Author Topic: Feeling lost  (Read 1990 times)

[Buddie]

Feeling lost
« on: May 20, 2010, 02:24:18 pm »
Hello everyone.
I'm posting here because I feel like I'm reaching a point where my anxiety is becoming too much to handle.  I was taking klonopin for two years, when I had to stop fairly quickly due to pregnancy.  I was taking .25mg 2-4 times a day for two years.  I completely quit over the course of about 2 or 3 weeks.  I have been off klonopin since mid/late February, but I did slip up and take one .25mg pill one night in March. 

I am struggling with constant EXTREME fatigue and shaking.  Blow drying my hair, showering, chewing food...all of these tasks cause me to have burning fatigued muscles.  I feel short of breath and tired after very little exertion (walking across a parking lot, picking up my three year old).  I also tremble/ shake constantly. When I wake up in the morning, or from a nap in the afternoon it is extremely bad.  I feel like my body is vibrating.  Sometimes this shaking is visible, but sometimes it's not visible to others.  These symptoms are scaring the crap out of me!!!  I have talked about these symptoms to my primary care doctor and my ob doctor, neither of which can offer an explanation.  They did some blood work, but everything came back normal.  The only explanation I've been given is that I'm anxious!  But these symptoms are seriously out of control!

I am out of work.  I am scared to leave the house alone, but I'm scared to sit in the house alone too.  My husband had been out of work for a few months due to back surgery, so I had him home with me all the time.  Now he has gone back to work and school, and I am left in the house all alone, and it terrifies me.  When I am alone with my 3 year old I get scared I will pass out or have some sort of emergency when it's just me and her.

I feel paralyzed and helpless and trapped.  I'm consumed with worry, and the idea that anxiety is causing all of these physical symptoms is terrifying.  What if I can't get better? I can't live the rest of my life feeling this way.  I'm constantly questioning whether it is anxiety.  I have been to the emergency room 3 times in the past 2 weeks, and it's taking everything in me not to go today.  I can't stop looking up other illness on the internet to find a solution to these physical symptoms.

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2010, 03:56:46 pm »
Everything you're describing are benzo withdrawal symptoms!  I had them all after my cold turkey, which is pretty much what you did too!  You don't need to go to the ER, you need to accept that there is nothing wrong with you, other than your body is healing from a drug.

I know you're scared, I was too but you're going to be okay.  You won't have to feel like this, live like this for the rest of your life, this is temporary.  It takes a long time to heal from this, it's going to take you many months I'm sorry to say, but you will heal.

Please try to accept what this is, post here and talk to us, we know exactly what you're living with.  You're not going to pass out, you'll be able to take very good care of your daughter, so please don't stress yourself even more with these fears.

Try to distract yourself as much as you can, write here, do little projects, do deep belly breathing, but keep calm.

You're going to be okay, you are.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2010, 05:40:33 pm »
hi kehp,

i've been off benzos for almost 2 months now and i feel just like you.  several weeks ago i went to the ER because i didn't know what else to do, either. 

[...] is right...don't go to the ER, just wait it out.  you've had tests done that confirm nothing else is wrong.  i did, too.  the only thing they would give you at the ER is another benzo which you don't want...you've come this far.

it was during my 6th week that i starting having a small bit of relief...not windows, per se, but at least very gradual improvement.

i also found that worrying about my symptoms made them worse. 

deep breathing and prayer helped.  if you feel like crying, cry...it relieved stress for me.  after you have gained some control back, try stretching and then going for a long walk (if you think you can leave the house).  if you're too scared to leave (i was for the first 6 weeks), then try just walking around outside your house.  when you get back, stretch again. 

have you tried drinking gatorade?  i know it has sugar, but that helped me.  in fact, the only "drug" they gave me in the hospital was a dextrose (sugar) IV.  your brain needs sugar to function.  i had no appetite and had to force myself to drink protein shakes.  keep feeding your mind and body.  please keep us posted.  God bless you.  :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2010, 06:35:15 pm »
Thanks guys for the encouraging words.  I'm going to keep toughing it out.  I recently started Prozac about a week ago, and I think it's making by body a little crazy.  I have been having the worst panic attacks in years these past few days, and sweating...alot of non stop sweating.  I stopped taking it today, and will call my doctor tomorrow.  Anyhow, today has been a really tough day.  My husband is working and I'm home alone with my daughter.  Intense panic set in as he was leaving, but I've tried to keep a positive attitude.  You guys have helped me to remember to stay focused and stay positive.  It has really helped me today.  I've tried to keep myself busy with outdoor activities and not allow myself to focus on my anxiety.

