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Need a Job


[Mi...]

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I've never had a job.  I really need one within maybe half a year or preferrably less.  Need money and need something to do besides site here.

 

Anyway I've always had huge anxiety about getting a job.  I wonder if anyone else had that and actually GOT a job and ended up ok at it.

 

I;'m not sure what I fear exactly.  MAYBE that people will judge me.  MAYBE that I will do bad at it.  MAYBE justs cared of the unknown since I've never had one.

 

I really don't care deep down if people are a little rude to me.  I deep down know I eventually do great at what I want to do rgeat at.  So I guess more than anything it's me being scared of change.  Scared of what "could" happen.  Actually I felt GREAT all day today and if I felt THIS relaxed I could handle most of my fears, I think.  It's just somehow being able to go get the job and feel relaxed which is hard to do.  The first step.

 

Well I hope someone can help.  Therapists sure helped zero.  They'd tell me I should get a job and then they wouldn't really do anything at all to get me easing into it.  Maybe my first step is to figure out what in the world I may want to do for a job.  That right there is a big issue.  I have no idea.

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Midnight - if you need a job to support yourself then that's what you need to do (more later), but if you don't need one try doing volunteer work to ease yourself into taking on the responsibility. Volunteers need to do a good job and are very important, but there isn't as much pressure and hours are usually more flexible. When you get comfortable start looking for a paying job. Do you mind if I ask how old you are?

 

If you need a job, then you have to take stock of your skills, training, education, and talents. Make a list. Then make a list of what interests you. There are tons of websites and books at the library that can help you put togther a resume based on your specific situation.

 

I'm not sure how a therapist can ease you into getting a job - but I'm thinking that confidence is your biggest issue and maybe they can help with that.

But know this - people screw up at their jobs all the time, people screw up interviews all the time - point is you will probably screw up at some point too - its no biggie. It's how you will learn the ropes. I've been working my whole life and when I look back at some of my early mistakes I cringe - but it happens to the best of us. Take the pressure off yourself and just do the best you can with honesty and integrity and you will be fine.

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I'm 33.  I pretty much need one within half a year to maybe 9 months for sure because I otherwise would not be able to afford even living on my own anymore.

 

Out of all of these years I somehow can't figure out what I would like doing. I think I've got to at least SOMEWHAT like SOMETHING about a job or I'll just be miserable thre every day.

 

I do a little programming to make things for forum sites (different software than this site) and people pay em to make them custom programs or I could sell them publicly.  So I can get some money that way, but of course income would fluctuate if I do that and it's questionable if it would be enough.  Also I'm, tired of being in the apartment all the time so would be nice to have a real job and meet people.  Volunteering is suggested a lot and may be good for the time being.  I don't know.

 

Oh and yes I know... people do screw up andmuch worse than me.  So it's just a matter of getting my brain to constantly comprehend that.  Probably these benzos clouding my brain where it forgets.  lol

 

And I made a stupid mistake on an interview and I just laughed it off later and didn't get mad at myself.  So I don't know why I'm still afraid.

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Hey midnight,

 

I have very similar anxiety as you about the job thing. I've been working at my job now for over 5 years and I've been very nervous about the idea of changing jobs. I think you hit it on the head with the "fear of the unknown". It has to be very normal and nobody wants to be judged. I agree with icandothis about having confidence and just doing the best that you can.

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Hi.  Thanks for the response.  I kind of waver in confidence from day to day for some reason.  But anyway all I know is I've got to somehow get a job at some point.  I personally think once I GET the job and go to it I would have less fears.  But I'm not sure how to get myself to do it.  I get kind of panicky even thinking about it.  Partly because I'm worried I can't physically handle it.  I think about how even when doing nothing it seems liekd ays don't have much time other than sleeping and eating in them and so then I think a job is like giving up your whole lifeand that I would eat, sleep, and go to a place I hate.  That's my fear.  That I'll never be happy because I won't even have time to.
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Midnight, I'm no psychologist, but I recognize your fears. It sounds like what they coin as "anticipatory" worrying. You can't control everything that "may" happen - you can't even control what definitely happens! Because our worries are usually way off and not reality based anyway. We fare much better than we think. Take comfort in that. The "what if" thinking has got to go, try to live in each moment and not look to far ahead or let your imagination run wild.
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Yes I try to eliminate what if thinkig, but you do have to plan some thigns. You have to look ahead to have goals and whatnot.  I've eben trying to stop worrying about thigns I can't control for years now, but my body seems to not care that I know in my brain not to do it.  It's ike whatever part of the brain is for intelligence... that part knows not to worry.  but I guess another part of the brain controls reactions because I still feel anxiety at the same time as I KNOW it's not rational or useful.

