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NO ONE believes me!...


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My Mom thinks I'm making all this up.  I'm ASSURED that 3 weeks and 'that s##t is out of your system' .. Same goes w. Room mates.  I feel so lost.  No where to go NO one to turn to.. 'Well even your PHARMACY said blah blah..' I HATE this!! .. Part of me just wants to curl up and.. Yeah..

 

No one believes me.

 

NO ONE!

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Well, I believe you. Our bodies often start withdrawing from these meds long before the tapering process is even initiated. It's not surprise that people get hit with long term, debilitating symptoms pre-taper/CT, during taper/CT and post-taper/CT.

 

Most people who have been through this will know exactly what you are talking about. The ones that have never been through (even people on benzos who haven't experienced rough withdrawal yet) will look at you with that glazed/puzzled/annoyed look, not understanding anything. It's a shame :(

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I believe you Sky.

 

Woke this morning in extreme fear and dread.  Also internal tremor.  Death fear.  It is so frightening and I'm scared I will never get better, or have the inner resources to cope.  Thought I was strong. Can't even go to the doctor because I know the outcome.  Same as family and friends. 

 

I can't seem to do anything and so awful to hate the mornings waiting for the evenings where sleep might give some respite.  And then the clock reads 3:40 am.

 

Don't waste your energy on people who don't understand, focus entirely on yourself and getting well. Talk here and try to do good things for yourself.  If I can get the dishes done I'll be *happy*. 

 

I have not done the dishes for 3 days and my washing hangs idly on the line.  Can't go out to get it in and I need clean clothes.  Agoraphobic. 

 

Why do people, including doctors, say that it is out of our system so no longer a problem?  That is such stupid logic I find it hard to wrap my head around it. 

 

This is beginning to sound puerile really just wanted you to know that you are believed. 

 

Dee  :smitten:

 

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I am very sorry that folks around you don't understand. Did you ever consider showing them this board without having them login? They can read the stories, see the support, and perhaps they will join for support.  I'll be completely honest - if I wasn't going through this myself, I am not sure I would understand what people are going through getting off this drug.  And how brave everyone is on the journey.

 

Please hang in and congratulations on finishing your taper!  I hope things get a bit easier for you.

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We need to find a way to bring more awareness to this drug. 

 

How many people today are just starting to take it without knowing the risks? 

 

No DR seems to be willing to admit to the problem or help with the detox. 

 

Please hang in there!!!!  I am on day 32 since doing CT without realizing Xanax was the addiction.  I wish my DR had advised me to taper, but I didn't know better.

 

I know it is going to be a long road ahead.  I'm trying to decide if I can keep my job or if I need to resign :(  I am very determined to beat this thing.  You need to dig deep and find your determination.  From everything I've read, it just takes time....  Take 1 day at a time, or 1 hour at a time...

 

I believe you!!

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The Ashton manual is legitimate medical research, and backs up what you are going through. I'd see if your pharmacy or doctor has ever heard of it.

 

And it's not in your head, it's real physical symptoms caused by physiological changes brought on by the drug.

 

You got this.

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You guys are also very nice I looked at the Ashton manual the other day I'll be honest my vision was so blurred I could very barely read it but I highly doubt my Physicians ever heard of it the really sad part is if I wanted to I could go back on the drug I have pretty much infinite access to it but I feel like if I do I'll be some kind of failure I'm being held to my dead father's Footsteps granted he had surgery and turn down certain medications out of hand what the symptoms are absolutely ridiculous coming off of benzodiazepine medication if you can even call it that I don't see anything with this signal about a pill that makes you feel like a robot when you're on it and makes you feel like something else entirely when you're coming off I've been on one benzo or another for 11 years and coming off Valium especially cold turkey I don't even know it's another animal entirely
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Sky, I believe you, I lived it. Even the Doctors don't believe it, or they DO know and realize what they did to you is so bad they can't admit it and they stick together. I've been trying to get a Doctor to understand for 3 years. They have to be lying. Then, I hear about these ppl that were on a benzo and had NO withdrawals. I say BS on that for anyone on it a long time, like you and me. Nobody can understand how we feel, during these withdrawals, it's just not possible if they never experienced it. I read a survey of drug addicts comparing drug withdrawals and a vast majority said that Benzo's were worse than Heroin, Methadone, or any other drug.