One more question- When I wake up, either from a nap in the afternoon, or in the morning after sleep I shake/tremble even more than usual.  When waking I feel much more dizzy, weak, and exponentially more anxious and jittery.  Has anyone else experienced this??

Thanks y'all!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2010, 08:29:27 pm »
Thanks guys for the encouraging words.  I'm going to keep toughing it out.  I recently started Prozac about a week ago, and I think it's making by body a little crazy.  I have been having the worst panic attacks in years these past few days, and sweating...alot of non stop sweating.  I stopped taking it today, and will call my doctor tomorrow.  Anyhow, today has been a really tough day.  My husband is working and I'm home alone with my daughter.  Intense panic set in as he was leaving, but I've tried to keep a positive attitude.  You guys have helped me to remember to stay focused and stay positive.  It has really helped me today.  I've tried to keep myself busy with outdoor activities and not allow myself to focus on my anxiety.

One more question- When I wake up, either from a nap in the afternoon, or in the morning after sleep I shake/tremble even more than usual.  When waking I feel much more dizzy, weak, and exponentially more anxious and jittery.  Has anyone else experienced this??

Thanks y'all!

[...], I know just what you mean about coming out of sleep in worse shape.  I have it all the time and have given up napping, tired as I am, during the day.  It's called "toxic naps".  I also wake up in the morning and as soon as I realize I'm conscious, my heart starts to pound hard and fast.  Terrifying.  I don't think this is uncommon for benzos.

Also, last summer, when I was anxious/depressed and probably in tolerance withdrawal from Klon, even though my p-doc kept upping the dose, I tried Prozac, to no avail.  (Also tried Celexa.  Just made me sick.)  But, after a couple of weeks on the Prozac, I was having panic attacks, and I hadn't had them since I started taking Klon 5 years earlier (and mind you, I was then on 3 mgs. of Klon and still having panic attacks with the Prozac).  I stayed on it for 12 weeks---didn't help with my depression at all---but the panic attacks stopped after a while.  Just wanted you to know you aren't alone and things might get better if you decide to stay on the Prozac.  (I have to say, though, that all the recent research says that ADs are no better than placebo.  And any psychotropic drug messes with normal brain function.  There is no scientific evidence that there's such a thing as a "chemical imbalance" in the brain.  Just saying...)  Best to you, ~~[...]

I would hate to be going through this awful time while I was pregnant.  My heart goes out to you.  ~~[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2010, 08:40:33 pm »
Hi [...],

I, too, refused to take naps because of the extreme anxiety upon wakening.  The internal tremors will eventually subside.....as a matter of fact, that was one of the first symptoms to subside around the 4th month mark.....agitation then took over.  It must be so hard to take care of your child during all this torment but you have to keep thinking of the final outcome.  Think positive thoughts.

[...]  xo
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2010, 08:55:33 pm »
Yes please don't goto the ER there just gonna give you another benzos.....it's happned to me a few times....hope you feel better soon sweetie I know it's torture at times, but it'll pass
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2010, 07:58:19 pm »
Your post really spoke to me...I have a lot of the same symptoms, and more, plus the anxiety and weird mental stuff still going on. I did a quick taper, and I am starting to see from reading posts here that c/ts and quick tapers may precipitate a more intense w/d. I am so fatigued at times, I can hardly move...out of breath, even when I speak sometimes. I was and still am scared by it at times. Any physical exertion precipitates an intense vibrating, shaking syndrome. My dr thought I meant a significant exertion, I mean just anything, even walking across a room. I am weak, feel like I am very heavy at times. But, it comes and goes and is overall less intense as a daily all day occurrence. So, I know it is not ME, just some phenomenon of w/d.

I am always evaluating it to see if there is anxiety present. Sometimes yes, sometimes, not. I am so trained by the psych community and my gps to think it is all my own fault from my "condition" that I still feel like I have to prove to myself and imagined others that it is not my anxiety doing this.

