42 !

42 long days it has been since my last dose.

small dose , but pretty strong since my tolerance is low.

before the meds i was 100% symptom free , just panic attacks.

i’ve self-diagnosed myself w/ everything in the book from

-heart attack

-brain infection

-heart disease

-going blind

-etc.

the er / doctors send me home telling me to take my meds. they’ll never understand.

i need a time machine , wish i can fast forward time by a couple of years , or rewind & learn to deal with my anxiety naturally.

Health anxiety is awful IKnow4What and important to recognise and remind yourself of the fact that it is health anxiety. 

 

The more you google symptoms and self diagnose the more you ramp it up is what I've found.  Try to ditch Dr Google and look at relaxation, distraction instead.  It does work but takes practice. 

 

You can google anything (broken finger nail eg) and sure as night follows day you will find a sinister explanation, and that's the one you'll focus on. 

 

Your use of benzo's is really short term so should not be problematic imo.  Congratulations on 42 days. 

 

Dee

i need a time machine , wish i can fast forward time by a couple of years , or rewind & learn to deal with my anxiety naturally.

 

Wouldn't it be nice to rewind time and make yourself get a gym membership and some forced personal relaxation time instead of prescription behavior meds?

as much as i dont want to , thinking of reinstating until i get better so i can taper. 43 days , and my vision still remains changed , mild confusion , loss of balance , shortness of breath , muscle pain / twitches. my ears ring louder than 1 million iphones. i dont want to give up , & reinstate but this is no way to live. i just left the ER and had a CT scan and bloodwork drawn. everythings normal. EKG / X Ray normal. next I just have to have the spinal tap thingy done to rule out extra underlying issues. this pill changed my life , so bad.

anyone here have weird brain tingle / stinging when they use their facial muscles ?

 

non benzo - related but how about weird fizzing / sizzling sound in neck when laying down ?

anyone here have weird brain tingle / stinging when they use their facial muscles ?

 

Absolutely. I was just posting / asking about it on this forum a few days ago. For me, shortly after jumping off Xanax, I had the sensation that the hair on my head was tingling as well as my brain mildly vibrating. This faded over the course of several weeks, however it does reappear randomly. Right now I have facial tingling, eyelid twitches and vision that is either slightly blurry or had a sensation that I need to squint. All of this eventually results in a daily tension style headache. And it's getting really old....

You’re still in acute. Keep going.

 

From the Ashton manual....

 

Reinstatement, updosing

 

A dilemma faced by some people in the process of benzodiazepine withdrawal, or after withdrawal, is what to do if they have intolerable symptoms which do not lessen after many weeks. If they are still taking benzodiazepines, should they increase the dose? If they have already withdrawn, should they reinstate benzodiazepines and start the withdrawal process again? This is a difficult situation which, like all benzodiazepine problems, depends to some degree on the circumstances and the individual, and there are no hard and fast rules.

 

Reinstatement after withdrawal? Many benzodiazepine users who find themselves in this position have withdrawn too quickly; some have undergone 'cold turkey'. They think that if they go back on benzodiazepines and start over again on a slower schedule they will be more successful. Unfortunately, things are not so simple. For reasons that are not clear, (but perhaps because the original experience of withdrawal has already sensitised the nervous system and heightened the level of anxiety) the original benzodiazepine dose often does not work the second time round. Some may find that only a higher dose partially alleviates their symptoms, and then they still have to go through a long withdrawal process again, which again may not be symptom-free.

 

Updosing during withdrawal? Some people hit a "sticky patch" during the course of benzodiazepine withdrawal. In many cases, staying on the same dose for a longer period (not more than a few weeks) before resuming the withdrawal schedule allows them to overcome this obstacle. However, increasing the dose until a longed-for plateau of 'stability' arrives is not a good strategy. The truth is that one never 'stabilises' on a given dose of benzodiazepine. The dose may be stable but withdrawal symptoms are not. It is better to grit one's teeth and continue the withdrawal. True recovery cannot really start until the drug is out of the system.

 

Pharmacologically, neither reinstating nor updosing is really rational. If withdrawal symptoms are still present, it means that the GABA/benzodiazepine receptors have not fully recovered (see above). Further benzodiazepines cause further down-regulation, strengthen the dependence, prolong withdrawal, delay recovery and may lead to protracted symptoms. In general, the longer the person remains on benzodiazepines the more difficult it is to withdraw. On the whole, anyone who remained benzodiazepine-free, or has remained on the same dose, for a number of weeks or months would be ill-advised to start again or to increase dosage. It would be better to devote the brain to solving individual symptoms and to finding sources of advice and support. Advice about how to deal with individual symptoms is given in the Manual (Chapter 3).

 

You’re still in acute. Keep going.

 

From the Ashton manual....

 

Reinstatement, updosing

 

A dilemma faced by some people in the process of benzodiazepine withdrawal, or after withdrawal, is what to do if they have intolerable symptoms which do not lessen after many weeks. If they are still taking benzodiazepines, should they increase the dose? If they have already withdrawn, should they reinstate benzodiazepines and start the withdrawal process again? This is a difficult situation which, like all benzodiazepine problems, depends to some degree on the circumstances and the individual, and there are no hard and fast rules.

