Mia is One Year Xanax Free! Please read for some encouragement!

Hello friends:

This coming month (May), I'll have reached my one year anniversary for getting off of xanax.

When I was tapering and withdrawing, I never thought I could really live without it after having been on it for so many years of my life. I didn't think I could handle anything in life without my xanax. But for one year now, I have lived life without it, and I have found out that it can be done. And that I do not have to be afraid of what I will feel.

I will be honest in telling you that, there have been many times where I was challenged, and I thought that maybe I should go back on xanax. Like, the many many sleepless nights that followed the end of my taper. It was very rough. I'd say not sleeping was my worst withdrawal symptom. I have experienced insomnia to the point of fainting. I have gone up to 4 days straight without being able to sleep. It is slowly getting better as time passes. It has been the biggest test of my strength and my will. My doctor wanted me to go on something to help me sleep. And many times I wanted to give in. But for me, to start taking something to sleep meant going right back to where I was that got me in the xanax mess to begin with. So I have fought with all I can to stay away from medications that are addictive and will continue to. I had one person tell me at the hospital one night when my husband took me there after a fainting spell, that I made my body wake up after putting it in deep freeze for years with xanax. When the body wakes up, all sorts of things start happening when we feel again. Physically and emotionally. I had to keep telling myself that this phase would not last forever and ever. Eventually the body will heal and it will, given time...... remember itself before taking benzodiazepines.

My second symptom I still deal with is uncontrollable shaking hands. It tends to occur in late evening, and again in early morning. But it doesn't happen every day. But when it does happen, I just try to relax and let it pass. I've had it since I began tapering and withdrawing. Most of the time I simply try to ignore it and keeping going on with the day.

My third symptom is that my panic attacks, the reason for getting on xanax in the first place did return. Sometimes I have panic attacks 2 - 3 days out of the week. I'm getting through them without medication.

I still do not drive, but, that is mainly because of my optic neuritis from multiple sclerosis.

My life without xanax :  I feel so much more. Sometimes things feel a little overwhelming. And sometimes, I'm really happy that I can actually feel, and not be living in a fog. Colors are brighter. Sounds are louder. My memory is slowly getting better. I feel like I can focus most of the time, and other times it's still a challenge.

I'm not losing my temper anymore. The xanax rage does get better. The anger I experienced during taper and withdrawal.... it is not there anymore. I feel more patient than I do restless.

Getting off of this crap was not only challenging for me, it was very difficult on my family too. My husband had a rough time as he walked this path with me, and my daughter too. There were times where I didn't feel like a good parent. So many times where I wasn't present.... even while sitting in the same room with my family. But by the grace of God, Great Spirit, Goddess, Higher Power, Your Power, whatever you believe in.... I have come out on the other side and we are all stronger from this.

And, I could not have gotten through my taper and withdrawal process without the loving support of the people on this forum. There's just no way I could have done it. I know this because I clung to the information and spent hours reading and taking what support was given to me, and offering as much as I could. That is what got me through and it will get you through too. There is the other side and you will reach it if you don't give up.

I hope to find more time this summer to come back and offer some support because I want so much to give back.

Patty, Mal, Lady, Colin, Theresa, Beeper, there are soooo many more of you so please forgive me if I left your name off. Thank you from my heart for the unending support. I will never forget it.

Much Love & peace.... happiness and blessings,

Mia

P.S. never never never give up. If I can do this, you can too.  

What I've been up to lately:

Writing, research, and walking 2 - 3 miles per day. I'm eating healthy and working on losing 100lbs.

Please post and let me know how you all have been doing! I'll check back later on in the next day.

I miss you all!!

Hi Mia,

Thanks for posting your progress and giving me hope.  I'm pretty new here and I don't post often, but your story has really inspired me.  I'm trying to get my life back after being on xanax for 2 years.  I don't know what I would do if it were not for the people and information on this forum.  It has truly been a life saver for me. 

Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself.

Tawana     

Hi Mia!  :yippee:

It's so good to see you again and to hear how much better you're doing!  Thank you for coming back and writing your story, we need all of the success stories we can get.  People cling to them, use them daily for hope so you've done a good thing here.  Thank you as well for the time you spent here and for being a part of the team when you were struggling as much as the members you were helping.

I'm so happy for you, come back and talk to us from time to time, okay? 

Pam

Hi Mia!!

I'm moving you to success stories, as that is where you belong! 

