Jump to content

Loss and Grief?


[Aj...]

Recommended Posts

I wonder how people deal with the losses and the grief?

 

I have been ill a long time and when I tapered off the reality of the loss of 22 years of my life was overwhelming.

 

I just keep thinking of myself as a child and young woman and all the hope I had for my life and how all that hope and potential is lost forever.

 

It is unbearably sad and distressing.

 

If I get well enough I will see a counsellor but I don’t know how I am ever going to get past this feeling or the constant wish that we can turn back the clock and have our time again.

 

I feel so utterly devastated by all of this.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel the same way. I wouldn't have been even going through this if I hadn't of got a boob job for my husband that I ended up having to remove anyway. Now I'm stuck in benzo hell. Those two surgeries alone were enough to make someone depressed. People say it gets better. Just remember the times you were able to lay down and dose off with no problem. That's what I keep looking forward to.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wonder how people deal with the losses and the grief?

 

I have been ill a long time and when I tapered off the reality of the loss of 22 years of my life was overwhelming.

 

I just keep thinking of myself as a child and young woman and all the hope I had for my life and how all that hope and potential is lost forever.

 

It is unbearably sad and distressing.

 

If I get well enough I will see a counsellor but I don’t know how I am ever going to get past this feeling or the constant wish that we can turn back the clock and have our time again.

 

I feel so utterly devastated by all of this.

 

I was an alcoholic til 36 and felt like u.  I didn't finish high school, was wild etc.  when I sobered up, after rehab and reading all these self help and books on spirituality and I was just determined to change my life.  I always felt dumb, but I got my first job that wasn't a waitress, as a receptionist at a car dealership.  I sat in middle of all these sales people, listened to them, absorbed all the knowledge I could, and within 16 months was a finance mgr.  I never in my life believed I could accomplish anything like that.  Then I met the nicest guy on planet, who became my husband.  U can overcome all of this and u will.  U r a tough smart woman, I see that in everything u write.  My money is on u A :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to process this as well, but I am not ready to grieve,or um...I'm still in the anger phase.  I am just SO ANGRY that I didn't notice it was the damn pills. For 27 years I've been having panic attacks and thinking that it was just some disease in my body and now I know, deep down, that this was never true.  I ignored my own anxiety and anger thinking that it was just some illness I had. 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a lovely life before I got I’ll in 1996.

 

I lived with the person I loved and wanted to spend the rest of ,y life with. Had a fun job running the theatre at a university, had a band I wrote songs for and rehearsed with and was planning to start a Ph.D as well as doing 2 lots of voluntary work a week.

 

Thing is I wasn’t happy. Stupid me!

 

Ended up so I’ll was bedridden for 2 years in dark room and then injured spine and have been trying to find a way back since then.

 

If I could find a way to sort problem in mid back I think a lot would resolve but I have tried everything for 2. Decades and nothing has helped and now have all withdrawal stuff as well.

 

Once I was off diazepam all the emotions came back and it is very very painful.

 

I feel I ruined my own life by not being happy with all those good things I had - never being satisfied or good enough or achieving enough.

 

I am overwhelmed with regrets.

 

I have had a lot of therapy over the years but it hasn’t really helped because all I want is to be well enough to achieve stuff and to work and earn a living so I can have a home of my own and a sense of security and achievement even if those things are a lie anyway.

 

I don’t think i’ll Ever have those things, it breaks my heart.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a lovely life before I got I’ll in 1996.

 

I lived with the person I loved and wanted to spend the rest of ,y life with. Had a fun job running the theatre at a university, had a band I wrote songs for and rehearsed with and was planning to start a Ph.D as well as doing 2 lots of voluntary work a week.

 

Thing is I wasn’t happy. Stupid me!

 

Ended up so I’ll was bedridden for 2 years in dark room and then injured spine and have been trying to find a way back since then.

 

If I could find a way to sort problem in mid back I think a lot would resolve but I have tried everything for 2. Decades and nothing has helped and now have all withdrawal stuff as well.

 

Once I was off diazepam all the emotions came back and it is very very painful.

 

I feel I ruined my own life by not being happy with all those good things I had - never being satisfied or good enough or achieving enough.

 

I am overwhelmed with regrets.

 

I have had a lot of therapy over the years but it hasn’t really helped because all I want is to be well enough to achieve stuff and to work and earn a living so I can have a home of my own and a sense of security and achievement even if those things are a lie anyway.

 

I don’t think i’ll Ever have those things, it breaks my heart.

 

I'm sorry, u make me want to cry but I still believe you will find away...

I really do, keep that heart open for that miracle to enter

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I noticed that although I lost almost everything, I am really young and disabled etc. - I am now able to be happy. I can only have happy moments of course because of all the sickness and so on, but I learned to get some wonderful moments out of each day and to appreciate the good things in life. Normal people cannot do so. I don't want to be sick of course.

But the "good" thing in all this shit really is the awareness of how fast a life can end and how important it is to focus and concentrate only on things and people that make us smile..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I noticed that although I lost almost everything, I am really young and disabled etc. - I am now able to be happy. I can only have happy moments of course because of all the sickness and so on, but I learned to get some wonderful moments out of each day and to appreciate the good things in life. Normal people cannot do so. I don't want to be sick of course.

But the "good" thing in all this shit really is the awareness of how fast a life can end and how important it is to focus and concentrate only on things and people that make us smile..

 

Very true and also at times very hard :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...