Suffering horrible emotional pain from a past trauma

As i tapered something long put behind me started to pop up. I could put it away at first.

But lately it is there every day tearing me apart.

Anyone else going through such intense pain from the past?

Is this normal. Does this get better. Is this withdrawl?

Is it my brain in withdrawl making old emtional pain just as intense as it was?

I never expected this.

Never.

 

 

Unfortunately, I can relate. It seems that my brain has started mending quite a few wounds I had forgotten or thought had healed. In MY case it has gotten better in that I have learned how to roll with the lesson or distract. It has not gone away.

 

I’m sorry for your pain. Hang in there.

Absolutely - perhaps the worst of all the symptoms - at least in my case. It's stuff that comes up that I'd have thought was put behind in no time my self esteem is reduced to rubble. The past is gone - that's just the fact of it that I try to remember. I tend to trust less of of the "Benzo voice" the more of what I hear from it. I expect it will fade eventually, or so I'm told. I'm at 22 mo. and still dealing with it but going back is no more an option than ever. Once all this fades - it's over and the only thing remains is this moment - that I really do believe.

As i tapered something long put behind me started to pop up. I could put it away at first.

But lately it is there every day tearing me apart.

Anyone else going through such intense pain from the past?

Is this normal. Does this get better. Is this withdrawl?

Is it my brain in withdrawl making old emtional pain just as intense as it was?

I never expected this.

Never.

 

Oh yes, for me, long past traumas relived in my mind that much more so during the roughest times of withdrawal.  All came back big time.  Feeling a bit better now fortunately, to give you hope.  Probably did not help that I was again traumatized during withdrawal too.  Not to mention, I think rough withdrawal in and of itself is traumatizing.  I felt my traumas relived during withdrawal dreams too.  Serious trauma is rough stuff.  Nobody can totally forget, but putting it on the back shelf is the realistic goal, I think.  I also feel personally that the more I talk about it and write of it, the more I relive it sometimes.  Also highly selective of who I share things with as reactions or crickets chirping in response (apathy) to horrific trauma can only worsen trauma symptoms sometimes.  I can actually relate to those army vets that never talk again of some things experienced.  I know why and I suspect many trauma victims can relate too.  Depends on the person, if writing and talking it out in detail continually helps, then whatever it takes, I say.  I don't believe there is always a *right* way or *wrong* way to deal with past trauma.  Whatever works best for the individual.   

 

Oh yes, for me, long past traumas relived in my mind that much more so during the roughest times of withdrawal.  All came back big time.  Feeling a bit better now fortunately, to give you hope.  Probably did not help that I was again traumatized during withdrawal too.  Not to mention, I think rough withdrawal in and of itself is traumatizing.  I felt my traumas relived during withdrawal dreams too.  Serious trauma is rough stuff.  Nobody can totally forget, but putting it on the back shelf is the realistic goal, I think.  I also feel personally that the more I talk about it and write of it, the more I relive it sometimes.  Also highly selective of who I share things with as reactions or crickets chirping in response (apathy) to horrific trauma can only worsen trauma symptoms sometimes.  I can actually relate to those army vets that never talk again of some things experienced.  I know why and I suspect many trauma victims can relate too.  Depends on the person, if writing and talking it out in detail continually helps, then whatever it takes, I say.  I don't believe there is always a *right* way or *wrong* way to deal with past trauma.  Whatever works best for the individual. 

 

Good points to consider - I had forgotten that about dreams - same sort of thing with me. Also true - the crickets thing can really take the wind out of your sails - it's so not worth it to tell certain people. And yes, it does seem ". . . rough withdrawal in and of itself is traumatizing."

Sorry you are feeling this way. :'( :'(

Oh yes.  Throughout withdrawal, I've relived past trauma in exquisitely painful and realistic ways.  Intrusive memories, looping thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares.  but take heart, it gets better.  It fades over time.  And better yet, I've read many posts that talk about withdrawal being a kind of regression therapy, and have talked to people who feel healed of their past traumas as they heal from benzos. 

 

I believe this is entirely possible.  I believe that these things can be healed as our nervous system rewires and heals.  In the meantime, be so so kind and gentle with yourself.  Practice self love.  I know how ugly and dreadful it is, but it does go away. 

I really appreciate your understanding, Catt, more than words can say.  Wishing you and all here healing, and sooner rather than later.

