Rant attempt

I have gotten nowhere the past two years I have been killing myself even more trying to move out of my parents house and I've made no progress.  And I've been have flashbacks from previous things between me and my dad while living here and every time I see him I get very angry anything he says I want to just shut him down. For example he was looking for something and I told him I don't know where it is and he responds saying what do you mean you don't know and I'm like WTF kind of question is that? If he tries to go off on me I'm not going to have a choice bit to defend myself. An. I don't understand why I haven't had Any opportunities to leave or make enough money to live somewhere should I argued with him more should I just take whatever money I have and go back to the streets should I ask again if anyone has a place to stay when they already said no. Am I wrong. I really font want to go back to the hospital I just want to have some dignity and energy left if the chance does come so I can at least make attempts to recover from what happened last year  I'm pretty sure. But my car won't even #$%@  stay together and not break down and others have the nerve to try and rant to me wtf I can't go on if this will

Update my car just broke down again while on my lunch break to a job I couldn't make it to on time and its going to cost 200 dollars to fix when I barely have enough saved for a place to live fuck this shit

So sorry to hear about all the frustration and anger, hodge. I've found in this benzo mess that when things start falling apart, it seems that other things start going like dominoes. I call them the "harpies." But the only way to get out of it is to remind myself that "this too shall pass" and "one thing at a time." It gets too overwhelming to think of everything all at once. It's too much for the CNS. And because benzo withdrawal/recovery seems to bring on obsessive/intrusive thoughts, being locked into negativity is a part of it. I know I've been very negative.

 

If you can go out in nature and just sit for awhile, or walk somewhere to release cortisol, you may be able to clear your head. Hopefully doing that will give you another perspective and help you think of solutions. I

 

hope you can move out of the house because it sounds as if that's not going to help you remain calm. But just one step at a time and "this too shall pass." Good luck to you!!!

 

 

Yes I came back on here to write I kept telling my father I did not want to speak with. Him I had to call my mom and ask is she could get my car towed and my father showed up he kept trying to ask me questions. I asked him if he has any idea what has happened the past two years because we were fighting and he acted like it didn't happen. " oh so ypu like to live in the past?" Is what he says. I dont think i should bring it up. And im sorry bit fuck him hes crazy and has drove me insane I just worried what damge has been done between me and him because it's so easy to be lured in when he pushes my buttons

Update I broke down yesterday and bought the wrong $200 part I spent 6 hours putting in to find it cannot be returned and I'm stranded at my parents house again

I hope something good happens to you soon, hodge!!! It has to turn around. It won't stay like this.

Yeah hopefully I'm really worried how my sanity will be after all of this. My parents relationship has become psychotic. And it's starting to scare me. That's the only way I can explain it. I tried telling my mom I did not want my dad to help because we fight and she told him and then he tried to fight with me for that and I told him to get away from me. They really  need to be divorced and I have to find someone to talk to around me. Or get a lucky break at finding somewhere to live

I wish for you that lucky break to get out of there!!

I just lost my job i got fired I'm pretty nervous because I don't have another job and sad because I go along with all the employees and I loved my work but I also feel relived because I don't have to work for that asshole boss anymore. Everything was awesome except for the boss. I don't know how to feel about it right now because once I realized there was nowhere for me to move up I just stopped showing initiative and wasn't motivated at all. I should have walked out maybe I would have felt better about myself

I just lost my job i got fired I'm pretty nervous because I don't have another job and sad because I go along with all the employees and I loved my work but I also feel relived because I don't have to work for that asshole boss anymore. Everything was awesome except for the boss. I don't know how to feel about it right now because once I realized there was nowhere for me to move up I just stopped showing initiative and wasn't motivated at all. I should have walked out maybe I would have felt better about myself

 

You may be eligible for unemployment since you were fired, until you can find a new job. I'm sorry to hear you were fired.