Does your family believe you?

I feel like I need to keep "inventing" neurological disorders to explain my symptoms, because my family is skeptical I can still be in withdrawal 3.5 months out. They say, "but wasn't the whole point of stopping benzos for you feel better?" They think it's like drug withdrawal in the movies: 3 days of shivering and throwing up and you're done.

I read stories here on BB of people struggling months out, but I still doubt my recovery when I'm in a bad wave (like right now). I don't know what to tell my family when they ask me "so when are you going to get better? what are those people you talk to online saying?" What do I tell them? "Everyone's recovery is different" does not seem to be good enough for them. I have a lot of responsibilities that I had to outsource and they are getting very impatient about that. So am I, to be honest. So their questions hit me hard.

Ideal,

 

So sorry you are going through this. It’s bad enough to go through all of the horrible symptoms but to then have those who are supposed to love you and be there for you not understand is frustrating to say the least. The thing is, it’s most likely going to take you several more months before you start feeling better. I mean, I hope that’s not the case but just going by my experience and others here on BB, I think that’s what you can plan on.

 

I think it’s best for you to tell them that a benzo withdrawal is completely different than any other kind of drug withdrawal and that it is unpredictable and nonlinear and has many different symptoms. I’ve explained things to my family and they actually try to understand. But truthfully I don’t think I would’ve been able to understand this or believe it if I hadn’t been through it. And that seems to be exactly where they are. They can’t understand that we have the most random symptoms. When I have a panic attack my sister asks me, “what are you thinking about?” She thinks I’m doing something to bring the panic attack on. I’ve tried to explain to her that it’s out of my control but I don’t think she gets it. And several members of my family have suggested that I just start taking the benzo again because I would feel better. And that is something I refuse to do. In a strange way I think that me being strong against such suggestions makes me feel more powerful. And there’s not much power going around with this stuff.

 

I would recommend they read the article by Parker and titled “what’s happening in my brain?” It’s really good and simple to understand. I shared it with family and a friend and two out of six people have read it. And my family is pretty understanding and supportive. It’s just another thing you have to deal with. I don’t think it’s going to help you to explain what you’re going through in terms of regular psychological or mental issues. Try to be as upfront with them as you can. And anticipate that they will not understand but they still love you very much.

All my best to you. 

I'm sorry you're going through this, I really feel for you.  I think it's best not to share it with unsupportive family members, I don't.  I would just tell them to respect your privacy, and I would make it unequivocally clear you will accept nothing less.  As for the questions when you're going to get better, I would answer they will be the first to know and leave it at that.  They should be so lucky you have outsourced many family responsibilities, God forbid they should actually do some work themselves to relieve a suffering family member.    Don't let them get to you and practice self-care, so you can heal.  Sending you much support and healing thoughts.

 

Ditto that Ginger. 

 

I don't bother telling people now, like if doctors don't believe us when explaining, who will?  Screw them, it's hard enough already. 

 

Dee 

Ideal, sorry that you are going throug this!

 

 

Well, it is one approach to not tell too much but say that it takes time. I try to be as positive as I can towards my family and do not show my suffering every day. However when I entered to wd I talked about it with my wife and gave her Ashton manual to read. She now well understand what I'm going thru and even sometimes refers to Ashton manual by saying 'it is temporary'.

I don’t talk that much about what I’m going through these days. I just keep it general, like I say I’m feeling run down today etc. My doctor does not believe me, which made me really angry. My family members didn’t really know what to make of it when I told them, I don’t blame them though, I had no idea that benzo withdrawal could last months or years before it actually happened to me and I researched it. They can’t do much for me anyway, I know they love me and they mean well, so that’s good enough for me, they don’t need to be benzo withdrawal experts.

id read aloud right back to them this very thread, starting with your own post to show to what ends you have to go to try and get some understanding.

NONE of us wanted this, i sure as hell had no idea in a million years this could happen, its completely trainwrecked me right in the thick of life. ive lost potential relationships, my band, my social life, my home, and im STILL trying to navigate through life with everyone wondering what the hell is wrong with me, why im such a flake, and just thinking ive got severe anxiety issues. its destroyed how im perceived by everyone, and theres no freaking help at all.

They can never know and believing us is difficult for them as society at large is unaware of what these evil drugs can really do. So my advice is to stop trying to tell/convince them of anything. Unfortunately, this is a private battle we face (except for sharing it with the BB community). If MDs wont believe us, will your average family member/citizen?

 

We Believe you. In fact, we know from personal experience your TRUTHS.  So focus your energy on healing and not persuading folks who will look at us in total disbelief. 

They can never know and believing us is difficult for them

 

I could never blame those around me for not understanding.  I didn't understand what was going on.  I didn't believe it myself.

 

Nobody who has not gone through this PERSONALLY can be blamed in my opinion.  If someone would have described to me what they were going through before this, I would have thought for sure that they were exaggerating or a serious addict.  The symptoms and issues go WAY BEYOND logic.  Try and tell a doctor that you are having symptoms 18 months after stopping benzos.  They will laugh at you and say you're nuts and have extreme anxiety.  People around me would always say "we all have aches and pains in our lives".  They think if you feel one little thing you're being a hypochondriac. 

