withdrawls , can't reinstate why ?

Hello all .. I was wondering.. if anyone know why why I try and reinstate any benzo , just in a small does, why it makes me feel worse?? I feel so bad and I need something cause I can't eat, can't leave the house, my head hurts too much .. I can't take feeling this bad . what did or do you guys and gals do to feel better ?? My out look is not good ...    I had a fast taper off of Kolonopin, cause it wasn't working and I think it was causing depession.. that ended a month back and lasted like 4 weeks , from 1.5 mgs a day . I asked my regular Dr. for tranxene, i took it yrs ago for many yrs , even quit it on my own, I didn't know what a benzo was then.. He gave me 15 mgs at bed, but this really made my head hurt this time around.. Anyways I take 1/4 of a 7.5 mg a night , still.  I have Ambien and that helps my head but I am not looking to have more of a problem.. I have started taking a little trazadone to see if that helps, but not much luck other that to make me tired..  and last I have take Inderol most of my life for heart papitations... 10 mg 2x a day.. Of coarse not eating helps, but I think you all probablly know that..          Thank you all for your thoughts,  Chad           

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Sorry, Chad, I don't know why it works that way.  I have seen others post that reinstating didn't help them at all so you aren't alone.  Since you say it makes you feel worse, maybe you have developed what's described as a paradoxical reaction. If that's what it is, the only solution I know of is to continue tapering off.

Chad, we were just in chat.. three of us..

 

We gave you advice on what to do as you made us feel like you were going to pass out. We suggested the ER.

 

You apparently have a lot of meds hanging around that are tempting you. How many do you take?

 

I've noticed you talk about Tranxene, Xanax, Klonopin, Ambien, Hydrocodone, Trazadone, and Inderol... that's a truckload of meds by your side.

 

I'm just concerned... you didn't want to get help for the pain. Are you doing any better?

 

I'm sorry we couldn't help you.

 

 

My mistake.. you didn't mention Hydrocodone.. thank goodness.. but the others you have mentioned.

 

Are you feeling any better? I see you're still online. I'm really concerned for you.

 

Thinking of you.. hope you'll let us know.

 

well i have gotten a little benzo, Kolonipin , in me ... First let me say that yes they had me on a lot of drugs, and I never liked taking that many so I really took as few in a does that i needed.. Right now the worst part about this fast taper i had done it that i can't seem to concentrate or focus to keep me occupied.. My head is just killing me.. I had never gone a week without this stuff and I started to feel really bad.The tranxene , it was something that I had taken since i was like 18 i think for sleep.. I got off of it after i quit drinking and started to get my mind and life back.  I thought it might have worked this times since I had taken it over four year. It never gave me any side affects back then, my head has always been "tingles" since high school.. But this pain is so bad... Now The trazadone i use for sleep just a 50 mg or less, but as the withdrawal symtoms had gotten worse I was using it to calm me don't , it really didn't help with the withdrawals. The inderol I still take in 2, 10mg doses, for my heart.   the other meds are basically left over , and i am not going to be crazy and take a lot. When I take any meds right now its in really small increments. I am hoping and now understanding, I think, what is too much for me to handle as , far as the withdrawls,, My freind had called me and even though i don't feel "great" at least i felt a little on the same level with her.. Ealier when I was talking to you in chat, and her on the phone i was not in my right head.. I was diconnected and in pain .... Thanks for talking with me, and to everyone else who has been so nice..

Chad,

 

I'm so glad you're okay. You really made us wonder.

 

It's not fun to experience these things and some of the symptoms come and go... we're all trying to get through our own personal journeys and for some of us, it's hell.

 

I just want you to know that Brit and I were really concerned about you, and we're all very caring here... suffering is not fun!

 

Hugs, and hang in there.

 

Rose

Hi Chad,

 

I had been sober for 12 years before I took my first Klonopin and I knew the minute I took it I was in trouble.  The feeling it gave me was like my first drink.  I continued taking it and my doses increased until I was as out of control with it as I was with alcohol. 

 

You don't sound sound like you're in as much trouble as I was when I quit, but you sound very distressed.  I didn't know I was supposed to taper these drugs and I just quit cold turkey.  It was horrible, but I survived.  I realize now that I wouldn't have been able to taper, because it's all or nothing for me.  I'm glad I did it the way I did, otherwise I'd still be on it and my life would be out of control.

 

I'm not sure what your plans are at this point, but I wanted you to know that you have our support.  Just be safe whatever you do and please don't just take rescue doses.  Make a plan, stick to it and get yourself well.

 

Pam

Hi Chad,

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you are suffering.

 

Pam, Beeper and Almost have given you some great advice and I truly hope that you are able to find some relief soon.  Just be gentle on yourself and, as my othert BB's have said, be safe.  We are all here to help and support you.