 

I feel bad today in general.  othing seems to go right.  I'm itching right now and wonderinf ig mosquitos are in here.  And I'm bored, lonely, and unsure what to do about emds and a job.  So tons of annoying decicions and discomfort.  It's driving me nuts that I'm itching because I'm in an apartment so they'll pretend nothing is biting me.

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Another thing you might want to consider is that your thoughts can impact your emotions and your emotions can impact your actions. Therefore if you find yourself stuck in a negative thought pattern recognize it as negative then choose to think of something positive in your life instead.

 

It sounds easy but is not I know from experience. It's like I want to worry about things as if I dont know how else to think.......Anyways I've started to recognize this 'distorted thinking' for what it is and focus my attention on things that make me feel good about myself and the world.

 

Everyone has things they can feel good about it's just a matter of if they choose to recognize those things. Also, a good job, lots of money, fill in the blank does not eliminate irrational fears. We are the only ones who can do that and it comes from within. Change your perspective change your life. Recognize when your worrying then choose not to.

 

This is the advice that I've been given and it's helped me tremendously. Sorry your having a rough time. 

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One thing I read lately is about visualization.  If you think of all the success stories out there, the ones who make it have a thought/or image of what they want their life to be.. they continue to think on that thought... and their positive thinking MAKES IT HAPPEN!  If you read any self help book or autobiography/success stories.. they will tell you that there is definitely a connection between thinking positive and being successful.  Negativity is a downer... depression is a downer.. there is a connection.

 

SEE the JOB you want, think about it.. visualize it... and then eventually your thoughts will materialize. Not that it's a magic button, but it sure does help.

 

Just my 2 cents .. or is that 1.00 now with inflation?? ;)

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I do recognize my negative thought patterns though.  That's what makes me so MAD is I know exactly how I am thinking improperly.  I'm good at recognizing anything in life.  I know what is rational. Yet somehow my body won't REACT properly.  I still wonder if the benzo being in me is part of things not sinking in.  Eithter that or the body has just got so used to reacting irrationally that it's hard to change it even when intellectually I have changed a lot.

 

I don't spend much time on CBT type of things each day though.  Only when I am about to go to ebd and just 5 minutes or elss.  But increasing time spent on analyzing thoughts usually ends up eventually taking all my energy away by me thinking too much.  So i don't know what the answer is.

 

People usually say you've got to learn to be happy with yourself, love yourself, etc...  But with me having no real life friends and having not even dated in years (and that was online, didn't meet) it's getting very lonely and no matter what I think of myself it's just mighty depressing feeling alone.  And I find problems with every woman so I don't even think of asking any out.  Plus I'm too shy to anyway.  lol

 

I do feel like when there's nothing to worry with my mind thinks of something else.  I was just thinkiing about that earlier today.  As far as visualization... I can't even think of positive thigns to picture, can't think of what job I would enjoy and qualify for, etc...  When I get negative thoughts I soemtimes try desperately to think of happy ones to cover them up and then I realize I can't think of any time in my life where I just felt very happy for a long time in a row.  I don't remember many great events.  And I'm not so sure what to picture for the present or future either.  So much bores me.  I can't get too excited about nature, for example.  I do like sprots and video games, but when I get depressed even thinking of a cool new game doesn't get me happy.

 

It makes me mad that I can picture myself being happy and yet something holding it back.  Really the only thing I can think of which truly makes me feel happy would be a relationship.  And when you're not dating or have anyone in mind you can't really picture that either.  And then people will say people with anxiety "aren't ready" to date.  Yet look how many with anxiety DO date and get married and whatnot.  Nobody is ever perfect.  If someone waits until perfection before dating they would never date.

 

 

I don't know.  Sigh.

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((((Midnight))))

 

I am sorry that so many things are affecting your happiness.. and it makes me sad that you can't think of anything that makes you truly happy. :(  You want some of my kids? They are clowns and they will make you laugh.. :crazy: :crazy:

 

My son today put on one of those crazy glasses with the mustache and nose... he walked around like a chicken and made other little skits ... he really is so funny!  I don't know where I'd be without my nutty family...

 

you must have something in your life that you remember that makes you happy... something you can visualize for the future.. your dream job, just where you'd like to see yourself... these are things people get asked during job interviews.  If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me where I'd like to be in 5 yrs, 10 yrs... I'd be rich (okay, I'd have $5.00).. but the point is... you should have a starting point and maybe things will start turning around for you.

 

I pray you find that happiness... it really is a blessing when you can find joy, just in every day things.  I know I'm counting my blessings today and not my PILLS.

 

List 10 things today that are a blessing to you...

 

I know I can do it.. you can too! :) 

 

It's not a perfect world, but to me, it's pretty perfect today with a new perspective.

 

For one, I'm thankful for friends like you.

I'm thankful for a computer that has found this place

Thankful for my family

For my next meal

For good health

For windows of happiness

That I have a place to live

That there are no floods where I live

That there are no volcanic eruptions

The oil spill is still off shore

We have a savings account

I can walk

I can talk

I can breathe!

