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Life feels too real


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Anyone else have the experience where life just feels "too real". Almost like I'm the only one awake. Other people seem robotic. I feel as if I can see right through them and know their real motives. Sometimes I think life feels so real that it's unreal. I feel really low and wonder how others seem so complacent and lulled because in my reality life just seems pointless. It's see people as being ignorant...or like they must have been hypnotised. It's not a bad thing. I wish I could be one of them.

 

Am I just depressed?

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What can I do to help it? I feel miserable and I miss who I was

 

I don't think there's much we can do, except give it time.  Today I went to the store to get some groceries, and everybody seemed like robots, mechanical, almost non-human like, trivial.  I've been having real bad DP/DR for the last couple of weeks, I'm in a wave, can't wait for it to lift.  Most experienced people here on bb's suggest that acceptance and patience makes it more bearable, as does time.

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I just stagger my way through it and try to distract and relax best I can in the knowledge that it's  not really going to harm me. 

 

Do you have any mental health diagnosis other than Benzodiazapines WD?  From my experience I've come to understand that WD can truly mimic psychotic disorder.  I thought I was (truly) going crazy but am starting to stabilise, hope it lasts, and can attribute these symptoms strictly to WD. 

 

It's scary and weird I know. 

 

Dee  :smitten:

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Sounds like depression to me. I think that if we ever get to the point where we are asking ourselves 'am I depressed' then it's most likely we are in some form. Many things can lead to depression, benzos themselves, withdrawal, our job, relationships, the list is endless.

 

I know what you are describing and it doesn't sound like DP/DR because you know when that's happening. I have often gone through phases of wondering EXACTLY what you are and that was always during my most depressed times. Never when I was happy and content.

 

Depression is cumulative. Last year I was becoming more depressed due to my job. Then I relapsed on benzos and am now extremely depressed because of that. My job situation hasn't changed, so my depression has only gotten worse.

 

I assume because of what you are experiencing you prefer to by in your own company and away from others. That is usually the case.

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It is difficult to see the point when ones life is devoid of the things that give it meaning.

 

I struggle with this a lot due to 22 years of illness and now withdrawal.

 

I try hard to find small things that bring some semblence of pleasure if not meaning itself which is an illusion anyway.

 

It's hard when one is suffering so much.

 

Most people are lucky enough to be well enough to be busy enough to cloak the yawning chasm that lies at the heart of human existence - i.e. that meaning is not given, it is something we have to create for ourselves and all that activity is really just a way of not thinking about mortality.

 

Sorry if that sounds miserable but I do believe it is true and I spent 4 years doing a degree and Masters in philosophy.

 

The philosopher Heidegger thought that being aware of this realitybis a good thing because it allows us to actively createvthe meaning we want for ourselves.

 

In a way you are higher up the existential ladder as it were. Many people never have the insight. Of course that doesn't make it any easier to live with.

 

Personally I think human consciousness is an evolutionary black hole - being self-aware and aware of finitude drives us all crazy.

 

I deal with it by rationalising it and reading about it.

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I just stagger my way through it and try to distract and relax best I can in the knowledge that it's  not really going to harm me. 

 

Do you have any mental health diagnosis other than Benzodiazapines WD?  From my experience I've come to understand that WD can truly mimic psychotic disorder.  I thought I was (truly) going crazy but am starting to stabilise, hope it lasts, and can attribute these symptoms strictly to WD. 

 

It's scary and weird I know. 

 

Dee  :smitten:

 

To answer; yes i have a diagnosis of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) but nothing more. I must admit your question triggered me a little - what if i am psychotic?  Im 26 - is that a normal age for psychosis to present?

 

And to everyone else, thank you. I have a feeling what im experiencing is just very intense anxiety and also depression. Maybe? I think i need some time away from the forum because i get so spiked reading how many years people have been struggling and also just feeling like maybe im crazy afterall?

 

Im not thinking very clearly.

 

Hopefully ill come back with better news one day.

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Atually -- what if this is psychosis? WD induced?

 

Last night i had such an intense fear episode. I cant even remember what happened. I went to sleep but when  I woke up i felt as if i was somehow in TV series "The Killing". Im really scared. But a numb sort of scared.

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im thinking about reinstating. This is really bad.

 

I would distract, change scenery, occupy your hands with something, even something simple.  I was in the same situation as you, and I wanted to reinstate countless times, especially early in the withdrawal.  But I didn't.  I knew that if I reinstated, it would mean mere deferment, and I would have to deal with the same thing, or worse, again down the road.  You have come this far, stay strong, you can do this.

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Im so worried about psychosis though - the more i thought about it the more it made sense. I have been having strange sort of hallucinations before sleep at night. I thought it was just when i closed my eyes to sleep but last night they were starting when i was just lying on the bed. Then when i wake in the night -- thats a scary experience too. Last night, as i shared, i felt as if i was somehow in the tv series "the killing". I thought my boyfriend was one of the security guards in the show.

 

Did you have any strange symptoms like this ginger? Ive never had psychosis before. This is terrifying me.

