11 months down

Windows (small) waves (rough). I think I’m dealing with them better now though.  Whatever, on to month 12

Congratulations, T1D! 

I too seem to be coping better, not really feeling better, but coping better... I guess that can still count as "improvement"...

Onto month 12, a whole year off that poison and healing lots more 

Thanks for chiming in with positivity as usual Julz. It’s been a rough few weeks.

Can describe your mental akathesia? I have this feeling like I want to rip my skin off and scream...is that similar?

Thanks for chiming in with positivity as usual Julz. It’s been a rough few weeks.

 

Can describe your mental akathesia? I have this feeling like I want to rip my skin off and scream...is that similar?

It's time for some relief, T1D... it is coming your way... keep doing your best as always and that will be enough 

Feeling like "ripping your skin off" is how most describe akathisia... is it something which is with you all the time?

For me, it is not quite like that, it is not as physical as what the above seems to imply. So hard to explain... I feel trapped in my brain at one time in one place. If I could rip anything off, I don't know what it would be... but I do feel like an "urge" - an urge to do what? I don't know. It's been an urge to eat, because I couldn't think of anything else to do to relieve the torture brought on by the nothingness of my brain in the current space/time. It's taken the form of monophobia as engaging with people is a very good distraction from my own self... I really have huge difficulty describing this, and have been asking around about akathisia/monophobia, always thinking it doesn't quite fit my experience, but it doesn't matter because we are not trying to fix this, just getting through it knowing that it will get better...

I was delighted to read about your beautiful windows - they are proof that you are healing and give you some insight into your life after post-benzo purgatory  You are going  in the right direction and coming closer to life 2.0 

Your Daughter will be proud of her Daddy!  So much Happiness for you both to share 

Wishing you a better day...!

Hugs!

Julz xx 

Thanks for chiming in with positivity as usual Julz. It’s been a rough few weeks.

 

Can describe your mental akathesia? I have this feeling like I want to rip my skin off and scream...is that similar?

 

It's time for some relief, T1D... it is coming your way... keep doing your best as always and that will be enough 

 

Feeling like "ripping your skin off" is how most describe akathisia... is it something which is with you all the time?

 

For me, it is not quite like that, it is not as physical as what the above seems to imply. So hard to explain... I feel trapped in my brain at one time in one place. If I could rip anything off, I don't know what it would be... but I do feel like an "urge" - an urge to do what? I don't know. It's been an urge to eat, because I couldn't think of anything else to do to relieve the torture brought on by the nothingness of my brain in the current space/time. It's taken the form of monophobia as engaging with people is a very good distraction from my own self... I really have huge difficulty describing this, and have been asking around about akathisia/monophobia, always thinking it doesn't quite fit my experience, but it doesn't matter because we are not trying to fix this, just getting through it knowing that it will get better...

 

I was delighted to read about your beautiful windows - they are proof that you are healing and give you some insight into your life after post-benzo purgatory  You are going  in the right direction and coming closer to life 2.0 

Your Daughter will be proud of her Daddy!  So much Happiness for you both to share 

 

Wishing you a better day...!

Hugs!

Julz xx

I forgot to mention... 

The "mental akathisia" strongly feels like "ADHD". I can't focus on one thing. My brain has difficulty connecting with most things like TV, books or even the internet. I try to find something to take up my mind but it keeps jumping from one thing to the other. You should see my web-browser  I usually have two dozens tabs open (or more), no kidding, writing a post then checking the weather then off to get some water then back looking for something to do... so nothing gets done.

It's not so much about racing thoughts, rather an inability to engage... an inability to "be still", mentally... perhaps lacking calm and sense of comfort... "mentally"...

Sorry, so hard to describe...  :crazy:

Thanks for chiming in with positivity as usual Julz. It’s been a rough few weeks.

 

Can describe your mental akathesia? I have this feeling like I want to rip my skin off and scream...is that similar?

 

It's time for some relief, T1D... it is coming your way... keep doing your best as always and that will be enough 

 

Feeling like "ripping your skin off" is how most describe akathisia... is it something which is with you all the time?

 

For me, it is not quite like that, it is not as physical as what the above seems to imply. So hard to explain... I feel trapped in my brain at one time in one place. If I could rip anything off, I don't know what it would be... but I do feel like an "urge" - an urge to do what? I don't know. It's been an urge to eat, because I couldn't think of anything else to do to relieve the torture brought on by the nothingness of my brain in the current space/time. It's taken the form of monophobia as engaging with people is a very good distraction from my own self... I really have huge difficulty describing this, and have been asking around about akathisia/monophobia, always thinking it doesn't quite fit my experience, but it doesn't matter because we are not trying to fix this, just getting through it knowing that it will get better...

 

I was delighted to read about your beautiful windows - they are proof that you are healing and give you some insight into your life after post-benzo purgatory  You are going  in the right direction and coming closer to life 2.0 

Your Daughter will be proud of her Daddy!  So much Happiness for you both to share 

 

Wishing you a better day...!

Hugs!

Julz xx

 

I forgot to mention... 

 

The "mental akathisia" strongly feels like "ADHD". I can't focus on one thing. My brain has difficulty connecting with most things like TV, books or even the internet. I try to find something to take up my mind but it keeps jumping from one thing to the other. You should see my web-browser  I usually have two dozens tabs open (or more), no kidding, writing a post then checking the weather then off to get some water then back looking for something to do... so nothing gets done.

