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Five years benzo free and fully recovered


[Ti...]

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I've always been a light sleeper and for as long as I can remember I watched my mother taking clonazepam before going to bed to help her sleep. So it was kind of "natural" for me to start taking clonazepam on and off as and adult, and when I started grad school I began taking it every night. I never took more than 0.75 mg, but when I tried to quit a year and a half later, hell broke loose and I thought I was going crazy with anxiety, terror, extreme insomnia, phobia and every possible symptom.

 

Luckily I found the Ashton Manual, crossed to diazepam and started tapering. It was an incredibly difficult journey, made worse by the fact that I was under a lot of stress from grad school and family issues. I discovered the hard way that I'm extremely sensitive to drugs: nobody around me could believe that I was having such a hard time tapering what they viewed as a small dose. Many times I thought about dying and could not believe that one day I could feel normal again. Some things that were useful during and after tapering: eating well, walking or doing other gentle exercise every day, yoga, meditation, and acupuncture. Things that did nothing for me: herbal supplements. Things that made my symptoms worse: alcohol, coffee and anything else containing caffeine (including chocolate for a while, which was unfortunate because I love chocolate!). After my last dose I struggled a lot with anxiety and insomnia, and I finally stabilized a year later.

 

Well, I have been benzo free for 5 years and drug free for 4 1/2 years (I took a small amount of mirtazapine for some months, which I had to taper afterward), and I'm coming back to tell people who are suffering that you will feel normal again and that there's much happiness awaiting you, so please don't despair. I've come out a better person from this experience and I'm living my life to the fullest. Of course I deal with problems, but nothing related to benzos, a topic that once consumed all my thoughts and energy. In fact, I had promised to come back and write my story a long time ago, but kept forgetting as the whole benzo withdrawal process seemed like a distant dream. I promise that one day your tapering and your struggle will seem like a distant dream to you too.

 

This forum gave me hope and many kind people here provided me with support and words of encouragement, and for that I'm very grateful.

 

May you all find peace and healing!

 

Love,

 

Lily

 

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Hey Lily. Congrats and well done. I remember reading your posts on the mirt w/d board. Any tips for tapering mirt? Enjoy your drug-free life and thanks for coming back with your success story. It really helps us here.

 

Becky  :smitten:

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Hi Becky! I tried tapering the mirt while still on diazepam and I was hit badly by insomnia. After jumping from diazepam I had to stabilize a bit before starting the mirt taper. Acupuncture worked wonders for me. But in the end it was difficult to let go of that last dose of mirtazapine, and I had to trust that my body was eventually going to find its own balance, which it did! Best of luck with the rest of your journey!

 

Hey Lily. Congrats and well done. I remember reading your posts on the mirt w/d board. Any tips for tapering mirt? Enjoy your drug-free life and thanks for coming back with your success story. It really helps us here.

 

Becky  :smitten:

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Thank you! I was completely symptom-free a year and a half after jumping. The last symptom to go was tinnitus. I'm more sensitive to alcohol but it can be due to aging too, and it doesn't bother me as I don't like drinking anymore.  :smitten:

 

huge congrats !!, when did you feel healing?

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[25...]

Dear Lily,

 

Thanks so much for your post (a lovely Valentine's gift for those of us still in the trenches)! You've brought me fresh hope this morning.

 

I'm glad you included a basic timeline. My use history is similar to yours and I'm suffering terribly near the end of my slow taper. It's so comforting to realise that this is normal for some of us at this stage of the journey... Like you, I seem to be incredibly sensitive to these evil drugs.

 

Wishing you the very best in your beautiful new life, Lily! Thank you warmly again,

Lara

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Of course I deal with problems, but nothing related to benzos, a topic that once consumed all my thoughts and energy. In fact, I had promised to come back and write my story a long time ago, but kept forgetting as the whole benzo withdrawal process seemed like a distant dream. I promise that one day your tapering and your struggle will seem like a distant dream to you too.

 

This is what I so wish for!! So to read it from you means a great deal. Have a wonderful life, Lily, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

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Thanks for giving us hope.  When did your tinnitus go away?  I'm approaching 2 years off Clonazepam, and the tinnitus has always been my worst symptom.  It is a constant buzzing noise in my head, which fluctuates in loudness.  Overall, it has become quieter, but I still fear it will never go away.  :(
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Thanks for coming back and sharing your success story, Lily. At 8 months out, and experiencing that random back and forth-ness of symptoms, I really appreciate your words today.

 

EnJOY!  :smitten:

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My tinnitus went away at approximately 1.5 years off. Congratulations on being benzo free! I'm sure your tinnitus will clear too, you might be approaching that day. It was my last symptom to go.

 

Thanks for giving us hope.  When did your tinnitus go away?  I'm approaching 2 years off Clonazepam, and the tinnitus has always been my worst symptom.  It is a constant buzzing noise in my head, which fluctuates in loudness.  Overall, it has become quieter, but I still fear it will never go away.  :(

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Tiger, thank you for coming back and sharing your story. It helps me knowing you also dealt with anxiety a year after stoping from such a small dose. I'm struggling so thank you!!
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Congratulations! And thank you for sharing your story here. It's great to see a Success Story after clonazepam, because for many of us, it's quite the benzo beast! I wish you all the best.  :)
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