment. 

 

Distraction, distraction, distraction. Ignore the symptoms. Don't think about them. And wait. Let the time pass. That's the formula. Your fight is to distract, to ignore the symptoms as much as you can. they will lose power over you in that way, and will leave in their time.

 

 

Hey...me again...I have searched and searched this site for success stories. Not ones that are better but exist in 4-5 hours sleep, can’t handle stress, can’t exercise, etc. I wonder do they really exist?

 

I have been talking to more and more long time members who say, everybody does not heal. Don’t drink the “time heals all” kool aide. I have spoken to many long time members who have reinstated and are doing well and happy to remain on a Benzo for the rest of their lives. I have read the stories of a few who chose this path and did not find 100% relief. Yes, it’s a crapshoot. But it is an option for some. More than I thought.

 

I believe the statistic was like 67% are successful and 33% fail to get off Benzos. No breakdown between CT and tapers.

 

I am today very hopeless. My symptoms which were lessening in months 3-4 are getting worse and more severe every single day no relief before me whatsoever. I am in a perpetual state of neither awake nor asleep. I can’t really sleep yet I am so exhausted I can’t function in the awake world either. This make DP/DR seem like a walk in the park.

 

And no one responds who has healed and can say...oh we all had that at the same time. It will pass.

 

When I first joined it was all positivity. Now comes all the people who live in deep pain in their beds on B.B. saying sorry, I’m still like that 2-3-4 years out. I feel their pain. I wish I could heal all of us. If not I wish we could all go back on something, good God , ANYTHING so that we could live and function.

 

This existence is NOT living. It is one foot in life and one foot in death. We straddle the fence between heaven and hell. I have read many descriptions of hell. I believe that is more appropriate to where I reside now. Utter and complete hell with no end in sight.

 

To any newbie out there. I don’t care how many weeks out you are. Go back reinstate, stabilize, take this VERY SERIOUSLY. It really is a life and death decision. If only I had known. If only someone here had warned me with real facts not the “We all heal. Time heals all” mantra.

That’s what will be on my gravestone, “if only I would have. If  only I had known. I should have. If only”

 

I know you are miserable and hurting, but please be very careful what you advise other new and vulnerable people to do.  You could say what you would do in the same circumstances, but I think you should be clearer that it is your opinion only.  And while we're on the subject, have you done what you are advising others to do?  Reinstate?  If you have, please tell us your experience so others faced with the same decision can learn from your experience.  If you haven't, why are you advising others to do so?

 

She

 

I did not mean to advise. Every choice we make is a personal decision. You are right. I do not mean to influence. I guess I am venting. I don’t feel right today at all.

 

I have a feeling that my brain is disconnecting. I feel I am losing my sanity. I hope this is just sleep deprivation. But it is frightening me. Honestly, I don’t remember writing this thread. I am in a very strange head space. I hope some one can tell me this is normal and will pass.

 

I have taken to pacing and repeating the Lords Prayer over and over and over. I honestly seriously feel I am losing my mind. Up to now I had panic episodes but I would come back and clear up and I  or me was still there. I can’t get that now. My brain is breaking away from me. I feel I am falling into insanity and there is nothing I can do. No one can do anything.

 

I apologize for any comments that were offensive. I apologize. I am starting to say that a lot. Pray for my sanity.

 

No need to apologize, and your comments were not offensive, just a bit prescriptive.  I know how much you are suffering and have been for quite a while now.  Please read Curious Guy's post again and again because IMO he is spot on.  Distraction and time.  Distraction and time.

 

She

I spent 2 years bedridden in a dark room unable to sleep or turn over my own pillow when I first got I’ll with ME/CFS.

 

If my main symptoms in withdrawal were insomnia, fatigue, lucid dreaming to the point of DR and vertigo it would be exactly the same as that and I would survive it.

 

I wish those were my withdrawal symptoms.

 

As far as a I can tell on average it takes most people up to about 2  years to get better from withdrawal.

 

Su,

 

Try to take your mind away from your symptoms. Don't think about them. Don't seek answers, or explanations, or reasons behind them. Don't think about this whole benzo hell, keep going, and WAIT. If you live worrying about your symptoms you'll make them worse. Dont think about stats, etc., That increases the worry.

