Feel like Death

I feel as though I would rather not exist.

Oh, Azalea, I know how you feel. Yet another day of depression, crying and wondering if I will ever be normal again. If I do ever feel normal then it seems a long, long way off. I am with you, Sweetie. Gx

I feel as though I would rather not exist.

 

Hi azalea,

 

I'm sorry you've hit such a rough patch.  Many of us understand these feelings, and I once considered researching cryogenics during a particularly rough time.  This will pass, things will get better, have no doubt about that.  But in the midst of misery, it doesn't feel like it.

 

We, as an online forum, aren't equipped to do more than offer a link to helplines:  Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised). 

 

Take care, azalea.  We care about you.

 

Challis

I feel as though I would rather not exist.

 

Hi azalea,

 

I'm sorry you've hit such a rough patch.  Many of us understand these feelings, and I once considered researching cryogenics during a particularly rough time.  This will pass, things will get better, have no doubt about that.  But in the midst of misery, it doesn't feel like it.

 

We, as an online forum, aren't equipped to do more than offer a link to helplines:  Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised). 

 

Take care, azalea.  We care about you.

 

Challis

 

Thank you. Getting support.

Why azalea, what happened?

 

Let me read your old posts.

Thanks, I’m doing way better... getting lots of actual counseling help (professional.) I am telling what I know about bzds and they all listen and believe. We have accomplished something, the inroads are being made— it is clear there is potential now for mass exposure.

 

When or if this really starts to become seen for what it is, it shall. Other than this I know I need to make sure I survive if I can. I’ll do what is in my control. Blessings to all here who love and support one another almost totally selflessly.

 

 

I’m open to your support here still and sorry to have scared you all, any I did affect. Not on purpose, was hard. Thanks

 

 

I'm so glad you are doing way better, azalea.  Prayers it stays that way for you too. ❤️

Azalea, we are a non judgemental board. Like you I too changed IDs. I had joined in 2012, right after my second CT. Oscar tried to bully me then for posting away merrily without giving up what you see I gave up only in 2016 (in my signature). Hope1962 used to be around then as moderator. She later fell out with BB as all things human are wont to. She reprimanded Oscar then and consoled me because I was inconsolable.

Kpin99

 

Can’t thank you enough. Look forward to “talking” more. Lots of love back, az.

Azalea you're always and especially now in my prayers 😇

As well as for me, your life and your family ❤️🌿🏝

Float On

 

I think this was very appropriate and fair, your response Challis. :heart:

Thanks, I’m doing way better... getting lots of actual counseling help (professional.) I am telling what I know about bzds and they all listen and believe. We have accomplished something, the inroads are being made— it is clear there is potential now for mass exposure.

 

When or if this really starts to become seen for what it is, it shall. Other than this I know I need to make sure I survive if I can. I’ll do what is in my control. Blessings to all here who love and support one another almost totally selflessly.

 

 

I’m open to your support here still and sorry to have scared you all, any I did affect. Not on purpose, was hard. Thanks

 

Thanks so much— hope you can rest and feel peace all day. Lotso love and I know it can’t be easy, 🌿

Azaela,

 

Please do not think I am insinuating anything or assuming anything about you! I am just reminiscing my past here:

 

If I could live the last decade again, I would have tapered my benzo while I was still drinking. I made a mistake. But then I had no way of knowing "then" that what people said about alcohol messing up a benzo taper - not just folklore but also sticky in BB - did not apply to me. I did not realize that alcohol is a very complex drug and its effect on GABA is but a very tiny part of it's effect on my brain. There is no neurotransmitter in the brain that alcohol does not affect as fingers would piano keys to rip music into the air.  We simply do not know much about what alcohol does and we simply do not care because there are so many other things that are more important.

 

Had I done that, I would have quit alcohol sooner too (right after my benzo). As long as I was on the benzo, I needed alcohol badly to drive away the tolerance withdrawals of benzo. But all this is just me because I am me. I cannot stop being me, just as you you cannot stop being you.... even after ten thousand years of pretending we are not us.

As well as for me, your life and your family ❤️🌿🏝

 

❤️🌿🏝