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Any advice before I resign?


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I'm barely functioning.  I can probably do about 1 hour of actual work per day.  This 1 hours includes grocery shopping, cooking, paying bills, housework, and my job.

 

The remainder of the day is spent resting or suffering and trying to cope.

 

I cannot handle stress at all.

 

I was hoping to apply for short term disability rather than just resigning, but after researching I don't see any hope in actually getting anything from the insurance companies.

 

So, my question is: should I just resign and focus on my recovery?  I've been doing the minimum on my job to get by, but this can't continue.  I do have enough money saved to last several years, but this is going to hurt me financially a lot going forward.  I'm in my early 50s and I am in the peak of my earning.  I am single so have nobody to help.  But, I just can't go on working.  I'm not even sure I will survive this with the toll this is taking on my health.

 

I'm wondering what others have done when facing this situation?

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I have to say ... I would be very hesitant to resign. If there is any way to make this work, maybe going part time if you need to, finding a less stressful job while still employed, if I were you I would be considering those options. Maybe a work from home job? flexjobs.com had legitimate work from home jobs in many fields.

 

I am finding it more and more difficult to work, but I feel if I drop out now (I am 49) that more than likely I will not recover and end up back where I am. And I have 7 more years of college to pay for.

 

Good luck. I know this is so hard but I know people who have lost jobs due to downsizing and it takes forever to land back on their feet again.

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My advice is to keep moving forward and work as long as you can. Do your best. Rest when you can. But working is good for the brain and keeps you going at least for that hour.  If you suddenly have nothing to do now your whole life is wrapped up in this and it's easy to become obsessed and wallow in things. Unless you quit work and decide to go to the gym and walk in the park and volunteer an hour at the local soup kitchen. But don't quit work and then just sit around. That would not be good. You HAVE to think of your future because you will survive this and have a wonderful life to live. Do today what is best for your future.
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I felt as you do, but have no savings, leaving my job wasn't an option. I am in my late 40's and looking at the possible time lines I thought I had a better chance at keeping my job than finding a new one in the years to come, because I too could only focus and suffer through an hour of actual "working" in the morning. The rest of the day I fine tuned, "looking like I was working" for several months.

 

During the many hours a day that I had trouble staying up right I wished I had the means to take a break from my job. I thought if I didn't have to be here I would be well sooner... I don't believe that is try anymore. For the first 4-1/2 months I only slept a few minutes at a time if at all, I thought maybe if I wasn't working I would be able to nap like many buddies do. I'd always been a good morning sleeper, so maybe if I was home I would get to sleep then? The body heals when it sleeps, so it was pretty easy to obsess about this, but I let it go, over and over again.

 

16+ months out from my CT I am so grateful that I hung on. So my suggestion would be to keep doing what you are doing. I'm am sorry for your suffering, but please keep telling yourself that you are healing and this is temporary. I CONSTANTLY told myself that, literally all day long. I am amazed at our bodies ability to heal.

 

Hang in there.

Love

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There was no way I could work for the first couple years after going CT. No way! I was so weak, so crazy and so full of weird symptoms I could not have functioned in any sort of paid work. I had to focus on getting better, and that took a very long time for me. My only income was Social Security. Nothing else, and it was very hard for me to make ends meet. I went to Food Banks when I could (driving was not safe for me). I tried to skimp on certain things.

 

Each person is different, this I know. You have to think about how you feel, both physically AND mentally, before you decide if you should keep trying to work at an outside job. For many, it just is not possible.

 

For those of you who tried to keep working - well, hats off to you! I admire your guts. Maybe you are stronger than I was or perhaps your withdrawal wasnt quite as bad. But that doesnt matter at all. I admire you for even being ABLE to work! Wish I could have. I ended up having to sell my

house and move to a rental apartment - all because of benzo withdrawal. I just could no longer afford to maintain a home.

Annie

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There was no way I could work for the first couple years after going CT. No way! I was so weak, so crazy and so full of weird symptoms I could not have functioned in any sort of paid work. I had to focus on getting better, and that took a very long time for me. My only income was Social Security. Nothing else, and it was very hard for me to make ends meet. I went to Food Banks when I could (driving was not safe for me). I tried to skimp on certain things.

