20 months 1 week - back in a wave

Hi buddies,

a week ago I felt like I was turning a corner. I felt really pretty good for a good 4-5 days. Now since Wednesday I've been back in a wave, with some small breaks. Symptoms I haven't had in a while have been back, like surges in the morning, burning body etc. Entire days of sx rather than a few hours a day. I seem to get an ok week then back in the crap again for weeks. Sleep has been a worse again too and I'm unable to sleep in, after waking around 5am.

 

Main sx:

 

Body aches / pains / nerves

Anxiety (especially bad in the morning)

Music loops

Brain fog sometimes

General unwell feeling

Eye muscle cramping / tight / pain

 

Anyone have any encouragement at 20 months. I felt like 18.5 to 20 I was starting to get much better, DR gone most of the time etc.  I feel like I'm backsliding a bit and feel like I should be doing better..

 

Thanks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hi klungo I am 21 months too. wonder what is going on? don't understand it. 

 

I am 62 years old. how old are you?  I wonder if age has to do with it?

 

hi klungo I am 21 months too. wonder what is going on? don't understand it. 

 

I am 62 years old. how old are you?  I wonder if age has to do with it?

 

I just turned 49. I know that 2 years seems to the time for most to recover according to the experts, and from people who have recovered so we have a few months, but I just hoped it would be a lot easier by now.

Search for the success story by Lostdog. It is truly everything.

Search for the success story by Lostdog. It is truly everything.

 

Thanks I've read it many times 🙂

Hi Klungo.  I've been having good stretches, and some awful waves also.  I felt horrid two nights ago, so kept reassuring myself that the symptoms were signs of healing.  Sure enough, I woke to my best window the next day.  Sadly it closed, and I'm back to feeling sick and crazy today .  Every day were getting closer to the finish line.  Hang in there. WR

Hi Klungo.  I've been having good stretches, and some awful waves also.  I felt horrid two nights ago, so kept reassuring myself that the symptoms were signs of healing.  Sure enough, I woke to my best window the next day.  Sadly it closed, and I'm back to feeling sick and crazy today .  Hang in there. WR

 

Yeah doing a bit better now, but it was an awful day, aching all over, fatigue, numb, depression.. etc

When not in waves Im doing ok, not where I want to be but functional and able to live life to a degree. It's hard having to get knocked down over and over.

Well almost 20.5 and still in this wave.. longest wave I've had in a long time. I did have a few windows yesterday finally for a few hours and even my first 100% window as far as I could tell. It only lasted an hour but it was like a switch, everything was gone. Disappointing to feel so awful again this morning :/

 

 

I woke up at 4 this morning with high anxiety and muscle pains, tinnitus is also howling after being softer for a few weeks, mood is also low and I have the old "I cant do this anymore feeling" this is after about 15 months off, I am starting to forget how I felt pre benzo. I seem to remember springing out of bed full of life and ready to do battle for how ever long it took.

 

 

2trusting

I woke up at 4 this morning with high anxiety and muscle pains, tinnitus is also howling after being softer for a few weeks, mood is also low and I have the old "I cant do this anymore feeling" this is after about 15 months off, I am starting to forget how I felt pre benzo. I seem to remember springing out of bed full of life and ready to do battle for how ever long it took.

 

 

2trusting

 

I feel ya.. I've been having a resurgence of that the past couple weeks.  4am wakes,  anxiety, pain, all of that. It's been pushing me to the limit. I've had depression every other day, mostly due to the suffering I think.

 

I’m almost 12 months off, although I’m not as far off as you, I’m far off enough to be well and truely sick of this. I’m back in a bad wave too, although I only had a few days off feeling slightly better. I drag myself out of bed every morning like I was 100 years old ( I’m 38). My goodness I remember myself pre benzos where I would leap out of bed eager to tackle the million and one things I had to do, now it’s like if I need to pick up some milk from the local shop, it’s too much. I really miss my old energy.

I’m almost 12 months off, although I’m not as far off as you, I’m far off enough to be well and truely sick of this. I’m back in a bad wave too, although I only had a few days off feeling slightly better. I drag myself out of bed every morning like I was 100 years old ( I’m 38). My goodness I remember myself pre benzos where I would leap out of bed eager to tackle the million and one things I had to do, now it’s like if I need to pick up some milk from the local shop, it’s too much. I really miss my old energy.

 

Yeah fatigue has hit me hard lately, on top of all the other stuff. Was doing 100 mile bike rides before this wd now 10 is a victory. As much I hear 2 years I still thought it would be easier now than it is. Something has to change soon surely :/

Hey guys.

