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Today I am free from benzos and anti depressants!


[nl...]

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Hi guys, I just wanted to share a little bit of my story. I was physically dependent on benzos for approximately 15 years. Started taking klonopin, then doc prescribed xanax and finally valium which was the one that saved me and was easiest to taper from.I didn't think I would ever break free and get my life back. I was always afraid I would go to jail or be trapped somewhere and have to quit benzos cold turkey. That scared the living $%#@ out of me. Well when I turned 30 a few years ago (34 now) I began to feel like I needed to get on the ball with tapering and really try to break free once and for all, because I had tried so many times previously with no success. In past attempts I tapered fast or done it wrong and ended up having a horrible anxiety attack and right back on benzos again. So this time I am determined and fed up. I was working at a great job and was tired of taking off work to go see my Dr as well. I knew this time I had to be patient even tho I wanted off benzos the day before yesterday. I was at 2 valium a day at the time. Before that I was taking around 4 to 6 Xanax a day so I actually tapered down to 20mg valium at that point. I started cutting my dose at quarter intervals. It was easier to make bigger reductions at 20mg and  took about 9 days to 14 days sometimes less to feel good after reducing my dose.  There were alot of times I had anxiety and depression. Reading horror stories online honestly made me feel like it was going to be worse then it was and I scared myself but I was determined and PATIENT. Patience is the key word with a benzo taper. So about 2 months or so I got down to 1 10 mg valium a day. I was proud to be at that point and I had been withdrawing alot getting there so I decided to wait a few weeks at that dose. I wanted to feel good and stable for a few days instead of constantly wd  threw the hole process. So my next reduction I tried to reduce by a quarter and that was too hard so I started reducing by an eigth at a time. I knew I had to be patient and do this right because rushing had always wasted my time. Like I said I felt proud and alot more comfortable being at 1 valium a day and I really truly wanted to finally break free after 14 years. I couldn't imagine what total sobriety would be like anymore. I was apprehensive still and still thought I wouldn't be able to really pull it off because I had tried before. Anyway I was patient from that point and would cut down 1 quarter approximately every month. I wanted to allow my brain time to create gaba  on its own again and I knew from research that it takes time for the brain to heal. So every month give or take I kept reducing until I reached a half of a valium. This part was probably the hardest. Most of it is in your head I think because this is where your close to completely letting go. I allowed myself alot of time to taper off of the last half. I took more time tapering from that half then any part of my taper. Finally it got to the point where I was taking a quarter then half of a quarter. Then half of a quarter every other day then every other few days until FINALLY I realised I was off benzos. A few weeks had passed and I no longer felt any significant wd  and I was FREE!! Omg it's emotional to write this and I'm so proud. I feel so awesome and energetic. My sex life is back, I'm not paranoid with anxiety like I was on benzos.  (That's strange huh?) My memory however is gradually coming back...not quit 100 present yet and it has been 1 year since I took a benzo. I feel like a million bucks most of the time and I'm so thankful. I'm thankful for this website because a few people who were in my shoes encouraged me and I read your guys stories. It helped alot. I just want someone to know who may be in the same shoes I was in. There is hope and there is life again.  You will be happy again. You will feel so good and happy you will want to run and jump and scream( sobriety is amazing) because my friends. We were prisoners enslaved to benzos. It's a real prison and it's scary but please friends. Keep the faith and have hope. Be patient and stay determined and before you know it you will be living your life free. I still have a bottle of valium in my dressor. I think I keep it to remind me where I cam from and what I have accomplished. I also want to add, i was so dependant on benzos and scared that i kept a valium in my pocket everywhere i went or the bottle. I couldnt go to the store without having a valium in my pocket. I was afraid i would have a seizure or panic attack and not have mt meds so i literally had one on standby 24/7. When I drove I kept a valium in my lap!  Its crazy i know but i wanted you to know how strongly i was dependant. Now tho all i carry is confidence and joy. If I can answer any questions or anything let me know. Later guys and thanks for reading my story.
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Thank you so much nip123......a great success story and I was a little down so it helped lift my spirits.  I know it will a lot of other people's too.  You hung in there through some rough times and came through the other side.  Wonderful!!
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Huge CONGRATULATIONS nlp!!!

 

Thank you for coming back to post your victory.  Your story adds to my confidence that it really is possible.  I’m so happy to hear that you have your life back in full color.  Your story is going to help others too, those of us still in different stages of it.  Very cool you found the right benzo to withdraw from!  Thank you again for sharing your story. 