 

Each person is different, this I know. You have to think about how you feel, both physically AND mentally, before you decide if you should keep trying to work at an outside job. For many, it just is not possible.

 

For those of you who tried to keep working - well, hats off to you! I admire your guts. Maybe you are stronger than I was or perhaps your withdrawal wasnt quite as bad. But that doesnt matter at all. I admire you for even being ABLE to work! Wish I could have. I ended up having to sell my

house and move to a rental apartment - all because of benzo withdrawal. I just could no longer afford to maintain a home.

Annie

 

 

 

Exactly my sentiments. There is obviously levels of withdrawals by amount and length of benzo use. You simply cant compare someone on low dose valium for a few months and compare that persons withdrawal to someone on high dose klonopin for years. That would be like saying someone kicking codeine is in the same boat as someone kicking heroin. There is no comparison and the suffering is much worse with higher dose users who used longer. Ive had many periods in life where i have used benzos for up to a few months and it doesnt compare to what im experiencing now......either in suffering or duration of wd. It may be easy for one person to work because his usage history was much less. Thats common sense. I am very grateful i havent had to work the past two years because ive essentially stayed on the side of my bed the entire time. If working is going to force you to reinstate then quit. If not then do what you can. Make kicking benzos numero uno priority. Your usage was relatively light and you will see quicker improvement then many people. Good luck.

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Withdrawal does hurt people financially. I have spoken to many over the years who have had to leave jobs. I was off from my job for one and a half years and used up a lot of my savings. I then went back to work..(I don't know how) But I did and I continued to improve with my health. I lost a lot of money and relationships too but life moves on and things will improve for you. Only you know what you feel will be right for you

 

This suffering is temporary.

 

best wishes

 

shania

 

 

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You should listen to your mind and body and do whatever you think is best for your health.

 

I have been unable to work for 22 years because of illness and I still can’t come to an acceptance of that. I do think if I hadn’t kept trying to push myself to keep going when I first got I’ll I might not have ended up as unwell as I am.

 

I have had no career and have no secure housing. It breaks my heart.

 

Even if you do have to stop it will most likely not be for more than a year or two. Maybe it would give you the opportunity to change career? Lot’s of people do that in mid life.

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It’s harder than you think for HR to terminate. Assuming you’re not self employed, work until they are forced to give you a severance package.
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You may look into your ability to utilize FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) to cover an extended absence from your employer. It's law. You need to think selfishly and try to do what is best for you, not your employer. Resigning is seldom the best option for yourself unless you can develop some contractually binding agreement to return to work following your recovery. I don't pretend to speak for your employer but I would not trust most to honor a verbal agreement for re-employment following years of substandard performance and a drug related absence. This is especially true if you have employer sponsored health care insurance.

 

My story on this is that I have years worth of sick leave I could use, but, I would have to provide written proof of necessity from my PDoc. And once I go off work at the recommendation of a PDoc I am stigmatized within the organization as crazy, unfit, unworthy, risky and thus my career potential would end. It's just not an option. I even considered faking a back injury to get several months off but realized that we have Occupational Medicine Doctors that monitor our health and would have been caught when they queried my health records. It was a miracle I was never randomly drug tested while on benzos. So....I work. I gut it out and suffer in silence. I have developed excuses and escape routines to mask my brain fog, anxiety, etc.

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  • 3 months later...

Thank you all for your advice.

 

I've stuck it out to this point to almost 8 months after CT.  However, it's almost impossible to even get out of bed now.  Trying to maintain the job while going through this is too much.  Each of us has different symptoms and different severity so please don't try to compare yourself to me.  I'm very strong willed and a tough person by nature, but this is taking over.  I need time to fight this battle face to face.

 

I just have one question:  has anyone qualified for disability insurance from their employer?  I need to decide if I should apply before resigning.  My feeling is that it would be a waste of effort, since I can't find a single doctor to give me a diagnosis for the xanax damage. 

 

Please feel free to send me a personal message if you don't want to post your information online.

