Not much more to lose—need insight

Im really really struggling. I am six months off clonazepam today. (Jumped on nov 24, 2017). Before that. From June  2017 to sept 2017 I got off seroquel Zoloft vyvanse and remeron. Classic story of being poly-drugged and I take accountability as I agreed to the meds and used them to ignore anxiety or use the tools I had at my disposal.

As I’m on the 6 month one day mark I have been feeling worse over the last 3-5 weeks (coincidence that this co-relates to starting work but only 6 hours a week). I feel awfu. I cannot sleep well. The fatigue is crippling. I’ve lost a lot and going to

Lose more. Likely custody of my kids. More friends. Maybe even my job but above all myself. I just don’t understand why this is getting worse and not better. I need you benso buddies to share with me your stories of your loss and maybe how you have won. I need you to be vulnerable here so I can too as I don’t know where else to go. I need your hope. Did you heal? What did it take besides time? Because I feel that time is now at a standstill and the more time it takes to heal, the worse the damage will be for me socially. And physically as I am barely able to take care of myself. (Don’t worry, I don’t have the kids when like this). If you were unable to take care of yourself, what were your options if friends and family wasn’t part of the options? I am getting my thyroid checked and other blood work done so please don’t tell me to do that. (How I pray that this is a thyroid issue). I do also try to believe that I will heal but it’s hard when I can barely take care of myself or my affairs. And I try to be compassionate with myself but I cannot

Lead this existence of a couch potato. I used to be lucky. I used to have talents and interests. I used to help others. I am whittled down to a shell of a body who can barely eat and sleep. Doing more than that is nearly impossible. Have you been there and done that? What did you do? Should I check myself into a hospital or just go live in the woods and let time and nature really be in charge of my destiny. My drs are now suggesting meds again. I didn’t run this 40 km marathon to throw in the towel before the last 2km are left. I keep searching for answers. I keep on having hope to have a good day but it’s so downhill. Im sorry I’m being a negative nelly. I feel safe here though to express myself and not to fear to have the men with white coats come and get me. I hope to hear from you. I hope some of you are having a good day today.

i would spend more time reading the success story page - you will see many stories of people who lost just about everything but came back and are doing better than ever.  i spent days and days reading those success stories - looking for common themes and built my own approach to recovery.

here is a link to mine - its an example of an extreme case - with much loss - and an amazing recovery with putting the right tools in place

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=194324.0