 

It's not so much about racing thoughts, rather an inability to engage... an inability to "be still", mentally... perhaps lacking calm and sense of comfort... "mentally"...

 

Sorry, so hard to describe...  :crazy:

YES! This is EXACTLY what I have Julz. I used to describe it as “jumping thoughts”.

Exactly.

Thanks for chiming in with positivity as usual Julz. It’s been a rough few weeks.

 

Can describe your mental akathesia? I have this feeling like I want to rip my skin off and scream...is that similar?

 

It's time for some relief, T1D... it is coming your way... keep doing your best as always and that will be enough 

 

Feeling like "ripping your skin off" is how most describe akathisia... is it something which is with you all the time?

 

For me, it is not quite like that, it is not as physical as what the above seems to imply. So hard to explain... I feel trapped in my brain at one time in one place. If I could rip anything off, I don't know what it would be... but I do feel like an "urge" - an urge to do what? I don't know. It's been an urge to eat, because I couldn't think of anything else to do to relieve the torture brought on by the nothingness of my brain in the current space/time. It's taken the form of monophobia as engaging with people is a very good distraction from my own self... I really have huge difficulty describing this, and have been asking around about akathisia/monophobia, always thinking it doesn't quite fit my experience, but it doesn't matter because we are not trying to fix this, just getting through it knowing that it will get better...

 

I was delighted to read about your beautiful windows - they are proof that you are healing and give you some insight into your life after post-benzo purgatory  You are going  in the right direction and coming closer to life 2.0 

Your Daughter will be proud of her Daddy!  So much Happiness for you both to share 

 

Wishing you a better day...!

Hugs!

Julz xx

 

I forgot to mention... 

 

The "mental akathisia" strongly feels like "ADHD". I can't focus on one thing. My brain has difficulty connecting with most things like TV, books or even the internet. I try to find something to take up my mind but it keeps jumping from one thing to the other. You should see my web-browser  I usually have two dozens tabs open (or more), no kidding, writing a post then checking the weather then off to get some water then back looking for something to do... so nothing gets done.

 

It's not so much about racing thoughts, rather an inability to engage... an inability to "be still", mentally... perhaps lacking calm and sense of comfort... "mentally"...

 

Sorry, so hard to describe...  :crazy:

 

YES! This is EXACTLY what I have Julz. I used to describe it as “jumping thoughts”.

 

Exactly.

Oh, T1D  :'( That is the one symptom I would not wish upon my worst enemy (apart from those who knowingly drugged me), I am so so so sorry you too have to go through this hell... I dearly hope it lifts for both of us.

Decision-making is also shot here. Choosing a picture of a bl**dy cake to post on my blog took 20 min. 20 min!!!   

It has to get better! 

Thanks for chiming in with positivity as usual Julz. It’s been a rough few weeks.

 

Can describe your mental akathesia? I have this feeling like I want to rip my skin off and scream...is that similar?

 

It's time for some relief, T1D... it is coming your way... keep doing your best as always and that will be enough 

 

Feeling like "ripping your skin off" is how most describe akathisia... is it something which is with you all the time?

 

For me, it is not quite like that, it is not as physical as what the above seems to imply. So hard to explain... I feel trapped in my brain at one time in one place. If I could rip anything off, I don't know what it would be... but I do feel like an "urge" - an urge to do what? I don't know. It's been an urge to eat, because I couldn't think of anything else to do to relieve the torture brought on by the nothingness of my brain in the current space/time. It's taken the form of monophobia as engaging with people is a very good distraction from my own self... I really have huge difficulty describing this, and have been asking around about akathisia/monophobia, always thinking it doesn't quite fit my experience, but it doesn't matter because we are not trying to fix this, just getting through it knowing that it will get better...

 

I was delighted to read about your beautiful windows - they are proof that you are healing and give you some insight into your life after post-benzo purgatory  You are going  in the right direction and coming closer to life 2.0 

Your Daughter will be proud of her Daddy!  So much Happiness for you both to share 

 

Wishing you a better day...!

Hugs!

Julz xx

 

I forgot to mention... 

 

The "mental akathisia" strongly feels like "ADHD". I can't focus on one thing. My brain has difficulty connecting with most things like TV, books or even the internet. I try to find something to take up my mind but it keeps jumping from one thing to the other. You should see my web-browser  I usually have two dozens tabs open (or more), no kidding, writing a post then checking the weather then off to get some water then back looking for something to do... so nothing gets done.

 

It's not so much about racing thoughts, rather an inability to engage... an inability to "be still", mentally... perhaps lacking calm and sense of comfort... "mentally"...

 

Sorry, so hard to describe...  :crazy:

 

YES! This is EXACTLY what I have Julz. I used to describe it as “jumping thoughts”.

 

Exactly.

 

Oh, T1D  :'( That is the one symptom I would not wish upon my worst enemy (apart from those who knowingly drugged me), I am so so so sorry you too have to go through this hell... I dearly hope it lifts for both of us.

Decision-making is also shot here. Choosing a picture of a bl**dy cake to post on my blog took 20 min. 20 min!!!   

It has to get better! 

Yup, I couldn’t decide whether or not to wash thectest of the dishes or out then in the dishwasher yesterday. I just stood at the sink blank brained.

Yup, I couldn’t decide whether or not to wash thectest of the dishes or out then in the dishwasher yesterday. I just stood at the sink blank brained.

Tell me about that 

I keep saying to myself: "Just do it. Don't try to think, just do it..."