Trapped With No Real Plan On How To Go Forward

I recently returned from a vacation in Las Vegas which I suppose was a bit too overstimulating and caused me to think way too much about how horrible my life is compared to all of the young, wealthy, happy, beautiful couples there.  I began to have severe sleep trouble on vacation.  Since marijuana is now legal there I tried 5 mg and 10 mg edibles on two different nights to see if it would do anything for sleep but it only relaxed my body a little, made it feel like time slowed down and then caused me to have way too much introspective thought.  I still haven't had any alcohol since May 2009.

 

Anyhow, the insomnia has carried over to being at home despite holding at 500 mg of Depakote Sprinkles, 3 mg of Klonopin and 25 mg of Anafranil for about 28 days.  On top of that, I am constantly coughing and I'll probably have to take an antibiotic starting later today if I'm not too afraid to go to the doctor.  My first night back I took some Vitamin C and magnesium supplements along with Cold-Eeze cough medicine and I felt like I was going to die from that because I had horrible diarrhea and felt dehydrated to the point where I had to chug bottles of Poland Spring water afterwards. 

 

I've stopped the supplements and such now but my sleep has turned to complete crap again.  The 25 mg of Anafranil is supposed to be the key medication to keep me asleep no matter what during withdrawal.  In fact, I wouldn't have made it out of inpatient back in the summer of 2016 without it because a combination of Klonopin, Depakote, Zyprexa, Trazodone and one other one which I don't really remember didn't work.  So now I'm looking at where I am now and it's like ok you got off of three medications but there's still three to go.  And it's always the same thing.  I either hit this impossible obstacle whenever my Depakote or Klonopin gets too low.

 

There's not much left that I haven't tried and I don't have much faith in them.  What is cherry tart juice, milk peptides and phenibut going to do if the most powerful antipsychotics acted as a placebo the last time they hit my brain?  I reached out to a stem cell research place in California that has supposedly done wonders for traumatic brain injury, Parkinson's etc.  But to tell you the truth it's probably easier to fix a brain that was smashed in a car wreck that one that was blasted by 40+ psychiatric drugs.  Then there's the Mayo Clinic in Arizona which is supposed to have the world's best doctors but is there really such a thing as a best psychiatrist?

 

So I have to admit I'm powerless and clueless here.  I don't know what to do.  I have no plan that doesn't seem to involve me going insane from insomnia again and winding up back in a psych ward getting redrugged.  Well, I guess "acceptance" is one plan but if I'm not working to improve my life in some way than my life has even less meaning.  On a side note, I'm still really regretting the decision to drink alcohol back in 2008 when I was free from the 25+ medications to try and fix my PSSD through socializing (it then caused my sleep to become destroyed and I was inpatient for 4 months) because now there are some really smart people on the PSSD forum who have fixed themselves by using odd things such as taking female birth control medications and nootropics.

 

So, here I am again, hands in the air and with no plan...what do I do?

So now I have bronchitis...not exactly great to help with sleep...any ideas or am I just hopeless?

Once I reached tolerance with Ativan, I barely slept again for two years. Doubling the Ativan didn’t work, nor did adding Valium.

 

The only way I got out of it was to get off and go through the long recovery period. Acceptance of insomnia works better once you’re off the benzos, because at least you know your brain is repairing itself. None of the sleep aids worked for me during the whole ordeal.

 

I’m almost twenty-one months off now and I’m finally getting long bouts of natural sleep, drug-free.

 

So it’s not hopeless at all, but the first step is getting off the benzos. Then, let the healing begin.

Once I reached tolerance with Ativan, I barely slept again for two years. Doubling the Ativan didn’t work, nor did adding Valium.

 

The only way I got out of it was to get off and go through the long recovery period. Acceptance of insomnia works better once you’re off the benzos, because at least you know your brain is repairing itself. None of the sleep aids worked for me during the whole ordeal.

 

I’m almost twenty-one months off now and I’m finally getting long bouts of natural sleep, drug-free.

 

So it’s not hopeless at all, but the first step is getting off the benzos. Then, let the healing begin.

