Please help, feel completely hopeless and don't know what options I have

I'm on 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and feeling what I can only imagine is horrible tolerance withdrawal as well as a fried CNS. Following a failed ten month DLMT in 2016 my doctor tried to do a substitution to Valium early last year that failed. I stupidly held on to the extra Valium pills and took several doses over the next few months. My new psychiatrist then tried to do a Valium crossover with my substituting 10 mg's of Valium for .5 mg's of K at a time (I also tried 5 mg V for .25 K). Although the one off doses helped me sleep and gave me some relief from my K tolerance when I took V while cutting K it was a disaster. I felt very sedated but also simultaneously keyed up, depressed and anxious.

 

And yet again after the failed cross I took several one off doses just looking for relief after going back to K. Since thst time I tried two dry cut microtaper which became unbearable shortly after starting so I reinstated. I've been bed ridden with zero quality of life for a year now and all I can think about lately is how badly I must have kindled myself messing around so stupidly with another benzo.

 

I can't updose, I can't seem to taper, crossing to V has been disastrous and holding is just torture as well. What am I supposed to do? I can't believe things have become this convoluted but I feel like I'm going to end up in a psych ward.

 

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from your recent post.

Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)

I'm so sorry you are feeling so awful.  I think holding at 2.5mg of K can only help so much, just because you are going to feel bad from being on K, and also there is definitely some kindling going on.  I do wonder if adding something else to the mix might help? (NOT MORE BENZOS)

 

One thing I personally have found extremely helpful during my taper, is acupuncture.  I only found it recently though.

 

When I had my year of kindling, I was very very depressed, anxious, and terribly unhappy.  I did not really find many solutions though, the depression lead me to try zoloft, which I think helped me, but it's a mixed bag for many. 

 

I'm really sorry you are going through this. 

Thank you. I have been yanked on and off many SSRI's over the course of the past five years, none of which helped. I was put on Lamictal briefly. Recently I tried Amytrypoline and Propranolol and neither helped. I don't think there's any magic pill out there for me unfortunately.

I'm on 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and feeling what I can only imagine is horrible tolerance withdrawal as well as a fried CNS. Following a failed ten month DLMT in 2016 my doctor tried to do a substitution to Valium early last year that failed. I stupidly held on to the extra Valium pills and took several doses over the next few months. My new psychiatrist then tried to do a Valium crossover with my substituting 10 mg's of Valium for .5 mg's of K at a time (I also tried 5 mg V for .25 K). Although the one off doses helped me sleep and gave me some relief from my K tolerance when I took V while cutting K it was a disaster. I felt very sedated but also simultaneously keyed up, depressed and anxious.

 

And yet again after the failed cross I took several one off doses just looking for relief after going back to K. Since thst time I tried two dry cut microtaper which became unbearable shortly after starting so I reinstated. I've been bed ridden with zero quality of life for a year now and all I can think about lately is how badly I must have kindled myself messing around so stupidly with another benzo.

 

I can't updose, I can't seem to taper, crossing to V has been disastrous and holding is just torture as well. What am I supposed to do? I can't believe things have become this convoluted but I feel like I'm going to end up in a psych ward.

 

 

 

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from your recent post.

Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)

Hope someone can help you soon Fuzzy...I'm still feeling like you.

Thanks, I'm sorry that you're struggling so badly too

I think unfortunately time may be the only thing that's going to hell but someone mentioned it couldn't hurt to see if anyone had any ideas on the substitution forum.

Fuzzy,

I would not blame all of what is happening and you are not hopeless. I stepped down from X to K  and now on Valium. X and K are fast acting. They are much much stronger that Valium. you may not feel the valium is doing any good but my stepdowns were quick, almost too quick. It took about a month to have the X adjust to be com patable with the Klonopin, I then had to go from 3mg Klonopin to 30mg Valium where I am now. What I did was downloaded and copied the Ashton-Manual and gave it to my Dr. and said I want to follow this. He was grateful and now uses it as a guide for other patients. The Dr has to be on the same playing field as you are and both having the manual and adjusting as needed will give you hope. Especially if the Dr. has no clue about the tapering method in the manual. You will be fine, everything starts at the benzo withdrawal and it has no rhyme or reason. It has been 2 years now and do not try to rush it. Follow the manual, work with your Dr. as I am and you will have plenty of hope. Also you have this site which has caring and devoted people who can help you move forward little by little.

Thanks. I have brought the Ashton Manual to many psychiatrists over the years and usually they will not even look at it. My last psychiatrist was open to it but after I had such a bad experience trying to crossover to Valium we just went back to dry cutting more traditionally but at least he isn't strict about timelines for getting off. I'm just in such bad tolerance I'm having trouble even getting through the days.

