Thoughts I have when laying in bed not sleeping

I don't know about y'all, but I hate not sleeping because I think:

1. I wish I hadn't screwed up my life like this and taken that evil pill 

2. Am I just keeping myself up somehow?

3. This is just the benzos. I can do this. 

4. Yep! Another night of laying here all night. The meds failed me :'(

5. I'm gonna have a horrible day tomorrow

6. This is so boring. I wish I could just sleep this off

7. I'm hurting. This is such torture!

8. It's 3 in the morning..now 4..now 5

9. If I lay here long enough, I will fall asleep.

10.  I'm never gonna sleep again!! 

I do a little of #4, #6 and #8.  I'm not the world's best sleeper.  But I'm (mostly) good with that now.

1. Must rush up again, because I have anxiety

2. I forgot to light the lamp, or I will get anxiety

3. I need to have sound in the background, otherwise I get anxiety

4. I hear my own heartbeat, and get even more anxiety

5. Will it always be like this? Now, my anxiety is on top

 

So it's no wonder, you're afraid to go to bed.

1. Must rush up again, because I have anxiety

2. I forgot to light the lamp, or I will get anxiety

3. I need to have sound in the background, otherwise I get anxiety

4. I hear my own heartbeat, and get even more anxiety

5. Will it always be like this? Now, my anxiety is on top

 

So it's no wonder, you're afraid to go to bed.

 

Yeah, I'm always afraid to go to bed. Especially if I slept a lot the previous night. Usually I don't sleep the next one. It's not usually the lack of sleep that I hate, it's the pain, high heart rate and withdrawl symptoms that come with it the next day.

I know this is an old thread, but having insomnia myself, it helps to read about others with the same problem.  Stacy, you really said it well . "the meds failed me" "afraid of going to bed" etc. And its true that insomnia mess with you the day after, giving you more withdrawal. All written is how I feel right now. Dont expect an answer. This is lonely and so hard.

I feel all of these. Woke up at 3am last night and have been up since. So desperate that I might try Melatonin tonight.

Ha!!!  All of the above. 

I’m 8 months out and didnt have any perceived sleep last night. Napping is out of the question too so here I am, still laying in bed trying to drum up some sleep.

Insomnia is one of the most challenging and frustrating sx, for sure.  That's why I ended up on the Klon to begin with.  Hope you catch some zzzz's real soon, StaceyY. 

yeah i think about all those but a lot of nights I have more hypochondriac thoughts - more pressing thoughts - more worrisome thoughts. I'm trying to work on it but this WD amps up the worry and anxiety

I got sleep every other night for months and months. 

I dreaded going to bed after I got sleep the night before.

It will end eventually...it's the not knowing when that makes the process so hard.

You didn't have insomnia before Benzos, so your sleep WILL return.  Promise

I have been sleeping 8-10 hours the past month or two about 2 or 3 times per week! 

I thought you were leaving theway? Yiu didn’t delete your acct?

Mine is returning but very slow. I’m 8 months off.  I sleep almost every night now on my own but it’s very confusing sleep. I will sleep 5-8 hours of broken sleep but dream a lot, very unrefreshed, takes me a long time to fall asleep, and if I wake up, it takes me a long time to fall back asleep. Overall, I sleep 5-8 hours but it don’t feel like sleep at all. I had a very strong sleep mechanism before this though. People laughed at me cause I could sleep anywhere you put me. I was always late for work because I overslept, I never had a single night of insomnia, and I could fall asleep within 2 minutes of hitting the pillow. Hopefully I get back to that. I miss it.

Theway2 I'm glad you are back. Your description of sleep sounds so very familiar. One night of sleep means the next night it goes away.  I'm never okay with that, but I have no choice. I had insomnia before benzos, but what caused it no longer is a problem for me. I know it will come back.

Thanks for the comments and coming back.

Unfortunately sleep returns like the stock market for most...UP and Down...some nights good, some night terrible and some nights somewhere in between.  Waking up a lot and dreaming are very common as sleep begins to return along with not feeling refreshed.

 

Your body knows how to reverse the damage caused by Benzos.  It gets it right once in awhile so you sleep good, then it starts over so you sleep poorly or not at all.  Eventually the times it gets it "right" will become the norm and one glorious day it will get it right for good and your sleep will be back to normal.

 

I still wake up 2 or 3 times per night and once in awhile have a harder time getting back to sleep.  I don't worry about it any more as I know it won't hurt me.

 

5-8 hours per night is great!  Please be thankful, positive and show gratitude for any sleep you do get.  It will slowly become refreshing too.

The problem I’m having is I lay in bed from 9-9 and sleep right in the middle from like 2 or 3 to 6. Is this normal? I mean, it’s hell laying in bed every single night for 5 straight hours before I get a glimpse of a dream. I go to bed early because I know it’s gonna take hours to go to sleep.  What should I do?

