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FIRST PSYCH DRUG EVER TAKEN


[Su...]

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Hello,

 

I was diagnosed with a rare tumor in August 2016. I was faced with a very invasive surgery and an uncertain future. Needless to say, I became very anxious and afraid. I had always been very healthy and had never had any other health scares. I cried daily, was unable to eat, I was an emotional mess.

 

A good friend suggested a Psychiatrist that she knew personally and highly recommend. He was very nice. He prescribed Zoloft, Ambien and 1mg. Ativan (to be taken as needed). I took my first Ativan and within 20 minutes I could eat, I could calm down, i could think clearly about what i needed to do going forward. I started taking the Zoloft daily.

 

I took Ativan as needed. I was having no problems sleeping so no Ambien at this point. I started all this the second week of October 2016. I soon noticed i did not need a full Ativan to be okay so I started taking .5mg of Ativan daily. Then I noticed after afound 3 weeks, I didn't feel I needed it every day and started just using it as needed. Which for me meant .5 mg about 4 to 8 times a month. In November 2016 I had my big surgery. It was a success. I was all clean and clear! It was a long hard recovery. During this time I started experiencing many weird symptoms. But because I was coming out of a major surgery, many things were blamed on that.

 

I continued with my Ativan as needed about 4 to 8 times a month. I started taking less and less. My weird symptoms started to increase. in hindsight, I was in tolerance withdrawal and actually withdrawal as at one point I stopped taking Ativan for over 6 weeks. It was really pretty mild things like gastro issues, tinnitus, early morning flu like symptoms, joint issues, head pressure, etc. My Psychiatrist kept refilling my prescription.I started waking at 3 am and having a hard time getting back to sleep. Never had this before.

 

In May 2017, I broke out in hives and then began having shooting pains in my abdomen. All tests run, nothing found. I began to worry more about my health as these symptoms started to arise. What do you do when you are anxious about physical symptoms and you have a prescription for Ativan? You take an Ativan and your symptoms get better and all doctors say, "see, its your anxiety"! Well, I continued taking Ativan very lightly, meaning .5mg. around 4 to 5 times a month. I continued with weird vague symptoms. These symptoms intensified in October 2017. I began to get depersonalization to the point i stopped driving. No doctors could figure out what was wrong with me. I always disclosed exactly what and how i was taking my medication.

 

In November I took Ativan 3 times (3 nights in a row) as i was now having trouble sleeping. In December I took .5mg 6 times. 3 days in row 2 separate times. I took my last Ativan on 12/19/2017 as I thought i would start the new year completely clean, no more meds. I had no idea that I should not just stop taking Ativan without tapering. I had no idea I had already been in tolerance withdrawl for months. I went along okay until January 10th...then all hell broke loose. I became hyper anxious, my head felt like it was gonna explode, my tinnitus was unbearable, i had an inner anxiety that was too much to bear.

 

I stopped being able to sleep at all. I had no idea what was happening to me. After a few days of this my husband said, "If I didn't know better, I would swear you are dope sick!" A lightbulb went off for me. I immediately googled Ativan withdrawal and there it was...absolutely EVERYTHING i had been going thru. I then read I should not cold turkey. But at this point I had already been off Ativan for 4 weeks. I saw my psychiatrist. I explained i thought i was in Ativan withdrawal. He said, "I have NEVER had ANYONE have a problem stopping Ativan". He said I was anxious, depressed and now Bi Polar and I needed to be on 3 different medications and I needed to accept this. I walked out of the office.

 

I have NEVER in my life been on any Psych drugs. I have NEVER been diagnosed with a Psychiatric illness. Now, suddenly at 57 I have all these diagnosis. I was lost, I didn't know what to do. I carried on. I was now 6 weeks off Ativan. Thoughts raced thru my head...do I reinstate? Do I stay the course. Can I make it thru this. Everything i read said if you are off more than 4 weeks do not reinstate.I saw many other doctors throughout this, My gyno, My gastro, My Oncologist, NONE of them thought this was caused by Ativan withdrawal. After 8 weeks of 1 to 2 hours sleep I was going crazy. I saw my GP. She believed I was in Ativan withdrawal. I asked to be reinstated and tapered. She said at this point, studies show it would be worse to go back. That i will just have to go forward. She prescribed Trazadone for sleep...it did nothing. She then prescribed Remeron. I finally got some broken sleep after 9 weeks. It was not restorative but it was sleep.

 

I felt like a zombie the next day. I kept reading all the information on Benzo Buddies stating that I really shouldn't add any other med back in and just get thru it. So I only took the Remeron when absolutely desperate. This has now continued for me...I am 4 months out. Some things have gotten a little better, some things are still bad. My sleep is my number one issue, still broken, I really feel when/if that returns i can heal. I feel so much better on nights were i get maybe 4 or 5 hours sleep. Right now,I have a new psychiatrist who says if it does not get better I can reinstate and taper. She suggest using Librium. I don't know wether to trust her or not. I no longer have any faith in the medical community.

 

I have had some windows...a couple days here and there where i forget that i am suffering so much. But when nighttime comes and I can't sleep, it all comes back. I just want to be over this already. It is the most debilitating, painful thing I have EVER had to go thru and that includes my surgery and recovery and dealing with the unknown of cancer coming back. I had no prior experience with psych meds. I had no warning from any medical professional that I see that my Ativan use was going to cause a problem. I feel so betrayed. I trusted my doctors to help me heal and be better not suffer this unrelenting torment! I believe this drug was beneficial for me in the very beginning.

 

If I had been warned to only take it for 2 to 3 weeks...I would have adhered to that protocol. I am a rule follower! I was never told and never looked this up on my own...Oh how I could just kick myself for not checking on this myself! I check ALL side effects on every med that is ever suggested to me at this point.

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Hello Su2b10  :hug: Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

We are glad you found us. I am so happy the surgery was successful. You have come through such a lot, it will get better. Many of us  were not informed of the addictive nature of benzodiazepines.  Congratulations on being benzo free!  I'm so sorry that you continue to have symptoms, this is not unusual,  It can take a lot of time for many of us to heal after complete withdrawal.  Hang in there.  These symptoms are temporary and will resolve with time.

 

We have many supportive and kind members here who will support you and give sound advice. Feel free to check out the forum and post to any of our dedicated threads.

 

Are you familiar with the Ashton Manual,  It is an excellent resource about these types of medication and their effect on the body. It provides Tapering and withdrawal information and includes a list of common symptoms

 

Here is a link to the manual: Professor Ashtons Manual

 

Here is a link to support: Post withdrawal recovery support.

 

When you have a chance please write a signature line that will appear at the bottom of each post, describing your medication history. Here are the directions to do that: Create a signature

 

Welcome aboard

 

Magrita

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