 

Reinstatement after withdrawal? Many benzodiazepine users who find themselves in this position have withdrawn too quickly; some have undergone 'cold turkey'. They think that if they go back on benzodiazepines and start over again on a slower schedule they will be more successful. Unfortunately, things are not so simple. For reasons that are not clear, (but perhaps because the original experience of withdrawal has already sensitised the nervous system and heightened the level of anxiety) the original benzodiazepine dose often does not work the second time round. Some may find that only a higher dose partially alleviates their symptoms, and then they still have to go through a long withdrawal process again, which again may not be symptom-free.

 

Updosing during withdrawal? Some people hit a "sticky patch" during the course of benzodiazepine withdrawal. In many cases, staying on the same dose for a longer period (not more than a few weeks) before resuming the withdrawal schedule allows them to overcome this obstacle. However, increasing the dose until a longed-for plateau of 'stability' arrives is not a good strategy. The truth is that one never 'stabilises' on a given dose of benzodiazepine. The dose may be stable but withdrawal symptoms are not. It is better to grit one's teeth and continue the withdrawal. True recovery cannot really start until the drug is out of the system.

 

Pharmacologically, neither reinstating nor updosing is really rational. If withdrawal symptoms are still present, it means that the GABA/benzodiazepine receptors have not fully recovered (see above). Further benzodiazepines cause further down-regulation, strengthen the dependence, prolong withdrawal, delay recovery and may lead to protracted symptoms. In general, the longer the person remains on benzodiazepines the more difficult it is to withdraw. On the whole, anyone who remained benzodiazepine-free, or has remained on the same dose, for a number of weeks or months would be ill-advised to start again or to increase dosage. It would be better to devote the brain to solving individual symptoms and to finding sources of advice and support. Advice about how to deal with individual symptoms is given in the Manual (Chapter 3).

 

i honestly didn’t think w/d would be this intense with such short term use / low dose. this is insanity. thanks for the reassurance & the comforting truth. means a lot.

I know someone on here who took it for only 9 days and has the same symptoms as me and is the same tint off as me. Believe it. These drugs are evil.

Thanks for that post ang1111 it really helped as the temptation to reinstate/updose is strong, but I know the folly and won't comply.

 

Dee x

 

So tired. 

Thanks for posting that ang1111. It makes sense now how I ended up on such a high dose after trying to quit cold turkey and then going back to the benzos so many times. Every time I needed more to feel normal. And I never understood why.

 

And don't do it dee. I've seen you posting your situation and I know you are going through a horrible time, but updosing just starts everything over again. I may not fully understand this benzo crap, but to me it is like a heroin that never ends. Worse than heroin if you ask me. You get the physical pain and mental addiction, with the added mental torture and confusion that lasts what seems like forever. Knowing there is a pill that can make you feel better is very tempting, and it stays on my mind all day, but it will just prolongs the physical addiction. My end goal of being benzo free and back to my normal self is much stronger than my want to go buy a bottle of benzos. A crazy but useful thought I'd have everyday for a painful 2 months when I was very physically addicted to suboxone was "I'll get back on it tomorrow, but not doing it today." And one day I could sleep and eat normal again, and months after the pain was gone I felt like myself again. I know I'll be my normal self again someday and probably stronger for having gone through hell and so can all the other benzobuddies. Maybe applying that thought to your updosing will help you, even if it sounds crazy. Updose tomorrow, not today. And say it every day no matter how bad it gets.

 

 

these days are gradually passing , 45 days felt more like a year.

i have a weird case of tinnitus this morning , different than what im used to.

the ringing is more high-pitched this time around. i managed to get up shower , eat , pray , so far ignoring the fact that i felt i would fall over any second.

wow , i wonder what the future has in store for me. things are getting intense.

Thanks Sicory, that's exactly what I want too, the return of myself been buried under benzo's and booze for such a long time the coming out is hard to do but I won't let it beat me, not now, I've sorta got a taste for freedom.  Hope it's not a big con and I really am psycho.  And now I wanna cry. 

 

I won't be reinstating or updosing and I thank you for your encouragement and support it means a lot.  A lonely road this benzo road.  Got lotsa benz in it  . Onwards!

 

Had to go out today today on an urgent matter and there was a girl crossing at the pedestrian crossing wearing a t-shirt with "Walking in a Dream" emblazoned on it.  Felt like saying, yeah, I can see that, or do you mean walking unconscious?  Everywhere I look! 

 

Feeling a bit better today, but my back kills and am really afraid of ground zero. 

 

Dee 

these days are gradually passing , 45 days felt more like a year.

 

Benzo withdrawal makes for long days. All of my days seem to blend together, I have a hard time keeping track of the days sometimes. I hope your symptoms get better soon

 

Feeling a bit better today, but my back kills and am really afraid of ground zero. 

 

Glad you were feeling better. I'm scared of ground zero too, but I try to stay in today. Take it a day at a time, even when the days seem like they are taking 100 hours to pass.