Well I’m starting month 23 and I had a pretty good window last weekend that lasted 3 days. My first window in 4.5 months. Well unfortunately last Tuesday morning it all ended and I have been thrown back through the gates to hell. Everything came roaring back. I am in a deep black depression with severe anxiety and fear DP/DR head pressure and whole body tingling and some Brain zaps. I to thought I was turning a corner because the window was that good. Each day better than the last. What a horrible cruel joke. Sorry for your setbacks guys. I don’t know where we find the strength to keep going but I guess there’s only one way to recovery and that is to keep going.

I don't have any personal stories. But, from what I've read, people often have a couple bad waves before they are done. So hopefully recovery is just around the corner.

Klungo I'm in a bad wave too. I was doing great and went into non-functional mode for the past month. Remember healing isn't linear. I have to keep reminding myself of this. Its like 2 steps forward 1 step back 3 steps forward 4 steps back.......

 

You are healing even if it doesn't feel that way. Keep going. You are near the finish

Klungo I'm in a bad wave too. I was doing great and went into non-functional mode for the past month. Remember healing isn't linear. I have to keep reminding myself of this. Its like 2 steps forward 1 step back 3 steps forward 4 steps back.......

 

You are healing even if it doesn't feel that way. Keep going. You are near the finish

 

Thanks Linnie

Yesterday was horrendous and this morning. Afternoon has been better at least. Trying to hold on through this wave.

 

Hang in there klungo. I’m in a very bad wave now as well. It started tues morning and has only gotten worse. I was totally bed ridden yesterday. Today is a little better. I went outside for a while but now I’m back in my pajamas and curled up in mental agony in the easy chair. All after having such a good window last weekend. I thought it was over. NOT!!!!

Usually after a bad wave I feel better than I did before it. Maybe it's just a sign of healing...I dunno

Usually after a bad wave I feel better than I did before it. Maybe it's just a sign of healing...I dunno

l hope so and thank you for the encouragement.

Funny how near the finish sounds like tomorrow, but it could be 100+ days (3 months sounds so easy right? ).. I know if I knew I had a few months of this 21 months ago I would have said no problem. After doing it for 620 days though it's hard to keep fighting sometimes.

 

I am thankful to be near the finish though, however that shakes out.

 

Hope everyone has better days this week..

 

https://imgur.com/Sm9tCyE

 

This graph gives you an idea what's been happening the last week especially, that big peak, but the last few weeks in general. I had some really good windows in the days before the last 10-11 though. All waves have to end, and if it plays out like previous ones, it will drop again soon.. *hope*

Hey Klungo, glad to see you are still here and fighting. Sorry to hear you are still having bad waves and symptoms. I have been doing a lot better, but still dealing with insomnia and other random physical things. I'm a month behind you as always, and totally hear you about feeling weary. The path to healing sure is a long one.

Hey Klungo, glad to see you are still here and fighting. Sorry to hear you are still having bad waves and symptoms. I have been doing a lot better, but still dealing with insomnia and other random physical things. I'm a month behind you as always, and totally hear you about feeling weary. The path to healing sure is a long one.

 

After a 10-11 day wave, not all torture, but pretty rough, today was really good, feeling healed at times.. I am hoping I kicked up the baseline a bit.. I'll see how tomorrow goes!

 

Yes it's insanely long and frustrating, painful, horrible.. but we are close to 2 years.. there are few who don't feel good by then.. we got this Tee!

I had a good week in the middle but this last week has thrown me into the worst wave in months. It's acute like and I feel terrible. It's even worse than when I posted this originally. I am struggling really badly. 4am wakes, to intense nerve pain / body pain for hours, nausea, feeling unwell. I can barely function at times. It's the worst nerve pain since October last year.

 

Hi Klungo  ( My Twinnie )

 

I'm still having exactly the same symptoms that you mention. Last night was the worst ever . I was lucky to get two hours sleep. The 'Mad Hatter Tea Party ' went on all night. The White Rabbit legs were exceptionally nasty.

 

I am putting my hopes in the fact that we may well be at the end of the struggle . Our experience seems to be a common one and there are many reports of healing at around the two year mark.

 

Keep the faith. We have come to this point in time and we can and will make it to the end. 

 

Hi Klungo  ( My Twinnie )

 

I'm still having exactly the same symptoms that you mention. Last night was the worst ever . I was lucky to get two hours sleep. The 'Mad Hatter Tea Party ' went on all night. The White Rabbit legs were exceptionally nasty.

 

I am putting my hopes in the fact that we may well be at the end of the struggle . Our experience seems to be a common one and there are many reports of healing at around the two year mark.

 

Keep the faith. We have come to this point in time and we can and will make it to the end. 

 

 

Thanks brave rabbit. I've cried more this past month than in a while. I am really trying to hold on and push to 24 months. There does seem to be a lot of people who had rough waves around 20/21 months, so that makes me feel a little better. The swing in extremes is so hard. .you start to feel good then feel the opposite and like dying again..