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My home is my only securiy zone


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After 2 years I've been outdoors four times. Should I do that I get panic attacks, get terrified and hear my own heartbeat.

How do you? Should I train one step at a time, or include this in the healing? Feeling completely frightened if I have to go out.

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Hi Translator, well it was my case as well 6 months ago when it was difficult even move between bed and kitchen. Maybe you want to test going out for example going our for couple of minutes for the first time and check how it goes?
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Hi translator  :hug: I used to go out at 3-4 am when there  was no one and no traffic about for a long time, I even went into the woodlands and walking around local parks, by the river in the dark at that time as well as the streets, because the way I looked at it it didn't matter if its night or day I was still getting out and having some exercise and the stars are lovely when you can see them along with nocturnal animals.

 

And nature is beautiful night or day once you get used to it  :) eventually it got lighter as it became late spring at those times, well going on for 5am then by summer it was day light even earlier. So eventually over quite some time I began to feel less fearful and now I go out at any time of day but I have to wear ear plugs as I'm really sound and vibration sensitive and can't go near traffic but do walk around the field near my home with ear plugs in and people are walking their dogs.

 

I also put head phones on over the ear plugs  at times so no one will talk to me as they think I'm listening to music  ;D I hope this helps you I was afraid to go out for year's as well but decided to face my fear and take my power back as I couldn't handle it no more being a prisoner in my home by starting out in the early morning then gradually got better over the months with the changing seasons after year's indoors.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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I had this when I was 2 years out.  I called home my "safe place." There was a definite agoraphobic reason. I had trouble getting out of my home and would sometimes stand at the door, not willing to leave. I'd stay holed inside for days even though I had to throw the garbage out and get groceries. The one thing that helped is the fact that I had no one else to do it for me. I HAD to get out. But it was hard.

 

I'm through that terrible time and have no trouble going out. It's a part of withdrawal that I never want to repeat.

 

You'll get over this! Maybe one step at a time. Some people go out to their porches, then go inside. They graduate to walking around the block. Just take it slow and easy.

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Thanks!

This is a weird feeling not dare to go out. What I`m also afraid  this is my real self because I recognize what caused me to take benso. But I try to think positively, it has to go.

I managed to stay in town for two hours, but I got help and was not alone. First was it completely panic, would I do this? Was very stressed and sweated a lot. Also had a lot of pain in the body, but I think there were tensions.

 

I can handle physical problems, but this makes me worried, I don`t want to be like this. I try to tell myself it`s a part of healing and not forever. After 2 years on the sofa I'm not very tough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thanks!

This is a weird feeling not dare to go out. What I`m also afraid  this is my real self because I recognize what caused me to take benso. But I try to think positively, it has to go.

I managed to stay in town for two hours, but I got help and was not alone. First was it completely panic, would I do this? Was very stressed and sweated a lot. Also had a lot of pain in the body, but I think there were tensions.

 

I can handle physical problems, but this makes me worried, I don`t want to be like this. I try to tell myself it`s a part of healing and not forever. After 2 years on the sofa I'm not very tough.

 

At least you're taking steps! That's the important thing. You're always moving forward. Remember that.  Even when you think you're not.

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Terry, thank you for your nice reply! I found this forum a few months ago, and I`m so grateful for all kindness and all understanding. I wish, of course, that we had contact in other circumstances, but I am so grateful for all support!

 

 

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Translator,

 

I am struggling with agoraphobia big time, so you have my deepest empathy. Right now I am able to get out with a support person. My goal is to get out everyday even if its just to go around the block. Sometimes I just cant though, but I do try.

 

Movie theatres were impossible until recently with someone with me.  I think my desire to get out is so strong that it overrides the fear - even though I feel the fear big time. I panic very easily out and about.

 

I think if you have the desire, which it sounds like you do, you will be able to overcome this. I truly believe that will be the case for me. I refuse to stay in my house forever, but yes it is difficult but I believe we can do it :)  :smitten:

 

 

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Just curious, how do you manage things like shopping or dentist's appointment if you don't go out?

