Really need some advice

I was on .125mg Xanax at bedtime for 8-10 years. Increased two years ago to .25mg because I couldn’t sleep while staying with my son in the hospital. If I had known then what I know now, I would have gone without sleep until I got home. In January, my doctor office started calling in .5mg . I have no idea how it happened. So I would break them in half. The halves are not always equal, and I might take bigger halves for a few days in a row and then smaller. Maybe I took bigger ones in a row longer? Last Thursday I had a terrible panic attack following what I think was a double shot of regular cappuccino, and I never drink caffeine. And it may have been a prodrome to a migraine I got the next day. Or maybe I took a small half the night before? I took .5 to get it to go away and had a migraine the two days but no anxiety. It came back on Monday because I had a doctor appt. and improved a bit when it was over, but it did not go away and got worse over the last two days. I think it is the worrying and thinking about it that is making it worse and maybe prolonging it, and reading the boards has sent me into a total tail spin. I’m terrified. I can’t stop thinking about how bad this stuff is, and how angry I am they put me on it. I am freaking out about how bad it will be to get off. I have a chronically sick kid home I need to take care of, and I need to settle this down. Is there a way to start taking exactly .25mg and a tiny tiny bit of Valium so that I can get control and start taper?? My heart palpitations and heart rate are terrible, and I need to get this settled down soon. I’m afraid to take something during the day because I assume it could make things worse? Would it? Because I really need to function again. Please please help. I appreciate you all for reading this!

Hi Cat14,

I moved your post to withdrawal support since there's a bit more traffic here, and it sounds like that's what you need. I was never prescribed xanax, but I can certainly relate to the feelings of "if only I knew then what I know now". I think you are right that worrying about it can make it feel worse. I recommend reading only enough for you to make a good plan, then not taking on other people's stories until you are ready. You sound very motivated and that is what will help you get through this. Try to think about some relaxation strategies that have worked for you in the past. Yoga? Breathing exercises? Coloring books? I found those things helpful for keeping my mind off the taper.

 

Have you only ever taken the 0.5 mg once? If so, 0.25 mg is probably your stable dose. You may be experiencing tolerance withdrawal, which is when the same dose no longer works over time. I wouldnt worry about the pieces not being exactly the right size. Many people here have tapered directly from xanax, without adding or substituting valium. You may want to explore methods of making small reductions with the xanax, since for people that have taken benzodiazepines for more than a few months, a place to start tapering is to reduce your daily dose by 5-10% every 7-14 days. You can then adjust the taper depending on how you respond. It could be helpful to ask your doctor for the 0.25 mg prescription again (or 0.125 mg pills if those are available). The good news is that lots of people have gone down this path before you, often from much higher doses and recovered.

 

This is temporary!

Take care,

JKS

Thank you so much for responding! I am really having a bad day. Thinking maybe I need to go to the hospital. I haven’t been able to eat for a week because of terrible heartburn, which has caused no appetite. I have lost 7 pounds, which is a lot for me.  I haven’t been able to sleep in about a week as well. The worrying about it all is making me crazy. I spoke with my psychiatrist and he wants me to get control. He thinks my over thinking and freaking out is lot of the problem. I am worried it is all withdrawal. So I gave in a took 2.5 Valium this morning, and it gave me that weird thing where you fall asleep for a few minutes but then wake up but don’t really wake up and it keeps happening. I do feel that the panic I was having from the physical symptoms subsided but now I am having anxiety. I feel shaky on the inside, and I am beyond miserable. I can’t go on like this, or I will physically fall apart. I am extremely week. Spoke with doc again today and he wants me to take Xanax to even out. I don’t think I can start tapering like this. I am not strong enough. What should I do?

I agree that you shouldnt be thinking about tapering just yet- getting stable and getting a plan in place is a good idea. This problem didnt arise overnight, and it wont be fixed overnight either. In my experience, psychiatrists often want to add more medications. I caution against adding SSRIs, or other antidepressants in withdrawal. Adding a small amount of valium isnt a bad idea, I would try taking it at night to see if it helps with sleep, rather than during the day. I would be looking for a combination of xanax and valium that gets you to a place where you feel ready to taper. If you felt like you did before the panic attack would that be enough? 2.5 mg is approximately equivalent to 0.125 mg xanax. You could go up to 5 mg valium, and still be at the same total dose of benzo as when you took the 0.5 mg xanax. I'm just thinking out loud here, I dont know what the right way is. I wouldnt want to go much higher than that as it leaves you much more to taper off. Another avenue would be to explore non-medicinal supports that you could lean on for a while until you get stable. Can someone help with your child? Can you order some meals delivered or get the groceries by Amazon fresh? Anything that makes it so you dont feel so overwhelmed. Is there a sibling or other relative who could stay with you for a while? Everyone has rough times, this is nothing to be ashamed of and people often want to help. If possible, I would stay away from the hospital, or save it for a last resort if you dont feel safe.

I hope you feel better soon,

JKS