Is this still withdrawal or is it depression?

I am officially 28 days off Klonopin. I was taking a small dose for about two months, from early January to March 21st. The dosage was .125 mg only four or five days a week. While my extreme withdrawal symptoms have improved (insomnia, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts), I am still feeling some others. The symptoms include

1. Sensitivity to light

2. Blurred vision

3. Finally, and the most concerning, is just depression. This is the type of depression where I just feel hopeless. I can’t see anything to look forward to in the future. I haven’t really gotten back into previous interests nor have I wanted to spend time with my old friends. I just feel lousy day –to-day like I’m stuck in this vortex that I can’t get out of no matter what I try.

Some of my original anxiety has returned, the reason I started taking the pill in the first place. The main symptom I’m having is a sharp pain in my left rib cage just below my heart. The pain seems to make my left hand and foot feel a bit numb. I am working with a therapist on the anxiety and dealing with stress. We have recently started phototherapy as an alternative to western medicine. I am waiting on my UV light to arrive in the mail.

My therapist seems to believe the Klonopin should be fully out of my system after 28 days, that what I am feeling now must have to do with the original symptoms I was feeling; however, I was not feeling this depressed before. It’s like a bad depression that comes and goes. It’s worse than anything I’ve felt before. Could I still be having withdrawal from the Klonopin? Could the withdrawal be causing the depression? It feels very similar to what I felt on day 4 or 5 after quitting cold turkey. It just makes it so hard to get by day to day.

 

I am officially 28 days off Klonopin. I was taking a small dose for about two months, from early January to March 21st. The dosage was .125 mg only four or five days a week. While my extreme withdrawal symptoms have improved (insomnia, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts), I am still feeling some others. The symptoms include

1. Sensitivity to light

2. Blurred vision

3. Finally, and the most concerning, is just depression. This is the type of depression where I just feel hopeless. I can’t see anything to look forward to in the future. I haven’t really gotten back into previous interests nor have I wanted to spend time with my old friends. I just feel lousy day –to-day like I’m stuck in this vortex that I can’t get out of no matter what I try.

Some of my original anxiety has returned, the reason I started taking the pill in the first place. The main symptom I’m having is a sharp pain in my left rib cage just below my heart. The pain seems to make my left hand and foot feel a bit numb. I am working with a therapist on the anxiety and dealing with stress. We have recently started phototherapy as an alternative to western medicine. I am waiting on my UV light to arrive in the mail.

My therapist seems to believe the Klonopin should be fully out of my system after 28 days, that what I am feeling now must have to do with the original symptoms I was feeling; however, I was not feeling this depressed before. It’s like a bad depression that comes and goes. It’s worse than anything I’ve felt before. Could I still be having withdrawal from the Klonopin? Could the withdrawal be causing the depression? It feels very similar to what I felt on day 4 or 5 after quitting cold turkey. It just makes it so hard to get by day to day.

 

I am so sorry to read of your suffering, boomboxboy.  I have no medical expertise, but can relate and can say what I relate to here is directly tied to life post benzos for me.  Wishing you relief.

I didn't realize I posted this 28 days off. Today, I'm 126 days off. Nearly one hundred days later, I still feel depression. Today, I felt it immediately upon waking up. At what point do you say I'm just depressed and it is no longer related to quitting the benzos I was taking for two months. It feels so lousy to keep waking up like this.

 

Also, I tried coffee for the first time in 41 days on Monday because the improvements from quitting it were so slight. Not sure this was a great idea. Who knows. I'm reading posts about people off for two years and still feel depressed, and I'm so scared this is my reality for the next X number of months or years.

I didn't realize I posted this 28 days off. Today, I'm 126 days off. Nearly one hundred days later, I still feel depression. Today, I felt it immediately upon waking up. At what point do you say I'm just depressed and it is no longer related to quitting the benzos I was taking for two months. It feels so lousy to keep waking up like this.