 

The list is extensive.. I just want you to know that you're on my list!

xo :smitten:

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  • 4 weeks later...
I still haven't got anywhere with the job issue except I have eben fearing it less lately I think.  I just wish I was drawn to some job I thought would be fun.  Hard to be as scared if you believe you'll enjoy something.
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By the way another huge anxiety during my life was how could I get by on my own (as far as taking care of myself and not having my parents live with me).  Well after over 32 years i moved out.  That is a big step to go from never moving out to suddenly doing it after that long.  Well it was very depressing.  But now finally after 4 months I am feeling very strong and confident and happy.  I still depend on my parents quite a bit though, but I'm used to being alone and I go and walk to tons of places and seem to be getting more accustomed to it.

 

So maybe that will give me a little bit of evidence to remind myself I eventually not only get used to it, but feel beter than ever.  For the job I think I just need to truly know what I want to do and how to do it.

 

If I do get a job and end up happy at it, I will be very happy and pleased with myself because these are changes that I went over 30 years not changing.  And a stupid psych said I should have gone to him "when I was 18" and pretty much said he couldn't help me because it's harder after developing a pattern for a lot of years.  So I guess in his mind I should have just sat there and die or something.

 

But anyway well the only other actual changes I want are job, girlfriend, more friends.  Really confidence in social situations is the key to all three of those.

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I feel so close to WANTING a job.  I wish I knew what to do to take the big steps.  Also I almost feel like making these big changes is too good to be true.  It seems too good to be true that i could be on my own with a job all within such a short amount of time.  I feel like I can and then I think well something will go wrong to stop me from staying this happy and confident.
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Hey midnight!

 

Jobs are good. It passes the time, keeps you thinking/distracted and plays a big part in the ability to put money in your pocket... :laugh:

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Yeah and fior some reason lately I've eben thinking properly about one like that.  I hope I finally get myself to get one.  Of course when I dod ecide to then I have to hope I even get hired.  That would suck to finally feel ready then nobody hire me.
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Well I'm sure I'm goign to be forced to some time.  I'm just flat baffled what to do.  All I can say is this... the past week or two I have felt the ebst of my entire life and it's while I'm on the med so that doesn't help me want to rush off of it.  A doctor even told me not to get off of it until I get a job.  Like I said that would worry me trying to quit it while on a job though.

 

Now I am having issues keeping my free health insurance.  aIf I can't go to a freakin doctor then I guess I would be forced to try to taper off then.  I don't know, but I sure am not in a hurry to lower it when I feel greta.  I would rathe rmaybe wait until I start feeling my body want more and instead of add more then taper starting then.

 

I MAY taper in a couple weeks after I go to a cocnert I want to be happy at the time of going to.

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That's good midnight! Life is short and feeling good ( Even when on the Meds) is very important. Enjoy this moment and maybe getting a job is the right thing to do at this point.

 

If your willing to accept the possibility these benzodiazepines are altering your chemistry, I guess everything is ok. I for one found out the hard way the damage it leaves behind. 5 months benzo free and my body is still repairing. Hard to believe a drug that the doctor ordered altered my neurological system in such a way, I get false signals sent to my brain.

 

Anyway, I will sit back now and listen to the false sound signals sent to my brain, this false feeling of a big piece of duct tape on my cheek and this muscle spasm above my left ear. All is good otherwise! :thumbsup:

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Well I'm sure I'm goign to be forced to some time.  I'm just flat baffled what to do.  All I can say is this... the past week or two I have felt the ebst of my entire life and it's while I'm on the med so that doesn't help me want to rush off of it.  A doctor even told me not to get off of it until I get a job.  Like I said that would worry me trying to quit it while on a job though.

 

Now I am having issues keeping my free health insurance.  aIf I can't go to a freakin doctor then I guess I would be forced to try to taper off then.  I don't know, but I sure am not in a hurry to lower it when I feel greta.  I would rathe rmaybe wait until I start feeling my body want more and instead of add more then taper starting then.

 

I MAY taper in a couple weeks after I go to a cocnert I want to be happy at the time of going to.

 

I understand your reluctance to risk feeling bad now by tapering off when you can delay it.  I just wanted to say that if I had known how hard it was going to be to taper off once I became tolerant and needed another dose increase, I would have tapered when I was functioning okay and sleeping 7-8 hours/night.  I hope you are stronger than I was when you come to that point, Midnight, and don't start taking more instead of tapering off.

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I'm not stronger than anyone when it comes to any of this.  :(  There's just no good answer to it.  Off of meds I was so depressed and full of anxiety.  On the med I felt better, but people say it's bad in the long run.  Any SSRI made me feel much weirder than a benzo.  So i don't know what option I have anymore.  Lately I felt great until some things happened to where I'm now depressed again.
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