 

I don't understand how anyone can go for long periods of time without sleep.  When I went without sleep for about 3 weeks in 2009 I was manic and had entered a psychotic state that wasn't fixed until being in psychiatric inpatient hospitalization for 4 months and hit with dozens of different medications.  I couldn't remember my own name, names of my family members, my phone number or anything until I started being injected with Haldol and Ativan.  Also, if I'm not sleeping well, the bronchitis will turn into pneumonia.  I guess I'm just wondering what you did to occupy your time for that 2 year span without going completely insane.  How does one accept such suffering?

Once I reached tolerance with Ativan, I barely slept again for two years. Doubling the Ativan didn’t work, nor did adding Valium.

 

The only way I got out of it was to get off and go through the long recovery period. Acceptance of insomnia works better once you’re off the benzos, because at least you know your brain is repairing itself. None of the sleep aids worked for me during the whole ordeal.

 

I’m almost twenty-one months off now and I’m finally getting long bouts of natural sleep, drug-free.

 

So it’s not hopeless at all, but the first step is getting off the benzos. Then, let the healing begin.

 

I don't understand how anyone can go for long periods of time without sleep.  When I went without sleep for about 3 weeks in 2009 I was manic and had entered a psychotic state that wasn't fixed until being in psychiatric inpatient hospitalization for 4 months and hit with dozens of different medications.  I couldn't remember my own name, names of my family members, my phone number or anything until I started being injected with Haldol and Ativan.  Also, if I'm not sleeping well, the bronchitis will turn into pneumonia.  I guess I'm just wondering what you did to occupy your time for that 2 year span without going completely insane.  How does one accept such suffering?

 

Acceptance is only something you can do when you are ready for it.  You might not go 2 years without sleep.  It is possible to recover quicker.  I went about 8 months with very little sleep often going 3 and sometimes 4 days in a row with zero sleep.  When I asked other buddies how long it took to get sleep back I heard all sorts of answers from 6 months to 3 years.  I had the same thoughts...how can anyone go that long without sleep and survive?  I thought it was impossible and starting looking for drugs I could take for the rest of my life to help me sleep as I figured that was the hand I was dealt.  I found out that there aren't any and my best course of action was to endure the recovery process.  Nothing worked for me Rx, natural, OTC, etc.  I almost reinstated at a much higher dose a few times, but was glad I didn't.  I turned a corner pretty quickly and went from poor to terrible sleep to decent sleep in about one month.  I have been sleeping pretty well ever since but still get a poor night here and there.  I am almost 20 months off and my body healed to the point where I get natural sleep without taking anything.  I can even nap now.  That was impossible for me one year ago. 

 

MTfan went through extremely long periods without getting any sleep and only had brief sleep periods here and there.  If you asked the medical community, they would say that what she is claiming is completely IMPOSSIBLE. But she survived and is now getting 5-6 hours of light sleep most nights. I know another BB that I don't see on this forum any longer, but he said he went 2 years with about 1 hour per night and then started sleeping 10 hours a night out of the blue and completely recovered and sleeps well every night.  Siggy and alohafromhawaii also had some pretty severe insomnia and recovered.

 

But your healing journey won't begin until you are off of all Rx drugs.  Lack of sleep sucks big time, but won't kill you.  Your body will get all the sleep it needs before that happens. I thought the same thing as you, how can anyone accept not sleeping.  But once you are ready for it, it makes sense and goes a long way toward recovery.  Good luck!

I sympathize and agree no sleep and no health.

 

I could not have had a career and worked 30 years without sleep meds.  And if I did not sleep, yes, would get colds and bronchitis... the whole works.

 

What is so sad is after a lifelong prob of non sleeping, then I find out the ONE drug that worked-- benzos--  have this issue getting off!  Who knew?  Not me.

 

I have not decided what to do either.

 

Have been sick for so long trying to get off, and I'm old and I would like my last years to be kinda enjoyable.

 

I have yet to try going up on dose (I am just stubborn) but if that works and I stay at it (I have no tendency at all to increase dosages), perhaps that is what I will do.

 

I have not taken all the myriad drugs you are on... that would be even more confusing than my situation, which I already think is confusing!

 

;O