I am scared today I will never heal

Today is a bad day for me and I really need some support and words of encouragement

 

My irrational fears are of the charts and I am convinced I will have a seizure because my brain is so messed up. I was what I thought was healed for five months and then two months ago this wave from hell which I can see was brought on by very bad stress has taken over my life and left me housebound once again. I keep hearing that the last wave before you heal totally is the worst but I thought I was healed. Why do I believe these obsessive irrational thoughts, why do they feel so real and do they ever go away?

 

Please help me believe I'll get better I'm at 13 months out and months 6-11 I truly thought I was healed I just want to know I'll get back to feeling that good again 

I felt similar month 12-16. most symptoms left. not super happy mode, live problems, but no crazy waves. then it came back out of nowhere.

I think we need to learn to push through them. you had this before. you came out of this before.  ....I know its hard. distract as much as you can, it will pass

Hi Songbird, I am earlier than you as to progress but I am in the same spot, after a good window I am stuck in a 3 week wave, it's only been getting worse. Stay strong and make it through to the window, many of us get tested past the first year and make it out by the end of the second one. Look for a success story by Lostdog, it's truly everything. I have it as my link to come to the board to remind me of it and give me faith I will make it through.

i guess - at the very least - you should be able to reassure yourself that a seizure is really not possible - you've had no meds in your system for 13 months.  i actually did have seizures in my first 8 weeks off a cold turkey of high doses of valium given for spine surgery and i am still here - 48 weeks later to talk about it. 

 

your state of mind is so key to getting through waves quickly.  the more you believe you are not healing - the less capable your brain is of healing.  its the reverse of the placebo effect.  let's remember how strong the brain is - it has beaten actual opioids in clinical trials.  that is one powerful organ.  if - conversely - your brain is dwelling on the message that you cannot heal - you will heal much more slowly......  your brain has gotten through the majority of healing - the neurotransmitter receptors are back up and running but some other part of the brain is going through a remodel - don't give it any power.  do your best to stay distracted and you will get back to where you were before and better

Song,

Hope you feel better soon...

Hi Songbird:

 

What a nice name! Every morning, especially during good weather, I go to my patio to watch the birds and hear them sing. There is a forest behind so I hear a lot of bird singing and it actually relaxes me. Many times I have wished to be one and be free and fly and escape the torture that we go through benzo withdrawal. I actually imagine myself flying, feeling the breeze, closer to God. I can feel your pain. I am going through a wave after a good window. I handled my others waves and survived. Let's hope that we can get through this with faith, hope, and love.

 

I would like to share this song by one of my favorites artists Eva Cassidy, the name is "Songbird"

 

Hugs

 

Oops, I forgot the link (my lack of sleep)

 

 

Hope you like it!

Dont expect things... because its not happening how you iealize it, it is worsing your symptoms and anxiety...

 

Just accept it and live with it until its gone, taking any time it needs...

 

You dont have any power in defining the time your body and brain needs. So take it easy and dont worse it...

 

I think it is the best I can say...

 

Im around month 22 and I still have some days that are not good. But I just accept it... it takes the time it needs... 

 

 

Hi Songbird,

 

I remember you from way back. I was better too for months I had my life back and some really bad stress also put me in a wave and I've been housebound for a month. Trust me, I have the same fears as you. Is this something else? Will I ever heal etc.. Just know that it happens to many of us. Its cruel and hits you when you least expect it. Try to use this time to do something that takes your mind off things. For me I started reading the Bible and it helped me find some peace. I'm still not better , but we will be .

How long after the stress event did it take to hit you? -sudden or gradual??, pls..

 

Waves are a normal part of the recovery process...so try not to fear them, maybe instead mark each one as a step closer to complete healing.

 

Waves come from stress...emotional or physical, positive or negative...stress twangs the central nervous system. Your body is still healing through this time, it’s simply not up to handling much stress.

 

If you read my signature, I was on and off benzodiazepines for 30+ years. Today, at 67 years old, my life is normal and good again. For a long time I could barely force myself to get off the couch, go out of the house, drive a car or, God forbid, socialize.  These things returned bit by bit and got easier and easier as time went by.

 

It will happen for you this way, too.  I know it’s scary right now, I was also scared...first scared for my body, then scared for my mind.  But our bodies and minds know how to heal, we just have to give them time.

 

Acceptance was key for me. 

That’s my best advice to you.

 

You are all angels, thank you so much for the kind and lovely and reassuring replies it means the world to me. Honestly this wave came on gradually and then hit me all at once, dealing with a lawsuit and then my sister getting extremely ill. She is getting checked for cancer next week and my whole world feels like it's falling apart. Trying to heal right now while going through this with her is the hardest part. I have now spoken to a lot of people who said they too felt healed and then stress put them back into a bad wave.

 

I'm hoping and praying that maybe this is the last push I need toward total healing. My self esteem is in the trash right now, I really feel worthless right now, just lazy and gross but I can't physically do much. I am 25 I just want my life back. I am trying really hard today to stay positive and I know it eventually has to end. No disease has these symptoms that I am experiencing mentally and I never had these crazy symptoms before withdrawal, they all left once before and I was overjoyed so I am trying to tell myself logically they have to leave again. I love you all thank you so much for the kindness you have shown me

Keep us updated on your progress and prayers for your sister. Hope she gets better soon!