 

You are in a strong wave right now. Everything you feel is normal and will pass away. You said you were getting better at months 3 and 4. Wait a few weeks and you will be getting better again. If you were getting better before, there is no reason why that cannot happen again.

 

YOU CAN BEAT THIS. Your life is precious and valuable, and will be beautiful and bright in the future. Don't let this stupid benzo beast put you down at this moment. 

 

Distraction, distraction, distraction. Ignore the symptoms. Don't think about them. And wait. Let the time pass. That's the formula. Your fight is to distract, to ignore the symptoms as much as you can. they will lose power over you in that way, and will leave in their time.

 

Thank you...how do I distract? I can’t watch TV. I can’t read a book. I cycle through nodding off jerked awake panic attack all day long. I can no longer even go outside as the heat causes an immediate increase in head pressure and pain. Even inside I have an ice pack on my head most of the day. Even walking and being upright hurts my head. Advil doesn’t seem to work.

 

So, what can I do? I used to garden, jog, hike, swim, go to gym, sauna. No more. I stopped being able to tolerate any of that about one month ago. I tried to go to the store with my husband, headache and panic attack. It’s crazy!!!! Just crazy how a month ago I was doing all of the above. Still couldn’t sleep but I was busy all day.

 

It doesn’t feel like a wave. I get daily windows and waves to a certain extent. It feels like my new normal. It’s very scary.

i cold turkeyed and am fully healed.  i think people are right that the speed at which we heal is dependent on genetics and the condition of our bodies.  those that heal faster tend to be people who take a more extreme approach to nutrition and who are able to stay neutral and not fall into the daily routine of saying and believing they aren't healing.  i know its hard but mindset is so important.  i had some of the worst symptoms i've read in any story on here between seizures and such severe cardiac issues i needed 2 surgeries .  yet i am fully recovered and thriving now.  so - try your best to stop focusing on the lack of progress and eat a super clean diet and use meditation files - do your best to stay neutral.  i know its not easy - i walked the walk so i can give this advice.  i hope things start to turn around.  the waves are tough.  its hard having gains and losing them.  that is probably the cruelest part of this healing process...

i cold turkeyed and am fully healed.  i think people are right that the speed at which we heal is dependent on genetics and the condition of our bodies.  those that heal faster tend to be people who take a more extreme approach to nutrition and who are able to stay neutral and not fall into the daily routine of saying and believing they aren't healing.  i know its hard but mindset is so important.  i had some of the worst symptoms i've read in any story on here between seizures and such severe cardiac issues i needed 2 surgeries .  yet i am fully recovered and thriving now.  so - try your best to stop focusing on the lack of progress and eat a super clean diet and use meditation files - do your best to stay neutral.  i know its not easy - i walked the walk so i can give this advice.  i hope things start to turn around.  the waves are tough.  its hard having gains and losing them.  that is probably the cruelest part of this healing process...

 

I believe I have kindled too. I believe using Ativan “as needed” over a year amounts to nothing more than many starts and stops. That is why I can’t express to you how SEVERE these symptoms are. I know there is absolutely nothing anyone can do for me. I know everyone means well. I get it. If I ever get to the other side of this I will post the best success story ever written. 

 

But Ativan is a BEAST even with short term use. I did it over a year here and there in and off. I stoked a terrible fire in my brain. It has become more than I can humanly bear.

 

I AM NOT A WUSS! I AM NOT A WHINER! This pain is beyond what a human can take. There is no relief. Even in cancer you get pain meds. I would take the cancer and chemo 3 times over before doing this. And it just gets worse. I’m telling you I have an ice pack on my head at all times. My tinnitus is beyond insane. I have to have earbuds in 24/7. I CAN NOT SLEEP EVER!! 

 

I am jerked awake by adrenaline rushes over and over and over repeatedly and have been doing this for 6 months straight. Not one thing has gotten better. Everything is getting worse and more intense.

 

I call the suicide hotline every day now for the last 3 weeks. I am not proud of this. I have never been suicidal in my life before this. I WANT TO LIVE. I just don’t know how to endure this unrelenting pain.

 

God help me. God help me...

Su, I am hurting with you. I am going through exactly the same thing! I know exactly what you mean. I call the hotline almost every day too. I too do want to live.

