Lowest point in my life - feel like giving up

I just don't know what to do anymore.  Its literally one thing after another.  If its not crazy anxiety in the morning, its air hunger.  Is the air hunger because of the chronic anxiety or is the chronic anxiety because of the air hunger? I cant exercise. I cant go out and even simply enjoy normal activities without feeling like im playing Russian roulette with how im going to feel.  I am almost completely housebound, and that in itself is causing so many issues, but that's where I feel less symptoms.  I need to exercise.  I need to reduce stress and be more positive.  But HOW?!!! How can I do that when this sickness is literally consuming every aspect of my life?  I used to surf, bike, go out with friends, and have strong relationships with the people around me.  Now, I feel like I have no one.  I can barley make it through a full day at work without having crazy cortisol rushes and/or overwhelming anxiety.  I work in an office, and missed out on a better job opportunity within my company because I knew I couldn't go for it feeling the way I do, and if I got it, I wouldn't be able to perform at 100%.  This is absolute torture.  It is relentless, never ending, and every day seems like something new.  I have chest pains, lightheadedness, intrusive thoughts and the list goes on.  I have been tapering down but have only cut .25 off my AM/PM doses.  Im not even halfway there and have been holding at this dose for 2 months now, and cant see how I can reduce further.  I apologize for the negative rant/venting, but I feel like this is going to be me forever.  I turn 30 in less than a month, and I never in my wildest dreams thought this is how I would spend it.  I know everyone says I will heal and get better, but that seems like forever away and meanwhile im just watching time and my life wither away in front of me while I lay on my couch because that's where I don't feel like absolute crap.

Air hunger and anxiety kind often feed off of each other.  It's another of those cycles that can perpetuate itself unless one finds a way to break the cycle.  I know it's hard, but try to not pay attention to your breathing.  Your body will take care of itself if you don't overthink it.  It will even take care of itself if you do overthink it, but I don't think that you will enjoy it as much.

 

I agree that exercise would probably help you.  I'm doing about 90 minutes of cycling a day right now and it's having a very calming effect on me (a by-product of becoming keto, as I understand it).  So how can you bring some exercise back into your life?

I just don't know what to do anymore.  Its literally one thing after another.  If its not crazy anxiety in the morning, its air hunger.  Is the air hunger because of the chronic anxiety or is the chronic anxiety because of the air hunger? I cant exercise. I cant go out and even simply enjoy normal activities without feeling like im playing Russian roulette with how im going to feel.

 

I need to exercise.  I need to reduce stress and be more positive.  But HOW?!!!

 

Hi LostRV727, I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I agree, exercise would help a lot.  Maybe you can start slow with something light you like to do, and then build up from there.  Even walking outside for 20-30 minutes few times a week would be great.  But it's important to be consistent with exercise to feel better.  It's not easy, but it's doable. 

 

As far as reducing stress and being more positive, what worked for me was distraction.  During my tough days, I noticed that I was inflicting undue stress on myself by focusing on and obsessing about my symptoms.  Many benzo buddies suggested distraction, and I started to practice it.  Find something you really enjoy doing.  For me, I love baking, playing with my dogs, and solving sudoku puzzles.  Even when I have no energy, I still do it because it takes my mind off my symptoms.  I always feel better afterwards.  Anything that really gives you pleasure will be a good distraction.

 

We can't totally eliminate stress from our daily lives, but we can minimize it.  I started practicing conflict avoidance, not dwelling on negative things in my life, and controlling how I reacted to stressful situations.  I also eliminated negative people from my life, and I'm keeping the good ones at bay for now.  I don't mind being alone for now, I need to heal.  Self-care is very important in this process.

 

I hope you feel better soon.  Don't give up, you're stronger than this!  Keep us posted and let us know how you're doing.

 

Sending healing thoughts your way!

First off, you needn't apologize for coming out with how you feel. It just takes time for the brain to heal and can't be hurried. You can only do so much at a time so certain things will have to be put on hold whilst you recover. I would say avoid stress if at all possible - that exacerbates the symptoms for sure. It's remarkable that you are able to function on the job - I could not! Take care -

I would say avoid stress if at all possible - that exacerbates the symptoms for sure.

 

Excellent advice!  I have said this at least a thousand times.