 

I had to go out because I have to look after my family.  I tend to go shopping late at night so there wouldn't be a lot of people there.  I never go anywhere on Saturdays because of the crowd.  If there are a lot of people in a store I can't shop and just want to leave.  I know the closing time of all my regular stores and restaurants but I don't know their opening time. 

 

My life has changed a lot since I (forced myself to) started going to college.  Nowadays I'm out by myself all the time and kinda enjoy the freedom.  I still prefer an empty bus or empty shop, but I can tolerate more people around.

 

 

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Well, I still minimize going out quite often. I shop food online with home delivery, go the closest barber and dentist. In addition to this I have started going to restaurants for lunch, breakfast etc and sometimes I go the movies and gym. I also try to go those places at the time there is not lot of people so I have lunch outside after typical lunchtime, visit in places weekdays mindle of the day. Weekends I stay in home a lot. I have started to increase my visits in all kind of places in order to get used to it. I estimate I go outside maybe 20% of pre benzo time. Maybe I should go 50% after one year from now as a good target.
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Just curious, how do you manage things like shopping or dentist's appointment if you don't go out?

 

I had to go out because I have to look after my family.  I tend to go shopping late at night so there wouldn't be a lot of people there.  I never go anywhere on Saturdays because of the crowd.  If there are a lot of people in a store I can't shop and just want to leave.  I know the closing time of all my regular stores and restaurants but I don't know their opening time. 

 

My life has changed a lot since I (forced myself to) started going to college.  Nowadays I'm out by myself all the time and kinda enjoy the freedom.  I still prefer an empty bus or empty shop, but I can tolerate more people around.

 

My agoraphobia has been there throughout my benzo withdrawal - but just to varying degrees. At one point I was able to walk my kids the 25 min walk to school and back and grocery shop and work full-time. I just felt very uncomfortable while doing it. Now all that is borderline impossible :( I have panic attacks in the grocery store when I am with my husband and I run into someone I know. Its horrible :(

 

I had a major crash when I hit 8 mg of valium last year. I was going to a bunch of events where I felt overstimulated and then went on an overseas trip. I came back a basket case and had to take time off work. When I went back to work I limped along until this past January. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had freezing spells - I avoided meetings, I felt panic whenever a client came in - I kept missing days because I couldn't get out of bed.

 

So I would say I am at a "low" right now as I get lower in dosage. I need to look after my family too and I feel so awful about it, but the panic attacks are unbearable and it doesn't let up. I am reliant on relatives and my husband for the time being and I will thank god when that is no longer the case and I feel free and independent again.

 

My goal is to be able to get out without a support person and get back to work again and drive again (the driving is a toughie for me).

I couldn't imagine going to the dentist right now, a year ago I could have. Hopefully I don't have any cavities!

 

I wish I could rush this withdrawal. But I don't want to go to fast so it ends up in disaster. Right now my plan is .25 every 2 weeks. I am still not sure if that is too slow - I really want off sooner.

 

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Optimist, I was in my 'low' last summer and was hardly able to move between bed and kitchen. I'm not there anymore as refering to my earlier post. It becomes better after you have jump so the 'low' is not permanent. Try to take advantage about not working now. Take care! T.
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Since I started my taper on September 1, 2017 I haven't really been able to leave the house. Sometimes I would go on very brief walks outside my house. The first time I left the house to a store was about 6 and a half months later and about 5 weeks off benzos.

Now, 6 weeks off benzos and 7 months since I began my taper I am having some difficult withdrawl. Weak, anxious, low appetite.

I hope we all have loads of healing real soon.

