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Cool.  Now I am remidned (due to a yahoo article) that when I DO get the courage to have a job, I'll be turned down for not being able to explain why I haven't been working.
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That's not necesarily true. People stop working for a lot of reasons and manage to get hired. But you should have have some kind of explanation ready. There are resume/interview tips out there for all sorts of situations!
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Got any ideas what you wanna do midnight? I would go for a regular job, and not make a career move until your confident.
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That's what I thought also...  But I'm not so sure what to try to do.  And then it will be depressing knowing I'm still not in an actual career.  I really want to be dating and I don't even bother trying to meet anyone or date because I automatically assume they'll turn me down absed on no job and would turn me down if I have a job too if it's not some great career.
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Midnight, can you give me a rough idea how old you are? I don't even know if your at the age for a career, long term relationship vs Dating Partying, and having a regular 9 to 5.

 

I can tell you this, every career turns into a job and every job can turn into a career... :laugh: And If a relationship is based on if you have a "career", get out of it!

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low 30s.  I personally don't see why someone's job should be an automatic "don't even date him", but judging by what people post on dating sites it sure seems like it.  In most cases.  Who cares if I have good qualities and will eventually get the job or a good job... still deosn't matter if I don't have it right now apparently.  And it's getting lonely not ever dating!
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Having a job is an important factor in dating!  Even if it's just a couple of dates, who's going to pay for them?  I believe dating should be a joint financial responsibility, but I sure don't want to be the one who pays all of the time.  When people date they're usually trying someone on for size, wondering if this could be the person they end up with.  If that person doesn't have a job, or never has had one, I'd be thinking to myself, I'm not going to support this person, no way.  Having a job means a person is stable, they have enough integrity to get up every day, no matter what and go to work, a strong work ethic is a sign of maturity. 

 

If someone was independently wealthy, then I guess that's a whole different ball game, but I'd still want to see what that person did with their time.  I'd need to know they gave to charity or volunteered for worthy organizations. 

 

Of course, if someone had been ill all of their life and wasn't able to work then there would be exceptions.  But even then, that person could have pursued many worthy life enhancing activities that would make them attractive.

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I agree with pam

 

I don't know what else to add midnight. I think your over thinking the situation, and letting your conscious hold you back. Be a little more free spirited and move forward with your plans is all I can say.

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Well it's just a shame that when I get a job I won't know who would have turned me down without one because the way i look at it if you're supposed to be doomed to beign alone and doing nothing because you don't have a job then those people aren't worth dating when I do get one.  Going on a date isn't a marriage proposal and it just seems pretty unfair to be forced into being a lonely outcast due to anxiety slowing me up from getting a job.  Monetary status should not determine whether someone is talked to or not and whether or not they're having to be lonely.  Men could look at it the same way and think they're ebing used for money.  But the difference is it's usually true then wheras in my case I don't care about someone else's money or want them to pay for anything.  If someone wants to ignore someone's good personality traits because they aren't rih then oh well.  But those people get annoying when they later complain about who they do end up with because they obviously rejected the good personalities for money and looks and then wonder why they're unhappy.  Heck if anyone wanted to be happy in life they would be happy just being around someone rather than wanting to always be doing thigns that cost money anyway.  You can do plenty that cost money and plenty that don't and make it work until the person has the job.  So poor people don't deserve to be cared about?
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Hi Midnight,

 

Dating is about the whole package, people look for the qualities they consider to be important.  I feel having a job is, but that's just me.  And of course poor people deserve to be cared about, but we're not talking about poor people, I think we're talking about a healthy adult who chooses not to work.  Even if that person chooses not to work, if they were involved in community enrichment activities, that would be something I'd find attractive, not someone who sits around doing nothing. 

 

I'm not talking about using someone for their money, or having to always go places that cost money.  Many people as I said, look at who they date as potential life partners.  If that person has no income, and no desire to work, how do they support themselves, who pays the bills?

 

As I said Midnight, these are just my thoughts, I'm sure there are many people out there who would be happy to spend time with someone who has a great personality, I'm just too damn old to buy into that one anymore.

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But the point is why did I make this topic if I have no desire t work?  That's what I mean is that people are just going to miss out by not recognizing that it's temporary and will have a job at some point.  And i don't think not having a job should doom people to be alone.  Look at all the abusers who aren't alone.  So apparently rape and abuse is not as bad as having only income be from disability.
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I'm sorry Midnight, I got all wrapped around the axle talking about work, I wasn't talking about you so much as I was about some folks I've known in my life.  You're right, you created this thread because you need a job and I hope you can get off of the benzo, heal from it and deal with the anxiety that has held you back.

 

Are you practicing some good anxiety reducing techniques, I can't remember if you've read the Clare Weekes books.