I'm old, hopefully your Youth will help you get over this quicker than me. After my last little piece I felt pretty good the first week, then BAM!

I got some relief from some herbs. Sun Theanine,  5 HTP. for sleep SleepyTime Tea and  3 or so mg of Melatonin. The Sun Theanine helped the most. Pot seems to make it worse, in case you wondered. A Doctor ordered me Trazadone for sleep but I didn't like it. Another Dr gave me Gabapentin. Was on Gaba for a year or so. I didn't stop feeling nuts until I stopped taking Gabapentin. I think it helps during acute WD more but benzo's, to me, seem 95% Psychological. So is everything we perceive.

I tapered for 6 months, you shouldn't have stopped cold turkey IMHO. I tapered 6 months, breaking 1/2 of a 2 mg pill into 3 pieces at the end. The manual says 10%. I made a cut when I felt like I was stabilizing. The Ashton Manual says cut 10%. Under 1mg is of no therapeutic value.

 

You are pretty well on your way and have gone through too much to throw it away but nobody would think less of you if you started a taper. But if your like me you'll just do it, balls to the wall, the only way we know. It does get a lot better, you'll see. Just be patient. Pretty soon you will have good days and bad. The good days start getting closer together.

 

You can find some people around that can describe everything with eloquence. Show your Mom. If possible you have to get her on your side.

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Sky, Forgot a couple things. Mainly Alcohol. I think The DT's are kinda like Benzo's, or work on the same receptors. Have heard it makes things worse. I'm only speaking on what I heard from ppl struggling through Benzo w/d, not personal experience. Please be careful. You can PM me any time if you'd like to. I will check my messages more often for awhile in case I can be of any help.

 

Barry

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Sky, I believe you, I lived it. Even the Doctors don't believe it, or they DO know and realize what they did to you is so bad they can't admit it and they stick together. I've been trying to get a Doctor to understand for 3 years. They have to be lying. Then, I hear about these ppl that were on a benzo and had NO withdrawals. I say BS on that for anyone on it a long time, like you and me. Nobody can understand how we feel, during these withdrawals, it's just not possible if they never experienced it. I read a survey of drug addicts comparing drug withdrawals and a vast majority said that Benzo's were worse than Heroin, Methadone, or any other drug.

I'm old, hopefully your Youth will help you get over this quicker than me. After my last little piece I felt pretty good the first week, then BAM!

I got some relief from some herbs. Sun Theanine,  5 HTP. for sleep SleepyTime Tea and  3 or so mg of Melatonin. The Sun Theanine helped the most. Pot seems to make it worse, in case you wondered. A Doctor ordered me Trazadone for sleep but I didn't like it. Another Dr gave me Gabapentin. Was on Gaba for a year or so. I didn't stop feeling nuts until I stopped taking Gabapentin. I think it helps during acute WD more but benzo's, to me, seem 95% Psychological. So is everything we perceive.

I tapered for 6 months, you shouldn't have stopped cold turkey IMHO. I tapered 6 months, breaking 1/2 of a 2 mg pill into 3 pieces at the end. The manual says 10%. I made a cut when I felt like I was stabilizing. The Ashton Manual says cut 10%. Under 1mg is of no therapeutic value.

 

You are pretty well on your way and have gone through too much to throw it away but nobody would think less of you if you started a taper. But if your like me you'll just do it, balls to the wall, the only way we know. It does get a lot better, you'll see. Just be patient. Pretty soon you will have good days and bad. The good days start getting closer together.

 

You can find some people around that can describe everything with eloquence. Show your Mom. If possible you have to get her on your side.

 

Yeah I turned 39 years old and I'm seriously considering moving back in with Mommy what's wrong with me? As far as going back on a taper tomorrow will make 20 days since my last dose it's just the feelings I can't sit still I can't move it's just all so horrible and the worst part is when other people tell you it's all in your head and just to snap out of it. There are no words for how that affects somebody like me I'm expected to work in this condition I barely get one hour of sleep at night that's if I'm lucky time seems to crawl by time used to go so fast it's just embarrassing on so many levels and then to constantly Feel the fear and the guilt and have nothing to attribute it to other than some drug the sadness the depression it's so ridiculous I have real health problems like Dental issues it doesn't help to think I'm going out of my mind at the same time shaking my head if this wasn't such an anonymous board I would seriously consider soliciting people for a class action lawsuit against big Pharma I'm sure everyone here has wanted to at one point or another I mean seriously how do you put money on pain and suffering that last weeks months years? There is no way that the pharmaceutical industry doesn't know what they're doing I might be able to get my doctor a pass because he's old he's not senile but he's old I don't know the whole thing is just rotten to the Core

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Firstly let's face reality and stop defending doctors who claim you get NO withdrawals.