2 of my friends had cancer and went through chemo this year. They had pain meds and anti-nausea meds and are fine now: driving, living their life, being parents, having jobs, traveling.  I cannot do any of that. What I'm going through is beyond human ability to handle. I don't know how I will survive this. I am not saying that cancer is easy. I am saying I understand what you mean.

Please let's survive and strive together. Much love to you. You are loved. You are valued. You are very very important. Please fight. I know it's so unbearably hard. But please, stay here.

 

Just crazy how a month ago I was doing all of the above. Still couldn’t sleep but I was busy all day.

 

It doesn’t feel like a wave. I get daily windows and waves to a certain extent. It feels like my new normal. It’s very scary.

 

That's how it is. It is crazy. But within a month, perhaps, you could be saying: "wow, one month I couldn't even go to the store, now it's not a problem, even if I'm not healed yet, how crazy."

 

If you cannot do all these activities, you are certainly within a long wave. You might have short spaces of relief. But there is NO WAY this is your 'new normal'. It's just a wave. Hold on, and you might stabilize within a few weeks. Even if it takes many months to heal, YOU WON'T BE IN THIS WAVE for ever. You might experience longer windows soon. You just need to find a way to live with these awful symptoms now.

 

I know it's hard to distract, but you need to try. Try slowly. Just a bit of it. Increase the amount of time the next time. Or try another activities. Play videogames in your cell-phone or in the internet. You will be healed. 

 

 

 

Su, I am hurting with you. I am going through exactly the same thing! I know exactly what you mean. I call the hotline almost every day too. I too do want to live.

2 of my friends had cancer and went through chemo this year. They had pain meds and anti-nausea meds and are fine now: driving, living their life, being parents, having jobs, traveling.  I cannot do any of that. What I'm going through is beyond human ability to handle. I don't know how I will survive this. I am not saying that cancer is easy. I am saying I understand what you mean.

Please let's survive and strive together. Much love to you. You are loved. You are valued. You are very very important. Please fight. I know it's so unbearably hard. But please, stay here.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry you are in my same hell. It does not seem fair on any level.

 

I had cancer. I speak from experience. Just a little over a year ago I was laying in ICU fighting for my life. I made it. I made it through that to be hit with this just as I am recovering from that. My body and mind and spirit are so tired and have been through so much stress.

 

My cancer may return in 3 years. That’s the average. So I was just informed by my insomnia friends that I will not sleep for probably 2 years. And then it will still broken. But I will make it. Do you know what that does to ones immune system? I NEED my immune system to stay alive and ahead of my cancer.

 

I am ready to go down a handful of Ativan and get some sleep and be done with this nightmare. I just wished to God some one on here..anyone would have said hey, here’s a few real important things to consider before moving forward with a CT. I mean 5 weeks off. I could have jumped back on.

 

I want to live. I want to survive this. I want to enjoy my cancer remission years. But I will be stuck in this mire for a very late big time. Either this takes me out or my cancer returns and it takes me out. Or by some miracle of God and Heavens I could survive both. LOL LOL!!! I don’t think this is what’s meant as life choices. But that’s what I have...

 

I want to live. I want to live. I want to do this. I want to do this with you and make it. I just have so much stacked against me. It seems unbearable and insurmountable.

 

Oh God here comes the head full of electricity, massive tinnitus and sweats. Oh boy, another sleepless night in Hell. I know...distract, listen to meditation. That’s gonna do it...

Hey...me again...I have searched and searched this site for success stories. Not ones that are better but exist in 4-5 hours sleep, can’t handle stress, can’t exercise, etc. I wonder do they really exist?

 

I have been talking to more and more long time members who say, everybody does not heal. Don’t drink the “time heals all” kool aide. I have spoken to many long time members who have reinstated and are doing well and happy to remain on a Benzo for the rest of their lives. I have read the stories of a few who chose this path and did not find 100% relief. Yes, it’s a crapshoot. But it is an option for some. More than I thought.

 

I believe the statistic was like 67% are successful and 33% fail to get off Benzos. No breakdown between CT and tapers.

