Unexpected Nightmare

I was diagnosed many years ago with anxiety/panic disorder and after having worked with a psychologist, a counselor, and later my family doctor, and after several failed attempts to use SSRIs, my family doctor settled on benzos as a bandaid for my anxiety, as needed. At first we used klonopin, and later diazepam. Never large amounts. This worked well and although I had some minor w/d switching from klonopin to diazepam years ago, I never had any major issues with w/d. Diazepam worked fine for me for years - not as regular use - but maybe a few times a week.

 

In January 2018, I was going through panic attacks like Ive not experienced in years. I remembered that klonopin was a little better with panic in the past for me - and I decided to take .25 when I came home from work, and .25 before bed, nightly. Yes I like beer (which was never a problem with diazepam), so sometimes the .25 came after a couple beers. This seemed to be ok - I felt a little more numb to my panic.

 

The week of Feb 2nd, I had a couple of panic attacks during the day in the form of heated discussions with my wife. We went away for the weekend on 2/2 and I neglected to take my klonopin. Same the next night.. didnt think anything of it. I couldnt sleep that night so I took a lunesta late which didnt help much I slept 4hrs - and I felt nauseated the next day. (not remembering about klonopin w/d) That night I tried to detox and just drink water and ended up not sleeping at all. I pushed through work the next day, but the same the next night.. No sleep whatsoever. I went to my family doc the next morning - a total wreck - and she told me to take lunesta that night to "reboot" my brain - and played down the idea that I was having w/d symptoms. Lunesta 2mg did put me out but again I was nauseated the next day. The next night I tried to re-add klonopin .25 and a lunesta 1mg, which I did not sleep - and I had the horrific experience of being awake on Lunesta.

 

After this I began to read online here and other places and I started trying to reinstate my klonopin to get back to "normal" in case that was the culprit. I had one night of 4hrs of sleep one day having only had klonopin (3 times through the day, .25) and then no sleep for a couple nights (like a zombie state where my mind wont switch off though my wife thinks Im sleeping).

 

I went back to my family doc, who now was saying that she wonders if Im Bi-Polar and prescribed me seroquel in a low dose to take before bed (I havent taken it yet after reading about it). I brought up establishing a tapering schedule for klonopin.. and she brushed it off. She referred me to a neurologist-sleep specialist who said there is nothing he can do to help me. She also told me to visit a pshychologist.

 

That night (since nothing else was working I tried substituting diazepam for the klonopin at bedtime - equivalent dose) and I took benadryl out of desperation - and FINALLY I slept through a night.

 

The next day I went back to klonopin and that night I had another zombie night where I felt like I didnt sleep but I did have a couple of odd dreams so I must have slept a little.

 

Yesterday I stuck with the klonopin again - and tried benadryl at bedtime - but this time it did nothing for me. I was still laying there at 2am with strange burning sensations all over.

 

And here I am - today. I see a psychologist tonight who I found in short order.  Im scared because nothing is changing or helping and my family doctor even threw out the idea of FMLA from work (could loose my job - Im a contractor), and maybe she was trying to scare me - but she said if all else fails I can do "in-patient" care in a mental health facility.

 

It seems like if I reinstate at the same dose I was at before, symptoms should go away and I should be able to do a gradual taper. But symptoms are not going away.

 

Im scared, and I dont know what will happen next. I was a normal guy until just a couple weeks ago. I have a family and a loving spouse and a good job... but I dont know how I can make it through all of this.

Welcome to the forum! We're glad  to have you as a new member.  Many of us start benzos for anxiety, but it seems many also use them as a sleep aid, so you are not alone here. 

 

You'll find lots of information and support here.  Our members have been through all aspects of withdrawal, and you're likely to find  people who understand what you're going through.

 

For those who are starting a new taper, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days at first, and then adjusting the taper rate to suit your own needs.  One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster.  Having some withdrawal symptoms is normal, especially near the end of a taper and for a few months after discontinuing the medication.  First/only withdrawals after a slow taper tend to be easier than multiple reinstatements/withdrawals over time, which may make symptoms worse and longer lasting. The most common symptoms are anxiety and insomnia, but there are many others. These are temporary and will go away in time.

 

Here are a few links you may find useful:

 

Withdrawal Support Board

 

The Ashton Manual is an authoritative source on what to expect in withdrawal and recovery.  Dr. Ashton is an expert in the field. Section III explains and describes symptoms, and there is also a section with suggested taper schedules.

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature.  This will allow others to see where you are in the process so they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

 

 

Thank you. I welcome any and all advice/support from this community. Please if anyone can relate to my story and/or give advice I'm listening.

I recognize everything you have written. I didn`t  understand it was the tablets that made me so sick. I had symptoms that no-one recognized, and everything was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. When I wrote on such a forum I didn`t  get any answers at all, I felt so alone. Did not sleep, just a few hours every third night. Was sick for long periods of time, and lay most on the bed and suffered.

Got a referral to psychology and was diagnosed with anxiety, and went on a call once a week. It was terrible, just sat and cried, and she asked "how long will you hold on like this, strench yourself a bit!"

When I then did a CT I understood what all the tablets were that made me so sick. But the medical care was not included, but was annoyed because I did not accept the diagnosis "anxiety". So  I'm still grateful that I finally understood.

 

As a member, I welcome you so much! We understand how you feel, and recognize your symptoms.

U will make it thru. But u have to find a doctor to taper u properly Ashoton me. DO NOT TAKE.SERQUOEL. The nightmare Can get beyond worse. And it can give u permanent akathisia.  I know I have it and am on living with akathisia Facebook page and people have been ruined by ut

What was your seroquel dose/frequency?

 

I took 12.5mg once since this began and it did help me to sleep - well.

I wasn't on it but people on page were. You WILL HEAL.