I have a relative who was a doctor for 30 years. He told me not so many years ago  he stopped prescribing these medications after 3 years of practice.

 

Why? Because doctors do not want problematic patients.

His experience. Patients calling 2 and 3 times a night. Complaining because of these medications. Patients waiting outside his old practice for him as he went to his car. Patients doctor shopping and then complaining about the old doctor they had.

 

As he told me. Many Benzo users end up going through hell sooner or later. However, not all people have problematic withdrawals mostly very short term users.

 

He also told me their is enough literature to know these medications can and do cause problems for many people.

 

He also said every family doctor has come across patients complaining about these medications, enough to understand they cause problems. If they say they dont cause problems then they are a liar. WHY?

 

 

As he said, some family doctors do not want to deal with these patients because it's not what they actually train for. That is for Psychiatrists. He also said they are all aware benzos can and, do cause problems for many people withdrawing. Plus hitting tolerance. However who wants to admit these drugs do cause problems.

 

Those who mock patients and say you don't or cant have withdrawals cannot admit it. For many reasons.

 

He also said it Basically it comes down to ego for many and, basically they cant or wont admit anything. Easier to blame the patient.

 

 

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Firstly let's face reality and stop defending doctors who claim you get NO withdrawals.

I have a relative who was a doctor for 30 years. He told me not so many years ago  he stopped prescribing these medications after 3 years of practice.

 

Why? Because doctors do not want problematic patients.

 

Why? I think it's a Brotherhood, kind of like organized crime. They stick together to make each other sound innocent. If they pretend they don't know and other doctors back them up, a judge would believe them innocent, not us drug addicts. They spend their time practicing defensive medicine and undermining our good character. I had a doctor that said I had 2 drugs in my system, I have never taken either of those drugs. That Dr is going to prison for 20 or 30 years for being the top prescriber in the country of some drug and scamming medicare out of millions of $$. I'm tickled he's going to prison after he tried to harm my reputation. I can't be the only one. Now his records mean nothing and neither does he. After he got arrested he took on a partner while going to court. The new partner took me off the Benzo AND was involved with organized crime. They were giving everyone back injections whether they needed them or not and got caught. I quit those doctors when they wanted to give me back injections and I had no back ache at the time. We have had several doctors around here lose their license in the past few years. The 1st dr plead guilty, the partner squealed on the criminal ring so he wouldn't go to prison and has disappeared. This is what medicine has evolved to.

 

The Doc I have been seeing, that I do like, said a couple months ago "Benzo Withdrawal only lasts 6 months." This guy has been a doctor for 25 years. He knew he was lying when he said it. I wanted to ask him where he gets his information and tell him whoever told him that is a dumb ass, but no good would come of it. I just bite my tongue. Sky is right. Sooner or later there is going to be a huge lawsuit. I'd like to get in on that.

 

My wife went to the ER yesterday because she has been so dizzy she can't keep food down. Her Doctor sent her to the ER. Turns out she just has a ear infection, Hospital gave her an antibiotic, Antivert and Ativan, then was going to send her home with Ativan until I told her it was a Benzo, then she refused it. Why would they prescribe a Benzo for an ear infection? Dirty B@$t@&D$!

 

Sky, if you get a big suit going, I'm in. To answer your question, the only thing wrong with you is Benzo's. Get yourself strapped in and hold on. Just remember, it's mostly in your mind. You have to get your mind off it. Get immersed in something. Walking is good. For me I went on PokerStars and played Poker, that took my mind off it. Trying to watch TV seemed impossible. I would sit there and look at it but never watched a full show with my brain working on everything but TV.  Everyone told me you need aftercare. I went to an online AA meeting. They said to enter this chat, you have to admit that drugs mean more to you than your family and friends, or anything! I couldn't say that, it would be a lie. My Family means much more to me than any drug. I did it on my own, hardly left my house for months. When i did drive I noticed I was pushing my L foot into my truck floor so hard my hind end was nearly lifted off the seat. Driving at night screwing up in numbers, getting confused, hard to see, it was horrible. You are doing great, you have the desire to get off it, you are strong enough, all systems GO! You know what they say,, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. This will definitely make you stronger. 