 

I am today very hopeless. My symptoms which were lessening in months 3-4 are getting worse and more severe every single day no relief before me whatsoever. I am in a perpetual state of neither awake nor asleep. I can’t really sleep yet I am so exhausted I can’t function in the awake world either. This make DP/DR seem like a walk in the park.

 

And no one responds who has healed and can say...oh we all had that at the same time. It will pass.

 

When I first joined it was all positivity. Now comes all the people who live in deep pain in their beds on B.B. saying sorry, I’m still like that 2-3-4 years out. I feel their pain. I wish I could heal all of us. If not I wish we could all go back on something, good God , ANYTHING so that we could live and function.

 

This existence is NOT living. It is one foot in life and one foot in death. We straddle the fence between heaven and hell. I have read many descriptions of hell. I believe that is more appropriate to where I reside now. Utter and complete hell with no end in sight.

 

To any newbie out there. I don’t care how many weeks out you are. Go back reinstate, stabilize, take this VERY SERIOUSLY. It really is a life and death decision. If only I had known. If only someone here had warned me with real facts not the “We all heal. Time heals all” mantra.

 

That’s what will be on my gravestone, “if only I would have. If  only I had known. I should have. If only”

You can't be serious with that advice telling someone to pop more pills. I c/t and I was fine after 3 months following 10 years of daily use.

I have survived 16 years of use with a near cold turkey if you count five days of Valium taper. I went to a rehab and they took me off klonopin after 13 year rx. Before the rx I bought Xanax off the street. I just got a job and have been working for two weeks. I still feel anxiety but everyone and their brother tells me how shocked they are that I would have anxiety because I don’t present that. I don’t really care if that’s what I present or not, I feel it still and that sucks, but it is definitely healing. I was prescribed benzos for anxiety and panic as well. Hope that helps. I just posted my story in this forum.

Hey...me again...I have searched and searched this site for success stories. Not ones that are better but exist in 4-5 hours sleep, can’t handle stress, can’t exercise, etc. I wonder do they really exist?

 

I have been talking to more and more long time members who say, everybody does not heal. Don’t drink the “time heals all” kool aide. I have spoken to many long time members who have reinstated and are doing well and happy to remain on a Benzo for the rest of their lives. I have read the stories of a few who chose this path and did not find 100% relief. Yes, it’s a crapshoot. But it is an option for some. More than I thought.

 

I believe the statistic was like 67% are successful and 33% fail to get off Benzos. No breakdown between CT and tapers.

 

I am today very hopeless. My symptoms which were lessening in months 3-4 are getting worse and more severe every single day no relief before me whatsoever. I am in a perpetual state of neither awake nor asleep. I can’t really sleep yet I am so exhausted I can’t function in the awake world either. This make DP/DR seem like a walk in the park.

 

And no one responds who has healed and can say...oh we all had that at the same time. It will pass.

 

When I first joined it was all positivity. Now comes all the people who live in deep pain in their beds on B.B. saying sorry, I’m still like that 2-3-4 years out. I feel their pain. I wish I could heal all of us. If not I wish we could all go back on something, good God , ANYTHING so that we could live and function.

 

This existence is NOT living. It is one foot in life and one foot in death. We straddle the fence between heaven and hell. I have read many descriptions of hell. I believe that is more appropriate to where I reside now. Utter and complete hell with no end in sight.

 

To any newbie out there. I don’t care how many weeks out you are. Go back reinstate, stabilize, take this VERY SERIOUSLY. It really is a life and death decision. If only I had known. If only someone here had warned me with real facts not the “We all heal. Time heals all” mantra.

 

That’s what will be on my gravestone, “if only I would have. If  only I had known. I should have. If only”

You can't be serious with that advice telling someone to pop more pills. I c/t and I was fine after 3 months following 10 years of daily use.

 

Benzobfree123...I think you are a highly unusual case. Especially for this site. Good for you!

I have also read some of your other posts. If I am correct in your other comments you state you have lingering annoying symptoms. You are still using Benzos here and there for interviews, etc.  I mean if anyone can get away with doing that it’s probably you but...most are not so fortunate. Certainly not me.

 

I don’t think most other people who cold turkey have the same experience as you. Just as many will not have the same experience as me. We are probably at the two ends of this spectrum. Perhaps somewhere in the middle would be the norm. So, we all give advice based on our own unique experience. I do so to warn others of the possible things that could happen as in my experience. That’s all...no harm intended.

