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Is there hope? Cold turkeys.


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Any cold turkeys out there feel some kind of relief after a few months? I’m 3 and a half months away from taking my last dose of X. As you can tell I feel like a living hell and i’m just wondering if anyone  felt their symptoms ease up a little in the process. Seriously if I can ease up a tad bit i’d feel so much more determined to continue this crap but i’m not. Anyone with nasty head sensations have those feelings go away? I just find it hard to believe this all goes away in time. I’m having hard time making eye contact is this normal too?
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It does go away with time, but you will need a lot of time.  Be prepared for it, and be patient, you will get better.  You're 3.5 months out, so it's still early.  When I was at that stage, I was barely coming out of acute.  I had all kind of symptoms, including head pressure, feelings of crown being stuck on my head and pressing hard against my temples, brain zaps, and so on just to name a few.  Eye contact was impossible, I avoided social situations as much as I could.  I'm 12 months out now since I C/T'd and most of this stuff has resolved.  Hang in there, you will make it.
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Thanks ginger127. When would you say you got a break after you ct? Literally every second everyday I feel so bad. I just want one breather :/. I have these feelings in my brain that feels like my brain is ripping apart. It feels like wires are inside my brain and when I turn my head I can feel them tugging. I’m also feeling things going on in my throat like things moving when I move my shoulders. Feels like my symptoms get worse when I make contact with my neck and shoulders. Feels so strange
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Thanks ginger127. When would you say you got a break after you ct? Literally every second everyday I feel so bad. I just want one breather :/. I have these feelings in my brain that feels like my brain is ripping apart. It feels like wires are inside my brain and when I turn my head I can feel them tugging. I’m also feeling things going on in my throat like things moving when I move my shoulders. Feels like my symptoms get worse when I make contact with my neck and shoulders. Feels so strange

 

What you're feeling may be strange, but it's 'normal' in benzo withdrawal, if we can put it that way.  I had horrible body weakness, lack of body coordination, muscles in my throat were collapsing, I felt like my brain was on fire and going to jump out of my skull, I had deep burning body pain, and much more.  The good news is it will pass.  The bad news is you have to go through it first.  Healing hurts, keep that in mind.  My breaks started to come at about 6-7 months out.  They were very subtle, some relief here and there, and though the improvement was slow, it was steady.  The more time you get under your belt, the better you will feel.  You will need to identify your triggers and avoid them to facilitate your healing.  For me, it's social situations, refined sugar, caffeine, and alcohol, I avoid them at all costs for now.  Also, try to avoid stress as much as you can, and avoid toxic/negative people, they can really drag you down when you need to heal.  You will get better with time, I know it's no consolation at the moment, but it will come.  I know what you mean when you say you literally feel bad every second everyday.  Distract, meditate, pace, look at the window outside, whatever takes your mind off your withdrawal, the time will start passing faster.  You will heal.     

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Of course, there is hope, friend.

 

I know what you feel. Even if you have heard this several times, you need to hear it once again, because the benzo hell continuously makes us think it isn't true. But it is. We all heal. Hold on.

 

Don't think the glass isn't full yet. Think rather than the glass is fuller each day. So many months of waiting is a great achievement. If you aren't close, and we don't know if you are, it is certain than you are closer than you were three months ago. And each day you're closer.

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ginger127

      I hope at 6 or 7 months I will make a slight change too. I’m trying so hard to eat good and stay away from things with empty calories. I noticed my sleeping is better but I still wake up feeling bad even with 5+hours of sleep. I just don’t want to lose my family in this process.

 

CuriousGuy

      Thanks for the encouragement. The one thing that is rough on me is explaining to family and friends. I feel like I am gonna lose everything eventually and if I do I don’t know how I can keep pushing. This is something I can’t just suck up and move on with my daily activities. No! I am crippled in bed with my family thinking I am faking it when everyday I feel like i’m making progress even though I don’t feel like I am. So discouraging.