 

Thank you.

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I have not read anything but the initial post.  My question: what are you going to do all day?  I don't mean that in a condescending way - am genuinely curious as to your plan.  In the worst days of w/d, I can't imagine being at home and obsessing about every little detail (well, I can...  but I don't think it's healthy), 24/7.  It was always in the back of my mind, but distractions are so very important!  Essentially I was just healing (passing time), so anything I could do to fill up that time was a good thing.  I also wasn't sleeping, so it's not like I would have gotten any additional rest.  If you quit (and I don't know what your job is like - I can understand that it very well may not be worth the stress), I would try to have a backup plan for your days.  No, you don't have to 'punch a clock' but I think a routine and something to 'do' is so very, very important.  Best of luck!!!! 

 

I'm barely functioning.  I can probably do about 1 hour of actual work per day.  This 1 hours includes grocery shopping, cooking, paying bills, housework, and my job.

 

The remainder of the day is spent resting or suffering and trying to cope.

 

I cannot handle stress at all.

 

I was hoping to apply for short term disability rather than just resigning, but after researching I don't see any hope in actually getting anything from the insurance companies.

 

So, my question is: should I just resign and focus on my recovery?  I've been doing the minimum on my job to get by, but this can't continue.  I do have enough money saved to last several years, but this is going to hurt me financially a lot going forward.  I'm in my early 50s and I am in the peak of my earning.  I am single so have nobody to help.  But, I just can't go on working.  I'm not even sure I will survive this with the toll this is taking on my health.

 

I'm wondering what others have done when facing this situation?

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Abbyruss is spot on. I'm self-employed so I'm at home by myself all day long and it's absolute torture. Before all this happened I used to think I was so busy. I was complaining about being so stressed out and not being able to get everything done. Now all of a sudden I can clean my house get laundry done to get some work done then look at the clock and it's only like 10 in the morning. I don't enjoy watching TV like I used to. I can't nap. And it's in the mid-to-upper 90s everyday so walking doesn't really work either. At least not during the day. So I'm left with the options of getting on benzo Buddies, doing a jigsaw puzzle, are finding the few shows on TV that I really like to watch. Today I'm going to a prayer meeting at 1 which will give me some time out of the house. you definitely will want a schedule if you decide to stay home.
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:( :'(

 

There was no way I could work for the first couple years after going CT. No way! I was so weak, so crazy and so full of weird symptoms I could not have functioned in any sort of paid work. I had to focus on getting better, and that took a very long time for me. My only income was Social Security. Nothing else, and it was very hard for me to make ends meet. I went to Food Banks when I could (driving was not safe for me). I tried to skimp on certain things.

 

Each person is different, this I know. You have to think about how you feel, both physically AND mentally, before you decide if you should keep trying to work at an outside job. For many, it just is not possible.

 

For those of you who tried to keep working - well, hats off to you! I admire your guts. Maybe you are stronger than I was or perhaps your withdrawal wasnt quite as bad. But that doesnt matter at all. I admire you for even being ABLE to work! Wish I could have. I ended up having to sell my

house and move to a rental apartment - all because of benzo withdrawal. I just could no longer afford to maintain a home.

Annie

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this is exactly what i was thinking!

 

It’s harder than you think for HR to terminate. Assuming you’re not self employed, work until they are forced to give you a severance package.

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Yes!  This!

 

"Now all of a sudden I can clean my house get laundry done to get some work done then look at the clock and it's only like 10 in the morning. I don't enjoy watching TV like I used to. I can't nap. "

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Benzo,

You might want to apply for leave through your employer.  You can tell the doctor your symptoms, you don’t have to even mention Xanax.  Approach it like any other illness.  See if that works.  That’s how I got my FMLA. 

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I would try to take time off before resigning.  Is it possible to take a few months off?  And still keep your job?  Even if you don't actually get a disability check or a doctor to verify your situation, that is what is going on.  You have been made disabled due to the damage from these drugs.