 

Also, I tried coffee for the first time in 41 days on Monday because the improvements from quitting it were so slight. Not sure this was a great idea. Who knows. I'm reading posts about people off for two years and still feel depressed, and I'm so scared this is my reality for the next X number of months or years.

 

Hoping it lifts soon for you.  It lifted for me (to give you hope).

I have to hop on an antidepressant. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m so devastated by all of this. I just wanted some relief from tinnitus at the time and these pills have ruined me. I should have tapered slower too. I’m so full of regret and this is ruining my life.

I tried 50 MGs of 5-HTP this morning. So far, all I feel is tired. I'm not sure if the depression is lifting or not. It might be but I need more time to gauge it. According to SSRI1975, I should try it for three days and then stop for a week then another three days need be and then stop for a week, so my body does not become dependent on it.

Depression is a huge benzo withdrawal symptom. It takes waaay longer than a month or two to go back to normal. Don’t mean to scare you but I’m 13 months off and terribly depressed, although I’m in a bad wave now, there were times I felt better, it’s very up and down this process.

I am 6 months off and my depression and anxiety feel like back to day one. How can this possibly still be out of? I think back to what my life was like before this and it was stressful and I could see negative thinking taking over and I think maybe the trauma of this whole thing just push me into depression and it has nothing to do with the Ativan chemically or recovering from the Ativan. yeah I think I got it in may have played a part in pushing me into clinical depression but I don't think I can just sit around and wait for this depression to lift.

I had a window this morning. I laid in bed this morning before I got up and did a lot of deep thinking and figured out that depression is:

They Define symptoms of depression as losing interest in things that you once liked and I lay there and contemplated that it's your brains way or your higher Powers way of saying forget about all those things you need to focus on what's causing this depression. It's your brain's way of saying there's something in your life that needs all of your attention. So I thought I figured out what that was and I work through some stuff in my head and I got out of bed and the world was brighter and clearer and I felt like my old self again. Unfortunately it only lasted for a few hours and I could literally feel the window closing slowly but surely.

Is this a window from depression does this mean that I'm just depressed and not in withdrawal??

I want to be healed.  I want that magical feeling I had this morning. People say trust the windows so I'm going to trust it.

FakeIt, I had a window on Friday night. Felt pretty good for a couple hours while going with my wife and daughter to the high school football game. You probably experienced a window yourself. The depression associated with this healing process has been the most difficult symptom by far, and I also want to be healed in the worst possible way. It's good that we're both experiencing windows.

 

How has the 5-HTP worked for you? Another buddy said to only have it for about three days and then wait a week and start again for three days and so on so you don't get dependent. Has it helped you feel better at all or sleep better?

Yeah I'm not real sure about the 5-HTP. I think I was honestly feeling a lot worse ... A LOT worse ... like I made a post about feeling like I was losing my mind. I'm truly trying to document better now. But anyway I didn't take any 5-HTP yesterday and then I had that window this morning. Whether those things are related to each other or not I have no idea. I bought some L-tryptophan that I took yesterday instead of the 5-HTP because I heard the same thing about not getting dependent on the 5-HTP. the only other thing I did different as I drink a lot of water yesterday because I realized I don't drink enough. Oh and I took two doses of my omega-3 fish oil. I also got almost 7 hours sleep. The weirdest part is I've been so careful with my sugars and I broke down and ate a Keebler fudge stripe cookie before I went to bed last night.

I also watched some YouTube videos on how to overcome depression and the one video talked about depressed equals deep rest. I think I posted about that on the other thread. When I went to bed last night and when I woke up this morning I really focused on that and how bad my brain just needs to rest and I need to quit ruminating and thinking and obsessing and just give my brain a rest. I don't know if that had anything to do with the window either.

I truly hope this means that we're both on our way to Healing because that window felt magical I just want to cry that it closed maybe having a good cry will help I don't know.

God bless us all.