 

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It's just hard to say given the vast number of variables. For me it was exceedingly difficult 3 mo. out but then 5 mo. was getting worse yet - and so on. But my experience may not be quite so common given the rather high dosage I had detoxed from. So people seem to recover in a matter  of a few mo. whilst others, at least 1 yr., perhaps 2. I expected it to go at least 18 mo. - indeed, no "windows" as yet. Has been a freaking nightmare. I would guess more the exception than the rule. The one advise I always pass on is avoid stress like the plague.
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After the first two months, things started to get a little better for me. I stayed at rehab for 21 days and then came home. After a month I went to another facility to take CBT classes and it helped. I did not tell but two people what I am going through, and they do not have a clue nor believe it. So What! I do not care about that. I just told everybody not to bother me because I am on a leave of absence. When someone calls with some crap I tell them to get with me next year. I try to eat healthy, no caffeine, sweets, MSG or gluten if I can help it. Other than the meds I was taking before detox, I take nothing else.

 

I stay away from stress even at the expense of losing friends. I have to concentrate on me now and what I need to do to get well. I hope you feel better soon and prayers sent your way.

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preachergirl

        I think that is my problem because I always feel like I have to interact with people when really I don’t. I don’t want to lose my family and wife which is why I throw myself in the crossfire. Immediately after I interact with people I cry and my head is 100 times worse. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. But ultimately this is about my well being and people should understand if they truly care about me. I’m just so alone with this and it brings up more depression and saddness. Everyday I have to read a success story to keep me from being negative and thinkly darkly. I am sleeping more and this is the only reason why i’m thinking something kinda good is coming along. thanks preachergirl.

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Sorry to hear you all find difficult interacting with people.

 

My case is exactly the opposite. I want to escape myself as much as possible. I have a tendency to rationalize everything, and can't stop thinking about my symptoms, possibilities, etc. Friends do not make me feel better, but at least they make me escape my own mind for a while.

 

Lizardking,

 

I know what you mean! My mother doesn't believe at all when I tell her I am still suffering because of these pills. The fact that those around us cannot understand our difficulties, even as they try to help us, is one of the most disheartening.   

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I totally understand the fear of losing people because of this but ironically I think there are some important lessons in benzo wd, one being self care/love, we are essentially alone in this even if we have support, noone can truly understand what we endure 24/7, try to be your best own best friend, accept what is happening and that you cannot control it, it's not easy to do but with it comes some peace, I managed this around month 4/5.  Your priority has to be you, you are in survival mode so be nice to yourself, minimum stress! And it does get easier, I'm coming up to month 10 from a CT which pretty much sent me into psychosis, I don't have windows but symptoms have definitely improved since month 3, no question. Just need to hold on buddie, healing hurts but it's happening
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Hopefulinhell

        When you cold turkyd you were in phychosis? did it go away or stick with you?. No windows here too hopefulinhell. Just pure torture dwelling down on me everyday. I’m getting there with accepting what is happening to me but it’s just taking time. I feel as if i’m always going to be withdrawaling and I will never feel better. I don’t know why I am having this mentality but my mind is always denying that healing will come. It’s so hard to think positive when the negative is happening at full effect. Dr/ and D/P are kicking in so hard too and i’ve never had them bad but now it has creeped in. I am new to this and wondering how to deal with it.

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After my CT the Dr in the rehab facility prescribed me anti psychotics.  Withdrawal just smacked me in the face, I had cold turkeyed and kindled a lot prior, but this was something else and I was probably an extreme case as a result! All my senses were massively altered, I was hallucinating giant birds flying at me, constant vibrations and pain in my head, dp/dr, etc the works basically. I was in a world of pain and absolutely terrified but it became less severe within a couple of months and has continued to gradually get more bearable (I seem to be healing in a more linear fashion, not the windows and waves pattern many get- though there are waves within the waves) I can empathise completely with the fear of never healing and this is our withdrawal brains doing their work, however I now have evidence of healing as I am in a far better place than I was, any day I don't see an eagle flying at me is a good day (they must have thought I was nuts  :D ) Your mind will naturally dwell on the not healing outcome but please try to counteract this by reading success stories and trusting people who have made it to the other side, hang in there, it is truly brutal but so many survivors say we become better versions of ourselves when this is over and life is beautiful, that helps me to keep fighting! Hugs, I remember where you are, it will pass!
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I am 9 months out and I feel like I am completely set back.My symptoms are nightmarish my mind is frazzled Non stop contemplating on every move I make. There has been windows but brief. The tinnitus chimes with my sizzling nerves. My wife understands but is wearing thin especially since my brutal ski accident. I have to work but that entails me going into peoples houses for sales in insurance lol which is straight out of a acid trip in this condition.I was bedridden 2 months on PK now I’m mobile expected to work. My hands and body shaking doesn’t help. My body trembles from my injury my whole body is weak from being bedridden and leg immobilized for 3 months. DISTRACTION I find to be helpful but it seems hard to achieve. Driving can work but be careful I have found to drift off in my non stop mind games.I am new to posting but have been reading B.B.  since my first day out of detox
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hopefulinhell

