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Hey all,

Wow, it is really hard to come back here because I am just immediately reminded of the lonely days on end that I spent here when I was too tired and hurt too much everywhere to do anything else. This group has been such a tremendous support to me this past year, I can't even begin to tell you.

Let me start by saying that I am calling this success because I am about 85% better and the wave and window pattern is not very perceptible anymore. I do tire more easily physically than I used to, but I am back to jogging 3 miles again. This is huge, because some of the months of withdrawl, walking around the block was so exhausting that I would have to rest afterwards. I am going back to work part time next week, which is also huge that I was even able to consider it, let alone take the steps to make it happen. My brain works pretty well again, and we'll see how next week goes. My muscle pain is a mild issue now that I am going to PT for, and I still have to keep my stress low if possible (hard to do in real life as a parent, etc). I also still have occasional dizziness, especially with stress.

 

All that aside, I am doing INCREDIBLE compared with last summer/fall. I really didn't think I would make it another day. Every day I would wake up and ask myself how I could go through another day, again. I am now feeling positive emotions for a good part of the day now, and my anxiety is better than it's been in years!!

When I took my last dose of Clonazepam on August 1st, 2017, I really thought that I was in for maybe a few weeks of bad anxiety, but had no idea how sick that I would become. The first month was continual terror that felt like I was falling off a cliff for about a month. My body was in extreme terror all of the time. I couldn't sleep, or eat much at all. I could barely walk I was so lightheaded and dizzy and weak. My legs were jelly and felt like they wouldn't hold me. I was very fearful that I was losing my ability to walk and was going to need a wheelchair (no joke). I couldn't believe it when I would read about people exercising through all of this. There was NO way that I could exercise through much of this process. My weakness was pretty extreme.

I was severely depressed and depersonalized, and I felt like I forgot how to live life. Basic tasks seemed monumental. Somehow I managed to keep taking care of my 8 year old daughter with much help from my husband and other family. People didn't realize that I literally couldn't move sometimes. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to pick up my daughter from school.

Medical practitioners found it hard to believe my suffering was related to the drug, but I KNOW it was. This is evidenced by my extreme improvement over the last few months.

In the beginning, I couldn't socialize, watch screens because I would get brain zaps. I couldn't go into stores very long. Everything was overwhelming to the extreme.

I felt hopeless and alone and trapped in a dark tunnel that I wasn't sure that I would escape from. It's hard to think about because it's still quite raw and it doesn't feel like it was that long ago, but I know that will continue to improve.

There were times that I didn't feel that it was fair to allow a person to suffer as much as I was suffering and continue living. I wished that it had killed for many months. But then, something changed. It started to lighten up around month 7-8. The last 2-3 months I can feel healing accelerating. For the last month, the fatigue appears to have lifted a lot, and I am not really noticing waves and windows anymore, or when I do, they are less disruptive. I can still carry on with life through it all. I don't seem to be teased with the good day/bad day pattern anymore, which is very nice.

If I run too hard one day, then I might have pain the next, but not so much that it stops me from doing things.

I am feeling very hopeful about the future right now and I wanted to share with all of you who are in the thick of it, that it does improve.

I was a bad case and a low dose daily user for 4 years and I made it through to the other side. I believe that we all will get there. JUST KEEP GOING. Don't think too much about each individual day.

My best advice right now, is find something that you care deeply about and do that as much as possible. It forms new brain pathways, and makes you rebuild your concept of yourself beyond being a sick person going through withdrawl.

Thanks to everyone for your support through all of this. I will update as I get to 100%, but I can live like this for as long as I need to.

You all are strong and can do this. Just don't give up.

Love,

et1

 

 

 

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Thank you for this! I am so happy for you. so, were you functional for the most part after the initial withdrawal? Like, I am faking it til I make it. I can make dinner and do laundry and today went to the UPS store and grocery store, but it all just feels "off". I am not me. Is that how you felt? Is that feeling gone? I compare it to 9-11 when the whole world just changed and I wondered when I would feel normal again with life and the world. That's how I feel now. Does that make sense? Is that how you felt?
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Hey all,

Wow, it is really hard to come back here because I am just immediately reminded of the lonely days on end that I spent here when I was too tired and hurt too much everywhere to do anything else. This group has been such a tremendous support to me this past year, I can't even begin to tell you.

