Beyond Anxiety

Hi,

 

What I've been experiencing feels beyond anxiety.  It's hard to describe when every part of my body feels the anxiety 24x7.  It is painful.  I've never felt anxiety like this in my life.  I keep telling myself to just get through 1 more day, but then the next day is the same or worse.

 

I wonder how long must this continue?  This is pure torture.  1 hour feels like 1 month. 

 

The weather isn't helping.  This is the winter that never ends.  April feels like February.  I have cabin fever.

 

I wish I could go to a support group like alcoholics have with AA or something and see other people going through the same thing as me with the benzos.

 

I need so much help.  I am seeing a therapist but he still isn't convinced about benzos.  I started taking documentation to him.  Maybe I can convince him.

 

I've been trying to learn new coping skills, but my anxiety was never like this before the benzos, this is physical.  Coping helps me minute to minute, but the physical anxiety just doesn't stop  :'(

 

I've read so many posts on this BB, so much good advice, but I still don't know what to do.

Hey buddy,

you are just in the acute stadium. This feels like hell is coming over you and you just cannot go on. not one dammed second.

We cannot tell you when things get easier, you made a CT which is not making it better BUT

it gets better.

When it comes to anxiety I do absolutely understand how this feels. I remember me driving in my car thinking "I will freak out! Right now!. I remember standing in a supermarket, hiding behind vegetables thinking "I will die! I am dying!". I remember me walking up and down in my apartment thinking "I will kill myself! Its so hard its so hard"

Its totally crazy.

 

It got better. No, thats not correct. I was anxious before taking the meds. Under meds it got worse. In withdrawal it was the worst thing ever. After a year I didn't have those attacks any more. Now its hard for me to think back because this kind of anxiety I never had again. Its over.

 

The best advice I can give you is "hold on". You will not freak out, you will not fade out in public, you will not die and yes! You and your body the both of you will be able to hold on until withdrawal is over, that is for sure. You cannot trust your punishing brain at the moment which is sending "Alarm! This is severe" - you have to stand by your decision to be drug-free and build up hope. Building up hope is so important and in withdrawal for me it was nearly ridiculous how I convinced myself not to give up. Its all not important. The only thing that is important is not to take the pill again. So be crazy, freak out. Cry like a baby.

 

You are doing the right thing.

3 months is very long time, so congrats!! And its very early in withdrawal so I would say, you just started. Get used to have that overwhelming feeling a looooong time - when you get to the point you can react like "o f*** - really? Panic? Again?" and look on the hole situation from another point, anxiety is supposed to leave soon.

 

Best wishes,

Marigold

Thanks Marigold,

 

I think I will print your reply and keep it in my pocket for the next few days.  I'll read it when I need a reminder that this isn't forever.

 

For now, it's just 1 hour at a time for me.  I can't believe I have to do this for another 3 months, or maybe even much longer. 

Thanks Marigold,

 

I think I will print your reply and keep it in my pocket for the next few days.  I'll read it when I need a reminder that this isn't forever.

 

For now, it's just 1 hour at a time for me.  I can't believe I have to do this for another 3 months, or maybe even much longer.

 

The only "good" thing about staying in this situation for months is - after that I never had any panic attack again. Never. Put me in a hole, an elevator, in a crowd of people - ridiculous.

Your body will remember and tell you "this is NOTHING. Stay cool."

Thank you for sharing your experience BenzoBGone. Reading about it has helped me not feel alone with mine. Am trying to maintain a positive outlook, doing the CBT therapy, MBSR course, YouTube CNS relaxation meditations, and walking when my body permits, but still have catastrophising thoughts and days when all I can focus on is the fear that I will live the rest of my life in constant terror. It feels like my skin is burning, my heart is always about to gallop out of my chest, and that I'll never leave the house again. Those are on the days I'm not overly fatigued!

 

Thank you too, Marigold1. If you where here I would hug you (and probably cry, I've been doing that alot lately). Your answer gives me hope for the future. I always had some anxiety, but on xanax, I think it escalated and I wasn't training myself to handle it. In withdrawal now, it's like everything is amplified to nearly unbearable. Reading about your experience, overcoming panic and anxiety after your recovery, is a HUGE help for hope. Thank you for being a buddie and sharing with those of us in the early waves.

Beyond Anxiety 2

Anxiety on Meth

Thank you for sharing your experience BenzoBGone. Reading about it has helped me not feel alone with mine. Am trying to maintain a positive outlook, doing the CBT therapy, MBSR course, YouTube CNS relaxation meditations, and walking when my body permits, but still have catastrophising thoughts and days when all I can focus on is the fear that I will live the rest of my life in constant terror. It feels like my skin is burning, my heart is always about to gallop out of my chest, and that I'll never leave the house again. Those are on the days I'm not overly fatigued!

 

Thank you too, Marigold1. If you where here I would hug you (and probably cry, I've been doing that alot lately). Your answer gives me hope for the future. I always had some anxiety, but on xanax, I think it escalated and I wasn't training myself to handle it. In withdrawal now, it's like everything is amplified to nearly unbearable. Reading about your experience, overcoming panic and anxiety after your recovery, is a HUGE help for hope. Thank you for being a buddie and sharing with those of us in the early waves.

 

You are welcome:.)

I got so much help here from older buddies so I like to share the good things.

We have to do this! That’s the only way former buddies will be helped.

I don’t want others suffer like me..

Here comes a hug and tears are totally okey:.)

Marigold

acute? pshhh I have been in this state for over 15 months and feel like this every day the anxiety does not end this is a joke

 

Xanax user here. Dizzy and off balance but I tell myself every day is a day down the path to health again. I relate so hard to your sx. I can almost feel, at a visceral level, the adrenaline rushes of panic....wave after wave. But no matter how many times I thought, "this is it" it was not. My mind was trying to trick me. Please hang in there. We Xanax users well know what it feels like to be a quivering mass, unable to leave the house or our beds. We're all here for you. And like in Galaxy Quest, "never give up,  never surrender! "

This is Acute Run away anxiety. Yes it is bad and no you really can't control it. It will run its course and it will get better. My doctor prescribed hydroxyzine which is basically strong benadryl. It has off label anti-anxiety . This run away anxiety had gotten so bad I needed something to take the edge off. It worked. I used it a few times and it really helped.