Maybe try going to bed later?  If you have never fallen asleep before 2 or 3 am, then perhaps try going to bed at midnight or 1:00 am?

 

I usually go to bed at 8:30 to 9:00 pm and I am usually sleeping in 15 - 20 minutes.  I wake up between 4:00 and 5:00 am most mornings.  If I stay up later, I still wake up at the same time so I moved my bed time back to before 9:00 pm.

 

Are you sleeping from 2 or 3 am to 9:00 am?  Not sure where or how you are getting 5-8 hours if you are only sleeping from 2 or 3 to 6:00 am?  That is only 3 or 4 hours.

 

If you worry too much about sleep, it will elude you. 

 

Your current sleep pattern is "normal" for you right now.  It will even out as time passes.

 

Try not to worry too much about sleep ( I know that is hard to do).  By constantly focusing on your poor sleep, you are conditioning yourself to not get the sleep you would like

 

Remember that your body will get all the sleep it needs at this point in your recovery to keep you going and to keep anything bad from happening to you. 

I go to bed at 9, maybe fall asleep at 2 or 3 and have broken sleep until like 6 or 7. When I say 8 hours, that’s because I took a seroquel or something. That will usually make me sleep a while but I haven’t taken any for a few weeks. It made me throw up for 2 days when I got off of it. Never again. I have tried going to bed later, but I still can’t sleep so I don’t know what to do. Most nights I have no idea if I slept or not cause I feel like I’m awake most of the night but I dream a lot too.

Light sleep/dream sleep is very common as your sleep returns.  That happened to me all the time, along with lots and lots of dreams...REM/Dream sleep is a lighter stage of sleep, but if you are dreaming, you ARE sleeping.  I always like when I remember dreams as I know I am or was sleeping.

 

The fact that you just ditched Seroquel may be contributing to your sleep issues?  Seroquel can have withdrawal too...?

That is why I advocate for not taking other, non-Benzo Rx drugs for sleep during withdrawal.  Why introduce something else into the mix that might have create more sleep issues? 

 

You are probably getting more sleep than you think you are?  Many times I didn't think I got any sleep and my wife would say she heard me snoring or breathing heavier so I was sleeping....

 

Here are some other things you can try...

 

Learn to meditate. And if you can't do that, just try watching your breath. Sit down, with your back straight, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing. Watch as your breath goes in and your lungs fill and watch as it goes out and your lungs empty. Don't force; just watch. Enjoy the spaces between inhalation and exhalation. Just 15 minutes before bed can do wonders.

 

Learn to visualize. After you've meditated for a few minutes and calmed down, practice a visualization. See your body as made of healing light and imagine this light penetrating and soothing every cell in your brain and body.

 

Practice alternate nostril breathing as described below.

 

Some forms of exercise can be great stress busters. Tai chi, yoga, walking, swimming, even going for a run can all help. Whatever works for you.  Be careful with intense exercise...it can ramp up symptoms for some.

 

Practice affirmation. What we say matters. We all probably know, for example, someone who uses the word "afraid" all the time. As in: "I'm afraid I won't be able to go tonight" or "I'm afraid I've eaten too much; I'm absolutely stuffed." Is it any wonder that eventually they're afraid all the time? Dr. Bernie Siegel includes several examples of this negative thinking in his book Love, Medicine, and Miracles, such as the man who said "he was always considered spineless" and in the end developed multiple myeloma in his backbone to support his contention. Or the woman who had had a mastectomy who kept telling Dr. Siegel that she "needed to get something off her chest." And if you're always telling everyone how stressed and burnt out you are, then burnout is a certainty.

 

Instead of being controlled by the things we say, instead of having your health compromised by idle words, you should put words to work for you. Try repeating to yourself over and over with each step you take when you walk, or while you're driving, something like "I'm joy. I'm peace. I'm health. I'm light." Or make up your own affirmation--make it short and rhythmic, so that it almost says itself to a walking cadence. It really works magic.

 

Alternate Nostril Breathing

This is a very powerful stress buster.

 

First, close your right nostril with your right thumb and inhale through the left nostril to the count of four. Then, close both nostrils (using your right ring finger and little finger to close the left nostril) and hold for a count of sixteen. Now, remove your thumb from the right nostril, and exhale through this nostril to the count of eight. This completes a half round. Next, inhale through the right nostril to the count of four. Hold both nostrils closed for a count of sixteen. Then, close the right nostril with your right thumb and exhale through the left nostril to a count of eight. This completes one full round. If you need to, take it down to a count of three, twelve, and six to get started. As you get more comfortable, you can slowly increase the times of inhalation, holding, and exhalation to whatever feels comfortable, but always keep the 1:4:2 ratio. Do not strain. Repeat three rounds.

 

Then sit and meditate for a few minutes if you have the time.