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Just dropping in to say I can relate, I also started my current taper on September 1st 2017 and for the entire fall and winter I could barely get to the kitchen. A couple of times I was so horrified with myself and I really wanted to go on a walk but couldn't, so I walked around the outside of my house a few times. I felt like a crazy person but we do what we have to do. Finally it let up a bit and I have been able to walk to the park and go do errands etc but it's still not super easy. I think time will cure all of this but it's sure taking forever!
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Really amazing Olive Kitty. Yes. We both started our taper September 1, 2017.

Wishing you the best. I hope things go smoothly for you and you have loads of healing.

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Just curious what exactly makes you afraid of going out? Is it a fear of something or just interaction with people?? I think I've pinpointed mine to fear of being embarrassed by panicking or acting odd when I get nervous. Now that I've pinpointed it, I'm working on it with baby steps.
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I also don`t understand why I don`t want to go out. But that's the weakness, and benzo-flu, that makes you feel sick to go out. It feels a little strange, everything is so bright ,and all the sounds are so high. I think it's the sensitive nervous system that makes it uncomfortable to be out.
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I also don`t understand why I don`t want to go out. But that's the weakness, and benzo-flu, that makes you feel sick to go out. It feels a little strange, everything is so bright ,and all the sounds are so high. I think it's the sensitive nervous system that makes it uncomfortable to be out.

 

I'm not off all the way like you yet :( I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I knew the cure to save us all lol. I hate to see people struggling. I hope with baby steps you can make it out soon translator. You're tough for going CT, I couldn't do it. So I know you will be tough enough to make it out when you're ready.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I totally understand. Spend most of my time in my easy chair. Consider each baby step a victory and pick one. I just now took a walk and that was a big victory for me.

 

Remember things can always change and usually do.

 

xxoo

Miamigirl

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Miamigirl, hope you find some peace and understanding. I can't imagine how hard your journey has been.

 

My home has also become my only secure zone. I don't have agoraphobia but I have developed some social anxiety. My insomnia prevents me from making plans and enjoy outings. I know I have to push through and no matter what I have to make myself go out. I wiil try to go to the indoor pool. Just feeling the water is so relaxing for my burning skin.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks!

This is a weird feeling not dare to go out. What I`m also afraid  this is my real self because I recognize what caused me to take benso. But I try to think positively, it has to go.

I managed to stay in town for two hours, but I got help and was not alone. First was it completely panic, would I do this? Was very stressed and sweated a lot. Also had a lot of pain in the body, but I think there were tensions.

 

I can handle physical problems, but this makes me worried, I don`t want to be like this. I try to tell myself it`s a part of healing and not forever. After 2 years on the sofa I'm not very tough.

 

I have found with age and various difficult life situations that I have lived through that when I fight something uncomfortable it makes it worse.  Its when I accept it... and I tell myself that it is ok then the trouble isn't as difficult to deal with.  For instance... I recently had a bad stretch of insomnia that came on very suddenly during my taper.  I found myself getting really mad, being irritated, even to the point of being almost mean to my loved ones, etc.  I came to the conclusion that I was making it worse by my attitude and I was trying to control it.  When I just accepted the fact that I might not sleep because of the taper, that I might have to live tired my insomnia went away.  Sometimes we just have to live life afraid, tired, hurting or scared.  And truly if people don't like it.... tough.  We give people way too much power by imagining that somehow their opinions matter when really they don't.  We are all human and I believe that if people don't allow other people the freedom to be themselves no matter what that looks like... then those people are not worth worrying about.  Sorry if I am ranting but I kind of get the feeling that we feel safe at home because we don't have to deal with people.  We should be allowed to live our lives alone or around others.  I wish you well and hope you can find peace.    :smitten:

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Optimist, I was in my 'low' last summer and was hardly able to move between bed and kitchen. I'm not there anymore as refering to my earlier post. It becomes better after you have jump so the 'low' is not permanent. Try to take advantage about not working now. Take care! T.

 

My reply is a little late! Thomas - thank you for encouraging words. It is so good for those of us who are suffering to remember that one day this will pass. It just seems like forever for me  right now as have been in tolerance so long. :smitten:

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