My psychiatrist who helped me get off my various drugs is not concerned - it is a real physiological phenomenon connected with a very hypersensitive CNS, downregulated GABA receptors, hyperreactive HPA axis and some sensitivity to hormones thrown into the mix (for example, benzos would downregulate the HPA axis, lower cortisol, making the "normalization" of such more than we can handle - which is why the mornings are so bad physically for me. )

I "bookmarked" the following example for my psychiatrist of the physical problems I experience that are unrelated to anxiety. The other eve, I was watching tv, fell asleep and then woke up around midnight. I was calm, got up to go to bed. When I stood up to walk, I was dizzy like I was drunk or had a hangover, I felt soooo heavy, I hardly had the strength to move I felt as though I were a 100 pounds more. I climbed the stairs, my heart pounded wildly. I laid in bed and it continued to pound. I vibrated/tremor-ed more. I felt extremely nauseous.  I was not anxious yet, but it was triggered soon after. I thought what the hell??? But, calmed down knowing that this was one more episode of the same I have been dealing with.

I am in constant pain from the vibrating, esp in the morning and sometimes it goes on all day. It, again, is unrelated to anxiety, since the other eve, the pain subsided, but I was just as anxious, but I found myself laughing at a tv show.

I will tell you that since I have become so supersensitized, I can tolerate no meds, no vitamins, and even eating causes me physical stress that results in pounding heart and some degree of the "syndrome" I have described. I did try a tiny dose of effexor right before I stopped the benzos last Oct and it precipitated a WAY out physical and mental response.

Some people here have mentioned how sensitive they are to vitamins, supplements, etc. I am one of them. Never was prior to drugs. I thought I have recovered sufficiently after 5 months post benzo and popped a fish oil capsule. Some hours later, totally unexpectedly, I had heart palps, like I had never had since my taper. Again, not something I ever experienced in my pre-drug life.

So, if you think that the A/D could be contributing to the over all anxiety and hyperreactivity of your body, I would say it is a strong possibility. Others here have posted about antidepressants having an exaggerated stimulating effect.

Hope this helps you. You need to take care of your baby, and I know it must be stressful. I have not been able to work or function much at all for a good five months after my quick taper. Things are improving some, in that I can actually get some things done during the day and don't feel like I am in some alternate universe. concentration is back some and I feel I am approaching "normalcy" (Trying to give you some hope here  :)) But, still a long ways off in my estimation given how my physical overreaction and hypersensitivity has not abated that much.

Just keep believing in yourself - that it is only w/d, that it can't harm you, and that you will get past it.

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2010, 09:37:55 pm »
Wow same with me here super sensative to medication, viatamines and teas....the doctors said it's all psycological, but thats what they say for everything cause there always sticking up for the benzos and i'm so sick of it... >:( One time I had togo to go to the ER cause of severe dehidration cause of the stomach flu and they gave me antinausea medication thru an iv and my heart did somthing it had never done before, started to feel super super dizzy and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, it went upto 200 beats a minute and has never done that before....the ER doc was scratching her head I dont understand theres no pharmisutical explanation why that happened and I said it's cause of these benzos my body wants more and itstead it got more of this other med....... of course they didn't agree she said are you sure you didnt take any other mediaction before coming here and I said yes i'm even scared to take a tylonal.....anyways so irritated
So I know where your coming from
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Feeling lost
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2010, 02:06:52 pm »
Thanks so much for the support guys.  It is great to have this support when NO ONE else understands what it feels like, and doctors deny that it is possible.

[...] - It made me feel so much better to read your post.  It's like I was reading something I wrote, our symptoms are so similar.  I also get out of breath just talking sometimes - very scary. I also noticed that you mentioned you were also sensitive to eating. This is a symptom I have been experiencing and had no idea it could be related to benzo withdrawal.  Often times when I eat I get a dizzy/vertigo feeling...and just start feeling really off.

I'm posting this morning because it feels like it is going to be a tough day.  I was up and down all last night because I kept jerking awake feeling alarmed.  This morning was rough.  I woke up at 6:30am feeling jittery/jiggly/crawly legs, lots of anxiety and getting rushes of panic and sweating.  I got out of bed feeling quite nauseous and dizzy and so I tried to get moving around.  I was so tired from last night though...I was scared to lay back down, but finally I did because I was so tired.  That was probably a mistake, as I woke back up in even worse shape than at 6:30.

I am going to try and stay focused on other activities today to distract myself.  Hopefully I can get through without any major panic episodes.

Thanks again for all the support everyone, it makes it a lot easier to know there are people who understand!! :)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.