          You are brave hopefulinhell. I seriously hate this feeing of being in a plastic/fake world. I was already paranoid and this D/R is making me feel so lost. I am absolutely not good at controlling hallucinating feelings. I can best describe this feeing as a bad marijuana trip. I know marijuana is not crazy for most people but when I used to try and smoke weed, it through me into paranoia. It seriously feels like I smoked weed. It’s a constant high that wont wear off. I’m so scared. I can’t picture me even trying to deal with flying birds when i’m already tripping hard. lol. I’m just so drained from trying to keep my brain focus and not letting it slip into pure paranoia. So hard but I trust you and will keep pushing.

 

PhoenixRisingUT

        I can’t drive my perception is so off and I wouldn’t risk injuring someone. I tend to lock my focus on the tv so i’m not focusing on the room looking weird and spinny. It’s absolutely mentally draining. :/ I used to play guitar and used to be good at it but now my hands wont even grasp the neck of it. 5 months ago everything was perfect and I loved life. how times change:(

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SOYA sitting on your ass is not the thing to do. It is still painful for me to go through the process of living life. I have three kids one graduating next week from HS. Everybody wants to crawl up in a ball and just weep. Get to the gym, walk the dog go to a park in the sunshine and warmth. I have to tell myself every day to do these things. The Gym was robbed from me the last 3 months with my injury. Now I'm giving the go-ahead to use a stationary bike. I am just learning to greet my symptoms say it will be alright. I was at a meeting on the 18th floor, the floor kinda shaking I thought its just me vibrating with my tinnitus again until my partner says to you feel that, I laughed inside yeah I do,: :) along with everything else in this acid trip gone bad. Its been 9 months and I'm ready to heal!!!
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Hi,

 

After 4 months since my accidental CT I'm feeling worse.  Especially with the physical symptoms such as twitching everywhere (legs, face), pain in legs, and jerking.  I had none of this pre-CT.

 

I'm considering reinstating to do a slow taper to keep my body from further damage. 

 

I feel the CT has increase my chances for Protracted now.  Any advice?

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the whole experience is a nightmare :o. I want the old me. As I reflect what this monstrous drug has robbed me of, my wife my family and was on course to destroy me. So maybe the new me will be better if I only can beat these symptoms. I feel your pain!!! By the way what ticker do you use to track the progress we are making?
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What you described is all very normal for this. This site used to have several good articles about the causes of withdrawal symptoms. I dont visit here muc now, but I am sure someone else knows what is current on this. Reading those articles helped me very much. It gave me a basic understanding of WHY I had all those weird symptoms. Knowing this stuff helps ease your mind so you wont panic when weird stuff happens.

 

I wasnt one of the lucky ones who had windows early on. Might be because of the huge doses of K I was on plus Ambian plus antidepressants PLUS going CT. But after about a year, maybe a bit more, I did start to feel slightly better. Each person is going to be different in how long it takes and you cannot judge your own progress by anyone elses. You have to try to keep in mind all the time that this does take time, and everyone is different. But in the end, I do believe that we all recover, IF we let that happen. Some people do not let it happen and end up feeling sorry for themselves and perhaps even enjoy feeling miserable. Dont let that happen to you. It doesnt have to.

Annie

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