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28 months - maybe a bit better?


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I just don`t think it's true, now I've been living on the sofa for 27 months. Could it be possible? In some way, time has passed, I've been through days, weeks and months. But at the same time, it has been so incredibly slow. After a CT, polydrugged for 25 years, I've gone through all the symptoms. Have never ever felt so sick, and barely been able to touch me during this time. Just had some short, single windows.

 

But now I can be upstairs, no longer bedside. My benzo-flu has calmed down. Don`t have anxiety and terror either. Has moved into the bedroom, now it feels no longer dangerous. But, it`s still something that is unpleasant. I feel a bit worried, and restless. Today, I was able to clean the sink, earlier it was impossible. But I know, that there may be a wave at any time. The most important thing is, that  I'm no longer bedside, and I`m very grateful for that. :)

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Thank you, Prearchergirl! I wish I soon get better. There is so much that has to be done, and I have to wait. And you never know with Mr. Withdrawal, he's just laughing at me. What remains, is actually a certain weakness after the time on the couch, and nervousness. I can`t calm down, and get stressed for everything. But, I'll have to take one day at a time, and see what's going on! :)
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Every little bit helps, translator! We tend to underestimate what we do in benzo recovery because we used to be able to do so much more. But you're getting there! Congratulations for being 28 months out!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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Thank you Terry! Sometimes, it's dangerous to hope too much, then it will turn back. Today, I am weak and it burns in the skin. But I'm able to get up, it`s a big step! :)
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Awesome news Translator . I am so happy for you .Praying for your 100% recovery Make sure you write your success story after full recovery
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Thank you, White swan!! This is the strangest trip I ever had. And even the hardest thing, it has really tested me. But I felt "bear or burst", now I no longer want this poison in the body. It breaks down the brain and nervous system, and everything needs to be rebuilt. And it takes time, and the only thing that applies is time and distraction.

But I already feel, that I have become so much stronger. What previously felt heavy, is now nothing. I have learned to take one day at a time, and to live in the present. I took benzo for stress and anxiety, but what was it like, compared to withdrawal?  I now understand, that a tablet doesn`t solve any problems, it only helps for the moment. After a long time, it only causes damage.

 

So, how difficult this is, then I'll get through this. CT, after 25 years, has been the toughest I've been to. I also understand, that I became very sick of Benzo, with internal vibration, shaking, weakness and general feeling of illness. In the end, I began to stutter. The only thing to do, was to end this poison. So, I'm really looking forward to the day I'm free. I know, that the problems I had before were due to Benzo. Therefore, I am so grateful that I have come so far. And that's a lot thanks, to all of you here at BB. You have been extremely supportive, with all understanding and encouragement. Life is still heavy, and I can feel completely despaired, but I'll do it! :)

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Hi Anna, I'm so proud of you! I've read many of your post and I admire you because even though you have been in hell for such a long time, your words have always been very kind, you have a really kind soul. Even though I've made a loooooooonnng taper (too long but that was the best for my life situation) it's amazing to read that many people have been taking this poison for the same reasons that lead me to them, anxiety and stress. Modern time has it's pros and cons, the pros: thanks to internet we are able to reach BenzoBuddies from all over the globe, the cons: to "survive" in this competitive world you need medication!

 

I know you are going to be ok, because you have a strong spirit.  :thumbsup::smitten: Patricia

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[be...]

Anna, sweet friend, just wanted to stop by and tell you how proud of you I am! You've kept going, you're always kind and positive and encouraging... I know you will make a complete recovery. You've come a long way... Rooting for you all the way, Anna!!!

 

Much love,

Lara

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Patri, and Ruby: You are so wonderful! (now I cry). Without you, I would never ever have done this. Then, I had sat here (in my mess) and just wanted to give up. I have moments, when I'm almost crazy at all. Is this forever? But, life comes back, and then we will live life, right? We will keep in touch, if you want! :)
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  • 2 weeks later...

I just don`t think it's true, now I've been living on the sofa for 27 months. Could it be possible? In some way, time has passed, I've been through days, weeks and months. But at the same time, it has been so incredibly slow. After a CT, polydrugged for 25 years, I've gone through all the symptoms. Have never ever felt so sick, and barely been able to touch me during this time. Just had some short, single windows.

 

But now I can be upstairs, no longer bedside. My benzo-flu has calmed down. Don`t have anxiety and terror either. Has moved into the bedroom, now it feels no longer dangerous. But, it`s still something that is unpleasant. I feel a bit worried, and restless. Today, I was able to clean the sink, earlier it was impossible. But I know, that there may be a wave at any time. The most important thing is, that  I'm no longer bedside, and I`m very grateful for that. :)

 

What an encouraging post - I'm so happy for you that you're finding improvements like these.  I too was polydrugged for about twenty years, only the last seven on benzos.  And I also cold turkeyed out of ignorance.

 

It's interesting to me that you're now able to use your bedroom.  There are still places in my house that I'm too afraid to venture into, or that are still just deeply disturbing.  I do use my bedroom, but it's very unsettling for me there.  This saddens me.  I used to love my home, and it's hard to have no place to lay my head that feels safe and comforting. 

 

Cleaning the sink is another issue of mine too - if my sink is clean, my kitchen feels clean.  But most days I'm unable to do it.  I can often tell my "good days" by my behaviors more than by how I feel.  If I'm able to clean the sink, it's been a good day.

 

I hope your healing accelerates - 28 months is a long time to suffer like this.  :smitten: :smitten:

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[be...]

There are still places in my house that I'm too afraid to venture into, or that are still just deeply disturbing.  [...]  This saddens me.  I used to love my home, and it's hard to have no place to lay my head that feels safe and comforting. 

 

Coming Home, thanks for posting about this. I have similar difficulties, and have felt myself very alone with this symptom. I have panic attacks when going near the bathroom, for example. It helps to know I'm not going crazy. So thanks again.

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ComingHome: Thank you, for your kind response. It made me happy! :)

Guess, who stood in the doorway, after I wrote my post? Of course, the mean, and unreliable Mr. Withdrawal. Who else? He doesn´t want to leave me alone! So, now there is chaos on the sink again. I have looked at it a few times, without results.  I wonder, if there's an end to all of this. It's just not true! Maybe, I can handle the sink? No, I can´t, perhaps "tomorrow?" How is it going for you?

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You know, on days that I can handle the sink, I handle the sink and I'm grateful.  On days that I can't, then I don't, and I try to practice kindness to myself.  That's the hard part for me, and perhaps why I got in this mess in the first place.

 

One day, the sink won't be the goal... it will just be another step in living a beautiful life. 

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