Author Topic: Need a Job  (Read 8058 times)

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2010, 09:12:37 pm »
I do recognize my negative thought patterns though.  That's what makes me so MAD is I know exactly how I am thinking improperly.  I'm good at recognizing anything in life.  I know what is rational. Yet somehow my body won't REACT properly.  I still wonder if the benzo being in me is part of things not sinking in.  Eithter that or the body has just got so used to reacting irrationally that it's hard to change it even when intellectually I have changed a lot.

I don't spend much time on CBT type of things each day though.   Only when I am about to go to ebd and just 5 minutes or elss.  But increasing time spent on analyzing thoughts usually ends up eventually taking all my energy away by me thinking too much.  So i don't know what the answer is.

People usually say you've got to learn to be happy with yourself, love yourself, etc...  But with me having no real life friends and having not even dated in years (and that was online, didn't meet) it's getting very lonely and no matter what I think of myself it's just mighty depressing feeling alone.  And I find problems with every woman so I don't even think of asking any out.  Plus I'm too shy to anyway.  lol

I do feel like when there's nothing to worry with my mind thinks of something else.  I was just thinkiing about that earlier today.  As far as visualization... I can't even think of positive thigns to picture, can't think of what job I would enjoy and qualify for, etc...  When I get negative thoughts I soemtimes try desperately to think of happy ones to cover them up and then I realize I can't think of any time in my life where I just felt very happy for a long time in a row.  I don't remember many great events.  And I'm not so sure what to picture for the present or future either.  So much bores me.  I can't get too excited about nature, for example.  I do like sprots and video games, but when I get depressed even thinking of a cool new game doesn't get me happy.

It makes me mad that I can picture myself being happy and yet something holding it back.  Really the only thing I can think of which truly makes me feel happy would be a relationship.  And when you're not dating or have anyone in mind you can't really picture that either.  And then people will say people with anxiety "aren't ready" to date.  Yet look how many with anxiety DO date and get married and whatnot.  Nobody is ever perfect.  If someone waits until perfection before dating they would never date.


I don't know.  Sigh.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2010, 11:10:36 pm »
(((([...]))))

I am sorry that so many things are affecting your happiness.. and it makes me sad that you can't think of anything that makes you truly happy. :(  You want some of my kids? They are clowns and they will make you laugh.. :crazy: :crazy:

My son today put on one of those crazy glasses with the mustache and nose... he walked around like a chicken and made other little skits ... he really is so funny!  I don't know where I'd be without my nutty family...

you must have something in your life that you remember that makes you happy... something you can visualize for the future.. your dream job, just where you'd like to see yourself... these are things people get asked during job interviews.  If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me where I'd like to be in 5 yrs, 10 yrs... I'd be rich (okay, I'd have $5.00).. but the point is... you should have a starting point and maybe things will start turning around for you.

I pray you find that happiness... it really is a blessing when you can find joy, just in every day things.  I know I'm counting my blessings today and not my PILLS.

List 10 things today that are a blessing to you...

I know I can do it.. you can too! :) 

It's not a perfect world, but to me, it's pretty perfect today with a new perspective.

For one, I'm thankful for friends like you.
I'm thankful for a computer that has found this place
Thankful for my family
For my next meal
For good health
For windows of happiness
That I have a place to live
That there are no floods where I live
That there are no volcanic eruptions
The oil spill is still off shore
We have a savings account
I can walk
I can talk
I can breathe!

The list is extensive.. I just want you to know that you're on my list!
xo :smitten:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2010, 11:27:43 pm »
Hi [...],

Would you add a signature please?  Could you include what benzo you're currently on, the dose and where you are in your taper, or if you haven't started it yet?  This will help your Buddies to know how they can help you.  Here's the link for the instructions. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=9432.0
Thanks,

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2010, 10:23:10 pm »
I still haven't got anywhere with the job issue except I have eben fearing it less lately I think.  I just wish I was drawn to some job I thought would be fun.  Hard to be as scared if you believe you'll enjoy something.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #14 on: June 01, 2010, 01:00:09 am »
I wish I could help you in your job search. What do you want to do that you think might be fun?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #15 on: June 01, 2010, 01:36:55 am »
That's the problem is I'm not sure.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2010, 06:15:44 am »
By the way another huge anxiety during my life was how could I get by on my own (as far as taking care of myself and not having my parents live with me).  Well after over 32 years i moved out.  That is a big step to go from never moving out to suddenly doing it after that long.  Well it was very depressing.  But now finally after 4 months I am feeling very strong and confident and happy.  I still depend on my parents quite a bit though, but I'm used to being alone and I go and walk to tons of places and seem to be getting more accustomed to it.

So maybe that will give me a little bit of evidence to remind myself I eventually not only get used to it, but feel beter than ever.  For the job I think I just need to truly know what I want to do and how to do it.

If I do get a job and end up happy at it, I will be very happy and pleased with myself because these are changes that I went over 30 years not changing.  And a stupid psych said I should have gone to him "when I was 18" and pretty much said he couldn't help me because it's harder after developing a pattern for a lot of years.  So I guess in his mind I should have just sat there and die or something.

But anyway well the only other actual changes I want are job, girlfriend, more friends.  Really confidence in social situations is the key to all three of those.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #17 on: June 05, 2010, 08:01:00 am »
I feel so close to WANTING a job.  I wish I knew what to do to take the big steps.  Also I almost feel like making these big changes is too good to be true.  It seems too good to be true that i could be on my own with a job all within such a short amount of time.  I feel like I can and then I think well something will go wrong to stop me from staying this happy and confident.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #18 on: June 07, 2010, 11:15:12 pm »
Hey [...]!

Jobs are good. It passes the time, keeps you thinking/distracted and plays a big part in the ability to put money in your pocket... :laugh:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Need a Job
« Reply #19 on: June 10, 2010, 07:28:27 am »
Yeah and fior some reason lately I've eben thinking properly about one like that.  I hope I finally get myself to get one.  Of course when I dod ecide to then I have to hope I even get hired.  That would suck to finally feel ready then nobody hire me.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.