Thank you for your kind responses.

The withdrawl has been so traumatizing that i believe brought this old trauma into play again.

So sorry for all the suffering it takes us all to get off the med we were put on to help..

Now its creating more misery than we were ever in before.

totally normal sadly..I suffered from a huge PTSD and of course withdrawal put me back into old trauma situations.

As you can read in my signature my did my taper for 5 years which is a long time and the time after this wasn't funnier either BUT this helped me to practice the strategies I once learned in a special therapy to treat my PTSD.

Without the withdrawal I would not have practiced so hard, so in some kind, this nightmare helped me to finally beat the beast.

Did you get therapy for your former trauma? If not, buy yourself some books and train the strategies (without confrontations and such stuff).

You don't have to lose hope. Withdrawal will not last forever and the intense feelings will lift up again.

I can tell you if I can survive this (with my old traumata on my back which are really ugly so that therapists had to send me away because they couldn't listen to me) - you will, too!

When i try to sleep the anxiety comes in waves. And it wakes me up.. its the same horror i lived through when it happened. I was not given therapy. But benzos to sleep and anti depressants. Somehow it faded from memory. Or seemed to not matter anymore.

This taper was in many ways was a repeat of the old trauma. The same fear. Lack of help. Etc. I started having painful flash backs of the first trauma. Which put me where i am today.. now its coming at me in waves as i try to sleep. Exact reason i was given this,medication to sleep.

Its like i have came back to the place this started.

I slept a,little. But not much. Woke up deeply depressed.

Im confused by this withdrawl on top of it.. my brain is foggy.

I am feeling hopeles and terrified .

Almost 30 years later. Here is this same painful thing.

 

And i am getting the same lack of understanding.. its,been so long ago. Yet im reliving it today.

I didnt expect this.

I am so sad and sorry for everyone who has to deal with so much pain getting off these meds.

Torture is too little of a word.

 

 

When i try to sleep the anxiety comes in waves. And it wakes me up.. its the same horror i lived through when it happened. I was not given therapy. But benzos to sleep and anti depressants. Somehow it faded from memory. Or seemed to not matter anymore.

This taper was in many ways was a repeat of the old trauma. The same fear. Lack of help. Etc. I started having painful flash backs of the first trauma. Which put me where i am today.. now its coming at me in waves as i try to sleep. Exact reason i was given this,medication to sleep.

Its like i have came back to the place this started.

I slept a,little. But not much. Woke up deeply depressed.

Im confused by this withdrawl on top of it.. my brain is foggy.

I am feeling hopeles and terrified .

Almost 30 years later. Here is this same painful thing.

 

And i am getting the same lack of understanding.. its,been so long ago. Yet im reliving it today.

I didnt expect this.

I am so sad and sorry for everyone who has to deal with so much pain getting off these meds.

Torture is too little of a word.

 

Is it possible to get special therapy for trauma / PTSD? You could start it right now. on the other hand its nothing specific I think its even more simple and everyone could use it. Maybe buy a book? Its all about strategies like imagine a safe place, its the way how to react on the things you  are writing about. Its not talking about the trauma! First its all about getting safety and stabilize..

It gets better and there are lots of people who have suffered from this, you just don't know them yet. You are not alone. Neither with your trauma nor with withdrawal, trust me. You will be fine, there are lots of things you can do..

I have ptsd. Treated with benzo and anti depressants. Never therapy.

As i tapered the problem started breaking through. Now with my confused mind i am agonizing over something so painful i cant even describe.

Terrified of how to deal with this now.

How did you do it?

I have ptsd. Treated with benzo and anti depressants. Never therapy.

As i tapered the problem started breaking through. Now with my confused mind i am agonizing over something so painful i cant even describe.

Terrified of how to deal with this now.

How did you do it?

 

I had a good therapy before my med Desaster started. The therapist

Was totally against medication because it stops the system

from doing the right things to overcome the trauma. Totally right.

You cannot put it down or aside.

It was a behavioral therapy for trauma we also did rapid eye movement but I did not really need it’s

Most important was to learn what to do if flashbacks, fear and memories

come up. This helped me very much in wd, too.

I don’t know how doctors prescribe meds - does t work.

The key is you can do it. You need to start and gettherapy or get informed absolut

Skills.

Totally normal feeling overwhelmed and not able to cope.

You might feel this way for some time but slowly it gets better.