A positive part for those who need motivation

I am now almost 2 months benzo free, when I first started this journey, I was like most of you, scared of dying, disconnected, insanely dizzy, depersonalization, inner vibrations, tinnitus, memory loss, cog fog, dry throat, muscle jerks, scared to go in public, insomnia, nightmares, jerk awake, I was bedridden for the first week of jumping, keep in mind I'm a healthy 35 yo male, slightly over weight but very strong, weight lifting, etc. I live on a 2 acre piece of land, I set small goals for myself. My first goal was to be able to walk to my mail box about 40 feet from my front door. It seems small but the task seemed massive. I would get my walking stick for balance and head out the door. Immedietly the sun threw off my vision, the ground seemed to move, I would get dizzy and start walking to one side, then I would get a rush if anxiety and fear but I would push through and tell myself, " if you fall, then you fall. You get back up and push forward until you make it to the mailbox. " i would finish the task immedietly retreat to my room and check my blood pressure and heart rate, Then after a couple days of accomplishing that, I expanded my goal of walking around my 2 acres, same thing, I would fill with anxiety, the world would start spinning and I would just push through. When I felt like I was going to fall or started feeling derealization, I would just repeat in my head" if you fall you fall, if you die, you die, you will keep putting one leg in front of the other and you will not stop" the disconnection and derealization would get so bad I would have to count out loud each step so I felt like I was still there. This was almost 6 weeks ago. I'm happy to say now, that today I accomplished 35 laps around my property ( around 5 miles) half of those I carried a concrete block on my back and about 5 if those I carried a 75 pd pack on my back. The symptoms would appear and go away but alot less frequent. When they come I just repeat in my head" if you fall you fall, if you die you die but you will finish. " For those of you that are suffering and trying to get better. Remember, we are the unheard warriors, you're still here, you're still fighting. We will not be broken but we will heal. Set small goals and push with everything you have to accomplish them, accepting your symptoms as a part of healing, accepting them as a part of your daily life helps to make them less scary. You're not alone, I still stuffer almost everyday but I refuse to no longer feel sorry for myself and I will beat this. You can too, you will, you will heal and you will live a normal life again. One minute we're basking in the sun, the next we're being slammed against the rocks but you're still alive, all those times you thought you were dying, but you didn't. You will live and you will survive this. You'll burn and like a phoenix you'll rise up through the ashes and spread your wings a new person. I promise you, you will survive this. 

Well thanks maybe...

But what about bullying— please. How do I defend myself?

 

Someone is bullying you during your healing???

What planet are you on, sorry?

Someone is bullying you during your healing???

 

This sentence requires one “?” only, in my own idea of civil and succinct English.

This is good stuff man. Great job. Keep us updated.

Someone is bullying you during your healing???

 

This sentence requires one “?” only, in my own idea of civil and succinct English.

 

What?

Rondogunz, thank you for such a positive and uplifting post.  It will bring hope and motivation to many suffering benzo warriors.  I applaud your spirit and your perseverance to continue on despite your own suffering. Please don't be put off by negative or irritable replies.  Most likely they are warriors too who need this post the most in the midst of their own special misery.

 

She

 

 

Rondogunz, thank you for such a positive and uplifting post.  It will bring hope and motivation to many suffering benzo warriors.  I applaud your spirit and your perseverance to continue on despite your own suffering. Please don't be put off by negative or irritable replies.  Most likely they are warriors too who need this post the most in the midst of their own special misery.

 

She

 

Good point SWM.

 

Keep us updated Rondo

Thank you everyone. Yesterday was a super hard day, my body temp was fluctuating really bad, derealization really bad, dizziness and major fatigue. It lasted about 6 hours until I fell asleep around 1 am. Woke up this morning feeling much better. I plan on having my morning cup of coffee, do my stretches and out the door I go to exercise. Hopefully I can get through my goals for the day. Everydays a struggle but everyday imoroves slightly.

This is good stuff man. Great job. Keep us updated.

 

I agree.

 

I do not wish to revisit the previous comments we had right now in anybreal depth, but I wish us well and will see you posting here and am on the same team.

Someone is bullying you during your healing???

 

This sentence requires one “?” only, in my own idea of civil and succinct English.

 

What?

 

 

Yeah— yes, someone was bullying me that day too. The day of this thread and my post on it, and it was uncalled for and awful. It happens quite regularly, actually! Surprised any one of us would have any astonishment at this.

 

I was surprised that another could be surprised(?) that we can be bullied during a w/d... this is a huge issue for many and why we are even here to begin with. I was being bullied that day! My comment makes sense, actually— thanks.

I really appreciate this post, Rondo. I've tried to adopt a similar warrior attitude.

