In despair - reaching out please

Hello buddies,

 

I'm almost 11 months into a very slow Ativan taper, after having been in tolerance (unknowingly) for quite some time. I'm extremely sensitive to even the smallest amount of medication.

 

Right now I have severe akathesia and anxiety 24/7. I have to pace for hours until I literally collapse, or else I feel like I'll crawl out of my skin or worse. It's so bad that I don't know how to do one more hour of this. I'm in utter despair and reaching out.

 

I know no one can take these things away. I honestly just need a hand of kindness and understanding right now...

 

 

 

Rubylove, I am here reading your words and I am bearing witness to your suffering.  I hear and I care.  I don't have any pithy words of advice or anything really to take away your suffering.    I am here, we are here and we understand what you are going through.  You are not alone.  Just one human being to another - hold on.  Hold on any way you can.  Hold on to the hope of a lessening of your suffering, of healing , of coming out on the other side.  It WILL happen Rubylove.

 

She

So sorry, RubyLove. I didn't know what benzo withdrawal was before I ended up on ativan. It's such a strong benzodiazepine. Many people get bitten by it, not knowing how horrible it can be to people. So sorry about this suffering. It will get better. It will.

Oh, God bless you both so much. You're saving a life tonight... God bless you both.

You are more than welcome.

You replied to my other thread and for that I thank you. You are not alone. If you are able to write this, then you aren't done yet.

Caterm, neither are you. You're not done. I have no platitudes left. But I'll try to listen whenever you need to speak.

Oh, God bless you both so much. You're saving a life tonight... God bless you both.

 

I'm in the same boat except with Valium and I decided to go cold turkey I did not want to prolong this hell. The best advice I can give you is to try to keep busy this board has been a lifesaver there are kind people hear people that understand I also did a lot of research because people in my own personal life don't even think this is happening

Oh Ruby I’m so sorry you feel so bad. You’re not alone here, I was exactly where you are now at one point. I feel good now. You really will get over this too.

Theskyisred & Siggy,

 

Thank you both so much for the words of comfort. It's good to know there are still kind people left in world... It means a lot to me.

 

Siggy, if I may ask, how long did it take for anxiety to leave in your case?

 

Lara

Theskyisred & Siggy,

 

Thank you both so much for the words of comfort. It's good to know there are still kind people left in world... It means a lot to me.

 

Siggy, if I may ask, how long did it take for anxiety to leave in your case?

 

Lara

.

 

Mine's a weird case. I was doing ok by around 6 months off. I had a massive and terrible setback in month 10 from alcohol / flu combo. That lasted 10 months. Then I rapidly got better somehow. I went for a year feeling ok. Figured i was ok to drink again, NOPE! Had another very very bad setback again. That one lasted about 4 months, and then again I rapidly got better again. Now it’s been almost another year past where I feel good again. I’ll be 4 years off in May. So if I can recover several times and be as bad off as I was, I know pretty much anybody else here can. I had pretty much every symptom you can name. Insomnia, tinnitus, burning, anxiety, depression, dp/dr, akathisia, etc. I was going for a few days at a time without sleeping at all. All of it it gone now.

 

I know it sucks. A LOT. You’ll get there too.

Siggy, your reply is very helpful to me. Almost ALL my setbacks ever have been due to alcohol (even in the smallest amounts), which I gave up permanently this month. (I now think it accounted for a substantial amount of my anxiety pre-benzo's, too, although I never made the link at the time.) It sure took me a while to acknowledge this... 

 

Also, my symptoms are the same as yours were. So your description of the road you traveled brings me much hope this morning! Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage others on here. Wishing you continued wellness!

 

Lara

BTW, still grinning here about your wedding-anniversary stunt 

Akathisia sucks!  I know when I had a bad bout of it in the hospital as a reaction to Reglan, I was given a couple of doses of benadryl to make it stop.  It did work for me twice.  However, I have heard that benadryl can sometimes make akathisia worse for some people.  It is one of those things that can go either way.

Hello buddies,

 

I'm almost 11 months into a very slow Ativan taper, after having been in tolerance (unknowingly) for quite some time. I'm extremely sensitive to even the smallest amount of medication.

