Xanax, clonopin, Ativan and Librium

Hey all. New here. Was on benzos and alcohol for years and got clean in March 2016 for 15 months. Now I’m back on the juice and benzos and just went through my taper. Well very quick taper. I was on Xanax anywhere from 2-4 mg a day so i went to and outpatient detox where she put me on 1 mg of Ativan 3 times a day plus clomodine .1 mg twice a day and 300 mg gabapentin 3 times. Seemed to get me more hooked. Combine that with the 1 liter of vodka a day for days at a time benders I have a real problem. Last drink was Monday.  Spent 2 days in the hospital where they told me they had no bed for detox at the time and sent me home. Came home yesterday and took 10 mg of Librium I had left over and went to bed. Woke up and took 10 more plus my gabapentin. The shakes are gone but the headaches are outrageous. I can deal with the headache but the debilitating depression I’m experiencing combined with no energy and total agorophobia i feel like a shell of a human. I feel like this time i really blew it when it comes to messing up my brain chemistry. How long will I be like this?  I want to be the bubbly energetic person I once was. Although I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety I could mostly keep it at bay or at least hidden. I was able to hold a great job and actually excel at what I did (healthcare field) but now I just feel lost. I lmow today osnonly my first day dry but I’m dying inside and I don’t know how to ease this suffering.

Hello Desperatetorecover,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies! I see you started taking benzos and alcohol again after a good while off.  It seems like you are ready to move forward and have a life free of these drugs, both of which can cause a dependence.  I hope you know that combining benzos and alcohol can be dangerous.

 

From your introduction I can't tell how long ago you reinstated benzos.  If it had been a while a slow taper would be the way to withdraw from these types of medications.  Right now you are going through two major processes, withdrawal from alcohol and withdrawal from benzos. This can be very challenging.  You basically went through a cold turkey, that is the nature of most detox programs. 

 

With time you will see improvements. There is no way to predict just how long recovery takes, it is different for everyone. However, if you do keep taking rescue doses you can end up on a slippery slope becoming dependent once again.

 

I'm so sorry you are feeling this bad.  The two withdrawals you are experiencing can be difficult for some of us.  You've come to the right place for support and encouragement. You'll find others who can relate to your experience and they'll be happy to share what they've learned.

 

I'll give you a link to the Cold Turkey, Detox, Rapid Withdrawal Board where you can communicate with others in the same situation as yourself.

 

I'll also give you a link to the Ashton Manual. It is an excellent resource about these types of drugs and how to withdraw. The manual was written by Dr. Heather Ashton, an expert in the field.

 

The ride might be bumpy for a while but being benzo free and healed is well worth the effort, in my opinion.  Yes, it's your first day dry but think of it as a step in the right direction, freedom from benzos and alcohol.

 

Please do ask questions, we're here to help.

 

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

The Ashton Manual

 

pianogirl