Let me start by saying that I am calling this success because I am about 85% better and the wave and window pattern is not very perceptible anymore. I do tire more easily physically than I used to, but I am back to jogging 3 miles again. This is huge, because some of the months of withdrawl, walking around the block was so exhausting that I would have to rest afterwards. I am going back to work part time next week, which is also huge that I was even able to consider it, let alone take the steps to make it happen. My brain works pretty well again, and we'll see how next week goes. My muscle pain is a mild issue now that I am going to PT for, and I still have to keep my stress low if possible (hard to do in real life as a parent, etc). I also still have occasional dizziness, especially with stress.

 

All that aside, I am doing INCREDIBLE compared with last summer/fall. I really didn't think I would make it another day. Every day I would wake up and ask myself how I could go through another day, again. I am now feeling positive emotions for a good part of the day now, and my anxiety is better than it's been in years!!

When I took my last dose of Clonazepam on August 1st, 2017, I really thought that I was in for maybe a few weeks of bad anxiety, but had no idea how sick that I would become. The first month was continual terror that felt like I was falling off a cliff for about a month. My body was in extreme terror all of the time. I couldn't sleep, or eat much at all. I could barely walk I was so lightheaded and dizzy and weak. My legs were jelly and felt like they wouldn't hold me. I was very fearful that I was losing my ability to walk and was going to need a wheelchair (no joke). I couldn't believe it when I would read about people exercising through all of this. There was NO way that I could exercise through much of this process. My weakness was pretty extreme.

I was severely depressed and depersonalized, and I felt like I forgot how to live life. Basic tasks seemed monumental. Somehow I managed to keep taking care of my 8 year old daughter with much help from my husband and other family. People didn't realize that I literally couldn't move sometimes. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to pick up my daughter from school.

Medical practitioners found it hard to believe my suffering was related to the drug, but I KNOW it was. This is evidenced by my extreme improvement over the last few months.

In the beginning, I couldn't socialize, watch screens because I would get brain zaps. I couldn't go into stores very long. Everything was overwhelming to the extreme.

I felt hopeless and alone and trapped in a dark tunnel that I wasn't sure that I would escape from. It's hard to think about because it's still quite raw and it doesn't feel like it was that long ago, but I know that will continue to improve.

There were times that I didn't feel that it was fair to allow a person to suffer as much as I was suffering and continue living. I wished that it had killed for many months. But then, something changed. It started to lighten up around month 7-8. The last 2-3 months I can feel healing accelerating. For the last month, the fatigue appears to have lifted a lot, and I am not really noticing waves and windows anymore, or when I do, they are less disruptive. I can still carry on with life through it all. I don't seem to be teased with the good day/bad day pattern anymore, which is very nice.

If I run too hard one day, then I might have pain the next, but not so much that it stops me from doing things.

I am feeling very hopeful about the future right now and I wanted to share with all of you who are in the thick of it, that it does improve.

I was a bad case and a low dose daily user for 4 years and I made it through to the other side. I believe that we all will get there. JUST KEEP GOING. Don't think too much about each individual day.

My best advice right now, is find something that you care deeply about and do that as much as possible. It forms new brain pathways, and makes you rebuild your concept of yourself beyond being a sick person going through withdrawl.

Thanks to everyone for your support through all of this. I will update as I get to 100%, but I can live like this for as long as I need to.

You all are strong and can do this. Just don't give up.

Love,

et1

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to post that, just reading it made me feel better :smitten:

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My best advice right now, is find something that you care deeply about and do that as much as possible. It forms new brain pathways, and makes you rebuild your concept of yourself beyond being a sick person going through withdrawl.

 

I think that's a large part of the battle we face, in a nutshell.

 

Congratulations!

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Thanks everyone. I read success stories for about 6 months straight sometimes for the better part of the day because they were the only thing that helped. I read many of them over and over again because I couldn’t concentrate on anything else for awhile. I knew I had to give back and will continue to do so.
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Thanks everyone. I read success stories for about 6 months straight sometimes for the better part of the day because they were the only thing that helped. I read many of them over and over again because I couldn’t concentrate on anything else for awhile. I knew I had to give back and will continue to do so.

