Unexpected Nightmare

I was diagnosed many years ago with anxiety/panic disorder and after having worked with a psychologist, a counselor, and later my family doctor, and after several failed attempts to use SSRIs, my family doctor settled on benzos as a bandaid for my anxiety, as needed. At first we used klonopin, and later diazepam. Never large amounts. This worked well and although I had some minor w/d switching from klonopin to diazepam years ago, I never had any major issues with w/d. Diazepam worked fine for me for years - not as regular use - but maybe a few times a week.

In January 2018, I was going through panic attacks like Ive not experienced in years. I remembered that klonopin was a little better with panic in the past for me - and I decided to take .25 when I came home from work, and .25 before bed, nightly. Yes I like beer (which was never a problem with diazepam), so sometimes the .25 came after a couple beers. This seemed to be ok - I felt a little more numb to my panic.

The week of Feb 2nd, I had a couple of panic attacks during the day in the form of heated discussions with my wife. We went away for the weekend on 2/2 and I neglected to take my klonopin. Same the next night.. didnt think anything of it. I couldnt sleep that night so I took a lunesta late which didnt help much I slept 4hrs - and I felt nauseated the next day. (not remembering about klonopin w/d) That night I tried to detox and just drink water and ended up not sleeping at all. I pushed through work the next day, but the same the next night.. No sleep whatsoever. I went to my family doc the next morning - a total wreck - and she told me to take lunesta that night to "reboot" my brain - and played down the idea that I was having w/d symptoms. Lunesta 2mg did put me out but again I was nauseated the next day. The next night I tried to re-add klonopin .25 and a lunesta 1mg, which I did not sleep - and I had the horrific experience of being awake on Lunesta.

After this I began to read online here and other places and I started trying to reinstate my klonopin to get back to "normal" in case that was the culprit. I had one night of 4hrs of sleep one day having only had klonopin (3 times through the day, .25) and then no sleep for a couple nights (like a zombie state where my mind wont switch off though my wife thinks Im sleeping).

I went back to my family doc, who now was saying that she wonders if Im Bi-Polar and prescribed me seroquel in a low dose to take before bed (I havent taken it yet after reading about it). I brought up establishing a tapering schedule for klonopin.. and she brushed it off. She referred me to a neurologist-sleep specialist who said there is nothing he can do to help me. She also told me to visit a pshychologist.

That night (since nothing else was working I tried substituting diazepam for the klonopin at bedtime - equivalent dose) and I took benadryl out of desperation - and FINALLY I slept through a night.

The next day I went back to klonopin and that night I had another zombie night where I felt like I didnt sleep but I did have a couple of odd dreams so I must have slept a little.

Yesterday I stuck with the klonopin again - and tried benadryl at bedtime - but this time it did nothing for me. I was still laying there at 2am with strange burning sensations all over.

And here I am - today. I see a psychologist tonight who I found in short order.  Im scared because nothing is changing or helping and my family doctor even threw out the idea of FMLA from work (could loose my job - Im a contractor), and maybe she was trying to scare me - but she said if all else fails I can do "in-patient" care in a mental health facility.

It seems like if I reinstate at the same dose I was at before, symptoms should go away and I should be able to do a gradual taper. But symptoms are not going away. The insomnia is killing me - and my ability to function.

Im scared, and I dont know what will happen next. I was only on klonopin for 4 weeks - and now my brain just will not sleep. I was a normal guy until just a couple weeks ago. I have a family and a loving spouse and a good job... but I dont know how I can make it through all of this.

I reinstated about a month ago  to original dose after c/t 2mg Valium and things have not been the same since. 

I am looking to stabilise on the reinstated dose irrespective of which I am going to begin a slow taper in 5 days time. 

For what it's worth (I'm pretty new here) I would hang here and seek tapering advice from fellow members with experience.   

Wishing you all of the very best.

Dee

Hi SeekingHope,

Could you add a signature line so we can see what and when (dates) you are taking?  That would really help. I am sorry you are going through all this.

From what I read - you took Klonopin for 4 weeks but you had been taking diazapam  for a few years.  Correct?  What dose?

W/D symptoms are scary and very tiring.  I have had almost all of them.  The burning feeling you describe was very unsettling for me. But it does get better.  The windows are terrific!

I am glad you are going to talk to someone tonight about next steps. 

So if you can give me a timeline, then I can see if I have any suggestions.  I am sure others on the board will as well.  You might want to copy and paste your post into the Taper area as well.