 

Uni

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Hello nip123,

I feel so identified with your past fears of not having your meds with you and suffering of an unwanted cold turkey...I was once in a foreign country with my wife, and she had to return home unexpectedly, and took MY BAG where I kept my Xanax to fly her back home. I stood alone, suffering so much, until she returned 3 days later...That situation gave me the true perspective of how sick and weak and dependant I was.

That's when I decided to to take control of the situation and withdraw under my rules, needs and possibilities.

 

Thanks for sharing your success story. It gives me courage to continue...

It's great for you that you are free now from benzos. Congratulations!!!!

All my best.

 

 

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congratulations, nlp!

so happy for you.

can you please share if you had problems with insomnia and how you overcame it?

Would like to know if you are sleeping well now.

thanks so much!

 

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Awesome story! Thanks so much for writing it. I'm 38 and have only been on Valium for about 3 years, but I know the feeling of having some of the best years of your life stolen by these little poison pills. To come off of them after 15 years is nothing short of amazing. I know you didn't go into your antidepressant story too much but we all know what an ordeal that is too. Sounds like you have been through a pretty arduous journey till now, but you've got your whole life ahead of you and fortunately you're still so young. You really hit a good point on how hopelessly dependent we become on these pills. It feels like a ball and chain that prevents me from going anywhere or doing anything fun. Congrats on making it this far!  :thumbsup:
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Hey guys it's crazy. I was thinking about my life today and remember thinking when I was on valium that it would be so awesome to one day share my success story on here because i used to read other peoples stories. It truly felt like an elusive dream at the time. Yea i was on celexa as well. It was rough having brain shocks and all the stuff that goes with it but not as hard as valium or other benzos. Far as insomnia goes. YES!! Failed to mention everything there's alot of details but I would say the first 2 months off benzos I couldn't sleep more then 2 or 3 hours a night if that much but I felt good and it was tolerable. A couple months in I started being able to sleep more normal like I used to. I just had so much energy. It was like I woke up from a coma. There are minor things that I still deal with such as memory problems but it's definitely worth it.
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[67...]

CONGRATULATIONS! Such a hopeful story! You should feel very proud. Thank you for coming back to encourage us. I appreciate the detail you go into when describing your taper - you certainly took a sensible approach.

 

I, too, withdrew from Celexa, and I found it horrible (though not as rough as Ativan...).

 

Cherish each moment of the rest of your life, your hard-earned wisdom and joy!

 

♥ Lara

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Thanks so much for sharing your story. I just reached 11 months off my benzo and antidepressant and reading where you are after a year is so encouraging.

 

Going to the pharmacy used to give me so much anxiety. I took them every day as directed and was always petrified I'd be mistaken for a drug-seeker; I was obsessed with the "proper" time to refill, even though I never needed to do so early. I'm so relieved I don't have to worry about that stuff ALL. THE. TIME. anymore! We are FREE!

 

BEST wishes to you!  :smitten:

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thank you and congratulations! If I could ask.. how long was your total taper off valium?

 

so happy for you that you are free and well again ,

miyu

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I don't know how long it was precisely but it was approximately 2 years maybe 2 1/2 years. I took my time and really tried to beat this once and for all and that's what finally done it. I could have tapered faster but it would have been alot harder given I had a job and family to take care of so I needed to be stable and able physically and mentally.
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thank you and congratulations! If I could ask.. how long was your total taper off valium?

 

so happy for you that you are free and well again ,

miyu

 

Following

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It took about 2 1/2 years approximately. I took alot of time to do it right. It takes a while to allow the brain to heal. If I would have tapered faster I would have ended up having a bad anxiety attack and end up taking them again. Thats actually what happened all 40 times that i previysly attempted to quit. We have to give our brains time to create gaba on its own again instead of benzos doing it.
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What antidepressant were you on and how did you taper and when?  At the same time as the benzo?  I'd love to hear about your experience with getting off of both.
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I was on Celexa 40 mg for about 4 or 5 years. I was still on anti depressants when I quit benzos. I actually just got off anti depressants a couple months ago
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Were you in Benzo Withdrawal while tapering Celexa?  What was it like?  I’m in my 5th month off of benzos and tapering Cymbalta.  It’s very rough and will take so very long.  It’s good to read your story and see that you were able to get off of both. 
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Huge congratulations! I imagine you started taking the first benzo as a teenager and I hope you don't mind that I ask, I'm a mother of teenagers one of whom is going through an anxiety phase, but why did you start, was it prescribed by a doctor?
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I definitely started as a team. I was just a kid who thought he was doing right by taking medicine the doctor told me woyld be good for me and help me. I had bad anxiety as a team. My mom took me to do and he started me on klonopin. I had no clue what it was then because at that time all you heard about was valium and Xanax. One day I decided that I didn't want to take them anymore and that was a very horrific day. Obviously I ended back on benzos. It's messed up! The doctor never once told me that klonopin would cause physical dependence. That's how they get around it. They tell you it's not addictive yet fail to mention physical dependency which is just as bad.
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I definitely started as a team. I was just a kid who thought he was doing right by taking medicine the doctor told me woyld be good for me and help me. I had bad anxiety as a team. My mom took me to do and he started me on klonopin. I had no clue what it was then because at that time all you heard about was valium and Xanax. One day I decided that I didn't want to take them anymore and that was a very horrific day. Obviously I ended back on benzos. It's messed up! The doctor never once told me that klonopin would cause physical dependence. That's how they get around it. They tell you it's not addictive yet fail to mention physical dependency which is just as bad.