 

👍

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Thank you for this! I am so happy for you. so, were you functional for the most part after the initial withdrawal? Like, I am faking it til I make it. I can make dinner and do laundry and today went to the UPS store and grocery store, but it all just feels "off". I am not me. Is that how you felt? Is that feeling gone? I compare it to 9-11 when the whole world just changed and I wondered when I would feel normal again with life and the world. That's how I feel now. Does that make sense? Is that how you felt?

 

Fake it, i can relate totally to what you are saying. I felt off for many months which was mostly due to depersonalization/derealization. I was minimally functional from about months 5-7 and then after that quite functional. If my job was less stressful I think I could have returned sooner. Months 1-5 were pure hell and I could barely make it out of bed some days. One outing per day was all I could handle. If you are just dealing with feeling ‘off’ but physically ok, I would be very encouraged by that. If you didn’t have the off feeling before withdrawal, then I am quite sure it will pass in due time. Try to ignore it as much as possible. Tell yourself it’s not dangerous and only temporary discomfort.

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I am so glad you made it et1  :thumbsup:  Congratulations and many thanks for sharing your inspirational story

 

Good luck for the future,

 

Magrita :smitten:

 

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Congratulations! And thanks so much for taking the time to share your story with the rest of us. I, too, was on clonazepam, and I see from your story that, like me, you were also dizzy and had trouble walking. It seems to be quite common. I'm so pleased, though, that your dizziness has improved and that you're out there running, taking care of your daughter and going back to work. Excellent news!

 

All the best to you!

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Congratulations et1. Very, very happy to know that you had made it! Thank you also for taking time to post your success story! It is very inspiring and truly gives me and those who are still struggling hope that healing do happens in time. I pray that you continue to heal and live your life healthily and wonderfully!!

 

Sending you lots of hugs, love and blessings buddie!

 

Pi

 

 

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Great story. Your experience is very simillar to mine. My iprovement started when I was one year off and every day it is getting better. I can say now I am 95% healed. For such a long time I had depersonalisation, dizzines, heavy head, headaches and exercise intolerrance. Now I can work full time without a problem, take care of two young kids, do everything around the house, exercise to times a week and go to the stores without a problem. I can still see improvement every once in a while. Every month when I look back I am better than previous month. This time last year I was such a mess that every morning when I woke up I was sorry that I did woke up. Such a big improvement. Now I can say I am fully functional. I can feel some dizzines, but very light, before my period and when I am in a stresfull situation but it passes very quickly. Now I can not even imagine how I survived this time last year.
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Thank you is not enough to express the encouragement I am feeling from reading your story! My brain was telling me today (lying to me again) that I should be dead and probably will die soon. I have really improved in the past 5 months since I jumped off Ativan, but I'm still not quite at 65% all things considered. Sleep is every other night and my weight is still low, although I have a good appetite. Pain is not as bad as you describe, but I have the fatigue and that "off" feeling, which keeps me from feeling I am part of the "mainstream." Anxiety or depression hit occasionally, but they are no longer constant companions.

Praise God that you are well, working, mothering, and living life again!

Tigereye

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Thanks for your success story! May i ask if you ever had any memory problems during the taper and recovery?

I have. I was in school but I am unable to memorize as well as I used to.

Just want to know if your memory was affected and if it got better.

Thanks.

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Thank you et1 - I really needed this ray of hope you have provided with your post - thank you for typing it up.  SO MUCH APPRECIATED.
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et1 you made it!  A great success story is so worth the read. Thanks for sharing and congratulations!!

 

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Great Success Story!  I don't get on very much anymore because I feel almost 100%.  I still have some days when I question myself in what I am feeling.  I know it is withdrawal.  Thank you for giving hope for one more day.  :-*
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Thanks for your success story! May i ask if you ever had any memory problems during the taper and recovery?

I have. I was in school but I am unable to memorize as well as I used to.

Just want to know if your memory was affected and if it got better.

Thanks.

 

Yes I had really bad memory problems. I felt like things would just slip out of my brain immediately. I still deal with some decreased short term memory/brain fog, but much better than it was.mine is also worse during hormone surges, stress, etc. I would say 75% better on that front.

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Congratulations!!! I’m so happy for you!!!

I see you tapered fast due to tolerance like me,

how long have you been off benzos?

did you had constant anxiety in withdrawal?

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I have to keep reading this story for hope.

I feel I will never heal and am stuck like this permanently.

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