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[...],Thanks for sharing your story of long struggle, tenacity, and perseverance. Stories like these are quite an inspiration and reason to hold on to another day, for those struggling and new to the forum.
Thank you for your story! Some days I just get furious that doctors are even prescribing this stuff but it made me even more cautious of what I put in my body now. I am almost 9 months out and hope to see some longer windows soon. Head pressure seems to be my last symptom that I can’t shake but I am much better than what I used to be! 🙏🏽
With the Sunrise...Every Day is a New DayToday I’m celebrating 5YrsFree and I’m thinking it’s about damn time that I claim success!So here goes. In ain’t pretty, but I’m gonna tell it like it was, and is, today…I’m an ole yankee at heart. I live in the foot hills of the Appalachian Mountains. I love my space and my land and my independence. People tell me I’m stubborn and self-reliant, but I don’t really know any other way to be. That said, my benzo journey has been a long and lonely one, and it wasn’t until I joined BB that I got the support I needed. Sometimes you just can’t pull yourself up by the bootstraps, ya know?My benzo experience began 25 years ago, with Valium being prescribed for muscle spasms from an injury. I took 30-40 mgs/day for 20 years, never realizing that I had reached tolerance. In fact, the medication was causing more symptoms than it was relieving. Ugh, so easy to see now, in hindsight. Over time, because of my injury and symptoms, I had lost my job, my health insurance and my house. That sucked, but the loss of mobility was my biggest problem, as you will see.By December of 2011, I was in dire straits. I felt I could no longer continue on this path. I decided to try one last thing, and that was to (foolishly) try a rapid taper off the benzo poison, under the guidance of my NP. At the same time, I did a C/T off of the opiates I was given for pain. This was a disaster, to put mildly. So I reinstated at 15mgV, and took 1½ years to complete a cut & hold taper that grew into a tab/liquid microtaper… you know the drill.During this time I had just about every symptom imaginable, with 24/7 DP/DR being the scariest. My whole CNS was wacky, and since I lived on my own, finding myself housebound for approximately 3 years was no picnic. It was actually a huge ordeal. I could not drive, and ordered everything from Amazon. Thank god for Prime. I could not shower because of the burning. My hair fell out, it felt as if I was being stung by bees 24/7 for many many months, basically I felt like a character in Alice in Wonderland day after day....you get the picture...it goes on & on....After my taper, I knew that life could no longer be put on hold. i just wanted to function like a "normal" person again. Through shear resiliance & determination I tried to accomplish something every single day, but my symptoms caused me to repeatedly injure myself. Because my eyes couldn’t focus properly, I put a nail through my finger with a Paslode Impulse nail gun. Because of balance issues, I broke my kneecap while restoring my old truck. And because of vertigo/dizziness, I tripped in the garage and dislocated my jaw. And to this day, I still have to deal with a torn meniscus, that happened when I was framing my deck.Additionally, along the way, I managed to poison myself even more, by agreeing to take the fluoroquinolone antibiotic Cipro, which has left me with Peripheral Neuropathy. Lovely. OK, so that’s the bad news. The good news is that throughout all of this, I was still able to find ways to remain self reliant and independent. Once I was off of the benzo poison, I eventually became productive again. The first thing I did after I jumped was purchase a Harley, and a Hummer. I took great pleasure in driving that bike, just like I felt prior to benzos. Riding my hog solo against the [...] made me feel alive and free again. The vibration from the fuel injected motor with custom exhaust cancelled out all of the “inner vibration” sensations I felt 24/7 from lingering withdrawal symptoms. And the Hummer made me feel safe when I was reluctant to drive days. Nothin’ like heavy gauge steel for protection Since my taper I’ve had to force myself to do things that were uncomfortable but necessary to remain self reliant. I built a 7000 sq ft garden, a 288 sq ft chicken coop with 2- 12' x30' runs, and a 32' x 18' outbuilding so I could store the rough-cut lumber I harvest from my woodlot. I’m now able to cut and split my own firewood again. I also enjoy spending time in my wood-shop creating a variety of things to use around the homestead. So even though I still struggle day to day with painful neurological issues (from the Cipro), I continue to keep myself distracted by keeping busy with the homestead.Another thing that kept me going was humor. I had some really funny friends here on BB and we used to bombard each other with silly memes. Figured we were all stuck at home and miserable, so why not try to make each other laugh? (Uh-hem, actually I still like to do that)After being so sick for so long I decided to go green & organic. Now I make everything from scratch including my own soaps, shampoo, toothpaste cleaning products, etc. I grow and preserve my own organic vegetables, fruits, berries & nuts and even keep chickens for their eggs. I also cleaned up my diet. No processed foods. Going low-carb & dairy free has really helped with the GI, cog-fog and concentration issues.About eight months ago I started feeling well enough to adopt a dog. He drove me crazy when he was a puppy, but I love him to death, and he’s certainly a good distraction & companion. I named him Taz because he’s got energy like the Tasmanian devil.My body has been mostly normal for quite a few months now. And although the neuropathy is still there, it’s much less noticeable unless I get extremely stressed out. The improvements have been slow and steady. Sometimes sooo slow that I didn’t even notice until I looked back, but still, they were happening. There is another positive thing that came out of this whole ordeal. I met a true, genuine, real life friend. [...] has been my cornerstone. She has been a true blessing. She & her family drove a long, long way to visit with me. We had a blast. THANK-YOU my lovely friend [...]....I am so honored to be part of the BB team now. I want to thank Colin, [...] and the whole team for all or their support over the years. You guys all rock! Now I especially look forward to helping newcomers. Remembering how hard it was for me in the beginning to even string a sentence together, I totally get it why so many new buddies have a tough time planning their tapers. So I try to help them in any way I can.We’re all in this together, guys. And every time I hear of someone’s progress, I feel a little bit better myself, kind of like a ripple effect. So I’m still showing up, and hoping to help others pull themselves up by their bootstraps too, even when they think they’re hopelessly stuck in the muck.So onward we go - the march to [...] is a muddy one, but it’s worth it! So hang in there when you are struggling...never give up hope...If I healed so will you heal!Many Blessings to ALL fellow BB warriors [...]