 

My sister was on Benzo's for years, she's in rehab right now. She wouldn't go to her doctor at the beginning of her w/d because she thought the cops would be waiting for her at her Drs office. She didn't break any laws. The sh!t makes you crazy. Just hang in there, when it gets bad do something to take your mind off it. Sitting there thinking is your enemy right now.

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[a6...]

Boy do I feel for you, and i agree with these posts here.

I feel like i whine everyday on here about it, but I had to work through a horrible taper and post now, and looking back, even though i woulda lost everything, i NEVER would have put myself through that prolonged torture, and i hope the stress didnt hurt me.

i fell into tolerance and just declined quickly afterwards. my taper was horrible, i could barely walk, 24/7 extreme dizziness, agoraphobia through the roof, and every single confrontation in life was absolute torture, and i was at  a full time job like that. a hundred days i musta went to my car on a break to try and escape and cry my friggin eyes out cause i was so horrified, it was terrible.. i had a 3 month leave of absence, and came back to work from it worse then when i left. i had an administrative leave of absence as well. work will never understand how horribly bad i was.

and the hell of it is, NO ONE slows down for ya, everyone in life expects you to get up and get out there as if youre fine.

its like being in the hospital everyday with god forbid a horrible or terminal illness, and being forced to get up and face the world.

 

my experience has been horrible for over 2 years and i swear even as i finally start to feel a little better, i worry that ive been traumatized for it.

i had the classics everyone has from the medical community, "withdrawal doesnt last that long" "it can only effect you for a few weeks" "just get your mind right" "its all in your head"

 

what frustration to go through this with absolutely no understanding from anyone...

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Don't mean to hijack this thread, sorry. Might be helpful for you sky.

 

I know where you are Luke. At 2 years I thought I was as healed as I was going get. Was even starting to think the Drs were right, it was anxiety that I had before I was on the benzo. Always been Type A personality, I was never a friend to drs, they want everybody compliant. Here, hop up on this table and roll over, you don't mind 8 feet up the wazpoo do ya? With all the crazy shit going on in this world who couldn't use a little sedation? At what price?

 

Sorry, I get sidetracked. LOL On my way out to the shed to do something I find 8 things along the way that need attention. Sometimes I don't make it to the shed. That's from the benzo. Not that it don't need attention, I was so lazy for 15 years stuff gets away from ya.

 

I think you still have some healing coming Luke. Right at 2 years I had extreme anxiety for close to a month. There was a lot of improvement after that, more than I expected. At 3 years I really feel about like I used to. Had some bad stuff in the family,, you know... If anyone doesn't have some anxiety in this life they must be nuts! And I'm thankful i started my business before I got on the Benzo, it never would have happened.

 

Like you said, I really would have appreciated it if someone would have told me the truth, instead of all the sunshine. For me, I felt better 90 days out, then 6 months, then a year a lot better, the 2nd year wasn't real bad, usually just windows, feel good for a few weeks, then anxious as hell for a few days or so, usually following stress.

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[a6...]

I appreciate that barry.

its funny as much as we read here and know its withdrawal, when the bad waves hit, you just cant escape the feelings of certain doom, its such a lousy way to live.

im sitting here paranoid about every major function of my body, i think its just the unrelenting tension coupled with anxiety and fear, its like a valve thats stuck to full blast. lol im at work now, at yet another of hundreds of days struggling to do my job well enough and get through. i feel like falling over today, ive got heavy limbs and breathing issues.

ahhh what fun. lol

meh, nah but the last month has shown some noticeable improvement in my baseline.

 

but theres nothing wrong with us... lol

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Discovered an online book called, "The Benzo Book," by Jack Hobson-Dupont.  It is currently out of print, but can find it at Amazon and others.  Here is the link you can use

to read it online for free:    http://www.thebenzobook.com/benzo/pdfs/the-benzo-book10.pdf

It is a wonderful read and explains things very well about what we are going through.  I asked several friends and family to read it so that they can understand me better.

Most don't realize the horrors that many of us go through and this really helps.  The chapters can be read individually as they cover different subjects.  Take your pick.

 

 

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