 

Once you go through this you have a whole new understanding for what people can go through with medication.

Thank you for this topic. I can't put into words how much pain I am in to family, they just say there is nothing they can do or to call an ambulance. I'm so scared, my body is in massive spasms and feels out of my control. Others are behaving normal and the rage is building, it feels like you have been shot and bleeding on the floor while others walk by and ignore it. Not sure what else I can do so I just isolate. I'm afraid and angry at a lot right now.

Thank you for this topic. I can't put into words how much pain I am in to family, they just say there is nothing they can do or to call an ambulance. I'm so scared, my body is in massive spasms and feels out of my control. Others are behaving normal and the rage is building, it feels like you have been shot and bleeding on the floor while others walk by and ignore it. Not sure what else I can do so I just isolate. I'm afraid and angry at a lot right now.

The scariest part is even the hospital can't help you with what you're going through!

 

NOTHING will help but time.  It sucks.

 

I know you'll beat it in the end.  Endure the torture to come out the other end of the tunnel!

Thank you for this topic. I can't put into words how much pain I am in to family, they just say there is nothing they can do or to call an ambulance. I'm so scared, my body is in massive spasms and feels out of my control. Others are behaving normal and the rage is building, it feels like you have been shot and bleeding on the floor while others walk by and ignore it. Not sure what else I can do so I just isolate. I'm afraid and angry at a lot right now.

 

Yes, I haven't bothered with the hospital, I imagine it being a huge drama with no resolution and possibly wanting a psych ward referral.

Part of my family got bored with asking me how I am doing and the other half doesn't believe me. I am to the point I really no longer care what they think or believe. I don't talk about it with them no more. I moved away from them so I don't see them very much any more which I think is for the best. So, I guess my solution has been not to talk to them about it anymore and just try to pretend I am fine when I am around them. If they ask how I am doing I say better and leave it at that. Since most of them are pretty self absorbed they don't ask to many details. I wish you luck in your recovery.

Mine don't so to be honest I don't confide in them anymore. It was too stressful trying to explain constantly.

 

I sought out a support network for myself and that's where I go for support - other benzo people. Coming on here is also such a great support.

 

Take care of yourself. You sound like you're doing the very best you can.

Ask them this. If they stopped smoking then would their lungs recover completely in 3.5 months? No? Then why would your brain!

Thank you, guys. You are the best! 

Tell them to look up Benzo Withdrawal on the internet. They will see how many people say it lasts for longer than most withdrawal.

Ask them this. If they stopped smoking then would their lungs recover completely in 3.5 months? No? Then why would your brain!

 

Exactly.  Healing takes time.  Getting into explaining things to unsupportive family members may create undue stress and hinder your healing process.  A supportive close family member can be a treasure, however.  I only have one like that, and I cherish our relationship dearly.

I wonder what it would be like to have a truly supportive family member who understood this process, and told us..."it's just withdrawal'...'or you will be okay" I never once heard those words from my family. They tell me it's all in my head and even tell my grandmother that he is imagining all this. My family doesn't believe me obviously....maybe partially because this has been going on for a while. Our families are suffering along with us and who knows what is truly going on in their heads.

This thread is perfect. I’m here fighting for what feels like my entire life (w/d) while none of my family understands. A friend thinks its MAV, my mom thinks its panic disorder, doctors think it’s anxiety, therapist thinks anxiety/depression, which only results in me straying away & dealing with it on my own.

I don’t think no one will be able to ever understand exactly what we’re going through unless they experience it for themselves.

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy though.

If it weren’t for this site, I wouldn't know what to do.

My family also gets angry when they feel like I'm reading too much into my illness. Everytime I'm on this site, reading through forums, they get the impression I want to be depressed.

So to sum things up, in the beginning my family did believe me. Over time, I lost them because they believed everything the doctors were saying, & at this point I honestly don't care.

I just pray they never come across a benzo.

 

- IKW4

You are not alone. I am going through this right now.

 

Show them a good documentary about benzodiazepine withdrawal with knowledgeable doctors.

 

Here is one I found on YouTube with Heather Ashton interviewed among others. If you don't like this one

there are many others. It is a bit slow in the begining and gets to the meat of things in the middle. But they emphasize it can take years sometimes to feel good again.

 

The Benzodiazepine Disaster:

 

 

I don’t think no one will be able to ever understand exactly what we’re going through unless they experience it for themselves.

 

The irony of it all considering mankind can send a man to the moon, but they can't figure out the mechanism behind these drugs in order to reach a conclusive answer as to how they do work (why some end up protracted?).

 

The real clincher is the fact that these drugs are prescribed rather freely and as a result we're here struggling with horrendous w/d symptoms that people in general disbelieve.....disbelief of others is compounded by how long it can take for someone in w/d to recover.

 

It really is an invisible health issue resulting from a prescribed drug....very sad for anyone going through it.