 

For a moment, pretend you did find that doctor who validated everything.  What would you tell work?  Now, back to reality.  Maybe you can still tell work something similar?  A leave of absence due to sickness happens.  Not everyone gets paid for it, but you are sick and I think it's a way better idea to take a month of two off of working than to resign. 

 

I'm not sure I agree with the work until they fire you attitude, as you might burn some bridges.  Unless they know it is because you are sick.  In fact, I've heard of cases where someone asks to be fired, so they can collect unemployment.

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Thank you all for your advice.

 

I've stuck it out to this point to almost 8 months after CT.  However, it's almost impossible to even get out of bed now.  Trying to maintain the job while going through this is too much.  Each of us has different symptoms and different severity so please don't try to compare yourself to me.  I'm very strong willed and a tough person by nature, but this is taking over.  I need time to fight this battle face to face.

 

I just have one question:  has anyone qualified for disability insurance from their employer?  I need to decide if I should apply before resigning.  My feeling is that it would be a waste of effort, since I can't find a single doctor to give me a diagnosis for the xanax damage. 

 

Please feel free to send me a personal message if you don't want to post your information online.

 

Thank you.

This is as tough a call to make. One thing I'll tell you;  Do not even walk by Social Security without consulting a lawyer first! After my initial denial I went to a lawyer and he told me after getting all my paper work and a stack of documents 3 inches thick, " Forget it I won't even charge you for what I've done so far". He explained, I ruined any chance of a judgment producing any positive results. All because I went in to SS first!

How to bow out gracefully depends so much on what you do for work. If it's "mission critical" you have painted a big red dot on your self as the safest target for blame after resuming work, having your decision making abilities questioned, and if your employer is especially worried about litigation terminating you in a "good faith" effort to make things right with whom ever they cross.

I can not say I'm a success. I ended my employment in good standing and have shifted to work I'm familiar with as a per Diem independent. It was a $6/hour cut in pay and things are tenuous at the moment. Planning expenditures is gone.

I'd seriously consider reinstatement and a slow taper. To me benzo free is a goal but, stability may be what I have to accept. You choose for yourself and take the smallest steps possible.

My best wishes are for you,

Eutychus

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Please don't reinstate!!!!  I went through so many stupid withdrawals I feel I am qualified to say that.  If my experience can save you from any suffering, please don't reinstate without careful, careful consideration.  Also know it will never be the 'same' again.  Tolerance withdrawal sucks. 

 

Thank you all for your advice.

 

I've stuck it out to this point to almost 8 months after CT.  However, it's almost impossible to even get out of bed now.  Trying to maintain the job while going through this is too much.  Each of us has different symptoms and different severity so please don't try to compare yourself to me.  I'm very strong willed and a tough person by nature, but this is taking over.  I need time to fight this battle face to face.

 

I just have one question:  has anyone qualified for disability insurance from their employer?  I need to decide if I should apply before resigning.  My feeling is that it would be a waste of effort, since I can't find a single doctor to give me a diagnosis for the xanax damage. 

 

Please feel free to send me a personal message if you don't want to post your information online.

 

Thank you.

This is as tough a call to make. One thing I'll tell you;  Do not even walk by Social Security without consulting a lawyer first! After my initial denial I went to a lawyer and he told me after getting all my paper work and a stack of documents 3 inches thick, " Forget it I won't even charge you for what I've done so far". He explained, I ruined any chance of a judgment producing any positive results. All because I went in to SS first!

How to bow out gracefully depends so much on what you do for work. If it's "mission critical" you have painted a big red dot on your self as the safest target for blame after resuming work, having your decision making abilities questioned, and if your employer is especially worried about litigation terminating you in a "good faith" effort to make things right with whom ever they cross.

I can not say I'm a success. I ended my employment in good standing and have shifted to work I'm familiar with as a per Diem independent. It was a $6/hour cut in pay and things are tenuous at the moment. Planning expenditures is gone.

I'd seriously consider reinstatement and a slow taper. To me benzo free is a goal but, stability may be what I have to accept. You choose for yourself and take the smallest steps possible.

My best wishes are for you,

Eutychus

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"Man is a mystery. I am a fool".

 

What is the man going to live on tears and sympathy?