 

Right now I have severe akathesia and anxiety 24/7. I have to pace for hours until I literally collapse, or else I feel like I'll crawl out of my skin or worse. It's so bad that I don't know how to do one more hour of this. I'm in utter despair and reaching out.

 

I know no one can take these things away. I honestly just need a hand of kindness and understanding right now...

 

Hello Rubylove-

 

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time.  This whole process can be extremely difficult, I know.  You can do this, the suffering and all the horrible symptoms, even the bad thoughts, will all go away in due time. We cope by getting through this one minute, one hour and one day at a time.  Your job is to survive, that's all.  We are here for you, keep posting, that's why this forum is here...for support when things get really bad.

 

We ask that members of the forum not post about suicidal thoughts.  Even though they are common in the withdrawal and recovery process, this is a difficult subject for others who read about it.

 

Please take care of your self. Try to remember... one minute at a time, one hour at a time, I day at a time...  You can do this Rubylove.

 

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread.

Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)

 

 

 

Ruby, you are here on the forum with other like minded people. You are not alone and the fact that you are reaching out speaks volumes.  I trust you will get through this, one day at a time.  Breathing deep and slow and barefoot walks have been helping me lately.

Dolphinator, yes, Benadryl worked for me for a short while...until it didn't and turned paradoxical & nasty... 

 

Bella Amis, thanks for your kind words of support! (I will try to be more sensitive regarding the way I phrase symptoms in future.)

Jorgan, thank you for being so supportive. We all know the dark days during this process - and it makes such a difference to experience the kindness of like-minded folks.

 

Like you, deep breathing helps me to get through some of the worst moments... I really hope your recovery goes well, Jorgan.

BTW, still grinning here about your wedding-anniversary stunt 

 

Yeah, not my finest hour! I can somewhat look back in amusement though. It certainly will be one that is unforgettable. 

 

I think a lot of people underestimate the effects alcohol can have. It's been nearly 14 months since I had any alcohol. I've now learned I can't drink it anymore.

Hang in there Rubylove, we are here with you. I know it's very hard but you'll get through this. I had a bad day today but gotta keep fighting, it'll pay off in dividends in the future. Be strong and reach out to us whenever you feel you need a word of encouragement! Good Luck and God Bless!

Just wanted to extend care. The pacing drives me as crazy as the feelings. I also believe alcohol was an anxiety culprit even before benzies. I won't be drinking again. Best to all of you. Strength in solidarity.

Hang in there Ruby. The anxiety each day has me wanting to crawl out of my skin also. I was also trying to use alcohol a little to stop the anxiety but it was making things worse. I have not had in alcohol in over 3 months now. I also pace and walk a lot. It is horrible.

 

What A/D did you stop?

Thank you everyone for your warm words of support! I appreciate it with my whole heart.

 

Jorge, claysummer, AntiBenzo - I'll fight along with you guys...we all have brighter days and a much healthier future to look forward to. Together we can get there.

 

Claysummer and AntiBenzo, I'm truly sorry to read about your tough journeys so far in your signatures. I'll be holding thumbs for your complete recovery. (AntiBenzo, I came off citalopram/Celexa.)

 

Love and peace to all who are here.

Lara

Hello buddies,

 

I'm almost 11 months into a very slow Ativan taper, after having been in tolerance (unknowingly) for quite some time. I'm extremely sensitive to even the smallest amount of medication.

 

Right now I have severe akathesia and anxiety 24/7. I have to pace for hours until I literally collapse, or else I feel like I'll crawl out of my skin or worse. It's so bad that I don't know how to do one more hour of this. I'm in utter despair and reaching out.

 

I know no one can take these things away. I honestly just need a hand of kindness and understanding right now...

 

Im in the exact same boat as you.... I have to constantly move, pace, etc. Want to crawl out of my skin, severe anxiety, bad thoughts and still deep into my taper. Im here if you need someone to talk to. Im in hell too.....

 

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread.

Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)

 

 

Rossho, I just sent you a PM. Hang in there, buddy! Thank you so much for your post.