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Im so worried about psychosis though - the more i thought about it the more it made sense. I have been having strange sort of hallucinations before sleep at night. I thought it was just when i closed my eyes to sleep but last night they were starting when i was just lying on the bed. Then when i wake in the night -- thats a scary experience too. Last night, as i shared, i felt as if i was somehow in the tv series "the killing". I thought my boyfriend was one of the security guards in the show.

 

Did you have any strange symptoms like this ginger? Ive never had psychosis before. This is terrifying me.

 

I thought I had psychosis at one point early in my withdrawal.  I posted about it here and someone more experienced reassured me that I didn't based on my symptoms.  My symptoms were nonstop hyperactivity and agitation, visual perceptual distortions (colors and things flickering at me), and auditory distortions (i.e.I heard someone say 'hello' but they really said 'let's go').  Someone here explained to me that psychosis is when you act as someone/something else and you truly believe that you are that (i.e. that you are the king of the world and you truly believe it).  They said that as long as I know the difference, I don't have psychosis.  I'm gonna try to find the link, but it's been a while.  Hope you feel better.

 

P.S. Found the link: www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=189799.msg2487424#msg2487424

 

If you are really concerned, I would get it checked out.

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Oh Hanzgs, I have just seen your post.  I am so sorry, please forgive me. 

 

After I posted I rethought what I had said and didn't mean to suggest you had psychosis.  What I was really trying to say was the complete opposite in that the symptoms I/we have look to

mimic psychosis they are so weird.  My mind is not straight Hanzgs, believe me. 

 

I am so sorry if what I said triggered you it is absolutely the last thing I would want to do.  I don't think you, I don't think I, am psychotic, I think these weird symptoms can simply look that way. 

 

We are in WD Hanzgs, and you with GAD and me with PTSD.  No more no less. 

 

Now I'm freaking out when reading your posts, I so don't want you to be upset by my stupidity.  You are NOT psychotic Hanzgs you are in WD. 

 

I am so very sorry.

 

Dee x

 

 

 

 

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I reinstated Hanzgs and I didn't stabilise, things got worse for me.  Cut 12.5% 2 days ago.  It hurts. 

 

I have had all of the fear, existential dread and the walking, muted robots that you describe. The lifeless faces. 

 

Today I read a sign for Mama Mia and thought I was reading MANIA Mia.  The shop front dummies in a men's wear store really freaked me out.  The stupid elephant car for kids with "happy" as its number plate made me want to puke.  Every bit of merchandise in the stores looked pathetic and meaningless. 

 

I should not have been out but had made a promise to a friend.  It was like I was in the Theatre of the Absurd. 

 

I was sweating and trembling, I walked in a dream.  The leaves on the trees stood stark and fully pixelated, everything was bright, vivid.  I know how it feels Hanzgs please don't reinstate because of some Ill thought through post of mine.  I am on your side, always. 

 

Dee x.

 

 

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I was right where you are for about 2 months until about a week ago.

 

It has eased  a lot in the last couple of days.

 

I am just hoping it lasts but am making sure to document that it can go away in case it doesn't.

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It's 3:30 am and this is so horrible.

 

The only thing that has me know I am not truly psychotic is that I do know these weird thoughts and feelings are not real and am not caught up in them intractably, just as you say Healthfirst.  Thank you.

 

I have never been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder in my life only now, with my c/t and subsequent reinstatement of Valium did they appear.

 

When I described my symptoms to my psychiatrist, who I have been seeing for many years, and knows me well, he looked at me oddly and started talking about Seroquil!  Throw another pill on the fire.  Too easy! 

 

He has to be kidding, and it disappoints me enormously given the length of time I have known him. He was not really open to WD and it makes me sad.  It's not rocket science!

 

Thanks for reassurance Ajusta, it gives me hope and am so glad it has abated for you, it's a cruel unrelenting nightmare. 

 

Dee

 

 

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As Healthfirst said, it is one thing to have thoughts and another thing to believe them.

 

My mother, a normally well and healthy individual, had psychosis for about a month completely out of the blue. She thought she was god reincarnated and that celebs were sending her messages. She was completely irrational and impossible to reason with 24/7, her whole personality changed to one of complete paranoia.

 

I may be wrong but I think it would be best to describe psychosis as an illness others can see in you but not something you can see in yourself.

 

Hang in there Hangz  ;) Definitely take a break from the forum and do what makes you calmest. The one thing I am certain of, is that like me, you've probably been through so many withdrawal symptoms already and here you still are  :thumbsup:

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As Healthfirst said, it is one thing to have thoughts and another thing to believe them.

 

My mother, a normally well and healthy individual, had psychosis for about a month completely out of the blue. She thought she was god reincarnated and that celebs were sending her messages. She was completely irrational and impossible to reason with 24/7, her whole personality changed to one of complete paranoia.

 

I may be wrong but I think it would be best to describe psychosis as an illness others can see in you but not something you can see in yourself.

 

Hang in there Hangz  ;) Definitely take a break from the forum and do what makes you calmest. The one thing I am certain of, is that like me, you've probably been through so many withdrawal symptoms already and here you still are  :thumbsup:

 

Is she ok now?

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