 

I'm sorry nlp123, it makes me so angry to hear stories like yours about trusting kids and parents trying to do their best, all being fooled by the medical establishment. It's sad and I'm glad it ended well. All the best to you :smitten:

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nlp, Were you in benzo withdrawal while tapering Celexa?  What was it like?  I’m in my 5th month off of benzos and tapering Cymbalta.  It’s very rough and will take so very long.  It’s good to read your story and see that you were able to get off of both. I hope you are continuing to feel well!
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Hey sorry for the delay. No I tapered Celexa after I got off valium. Doctors also lie about antidepressants telling people that they're not habit forming or addictive. Once again most fail to mention our bodies will begin to physically depend and need that pill to function correctly. Celexa withdrawal was hard. I had like electric shocks in my head, severe depression, anxiety, head ache, nervousness and rapid heart beat and nausea to name the basics. I tapered over time until I was taking a tiny piece every 3 or 4 days. Eventually it got to the point where I forgot to take that little piece for a week or so at a time and I was off. It's hard for sure especially Celexa because of the short half life. With anything in my opinion it is always easier to quit a medication when it has a long half life. That's how I quit benzos, by switching to longer half life but I managed to taper off Celexa and it was extremely hard as well. Celexa killed my sex drive also and mad me a zombie. I don't know why they think that is a fix for depression. Congrats on deciding to taper, I wish you success. Just take your time and you'll get there.
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Hey sorry for the delay. No I tapered Celexa after I got off valium. Doctors also lie about antidepressants telling people that they're not habit forming or addictive. Once again most fail to mention our bodies will begin to physically depend and need that pill to function correctly. Celexa withdrawal was hard. I had like electric shocks in my head, severe depression, anxiety, head ache, nervousness and rapid heart beat and nausea to name the basics. I tapered over time until I was taking a tiny piece every 3 or 4 days. Eventually it got to the point where I forgot to take that little piece for a week or so at a time and I was off. It's hard for sure especially Celexa because of the short half life. With anything in my opinion it is always easier to quit a medication when it has a long half life. That's how I quit benzos, by switching to longer half life but I managed to taper off Celexa and it was extremely hard as well. Celexa killed my sex drive also and mad me a zombie. I don't know why they think that is a fix for depression. Congrats on deciding to taper, I wish you success. Just take your time and you'll get there.

Thank you so much for responding!  How long did it take you to taper the Celexa and was it as difficult as tapering the benzo?  I'm wondering how you differentiated between benzo withdrawal symptoms vs AD withdrawal symptoms since it sounds like you were still in benzo withdrawal when you started your AD taper....but perhaps I misunderstood.

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It wasn't quit as hard tapering anti depressants. However it was misery. With benzos it was definitely more serious and I tapered longer. I would say it took 1 year of tapering until I quit completely. At the end I only took very small pieces like once a week. I was at a point where I had quit but I had to go to my grandma's funeral so I took a small piece because I was nervous and heart racing. I had extreme depression and still do. Electric shocks in my head, nausea and head ache. Benzos had me hallucinating, shaking, panic attacks, vomiting at times. Insomnia, headache. It's weird but I also couldn't look at pointy objects, I can't explain that . The major wd of benzos had been gone when I was tapering ad
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Wow nlp- congrats! You did it, you won! You are a hero! I think everyone who beats benzos is a hero.

So you did 0.25 mg per month once you got to 10 mg you said. I'm going abt that pace too. It's so slow and I still have sx's. Were you symptom-free during your V taper? Or still w/ sx's but more or less functional? You don't have to list out your sxs for me. Did sxs get better as you got lower? How did you maintain the patient mindset? Could use tips on this esp since there are still plenty of sx's.

Was there any particular thing you did that helped the most- like in terms of coping?

 

Thank you for posting and for answering my questions. I look forward to sharing my success story someday... Congrats again!!

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