 

It has been stated by far better than me, some may have to re-instate, some may have to accept a lower dose if it's what they decide.

 

Why are there always some that have to be so extremist? The man asked us to discuss. The topic is about what he does about employment.

 

Just as he ultimately has to decide on that matter, so, he'll have to decide on any medical choices. We are supposed to share not tell.

 

Just as I can't promise financial stability or doom for the man, no one can promise this man he'll be better or he'll suffer tolerance withdrawal.

 

I try to always assume best intentions, no one wants anyone here to suffer twice. But, to perhaps ruin another aspects of a person's life with" Please don't",

is just spreading a different suffering that not one of us will have to bear.

 

What are you afraid of losing? If the man regroups or "holds" and resumes after securing is employment.  :brickwall: :brickwall: :brickwall:

 

 

 

 

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I took FMLA and have applied for STD.  I couldn't perform my duties and it was prolonging my healing.  I needed it and now as I'm nearing the end of my FMLA, I'm glad I did it.  I couldn't have made it through the clonazepam w/d without the time off.  I would have ended things myself.

 

I had already been out for about 2.5 months the year before.  That was a mess.  I went to a detox and inpatient rehab and did a partial hospitalization.  Coming out of all of that, and as costly as that was (~20k that my health insurance paid) I was no better off.  It was a shit show.  9 months later, I asked to be put on clonazepam bc I just couldn't hack it anymore.  With the boost of strength and clarity in thought, I researched and planned for this current health leave.  I thought through as much as I could very carefully and came up with a taper plan.  I was not stable on the clonazepam and was pushing it until the end before I finally was able to get off.  I don't believe I would have been able to stabilize and then very slowly taper off.  I was past that point with what I had already been through with the alprazolam.

 

It was a health decision.  The work fallout was/is a huge concern but it doesn't compare with my health.  There is no job anywhere that is worth my health.  I was going to lose my mind and my physical health was going to be forever in jeopardy.  That is a decision I will always make going forward.  I don't regret it and I will find work if it doesn't work out with my current employer.  I will tell them honestly what has happened and why I made the decision I made.  They should and actually do in my case (I have a great employer) want me to be healthy. 

 

I also have a doctor who is supportive and helped me attain approval for the FMLA and who is also helping with my STD application.  I would not have been able to get approval for the FMLA w/o their support.

 

I'm happy to provide more information about what I did.  Please feel free to PM me, BenzoBGone.

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  • 2 weeks later...

BBG, what has happened since your original post? It was a decent question and I hope you got some ideas from people here. I would like to know what happened, and how you are doing now.

east :thumbsup:

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From my signature you will see a period between diazepam & alprazolam. During that period my doctors successfully reinstated me to alprazolam from a sudden discontinuance of diazepam. That reinstatement allowed me to keep my job & to successfully finish raising a family. During the reinstatement I took family medical leave & then returned to work with diminished abilities for several months before recovering to acceptable standards and a comfortable quality of life. That's my experience & it worked very well for me & my family. best wishes
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Hi Everyone,

 

Thank you for your support and replies.

 

I've been so sick these past few weeks.  I can't relax enough to sleep and I can't find the energy to move.  I have a constant headache and my head feels like a balloon.  I'm also dizzy and nauseated.  If I do sleep or take a nap, I feel 100 times worse when I wake up.

 

I've managed to do the bare minimum to get by on my job while working from home, but my tasks are piling up and my responsibilities are increasing at work.  Not to mention, all the other responsibilities in life. 

 

I really don't even have the energy to apply for FMLA or STD.  I only feel like just laying here and not moving.  I push myself to walk every day and also go grocery shopping.

 

I think I am going into survival mode.  I am single and live alone.  I need to just do what I can and not punish myself if I didn't do things 100% the right way.  All that will matter is that I live through this.  Any added anxiety really makes me sicker.  I'm leaning toward resignation and just focusing on my recovery and health until I get some sort of healing.

 

Financially I will be ok.  It will have an impact on my life, but I will not be homeless or without medical insurance, etc...  I am fortunate to have saved a long time for a rainy day, well this is the rainy day.

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