I'm finally there. 2 months free

Hello my fellow Benzo buddies, in 9 days I will be  2 months free of Benzodiazepines and I felt like writing my success story a little early. This has was always my favorite section on this forum because it gave me hope and something to look forward to. Even though I still have a lot of issues that I have to work through I do feel 10 more better then when I was on it Benzos and 100 times better then when I was withdrawing from them.

 

I have been on benzos for over a year, I was taking around 3mg/4mg of lorazepam everyday.  At the beginning of December 2017 I began a rapid taper, I did this by cutting 1mg every week. By week three of my taper I was only on 0.5mg. I held that dose for another week and then jumped. The rapid taper was not easy by any means but I tried a slow taper before and that didn't work for me. I wouldn't suggest a rapid taper for most people but I prefer to bite the bullet and get it over and done with.

 

On the 28th of December 2017 I stopped taking Benzos. I was expecting the worse , maybe because I read a lot of negative things online not to mention I was jumping from a pretty high dose (0.5mg lorazepam). I was mostly worried about constant anxiety and insomnia like I had experienced this one time I tried to CT. To my surprise it didn't feel that bad. Actually I felt better the next day and a little better the day after that and things just got better from there. I believe I had already went through the worst of my withdrawal symptoms during my rapid taper due to the fact I was only taking Lorazepam at night. That meant the Lorazepam in my blood and system was unbalanced throughout the day and night. By the time I quit I almost instantly started to feel better. Thats not to say I am healed, I still feel pretty shitty some times but nothing compared to how I use feel while I was on Benzo.

 

The best thing for my about quitting taking Benzo is that I feel like that huge fog or cloud blocking my brain from thinking straight has been mostly lifted. The worst part of it is all that physiological problems I was trying to get away from by using Benzos has made a comeback and hit me harder then ever. That goes to show you should never try to fix you problems with drugs.

 

All in all I'm very happy I stop taking Benzos and quitting was not as hard as I had built it up to be in my head. I felt like a empty shell when I was on them. I hated the idea I was a slave to pills, and the fact that if i ran out of them pills I would go through hell and there nothing i could do about it apart from getting more pills. This experience has left me with a new found understanding on how other drug addicts might feel and I now have more respect for those who successfully get of heroin or other opioids because if this was hard then I can't imagine what the would go through.

 

Also another good thing to come out of this, is that was able to stop smoke cigarettes, I'v been smoking for 10+, I'v wanted to stop for years but my anxiety and stress just wouldn't let me plus I have a very addictive personality. Going through Benzo withdrawal has actually helped me handle those problems a bit more. I'm only on the 3rd week of no smoking and i still have craving that come out of nowhere, but I never got this far before.

 

I never really talk to anyone I know about my problem with Benzodiazepine, it kind of felt good to write this and get it of my chest. Thanks for reading and sorry for the bad witting and grammar. If you are starting out you taper then I would say don't think too much into things and just go for it but most of all stay positive.

 

Good luck to all of you

 

Crazy-8

 

Hey crazy-8

 

Thanks for the success story. You've had a helluva ride by the sound of things. congrats on getting to a good place. All the best bud! hope you manage to get a handle on that anxiety. I can definitely relate to that as anxiety is my worst symptom at the moment.

 

Congratulations! You have amazing strength.  God Bless You.

Good job on sticking it out through a rapid taper!  The way you describe it makes it sound like it wasn't that bad, but I'm sure it was pretty brutal.  Coming from someone has kicked heroin and is in the process of detoxing opiates right now I can tell you that although it's obviously really rough and not fun at all it's a cakewalk compared to coming off of benzos.  I know what you're saying that going through an ordeal like this somehow increases your willpower and strength. I've managed to quit smoking with no problem at all, and I don't take any other recreational drugs anymore when I struggled for years to be clean.  It's great to hear that you're feeling so much better in such a short amount of time and I hope you continue to heal at that rapid pace.  Congrats! 

Thanks for the replies and kind words guys, I really appreciate it.

 

Good job on sticking it out through a rapid taper!  The way you describe it makes it sound like it wasn't that bad, but I'm sure it was pretty brutal.

 

Yeah it did get pretty brutal and at times I felt like I was going mad, I even contemplated visiting a psych ward but I decided against it. To be honest my head was so messed up during my taper that I cant really remember how it felt. When I think back on it, it just feels like a cloudy memory and I cant relate to that guy I was, its hard to explain. From what i read detoxing from opiates sounds like the worst. I know the physical symptoms are terrible. I hope your detox is successful so you can put it behind you.

Congratulations, I'm glad you are feeling better  I agree with burfm regarding opiate addiction, I was detoxed off methadone last August and ct'd off benzos, the withdrawal from the benzos was so brutal it actually took my mind off the opiate wd to a degree! It's horrible but nothing compared to benzo wd! That's how evil these things are and they are perfectly legal  Enjoy being free from benzos and withdrawal, all the best 

Thank you so much for posting this, Crazy-8. So much of your story resonates with me. I really appreciate the boost of hope!

 

Although I took the lengthy approach to tapering, I feel my taper and acute withdrawal weren't completely unbearable, as compared to others. I somehow managed to outrun tolerance withdrawal, maybe by backing off my highest dose of 2mg/day clonazepam very slowly to 1.5mg/day over yrs and holding for a couple before tapering, then taking 13 mos to back off in .25mg increments every few mos, then dropping to .125mg/day, then jumping. I call it the "tortoise taper." 

 

As a person with anxiety, the process of getting my benzos became a huge trigger for me. I moved an hour away and had to change doctors and in the process, was treated like a drug seeker at a hospital. Devastating, especially for someone with a past history of opioid use. Not having to present myself to a prescription-writing doctor every 3 mos, deal with the pharmacy, etc. was an instant huge relief for me.

 

Although the physical symptoms were horrific after quitting opioids CT, it was overall easier to endure than this. After a month, I could function normally, including being able to sleep through the night again. There was no lingering anxiety, except worrying about staying clean, which I've done for 15 yrs now! Thank you for your compassion toward addicts; I have a very addictive personality myself. I still can't believe I took klonopin for 9 years and didn't abuse it.

 

Congrats on quitting smoking! I quit CT 9 mos after starting Wellbutrin; that's the ONLY upside of me taking it. As an anxiety sufferer, it's the worst AD I could've taken, but the only one I could tolerate. Instead of continually trying to prescribe us numerous drugs, especially when we experience side effects and intolerance to almost all of them, we need to find other therapies!

 

I wish you much continued healing!

Congratulations. This one gives me hope, you were on it a few months longer than me and improved that much in two months. I hope in a few months I can be taking my last dose