 

Four months into my taper, I decided to make necessary changes to other parts of my life and joined a cardio kickboxing gym. It was absolutely horrible at first, just trying to keep up and dealing with my crippling social anxiety, but I kept doing it 3-4 times a week anyway, and am thrilled to say I'm still doing it a year and 7 months later. It's exposure therapy for sure, but I'm so proud I've stuck with it.

 

I greatly admire your strength and perseverance! Thank you so much for sharing!

Thank you the last 2 days have been terrible, having body aches, sore muscles, my neck has been hurting, been a rough couple days. I'm just riding it out hoping the wave ends soon.

I just got over a stabbing pain in between my shoulder blades that lasted for several days. I was just hoping it wasn't the same pain I had a few months back under my left shoulder blade that wouldn't let up for weeks. Luckily, it wasn't. It was a brand new pain.  I hope your pain is temporary too!

Thank you, today it wasn't too bad when I woke up, and has just about gone away. Lasted like 4 days. I was able to exercise again today. Thank God lol

Im glad I read this.  A little over a month since I finished and its been rough for me.  Insomnia is rough with having no energy and being tired all the time.  I will try to repeat your saying "If you fall you fall, if you die you die but you will finish" when times get tough.

It works for me, instead of just focusing on the fear, I welcome the growth. Even if it's scary

Awesome I needed this today. Took a screen shot. Thank you ❤️

I keep seeing posts like this about building up to exercise. When I first jumped I could cycle for 20 minutes, do a small amount of running and walk as much as needed. Since month 4 my capabilities have decreased, now a 5/10 minute walk is the maximum I can do. Been like this for 3 months now. Withdrawal is confusing.

I am now almost 2 months benzo free, when I first started this journey, I was like most of you, scared of dying, disconnected, insanely dizzy, depersonalization, inner vibrations, tinnitus, memory loss, cog fog, dry throat, muscle jerks, scared to go in public, insomnia, nightmares, jerk awake, I was bedridden for the first week of jumping, keep in mind I'm a healthy 35 yo male, slightly over weight but very strong, weight lifting, etc. I live on a 2 acre piece of land, I set small goals for myself. My first goal was to be able to walk to my mail box about 40 feet from my front door. It seems small but the task seemed massive. I would get my walking stick for balance and head out the door. Immedietly the sun threw off my vision, the ground seemed to move, I would get dizzy and start walking to one side, then I would get a rush if anxiety and fear but I would push through and tell myself, " if you fall, then you fall. You get back up and push forward until you make it to the mailbox. " i would finish the task immedietly retreat to my room and check my blood pressure and heart rate, Then after a couple days of accomplishing that, I expanded my goal of walking around my 2 acres, same thing, I would fill with anxiety, the world would start spinning and I would just push through. When I felt like I was going to fall or started feeling derealization, I would just repeat in my head" if you fall you fall, if you die, you die, you will keep putting one leg in front of the other and you will not stop" the disconnection and derealization would get so bad I would have to count out loud each step so I felt like I was still there. This was almost 6 weeks ago. I'm happy to say now, that today I accomplished 35 laps around my property ( around 5 miles) half of those I carried a concrete block on my back and about 5 if those I carried a 75 pd pack on my back. The symptoms would appear and go away but alot less frequent. When they come I just repeat in my head" if you fall you fall, if you die you die but you will finish. " For those of you that are suffering and trying to get better. Remember, we are the unheard warriors, you're still here, you're still fighting. We will not be broken but we will heal. Set small goals and push with everything you have to accomplish them, accepting your symptoms as a part of healing, accepting them as a part of your daily life helps to make them less scary. You're not alone, I still stuffer almost everyday but I refuse to no longer feel sorry for myself and I will beat this. You can too, you will, you will heal and you will live a normal life again. One minute we're basking in the sun, the next we're being slammed against the rocks but you're still alive, all those times you thought you were dying, but you didn't. You will live and you will survive this. You'll burn and like a phoenix you'll rise up through the ashes and spread your wings a new person. I promise you, you will survive this.

 

Thanks for posting Rondogunz, I needed the push!

Keep it up Rondo .. wow you are a warrior indeed. very brave ,  may you heal quickly ,

MiYu

So sorry Rondogunz and others. I have no idea what led up to any of those comments, I see how out of place they are now. Was in heaps of pain 

 

 

 

really sorry

So sorry Rondogunz and others. I have no idea what led up to any of those comments, I see how out of place they are now. Was in heaps of pain 

 

 

 

really sorry

 

It's okay.. sounds like you may be in a better place now.  I'm happy for that (if i could feel happyness).

 

So sorry Rondogunz and others. I have no idea what led up to any of those comments, I see how out of place they are now. Was in heaps of pain 

 

 

 

really sorry

 

It's okay.. sounds like you may be in a better place now.  I'm happy for that (if i could feel happyness).

 

Very much appreciate this, thank you T1D. Hope we can both/all feel happy sooner than later.