 

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I didn't take offense to anything.  I'm personally just frustrated with how things work where basically I don't think it would even matter why I don't have a job... women will judge it anyway despite me having the anxiety and a disability. I know for a fact I can handle a job if I ever get over the anxiety.  My disability won't keep me from one if not for the anxiety.  But it's taking me forever.  All I know is I made big time changes this year for the first time in many years so I know eveneutally I'll be where I want.  But who knows if I'll find a happy relationship... and that's the main thing I want out of life.

 

No I haven't yet read the books.  I've read some before, but not hers.  And as far as anxiety techniques I think rationally most of the time lately, but sometimes I get overwhelmed with little issues.

 

Also I didn't date when I was young either so that makes it even tougher.  It just adds to the anxiety and depression if you are lonely year after year.  lol

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How do you get by now with no job? You don't have to answer this question, but it takes money to eat, doctor, medication, have a internet connection. etc...

 

If i can have all that stuff and not work, I wouldn't work.  :D All I need is my fishing pole to keep me busy  8)

 

Some of my single friends use plentyoffish.com for dating. 100% Free from what I understand.

 

 

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Disability payments.  I live in a good area of town too, but I already had some saved up, make sure and get extra groceries when on sale, have a discounted apartment rate for the first year, have had help in the beginning etc...  But that's my point is because of me not having a job doesn't mean I can't afford dates if i want to.  But I really need a job by the time the apartment price would go up unless I want to move to a new apartment.

 

And see another way I afford things is I don't drive so no insurance costs, no car, no money spent on gas.

 

And I do some programming, but I have not sold anything except I made a custom program for one guy.

 

As for the dating site, I'm on a free one now, but I don't even initiate anythign due to both shyness and also figuring they'll immediately turn me down when knowing I don't have a job.

 

I am thinking of making my own dating site and having most of it be free, but then have paid services and also have ads where I get a little money even out of free members.  However, it's very hard to get sites active.  It won't cost me more than maybe $10 to make it though because I already have licenses for various things and hosting for other sites and would simply add a new site to my hosting.  I have big ideas online sometimes, but they never have panned out.

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Social Media Marketing will be the key to getting your sites up and running quickly with traffic. Go right to FaceBook, Twitter, Myspace, make free blogs, etc...

 

There is no cost, and just takes the gift of fonting.

 

So you do programming? I know enough to manipulate code, But not enough to write full blown PHP , ASP, Java scripts. I also know enough to screw it up  :D

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Basically all I know is enough PHP to make apps for forum software.  A lot of the hard work is already done with functions in the forum software so I just learned how to make things and utilize their security and everything.

 

Yeah I've mentioned sites before on FB and myspace, but didn't know the best way to market it.  I've also paid to advertise on msn, google, and yahoo and got some visitors but they just left pretty quick.

 

But if I do make a dating site at least I would have a purpose behind it.  The others have not really had any goal other than post about nay topic.  I can't think of another site to try other than dating or maybe make it for making friends OR dating and you put on your profile which type of situation you're looking for.  Then I would make an app especially for matching people or something.

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Is there any websites that provide dating for disabled/physically challenged/etc.. people? Just a thought!

 

 

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Probably.  There seems to be a lot for practically anything.  But whatever I end up making it for I think I could come up with some unique ideas.  Hopefully.
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  • 1 month later...

I still haven't even decided on a definite name or theme as far as sites go and have to soon.  lol

 

But anyway as far as a "real job", since I'm off the emd and having no bad effects and have got my thinking better... I figure soon I could handle a job.  Like I said, I've never had one though.  So I may still not know how to force myself to take the plunge.

 

All I even need is practically ANY part time job to be able to live comfortably in my current situation indefinately.  So I just have to somehow do it and get the job when I do try for it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Now someone lectured me online about how a job comes first, not a gf, blah blah blah.  First off I have enough money to get by on for now AND I could program some from home.  So I don

t "need" a real job this exact instant.  Secondly, what am I supposed to do go threaten employers if they don't hire me?  Who is going to hire me with me having zero experience?  Most every job opening is for someone with experience and so then nobody knows how to get that experience.

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Now I at least looked online for jobs, but as usual there's nothing I am qualified for.  Only jobs ina  field I ever even CONSIDERED are accounting jobs.  And they require experience and I never took accounting after high school.  I'm very great with numbers.

 

But anyway people always used to say that having ANY degree would help me get SOME job.  Yet I really don't know anything it would help me get.

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Yeah and if nothing else I'm sure I will get more comfortable around people.  I have already become more comfortable around people anyway though, but just don't really have any situations where I am forced to interact.

 

What sucks is I am sure I will geta  crush on some coworker (because I easily get interested in women lol) and although yes it's common to date someone from work, it's usually not recommended and some companies forbid it totally.  But I'm not sure where else I can meet any other than work, volunteering somewhere, church, and online.  I don't like bars or clubs and I'm not so sure many young women would be at the athletic club I am considering joining.

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