Trying to escape the cold dark cave named "Benzo"

Hello Friends,

I found BenzoBuddies thru hours of research online.  Finding help is almost as hard as the taper, or so it seems.  About 12 years ago, I was started on lorazapam(dont recall the dosage, sorry benzo brain)  my family physician "helped me" when life seemed overwhelming, I had a traumatic job change, and a newborn was sick in the hospital the first week of my job.  The anxiety of life and worry for my child was overwhelming...  I needed a break, or so I thought.  Benzo to the rescue.  I still vividly remember taking that first pill.  I was in the hospital with my newborn.  Holding him and finally feeling relief from life, I believed I could do anything... boy if I could only have that day back... 

What started out "as needed" turned into maintenance daily, along the way Paxil was added.  Not knowing any better, I thought Paxil was the far more dangerous of the 2.  I hated the side effects of Paxil, so I quit cold turkey.  With the Benzo as my "helper" I managed life quite well I thought.  But signs of the side effects started to manifest.  Cognitive issues, anxiety crept back, depression, isolation, etc.  So I searched for a professional with Mental health experience.  I found a Psych that explained my symptoms as everyday life, that is what prescriptions are for and was prescribed a daily dose of 2mg clonazapam.  This got me along for 4 years until her sudden onset of cancer left me without a Doc or therapist. 

Fortunately she wrote up a report and instructions for any new physician to prescribe Clonazapam again.  I found a local physician to prescribe Clonazapam 2 mg again, but my "everyday life" symptoms seemed to be getting worse.  So I started dabbling in MJ/CBD for the first time in my life well into my 30's, on the advise of the now deceased Psych.  Who would do that, I thought?  A church going fellow who never drank or did drugs is now willing to try illegal drugs (no offense intended, my views have changed considerably under the right direction) to get better.? 

But it seemed to help get me back to myself.  I was a bit surprised, I felt somewhat happy again, but now a daily user of both to manage life.  This was about 1 year ago.  Needless to say this wasnt sustainable and I got concerned.  I approached the physician about what was going on with my head, but all I could get was I needed to get of the Benzo.  No support of how or where to turn for help.  Merely its time to stop, I needed to get off the Benzo.  So I was given 3 months, 3 prescription of 45 1 mg pills, 1.5 a day.  In doing research preparing for what was to come, I was horrified at what I found, I realized all along the "everday life" symptoms were actually Benzo side effects.  Fear like Ive never felt set in, but I  convinced myself I could do it.  So with the help of MJ/CBD I was able to taper to .5 mg/day in 2 months with what I thought were minor side effects.  Not as bad as what everyone says...  But I too reliant on MJ/CBD and my asthma was not happy with vaping.  So I began to wean off MJ/CBD. 

And Hell hit me with a fury like I cant describe, I thought it was from the MJ/CBD withdrawals but soon realized it was minor compared to the Benzo sudden taper.  Thinking MJ/CBD could be reintroduced in moderation to help.  I found what worked in the past, now made my withdrawal magnified.  What helped before now just added paranoia to the growing list of issues.  So here I am no physician, half of the last prescription left.  Full withdrawal mode.  Broken down and hurting, fearing Ill lose my job as the lone provider and ruin my family.  All consumed anxiety I wont have the will power to take on the challenge that lays before me.  I am on 1-1.5 mg of clonazapam, hemp CBD, fish oil, and magnesium.  I dont have a taper schedule, but reading the forum I realize I need to create one. 

And just to add another dynamic into the mix, my insurance provider changed, so I need to explain all this to a new doctor who will accept my new insurance plan.  Thank you Benzo board for hearing my story.  I hope to one day be an asset to the community, but right now I need your help.  Prayers are welcome and needed.

Hi Eidnar2000!

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.  I'm glad you found us.

That's quite a story, but one that's pretty familiar around here.  "Time to get off benzos.", sounds so easy, but they don't tell you what it can be like - especially if you withdraw rapidly.  We recommend a withdrawal rate of no greater than 5-10% every 10-14 days to help minimize withdrawal. 

fwiw - cannabis withdrawal is usually very mild compared to benzo withdrawal.  There are a fair number of folks here who are using CBD and/or THC to help with their symptoms.  I used THC to help me sleep better during withdrawal.

Anyway - back to benzos.  If you haven’t already done so, please take a thorough look at the Ashton Manual.  It is an authoritative guide to benzodiazepine tapering and includes sections on what to expect during withdrawal and recommended tapering rates.  The manual can be found at this link:  http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual

Here is a link to the Withdrawal Support section of the forum.  It's probably a good place to post questions or share your ideas about your upcoming taper.  Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

Please take some time to Create a Signature. This will help other members understand your history so they will be better able to support you.

Go to the top of the page and select Profile, then choose Forum Profile, insert drug history/timelines into the text box and click Change Profile.

Again, welcome!

Hi Pelota

When I read that you still have 3 x 45 x 1 mg pills left to use, it reminds me of something. In fact via this link, you can find an application called Liquid Taper Plan where at the bottom of the report you can see the number of pills required to complete the taper. Liquid Taper Plan is one of the 3 methods to gently taper by using smaller and smaller doses dissolved in liquid. If you are interested in this method, here is the link.

Wish you a smooth journey towards freedom.