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Journey out of Darkness: You control your own destiny, not your shrinks!


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In 2014 March, one of my friends passed on due to a heart attack. After attending his funeral, I started to feel a sense of heartache and started to see a heart specialist. I cleared my heart report but starting losing my sleep. I sometimes could slept only 2 hours a day.

 

I started to see a psychiatrist, thinking there is something wrong with my health. That was the greatest mistakes in my life.

I was prescribed Zopiclone 7.5 mg once a day for a month. At that time, I didn't know it was addictive. After the prescription ran out, I went back to the shrink, and this went on for about 3 months. The insomnia didn't go away so I up my dosage to 15 mg a day. Then I started to realised my heart was palpitating and I was having panic attacks. The shrink prescribed me Ativan and Klonopin (I can;t remember the dosage). The panic attacks and insomnia got worse.

 

I started to doubt the so-called medical professionals and started to read up the internet on my own. I realised that Ativan and Klonopin are highly addictive and requested that I be off the medication. He advised me to taper off using 5mg Valium. I tried to taper down using Valium for several months but was sure how to do it. He gave me some rudimentary off the book advice but it was helping. I reduced my zopiclone dosage back to 7.5 mg a day.

 

Thinking that my first shrink wasn't good, I changed to another shrink. He added on Mirtazapine 30mg to my cocktail of zopiclone and valium, stating that I need a high dosage due to my high metabolic rate. He eventually increased the Mirtazapine dosage to 45mg. I was like a living guinea pig for psychiatric drugs experiment. It was living hell. I slept, but was nervous throughout the day. I was afraid to leave my house. Even if I did, I was so weak that I couldn't even walk 5min to the nearest convenient stall.

 

After taking Mirtazapine at a high dosage, I developed tinnitus. I was fearful and requested to stop the medication. The shrink said it will go away. Refused to change my medication, and threatened to send me to the mental institution if I refuse to follow the prescription. He even told me I will be on psychiatric medication for the rest of my life.

 

I stopped seeing him and started shrink hopping, hoping to find a saviour that will help me to wean off my medication.

There was none, all the shrinks know is to change medication or dumped me more, until I found back my faith. (which i will not elaborate)

 

I started on the journey to prove them wrong. These shrinks don't determine my fate.

I weaned off Mirtazapine, 45mg to 30mg to 15mg to 7.5mg to none within months. Then weaned off Valium 5mg to 2.5mg to none.

Lastly, zopiclone from 7.5mg to 3.25mg to none. I struggled but I persisted.

 

I started taking short distance walks and gradually regained my stamina. The short distance becomes slightly longer and I started to jog, picked up cycling and started going for yoga classes. I insisted on exercising, despite sometimes having insufficient sleep. Initially, the insomnia was quite stubborn. but eventually gave way when the positive effects of exercise kicked in after a couple of months.

 

To get myself out of self-pity (and possibly depression), I started to do volunteer work, exercising with the intellectually challenged kids and running with the visually handicapped people. I went back to work (I wasn't able to work when I was drugged by psychiatric drugs). And started to do things that I have procrastinated for a long time. I went back to study my Japanese and Korean, attending night classes after work. I even took up Aikido lessons. Basically, I occupy myself to the brim to the extent that the only time I get back home is to sleep, which I did.

 

It has been slightly more than a year. Even though I still have occasional sleepless nights, I have proven my shrinks wrong.

I am fitter than before, is able to think clearly, widens my social circles of friends and contributes back to society. And now I am back here to pay it forward.

 

When it comes to the fight against psychiatric drugs, exercise is your best friend.

It rebalances all your hormones no drugs can and reboots your body.

Get as much support as you can.

Looks outwards and extend a helping hand to others to draw yourself away from self-pity and restores your self-worth.

 

If an ordinary Joe like me can do it, I believe you can too.

Like in Kelly Clarkson's song, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

It is true. Very soon, you will be able to write your own testimony here.

God Bless.

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What an inspiring story, that there is hope that someday I too will regain my life and reclaim who I was before I fell into the pit of Benzo hell. You made my day!
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Thank you very much for your success story! When it's the worst thing, you're reminded that there's hope, we're all going to heal. This means a lot!
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Thank you so much for your very inspirational story, and CONGRATULATIONS!!! You proved them all wrong and got out of the pit. Thank you for coming back and reporting your success. We hang on every word of these stories. Go and enjoy your life!!!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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