Hi Mia:

It's good to hear that you are getting your life back together a bit.  Good luck on that 100lbs.

ntw

Hi Mia,

I am so glad you are getting back on track with your life. 

Patty  xo

Hi Mia,

 

Thanks for posting your progress and giving me hope.  I'm pretty new here and I don't post often, but your story has really inspired me.  I'm trying to get my life back after being on xanax for 2 years.  I don't know what I would do if it were not for the people and information on this forum.  It has truly been a life saver for me. 

 

Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself.

Tawana      

Hi Tawana!

It definitely takes time. Just be patient with yourself and give yourself lot's of love. Congratulations on getting free from xanax! 

Hi Mia!    :yippee:

 

It's so good to see you again and to hear how much better you're doing!  Thank you for coming back and writing your story, we need all of the success stories we can get.  People cling to them, use them daily for hope so you've done a good thing here.  Thank you as well for the time you spent here and for being a part of the team when you were struggling as much as the members you were helping.

 

I'm so happy for you, come back and talk to us from time to time, okay? 

 

Pam

Hi Pam   how you been? I know .... I used to spend time reading other's stories. I didn't think I'd ever be posting my own. lol. Yay!

Hi Mia!!

 

I'm moving you to success stories, as that is where you belong! 

Thanks Eljay   how you been? It's good to see you all still here. It's like coming home and visiting family 

Hi Mia:

 

It's good to hear that you are getting your life back together a bit.  Good luck on that 100lbs.

 

ntw

Thanks ntw. How have you been? Did you finally settle into your new place?

Hi Mia,

 

I am so glad you are getting back on track with your life. 

 

Patty  xo

Patty is that you in the picture? You look so pretty   How have you been doing?

Yes, Mia, that is me in the picture.  Still have symptoms but they are improving.  Hit a bad wave a month or so ago but things have calmed down quite a bit.  My energy level is still down but I expect full healing soon......keeping fingers crossed.  I so wondered about you these last few months.  You disappeared into thin air but I guess you had to do what was good for you.  I do thank you for posting to let us all know that you are doing fairly well.     

Patty  xo

Thanks Mia for sharing your success story with us.  I especially can relate to the insomnia as this was my most difficult symptom to live with.  I battled insomnia throughout my taper, and got very little relief post benzo.  Now at 9 months off my natural sleeping pattern is slowly emerging again.

    You have weathered the storm, and you deserve much sunshine! I admire your courage; you stayed the course.

  Take care and God bless.

Yes, Mia, that is me in the picture.  Still have symptoms but they are improving.  Hit a bad wave a month or so ago but things have calmed down quite a bit.  My energy level is still down but I expect full healing soon......keeping fingers crossed.  I so wondered about you these last few months.  You disappeared into thin air but I guess you had to do what was good for you.  I do thank you for posting to let us all know that you are doing fairly well.      

 

Patty  xo

I am glad that your symptoms are improving. Are you still treating the lyme disease? I didn't mean to disappear! Things have just gotten so unbelievably busy. But I think about everyone here often!

I am glad that life is getting on track. It is really strange, the things xanax will hide or mask though. Last fall I was diagnosed as having BPPV. Which may or may not be responsible for my tremor in my hands, and my on-going anxiety.  Xanax may be the culprit of the shaking hands, it's hard to know. My MS flares increased a little through the winter, then edged off.

Aside from these problems though, I'm really doing okay. The treatment for BPPV is xanax! ha ha. Like that will happen again! The doctor who diagnosed me looked at me like I was crazy for refusing help...

The thing is, I still feel better without the xanax. I feel more like me again.

I really hope you continue to heal, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers 

Thanks Mia for sharing your success story with us.  I especially can relate to the insomnia as this was my most difficult symptom to live with.  I battled insomnia throughout my taper, and got very little relief post benzo.  Now at 9 months off my natural sleeping pattern is slowly emerging again.

 

    You have weathered the storm, and you deserve much sunshine! I admire your courage; you stayed the course.

 

  Take care and God bless.

 

 

 

Thank you! I do remember you, as I recall reading through many of your posts on the insomnia, which were very helpful to me. Helped me hold on through some of the worst days. I'm glad to hear that your natural sleep pattern is returning to you. Mine is still a bit rough. I do okay one week and hit a bump and might go a day or two before I can settle down but it's going in a good direction!  You've totally inspired me to hold on through some rough days!