 

 

Theway, Thanks for the tips. Yes, I have been very negative through this whole process. I had two breast surgeries within 11 weeks of eachother, lost my ability to sleep, had severe and I mean severe withdrawals, now pain in my eyes and brain. I’ve felt like I wanted to die many times. I just can’t even imagine how I can just lay down and take a nap or go right to sleep anymore. Doesn’t even seem real so it’s hard to think positive sometimes. It’s been hard on my husband too. I just want my life back and always look to you guys for reassurance from someone that has been through it before. I just need some tips on how to hold my marriage together while going through this. Some things you did to keep your wife’s stress down so she don’t want to bail out on you. It’s hard for me to go into stores, go on vacation or anything anymore. I feel bad for him. When I went into detox, they had me on a multitude of drugs for about 7 days and that could have contributed to this too. Just help me hold on..I feel like getting out of bed is a chore because I feel so awful and I don’t want to do anything. Did you feel like your brain was just stuck in this awful state of nothing? I can’t even remember what I used to feel like to make me know I needed sleep.

Yes, this journey is difficult but doable.

 

You WILL heal.

 

Everything is TEMPORARY although it feels permanent.

 

I could not wrap my mind around being "normal" while I was in withdrawal.  There are very few who can.

 

What I did to help my wife and family and coworkers was to completely STOP talking about sleep.  No matter how much or how little sleep I got, I didn't bring it up.  If other people brought it up, I changed the subject or politely asked them to talk about something else.  I already obsessed about sleep 24/7 so there was no need to drag everyone else down my rabbit hole.

 

It's all part of ACCEPTANCE.  Accepting that your sleep will suck until it evens out and gets better.  Accepting that poor or no sleep can't hurt you other than making you feel like crap.  However, acceptance is only something you can do when you are mentally and physically ready to do it.

 

I NEVER thought I would be able to nap or sleep on my own.  Not rubbing it in, but I took a 2 hour nap yesterday from 11:00 am to 1:00 pm.  It does return.  I couldn't nap at all for the longest time no matter what.  It all slowly changes.

 

Now I have a hard time remembering how bad I was for some time.  Maybe it's a defense mechanism, or something else?  But it is so nice not to have to worry about sleep any longer.  You'll get there too.

 

 

I’m having a lot of pain in my eyes and head. It’s not like a headache but almost like there is some kind of muscle pulling across the bridge of my nose and the back of scalp. My brain feels kind of inflamed and I feel a little weird when I go into places like Walmart or restaurants. Do you remember feeling like that?

I read that melatonin doesn't help much, but I'm going to try it tonight. I sleep every other night, which is not cutting it for me and wearing my body down. What is hardest for me is the loneliness of this. I don't have anyone to talk to, and my husband just shuts me down when I bring it up. One of the reasons I got on Ambien in the first place is our communication difficulties. I like to talk through things. He likes to ignore things (and maybe they'll go away).

 

I'm seriously contemplating either FMLA (but that won't pay me while I'm off) or some kind of short-term disability. Can anyone give advice on this? If my hb worked, I'd just quit. Hands down, I'd quit! But I can't quit. How do I approach HR and my supervisor if I need time off? Also, I teach college and there are no substitutes in college.

 

I also woke up at three in the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. I had an appointment for a thyroid ultrasound, my doctor noticed some nodules in my thyroid when she examined me, I’m so thin she could feel them. The technician told me that yes I have some small nodules, I didn’t ask her, she volunteered the information. I was very anxious yesterday, today I’m tired, but not as anxious. Will this ever end? I still have tachycardia and acid reflux and now this...oh, well, there is no turning back now. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

Stay strong.

I went through the get some sleep one night none the next night for months.  It is no fun but survivable.  I work in education too, but I am no longer in the classroom.  I got approval from my GP for FMLA, which I would have gotten paid for had I taken it, but I never used it.  I had over 100 sick days accumulated and just used them as needed.  I used about 15 or 20 days over 9 or 10 months.  For me I learned staying at home made things worse.

 

I was better off being at work, although sometimes I don't know how I got through some days! 

 

You need to find a doctor that understands Benzo WD or else they are going to refer you to a psychiatrist and that person will most likely try to put you on an AD as many WD symptoms mimic other illnesses and conditions, especially psychiatric conditions.

 

You might need to travel to find a Benzo wise doctor.  Luckily I found a Benzo wise psychiatrist about 1 hour from where I live.  I had that person write a letter describing my "condition" and I gave it to our superintendent.

 

A lot of dealing with lack of sleep is psychological.  We were taught our entire lives that we need 7-8 hours or else....that is not true.  I functioned fine on many days of zero sleep and lots of times on 2 or 3 and sometimes 4 days in a row of no perceived sleep.  I convinced myself I should feel like crap if I didn't sleep.

 

The little or no sleep nights are lonely.  I listened to relaxing music, ebooks or a Bible app.  It helped to pass time and sometimes I even nodded off.

 

Not much works for most people early on (first 6 months or so) in their WD.  Melatonin is safe, so give it a try.  Some have luck with melatonin and tryptophan.