 

Take care

B

why is it ladies beeper and pamster that after reinstating i  feel just same symptoms after one week of reinstatment maybe worse then w/d

now flu is gone but 400pm everyday shivering and chilled then sweats

pam i posted on withdrawal as no one replied to my blog hope i am doing this right

pam were u real sick like in bed everyday, no energy,,cant eat, so depresssed, just feel llike you want to die

thought of going to er they are not going to do anything for me there worthless trip , expense and i know they pass judgement on u when u are on benzos

am an rn and know the talk in the er.

 

reinstated pam and its worse i think.vicky

pam were u real sick like in bed everyday, no energy,,cant eat, so depresssed, just feel llike you want to die

 

Yes Vicky, for weeks I felt this way because of my cold turkey.  But I stayed the course and never took another pill because I couldn't go back to that hell I'd created, I couldn't repeat another day since I quit, I couldn't go back. 

 

Vicky, if you wait for the replies, they'll come.  You just have to give your Buddies a little while to respond to you.

Hi,

 

I am not sure if I have all the correct information..but from what I gathered you tapered 1.5mg of Klonopin in a quick fashion....I think you have recieved some pretty good advice from members who have taken different routes to get off of their particular benzo....I can tell you I am a person that tapered entirely too fast.....and had to reinstate at half my original dose and retaper..it has worked for me.....but it is not a sure fire thing..and sometimes, as others have stated, it does not work for many people.....I think that many things play into whether or not a reinstatement works.....with a huge factor being the time between your last dose and the reinstatement.....it is thought that there is a particular window of opportunity that lasts for only a short period of time after you take your last dose in which reinstatement will work...

 

No matter what path you choose....to stay the course or try to reinstate a bit and taper more slowly..I believe you will get a lot of support from the great people here at benzobuddies....I wish you speedy healing....this is truely the toughest thing I have ever had to do.....you are not alone in dealing with this...we are all dealing with it...and all here to help each other...

 

TC

Hey Chad that really sucks that you are feeling bad. I know you will get better though. You have to find a doctor that can help you with more of a natural approach and make you realize that the sleep will return itself if you just let it. There is a mod on here that has quit the traz and went for a bit not sleeping then he finally did. I can't tell you exactly what to do cause I know of disclaimer responsibility and all that. But I will state no matter what anyone tells me. More drugs=more problems. The brain MUST do it's own work again and not rely on ANY medication long term and as bad as benzos are and how quick tolerance and addiction sets in. All medicine for calming the mind sooner or later has to:

          1. Be increased to get the same effect it had previously

          2. Be changed cause it no longer is effective

            3. Causes major and even minor side effects

From anxiety's to Bi Polars, to addicts to even schitzophrenics.

Natural  therapy does wonders above medication.

 

You work on getting your body healthy and the mind is sure to follow suit. I PROMISE YOU THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think reinstatement is only possible within a really small time frame for it to take effect.2 weeks on the low side and 4 weeks max on the high side

You will win this Chad if you work hard and put your faith in yourself above all the others.

Your BB,

Rev

Hi Chad,

I am really glad to see your post this evening , i was terribly worried when we were talking in chat , i dont think the three of us there even fully understood what meds you are actually on , only that you mentioned xanax a year ago and then that your doc gave you klonopin for the withdrawals of xanax , you said you were going to pass out and then mentioned tranxine and then said you were going to take ambien because your head was hurting so badly ...as you have no signature i still really dont understand what you are taking and the dosage . I do however sympathize that you are going through so much pain and that withdrawals are bad , believe me going c/t i understand the bad bad headache and everything else .

I know that on this forum the people are compassionate and very very helpful ...please keep posting and chatting so we can help you , all of us are going through different stages of taper , withdrawal and many are well again , between us we can support you in whatever you decide to do .

 

wishing you well

sending hugs

 

Teresa

 

yes Pam I hate to inform you that I did start Drinking a beer at night to get to sleep. I never had a day job that I had to be up so early for. This was right after I had started taking 1.5 mg of Xanax a day.. after a short period of time I noticed things starting to change the panic attacks came back and by the end of 2006 I had missed work.. The sad part was I had just gotten my life really together for a few yrs before this this happened.. I was free, my head still hurt , but it was tolerable most of the time and I was on NO meds AT ALL.... Anyway I know that that Xanax had change my thinking or I never would have started drinking too.. 9 YRS DRINKING , 9 YEARS SOBER.. I thought I could do anything again.. I mean GOOD in life, no fear... Until all this.. That is were i can up with the name .. from god to an idiot...    Fracking stupid DR. the same one who gave the xananx was the one who was there when i was in the hospital with slight liver damage and panceatitis .... and a very messed up brain ( 9 yrs prior )....    man i am still mad ...    thank you eveyone here though..  Chad

Hello Chad,

 

I'm so sorry to hear you've been drinking, you can't tackle the benzo until you stop drinking.  To get off of the drugs, you have to be sober, this process is so difficult but it's impossible if you're not sober.

