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3 years off


[Lo...]

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Wow, i cant believe it has been this long. This post will be a trigger for some and a beacon of hope for others, this is a heavy post. If you are sensitive and in the early stages maybe stop reading now but just know I am getting better and even the long term protracted heal although very slowly.

 

There is no comparison from where i was 3 years ago when i jumped to where i am now. I came off before i was ready and still extremely sick but got impatient and jumped before i got to 0mg. I was already at a low dose so how much worse could it get right?? Im not going to revisit the early days but my world fell to pieces and was left completely incapacitated unable to think or function, living in constant panic and my body shattered hardly able to support my own body weight.

 

It would be easier to list the symptoms i didnt get - Stomach issues..... thats it.

 

the first year was a total horror show, the second not much better with wave apon wave in between feeling terrible to say the least. Constant failed attempts to go back to work, pushing my body to crash more times that i can remember. Total loss of self worth as my muscles wasted away and my stomach balloons out until 26 months off and my daughter was born. The stress nearly ended me, I felt so worthless and such a failure. I couldn't handle the mental and physical pain anymore, she was 3 days old when i nearly took my own life while my partner and my baby were still in hospital. Thank god i somehow found the strength to hold on. My partner and best friend never gave up on me, I owed it to them to survive.

 

I am getting better. Somewhere around the 30 month mark things really started easing up. I started doing 2 half days a week at work and living on the couch in pain in between. I am now working a physically demanding job. I run my little electrical business and work by myself for myself. I quote jobs, deal with customers, order supplies and do small electrical installations 3 days a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) and rest on the other days. I am sore and life is no picnic but my body doesn't crash for weeks at a time anymore. Although i am sore I can push myself and not get punished, I can also see and feel my muscles coming back and strength returning.

 

For the first time in years i feel some kind of hope for the future, I play with my daughter and laugh with my partner. It has been one hell of a ride to say the least but i am getting my life back.

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  • 1 month later...

Dear Lockie,

  Wow...three years! Congratulations! I'm glad you see progress and are able to enjoy your daughter and sweetheart again. This experience is terribly difficult. The better days are so appreciated. We will never take feeling well for granted again!

  I'm a month behind you. I also have improved but continue to have many waves. My pattern has been varying degrees of illness...I'm waiting for the wide open window!

  Sending support and wishes for wellness,

Carita :smitten:

 

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Congratulations Lockie! So glad to know that you are feeling better and that you are now able to play with your daughter, laugh with your partner and that you are getting your life back.

 

Hope and pray for your complete healing very soon!

 

Blessings

 

Pi

 

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Lockie,

 

I was off of Xanax 3 years last month and it has been such a challenging experience and I really don't understand why I had to go through this.  I'm much better now than I was but I have never heard of another drug that causes this much of a problem after being off this long.  I still have vision problems such as floaters, dry eye and light sensitivity now and doctors don't believe these problems are related to the Xanax use from three years ago.  I just know I never had them prior to withdrawing from Xanax.  I also have various aches and pains from time to time that I never had before taking Xanax.  I am happy that you as still recovering and hope to hear that you are fully recovered soon.  I hope the same for me as well.  God bless you and stay encouraged. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Lockie, you did it! This is an enormous accomplishment. I hope you know that. Not everyone can survive benzo withdrawal. Many just give up and go back on. You didnt. GOOD for YOU!

 

I am sure your symptoms were awful. That is a given. Have you found it hard to explain how bad you felt? I sure did.

 

I am proud of you.

east

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