I have survived 16 years of use with a near cold turkey if you count five days of Valium taper. I went to a rehab and they took me off klonopin after 13 year rx. Before the rx I bought Xanax off the street. I just got a job and have been working for two weeks. I still feel anxiety but everyone and their brother tells me how shocked they are that I would have anxiety because I don’t present that. I don’t really care if that’s what I present or not, I feel it still and that sucks, but it is definitely healing. I was prescribed benzos for anxiety and panic as well. Hope that helps. I just posted my story in this forum.

 

Congratulations! That’s fantastic. I wish I were you. 😊

Sub - i had the same issue with kindling - i took ativan every 2nd or 3rd night for 2+ years after my lymes diagnosis - so - my brain was kindled beyond believe and on top of it i did a huge kindle with valium - i was given those 30mg high doses for weeks for the spine surgery - stopped -went into hell for several months and then started valium again at 10mg after the 1st cardiac surgery failed - having no idea all these issues were coming from valium withdrawal from the spine surgery - i went back on 10mg for another 6 weeks - so - i kindled the crap out of my brain and that was with 4+ years of daily z drug use too.  i am fully recovered and thriving.  i completely understand what you are saying.  i have repeatedly said there are actually no adjectives that can adequately describe the hell it was.  the pain i was in was actually far worse than the pain i had from 2 broken discs in my neck.  i was worse than anything that can be described.  but the body will heal - but it wil heal far more slowly if you keep trying to validate that you aren't healing and will never heal.  i cannot express enough how important mindset is

Sub - i had the same issue with kindling - i took ativan every 2nd or 3rd night for 2+ years after my lymes diagnosis - so - my brain was kindled beyond believe and on top of it i did a huge kindle with valium - i was given those 30mg high doses for weeks for the spine surgery - stopped -went into hell for several months and then started valium again at 10mg after the 1st cardiac surgery failed - having no idea all these issues were coming from valium withdrawal from the spine surgery - i went back on 10mg for another 6 weeks - so - i kindled the crap out of my brain and that was with 4+ years of daily z drug use too.  i am fully recovered and thriving.  i completely understand what you are saying.  i have repeatedly said there are actually no adjectives that can adequately describe the hell it was.  the pain i was in was actually far worse than the pain i had from 2 broken discs in my neck.  i was worse than anything that can be described.  but the body will heal - but it wil heal far more slowly if you keep trying to validate that you aren't healing and will never heal.  i cannot express enough how important mindset is

 

Ssri2975...how did you do it? I am up after only sleeping from 10:00 to 1:00. And I wake in an adrenaline rush and panic attack. This happens every single day. All day and night long. It does not relent ever!!!

 

Every single time I try to sleep. For 6 months. No end in sight. I am losing my mind. PLEASE tell me...HOW DO YOU DO IT?

 

I am so sick right now. So tired. I feel like I am dying. Literally, like my life force is draining out of me. This just goes on and on never ending. How??? How??? How??? I try distraction. I try meditation. I try everything. The only focus I have is ending this. Ending this all. Not even the suicide hotline helps me. They have no answers. I’m like a mouse that a cat toys with for hours torturing it but not ending its agony. It’s cruel. It’s so cruel.

 

Why did you not taper? How long till you slept? Dear God have Mercy on my Soul...can’t take this. Gotta move.

I don’t know if we heal or not.  I think that there are those that are lucky and some that aren’t.  I’m

In the not lucky group.  I’m able to sleep.    My problem is ALL my symptoms are primarily in my head.  I feel them in my head both mentally and physically.  If it weren’t for that I would be 80%.  This has been going on for almost 2 years. 

 

I know of those that tapered slowly (I’m talking years) and still got slammed.  I think it has to do with genetics, autonomic dysfunction and neuron pathways becoming ingrained in the brain.  The rewiring takes painfully a very very long time, for some.   

 

My fear is reinstating (I ‘m only speaking for me) is I would be covering the symptoms, but they would still be there.  Don’t get me wrong.  I want relief.  I just have no clue what to do.  Tired of being brain sick...

 

Dear God. You poor thing. How do you keep going? You still don’t sleep?