 

Do you still go to meetings?  If you do, get to one and find a way to get back on track.  You can stop this now, your life doesn't have to spin totally out of control again.  I don't like to see you blame the Dr, yes I know you weren't properly informed, but didn't you feel it, didn't you know in your heart that this drug was off limits?  I just don't want you to waste valuable energy being angry, this process is difficult enough without that.

 

I'll be here for you Chad, I'll help you all I can to get through this.  We have two other active members who are recovering as well, Matteo and Doc and they'll help you too. 

 

Pam

Hi Chad.

I think I can empathize with the position you are in. I was in a bad way 3 months ago but have turned it around. I am also an alcoholic and I feel the advice Pam has given you is the only advise that has worked for me. I am now Benzo free and each day is getting better. For me the hell I had gotten into over the past 4 years was worse than anything I could ever dream of and I thought I had been through a lot with the booze but in truth I just reactivated the addiction and all its accompanying darkness and soul destroying fear by taking Benzos. Thats all it takes when I reactivate my addiction. It sounds like you know already that you have taken the wrong turn deep down and I will tell you honestly that if you make the decision to go the opposite way than you are going and take the advice of others then it will get better.

Here is some advice:

Find a taper and stick to it. It can be slow but you can never go up, only down in dose and the quicker you do it the better.

If you cant taper then you are running out of options unless you can get it dispensed daily. this was the only one of 2 options for me, the other was CT.

In just three months I have turned my life around and its been and still is really tough at times but its real and I wouldnt swap what i have gained from ridding myself of this horrible addiction for anything.

I had the paradoxical reactions you speak of as before I started tapering I was taking 100mg of Diazepam and sleeping tablets and felt like I wanted to lay down and die. I now know that it had very little to do with the Benzos but was virtually all psychological. I know this because I tapered much slower 16 months ago and it was really bad and I tapered much faster this time and it has been an amazing experience. The clincher for me has been going back to AA and regaining some sanity from people who understand and know how to help me.

I hope some of this advice helps Chad.

You can do this my friend.

Take care.

Doc

Chad,

 

Sorry about the rough patch. Luckily for you you're in good company here at BB. This site saved my life and gave me hope throughout this process. And it IS a process: from benzos 2 sanity. You will feel better, but it may just take some time. You've already made the right decision coming to Benzo Buddies, so you're off to a good start. I'm a recovering alcoholic who's been sober for going on 8 years. It's unfortunate that doctors don't necessarily "get" the sobriety thing and offer us benzos for relief. I found that even though I was taking (after great hesitation) ativan (lorazepam) at therapeutic levels (not to "get high" or anything), I STILL had a quite a problem getting off of them. Not so much that I felt tempted to take them once I'd decided to stop, but with withdrawal symptoms I didn't expect. Everyone has different experiences with withdrawal, so don't assume anything. In sobriety, I've tried many meds for depression/anxiety (those two have a way of going together), but I didn't get the success I'd hoped for (some DO, but not me). I found myself on what I call the "medi-go-round," which made it hard for me to know what drug was doing what, so I had to narrow down the antidepressants and such to see how each one worked. As many will tell you here at BB, we members aren't doctors so we can only stress that you continue your exploration or medications with medical supervision.

 

Great job on the 9 years of sobriety!!!!! That's fantastic. I'm sure you saw some benefits in your life from that decision, right? As someone who's dealt with alcohol issues (and other drug dependence as well), some of your struggles sound familiar. I have to say that for me, I've come back to non-medical strategies to work with the mental health issues that led to my ativan use and I've come to see that those work the best (therapy, AA, meditation, etc.). It's not part of the AA traditions to promote that program in a public forum like this one, but it's okay for me to put it out there briefly. I just don't push it. If you have any interest in that program or ones like it, you can ask me about my experience etc., and I'd be happy to oblige.

 

The most important thing for me to remember during this process is that withdrawal symptoms CAN cause (certainly not with everyone) some pretty challenging mood changes and physical fatigue, so I have to check in often with my benzo buddies and they help to remind me of the sometimes sneaky and baffling symptoms of benzo wd so that I don't start blaming myself or thinking "it's never gonna end." It WILL get better, Chad. That's something to always look forward to. I would, however, strongly suggest that you try not to drink alcohol. That can really aggravate symptoms from what I hear. Also, if you've had liver damage and pancreatitis in the past (did I read that correctly? Sorry if I got that wrong), it could really upset the healing process. So if you need to also take measures to stop drinking, peer support (through AA or wherever), by all means attend to that. That'd be a terrific way to further your great start on this healing journey! Stay with us, Chad. It's gonna be okay, my friend.

 

Matteo