Hey Fuzz. Very sorry you are not getting any relief buddy. When I crossed over to Librium from K I had to do it gradually. The crossover period was the most difficult and confusing time I had while on benzos because I struggled with some serious symptoms. Eventually, I ended up in a psych hospital when I attempted to cross over to baclofen from phenibut a few weeks after transitioning to the Librium. I felt very keyed up on the Librium and also it took many weeks for the metabolite to adequately build up in my system before I felt somewhat stable. Valium is the same way as far being long acting since they have the same metabolite but Valium's parent compound is long acting as well...mmore so than Librium.

 

I was talking to another benzobuddy on a Flumazenil thread and she mentioned going to the Perth Clinic. It is in Western Australia though but they offer 3 month slow release custom made flumazenil implants and they are able to get people off benzos slowly using flumazenil without CT as well. I have family in Australia and always considered going there myself as a wild card if my PAWS don't go away. I actually ordered some flumazenil but I'm not sure if it will work the way I was planning on using it while still on gabapentin and phenibut. Plus they are vials that need to be injected so the whole thing seems ify.  But will see. I will try it out as soon as I clear up this situation I'm in. From what I understand.... Flumazenil works very well for reducing tolerance to benzos when administered slowly in microdoses. https://www.freshstart.org.au/services/treatment-clinic

This is just one option out of many I think but it seems like it works.

I'm so sorry for the suffering you are going through! It's truly awful but you are not alone.

 

I have very little advice to give. I'm new to this board but not new to benzos. I'm trying to figure out a plan too.

I'm going to ask my doctor to follow the Ashton Manual and I think he will because he's pretty open minded.

 

Do you have access to a sauna? When I spend 40 minutes in the sauna my burning brain goes away for a half hour. It's temporary but relief from my burning brain even for a short time is worth it. And for some reason cold coconut water helps my burning brain.

 

This really sucks. Our brains are actually damaged but the rest of the world can't see it. But I know how badly you are suffering and I care,  and we will both get better. We will.

 

Keep going.

 

 

I don't have access to a sauna but I've been taking hot baths with Epsom salts.

Thanks. I have brought the Ashton Manual to many psychiatrists over the years and usually they will not even look at it. My last psychiatrist was open to it but after I had such a bad experience trying to crossover to Valium we just went back to dry cutting more traditionally but at least he isn't strict about timelines for getting off. I'm just in such bad tolerance I'm having trouble even getting through the days.

 

Hey... I've read your messages now for several months. Have you ever looked into doing an in-house detox center? I'm just thinking that maybe you would benefit from a supervised program. I know a couple of people that did that and it worked. Or... if you can't do that then what about trying another Doctor. There are addiction Doctors that specifically help with tapering off meds. I'm just reading your cries for help and my heart goes out to you. The struggle is real and we all are in this together...  :'(

I've called detox centers in my area and they all seem to take people off very rapidly which I don't think my central nervous system could handle at all. I wish I could just go somewhere for a week or two and be on the road to recovery but I don't think that's an option.

 

I've seen so many different doctors and psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners during this ordeal I'm just honestly exhausted. I've tried adjunct meds and none of them help. I don't know what anyone can do at this point beyond being supportive during a long taper.

How are you doing now Fuzzy?

Further in my dry cut taper than I've ever been but all my symptoms are quite intense. Very bad anxiety, dp/dr, agoraphobia, health anxiety, dizziness, fatigue, terror, etc. Trying to take it a moment at a time but it's so hard. I'm still scared to even go in certain rooms in my home.

I felt without options too Fuzzy feel awful no matter what I do.  Have had to settle on going slowly and holding when required.  It so sucks, but there is no other choice for me. 

 

When you said you even have trouble going to other rooms in your house I could so relate. The fear is terrible.  I get bad DR too please know you are not alone. 

 

Dee

Further in my dry cut taper than I've ever been but all my symptoms are quite intense. Very bad anxiety, dp/dr, agoraphobia, health anxiety, dizziness, fatigue, terror, etc. Trying to take it a moment at a time but it's so hard. I'm still scared to even go in certain rooms in my home.

 

That's good news that you have made it so far.  Can you maybe do a liquid taper and slow things down?

My body doesn't seem to absorb the liquid and anytime I try to start a liquid taper I immediately get slammed by horrible symptoms. I know some people say it takes a little time to adjust but I waited five days once and they hadn't gone away so for whatever reason I just can't liquid titrate anymore which is annoying because in 2016 I got down to 1.5 mg's by doing a DLMT but ever since my reinstatment I just cannot seem to tolerate it.

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